| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 4:26:26 AM | Hiya,
Have you ever been the second choice of anyone you have had feelings for?
It was like about a 3 years ago, there was this girl i was writing to, she lived in Glasgow while i lived in London, i know the distance is huge, but sometimes it can work out pretty well.
She lived by herself with her son, the father dumped them a while ago and she said that she liked me and wanted to see where this could lead and just when i thought i had someone special, she stopped writing and when we wrote me later, she said she was sorry and that she had met someone else and waited to see if it worked out before sending me another letter. (what she said was a instant put off to me)
This really made it sound like, she tried out another guy to see if he was better and kept me just incase it didn't work out, but as i don't want to be second choice, its first choice or not at all.
I haven't mailed her for a while and i don't plan to, i have recently been talking to a nice girl on here, but have any of you guys & gals had this happen to you?
If so, how do you react to it? how does it make you feel?
please be honest, but polite when you post here, but keep it on topic. thanks.  | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 4:34:09 AM | | Well personally, I wouldn't have done that to you, but I might have let you known that there were others I was talking to/interested in. I have personally been talking to 3 or 4 guys at one time and when it came down to it, I of course, narrowed it down. However, if she went out with someone else and then was like "Ya, tried him, didn't like him, what's up with you?" I personally wouldn't stand for it. No one wants to be "back up". I would say move on, meet other people. And for heavens sake, can't people have a little common courtesy. I always make a point to give the first person I talked to a chance first, if we met and the sparks didn't fly, I move on. I guess it all depends on one's personality and it may be he was closer to her??? I don't know, I'm just speculating. | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 4:34:38 AM | my last "girlfriend" made me feel and in the end made me her second choice.she had a live boyfriend that she has been with 10+ years.i guess she needed some fun and excitement and freshness in her life.
he found out and she ended up turning on me and we have not spoken or saw each other for almost a year now.i love her still but i don't respect her at all for the way she did him and the way she ended it with me.i imagine in the end it was the best thing that could have happened.his heart would have been broken.my heart was just aching from it. | |
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kce33
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 4:47:39 AM | Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked@@@@@ many times, but i see it as a good thing, not a bad thing.... lots of people now days just don't have enough people skills or interacting experiences to make good choices... it also helps prevent failed dates and other problems by giving some thought to , is this person right for me, many times people get caught up in the moment with time to think about it...
kce | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 4:57:50 AM | | I have had that done to me and well, I let the jerk back into my life. Don't make the same mistake. If someone can do that to you, they are not worthy of you. Move on and don't look back. | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 5:14:40 AM | thanks for all the feedback and i don't plan to let her back, no matter what, in my opinion, a woman has one chance with me, if she blows it, its over. pure and simple.
Well, i have noticed that the further away from me they are, the more nicer they get, but the closer to me they are, the worse they get. (distance wise)
But i have been talking to this nice young woman from London and she seems like a princess, but i guess i shall see how it goes. | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 7:07:42 AM | It actually happened to me several times... Funny thing is when they broke up with their GF's... they came crawling back.. started emailing and chatting all the time. Sorry you blew your chance you dont get another one.
Perhaps just look at it as a learning experience. Everything happens for a reason!!! But I know it sucks when you cant have what you really want!!!!!  | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 8:03:25 AM | Why would anyone settle for being second choice? My attitude has always been "If it doesn't HAVE to be me, it CAN'T be me."
I would never want to be with someone that was my second choice and want the same level of committment from him. If he would prefer someone else... he isn't giving all of his heart to me! | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 8:17:38 AM | Yes, I was having this thing with this guy and I liked him a lot, and i thought it was mutual. One day he said, "I met someone." I thought, "What? Am I not someone? What does that mean?!" He liked someone better than me...  | |
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fudd
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Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 13 | |
| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/3/2006 2:13:43 PM | Hey guy-
I was reading some of the responses, and I happened to read yours. You said some key things that made me want to respond.
Sometimes we seek people that are far away, because we really know there is no chance it will happen, so it's okay to risk, and put yourself out there.
You said the farther away they are, the nicer they are, the closer they are..... That says something as well. Relationships aren't easy, and require a lot of work, and things can seem lovey dovey from far away. Having to deal with someone close up, and with relationship issues, and getting to know someone is totally different.
I hope you don't think I am being preachy. Just making observations. In terms of being second choice, it happens to all of us. I guess we sometimes forget that is what dating is about- it's about discovering who that other person is, and figuring out if they are right for you. Sometimes people don't know what they want, or what is right for them. I just ended a 9 year relationship with a guy. It got to the point where I couldn't live that way anymore, because I knew he wasn't right for me. Sometimes you get into a situation where you think yeah this is good, blah blah blah, and life goes on. I just wish I had known myself better then, and knew what I wanted. I wish I had been strong enough to end it early on when neither one of us would have been hurt.
That is life though, and hopefully I have learned, and will benefit from that in the future. Good luck with the princess in London.
fudd | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/4/2006 9:45:17 AM | What Sweetie is talking about is a lost cause. After that amount of time, the woman is looking to resort to a safe spot. It's not about you, unless you are a doormat.
In general though, I don't see much wrong with putting the ego aside for a while and let someone else sort out what they want. But I'm not talking about even a year. If the feelings are genuine and not jealous desire, someone would want the other person to end up happy too. Lots of people are not emotionally 100% about their self esteem and fall into going with the easy choice, not the one that could be solid and reliable for 30-40 years. So I don't abide by 'one strike and you're out'; everyone gets a second chance. (No thirds though, been there, nuh-uh!)
Best movie I ever saw about someone having to make up their mind was Murphy's Romance with James Garner and Sally Field. | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/4/2006 10:05:34 AM | I don't think this is off topic, but I had a really good friend and i tried to set her up with one of my old school mates (tragic mistake 1) and after they went out he admitted that it was me he wanted, and he was only interested in my friend as a friend. I told him straight off that i wasn't interested, she later told me that she really like him, I didnt know what to say but i thought it wouldnt go further, anyway I find out that they have since been dating and I told her what he had said and now out friendship was torn apart and she made my life hell and miserable.
I can't describe how that made me feel, but I have also been second best before aswell, more times than i care to admit. It feels horrible and makes u feel kinda worthless but the trick is to forget because if you ahve forgotten you can't dwel.
Nic x | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/5/2006 10:55:25 PM |
Have you ever been the second choice...
yes, my husband...
I mean my X.
I was his second choice...
One of my X's did that too, and he told me he came back to see me, just to see if we could work...turns out he left me in the hotel room, and I didn't hear from him again. I guess it didn't...oh, well... It really hurt, and for some strange reason I thought I would "win"... but didn't... I guess I was to confident at the time and I was upset for a long time. I felt very used...
then I get married and it happens all over again...duh... | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/5/2006 11:07:06 PM | second choice is not awesome..........
I think it has probably happend to everyone they just don't know it happened..............
the old
"I just want to be alone I , I am not sure if we are right for eachother...........
It isn't you ,it is me"
then a week later you find out he/she went out for coffee with a just a friend
6 months later you find out they are getting married
I my opinion the right person for you WANTS to be there for you.........
It is like if you have a part on a car and it keeps falling off.......
if you are smart you go find a part that stays puts
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/5/2006 11:18:16 PM | | We are all second, third, and way down the list choices. None of us are movie stars so of course we are not the first choice. However, we may be the best they can do. In a way that makes us the first choice. | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/5/2006 11:59:59 PM | Personally - I am used to being "the friend" you know, when you are out, and two fellas come over to talk to you and your mate. And you just know that the one bloke is talking to you because his friend wants to talk to your friend.
And now I take some convincing that anybody comes over to talk to me, rather than my friend. Not because I don't think that they would, but because I'm so used to be being the second placed one. | |
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| Have you ever been second choice to anyone you liked?
Posted: 3/6/2006 1:03:59 AM | Well I was second place - boyfriend broke up with me to be with someone else - and when it didn't work out - came crawling back to me - door was slammed in his face...
Also found out I was the 'other woman' - which horrified me when I found out - that jerk lost the both of us...(don't date bass players lol)
I think most of the people I know have gone through this - doesn't matter the looks, job, etc - some people are jerks (and btches) - and want their cake and eat it too....
Just another one of the many games people with play with others, and their hearts. | |
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