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 sillyspoke
Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 1
how many here are after 45 and without childrenPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
For the experiences that i have been going thought life i think i am better off without having babies. Just to let the clock to switch off by itsetf. I know that happen after 40.

But i am still affraid to regret of this decidition. And I would like to know how people after 45 feel when they realise that they did not have any baby.
 dceeeee
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 2
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:23:10 AM
It all depends on the person, I think. My sister is 54, had no kids, and no regrets...still doesn't care to be around kids.

Myself, I would've been devastated, had I not had my daughter..best decision I ever made.

(But then, I knew all the time I was growing up, that I wanted to have a family. She knew the whole time she was growing up that she didn't.)

HOW DO YOU FEEL? It's a minimum 18 year job..nothing to be taken lightly. Hope that helps...

~DC~
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 3
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 11:18:14 AM
People can choose to value their lives by their progeny or lack thereof. We can also be immortal in the memories of others, not the DNA of a human being looked at as a personal benchmark. My brother had his first child at 45. My God Daughter is far better off for his experience IMHO.
 Gallivanting1
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 4
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 1:10:47 PM
Put a pillow over that clock. Think about it . . . . You are over 45 and having a kid? When are you planning on retiring?? I have absolutely no regrets for not having kids. If I ever feel the need to have kids I go visit my nieces and nephews. Best birth control ever!
 Maddie51
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 5
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 1:14:40 PM
I agree with Dcee (by the way hey there D--).

I think it all depends on the person.

I for one went into marriage knowing that I did not want children. My line to my future husband was "If you want deliveries call UPS - because ain't making them". He did not want any either. We decided that down the line if we wanted children we would adopt a few older ones - after all, the ones that are here need good homes. You can always change your mind and adopt.

Thanks for letting me throw my 2 cents in.
 tesaje
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 6
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 4:13:25 PM
I didn't have them. Never found the right man. Also, seeing how some of my friend's and relations turned out, maybe I didn't miss anything. You can always play the woulda coulda shoulda game. Life is great without any. I don't know whether I missed out or not. Don't have the alternative to compare to.
 dauchsie
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 7
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 5:05:51 PM
I never had any children either.......my whole life I wanted a large family and never found the right father to have those kids with. Many years have passed in between the wanting and the having. Now there are no regrets, and as in previous comments, if I want to see kids, I can join the relatives. Good luck
 daylillies
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 8
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 6:13:47 PM
soon to be 45 an i have no children...wasnt by choice but i am ok with it.
 hedonhrt
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 9
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 6:28:25 PM
I'm 46, never married, no children. But I teach, and I consider my students my kids. The great thing is.. at the end of the day, I get to send them home. *weg*
 auntie-up
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 10
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 6:28:57 PM
I'm 48 ... no kids.
I went through a phase ... in my late 20's to mid 30's ... when I was determined to have children. But I never met the right man ... so it just never happened. At times, I felt like I missed out on parenthood.
But now, I'm very happy with my life and am very involved in the lives of my nephews and niece. They love their "Auntie" ...
 daylillies
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 11
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 6:46:06 PM
hedonhurt.....me to..i work for the school board an i have 385 kids..heheh all adore me as i adore them... they are my children ...an love them all. thank gawd i didnt change all their diapers..eewwww...lmao


yup auntie i agree...we can be great role models for the kids...least my nieces an nephews look up to me...nice feeling.
 hedonhrt
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 12
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 8:31:06 PM
I love being an aunty.
 Magickman
Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 13
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:11:13 PM
I am almost 57, long vasectomized, persistently single, and sure I will not ever have kids.

Do I miss the kids I didn't have? Nope. Not at all.

What about when I get old? Maybe I will steal a kid, to use when I get old.

Meanwhile, I am more worried about building a stable relationship.
 sillyspoke
Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 14
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/4/2006 2:47:52 AM
i do not think i can be an auntie either, i do have a nephew and a niece but her mother is not good with me at all

i suppose i probably will have to wait until one of my best friends will have a baby to play the antie role

or should i accept my nephew and my niece even if their mother is the way that she is?

at the end of the day kids are innocent
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 15
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/4/2006 4:11:26 AM
I have never had children... only the 4 legged kind. But when I look back on my life I think it was just meant to be that way. I've had problems.... I've also been able to be the free spirit that I am, I've traveled.. and I've done the things in life I wanted to do. Sometimes I regret not having children and I'm afraid I'll be old with noone around.

SO... I'm looking for a man with children and/or grandchildren that I can spoil and love on. I do love children. Sometimes I think in another life I had a house full of kids and that is why I decided not to have any this time around... you never know.. it could be true.

But do you ever feel... kinda left out? Now that I'm older it's not so bad because most of my friends kids are grown and they are without the responsibility. When I was younger it was always hard to find people to go off for weekends or to travel with because most had children and couldn't just up and go. Plus do you ever listen to some of the horror stories about people's kids..and think.. WOW.. I'm glad I've stuck to horses and dogs!!!
 sillyspoke
Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 16
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/4/2006 5:22:58 AM
well it is a strange sensation that i have it is like i am waiting for something to happen, i mean i am waiting to have a baby or something like that, i suppose it is the clock that is ticking

but myself being 33 and i still did not find a man that suits me, and i do not want to be in a hurry either, and i still have a lot of things to fix in my life, cos i have some psicological issues and i am a perfectionist, so if i was a mother i would like everything very plan and perfect, i do not think i have enought time to do everythign and as well i would not want to be too old if i had a baby. Best age i guest is 30 and i am 33

my mother had me when she was 40 and we had always a lot of problems, things seems now to calm down between her and myself, but i suppose is cos she got quite old and myself i am not v young anymore. I would not like to have the same problems

and i would not be different that other parents, i mean the kid would be a rebel against me cos that is human nature, i do not think i have patient and if i get older i probably will not have the energy

to have something in my own i think is a v risky option cos what bout if i die? do not feel v confortable in thinking that could happen

maybe the mother nature had already make the decition for me cos i have been diagnosed of a cercix cancer and it is quite develop, so i may do not be able to have babies just by nature cos i may be just not able

i just hope to do not be frustrated in future and it seems that i would not be cos most of the people here is happy without babies
 whatkindafish
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 17
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/4/2006 5:31:18 AM
having kids takes almost all of your money time energy and pretty much your life while they are still living with u. is it worth it?

if i knew then what i know now i would not have minded not having kids. mine r on their own now.

your life can be your own without kids.

half of us end up as single parents. it's tough. even little everyday things. like, i'm looking at a skirt in the store and i think i really like it, buts the kids need shoes and thats that. they come first.

once u have them u don't regret them. i think we don't even allow our minds to go there. it seems evil or something to regret your kids. and i honestly don't.

but is it better to have kids or not. i don't know. I think i would say it's like maybe 'even'.

o.k. i'm letting my mind go there. i don't think there is a mother alive who would ever admit this especially if they had their picture up.

kids stuff is not as fun as adult stuff. i think i would have had more fun if i hadn't had kids.

in order to be a even half way good mother. the kids have to be the centre of everything in your mind. everything is about how will this effect the kids. is this good for the kids. u r in that mindset and don't even realize it.

it's one way to live. it's not the only way to live. can't say one way is better than the other way.

i'm NOT saying i don't love my kids. they have my whole heart.

before i had my kids my live was all about me. how i felt, what i wanted, my goals desires, likes, dislikes, dreams, interests family, friends, job etc.. it goes on and on. and after i had my kids, ..it's like u lose yourself. i rarely actually really thought about myself after the kids. i mean what do i really want. cause the kids needs r so immediately and constant. they distract you from your own life.

now at 51 i have my life back. this is the happiest time of my life.

please don't anybody flame me, like get angry with me. i'm just trying to be honest.
 Ooli
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 18
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/4/2006 5:47:50 AM
I have no regrets.

I considered having children when I was 35, but decided not to. I was feeling the pressure of my clock, and realized that I was more afraid of "not having children and regretting it" then I was actually feeling the "desire" to have them. When I realized what was going on, it wasn't a tough decision to actually say "I think I'll pass."

This is such a personal choice to make. If you decide to have children, OP, make sure you do it for the right reason...not to avoid future regret, but because you really, really want them now. Because, once they're here, you can't change your mind.

Good luck.
 kitkat45
Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 19
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:18:42 AM
OMG Whatkind! I can so totally relate to you! I have two children, 17 and 14...am on my own now totally sole supporting them as Dad is one of lifes big time loosers...I love my kids more than life itself, and would gladly give mine in their place....However, having said that, the committment level with having children is so totally all consuming...And you are right...They take first priority....I have gone without in order to enable them to have what they should...I take a back seat...Would I have my life any other way now? Nope! Even when all is said and done, the sacrifices, the sleepless nites, the driving here an there, the cookin, cleaning all the time...no! I love my tiny creatures and think that in my entire lifetime, they are the best thing I have ever done....nope, would not wish my single days back at all....
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 20
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/4/2006 3:54:17 PM
I never wanted them, although I like kids a lot. The woman I was married to was certainly not mother material, and I was aware of that shortly after we met. She didn't want them either, so it worked out well.

When we got a puppy, guess who wound up taking care of it after the "cute stage" wore off - for the next sixteen years?

Best decision I ever made, imho.
 Cante_Skuya
Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 21
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/5/2006 9:24:41 AM
I can understand your concerns....I'm 44 and still have never had children, while it is not by choice, there are times when I do regret not having a child of my own. But, having said that, looking back on my life I think there may have been a purpose for my infertility. If I had children of my own I would have focused totally on them and poured all my love and energy into them. This way through my work, I impact the lives of many people including children. I also have nieces and nephews that need me because I can give them the special attention that their parents are often to busy to give them.

On the other side of the coin, at my age I'm so set in my ways, I have to face the fact that there isn't room in my life for a full time child. I can't see my child growing up with nothing but adults, and spending all their time watching Mommy work instead of enjoying a normal childhood. As well, since the likelyhood of me being a single parent is very high, I just couldn't do that to a child. So in hindsight, it's good that I'm childless.
 tiny827
Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 22
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/5/2006 10:57:10 AM
well i'm 48 and only had one chance to have a son but i guess some people think i shouldn't have any so i lost him the hardest way i think anyway.she had an abortion at six months.he was taken away from me by her own mother and by her persistance nagging to the doctor.i know how it feels and i still haven't got any children of my own.and i do regret that i possibly will never have any.i guess i'm just destined never to experience that feeling ever.that how i feel about the whole matter.so i keep a stiff upper lip and live on thinking maybe i could have changed my life but have to live with it the rest of my life
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 23
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:36:24 PM

I would like to know how people after 45 feel when they realise that they did not have any baby.


I've never believed that a woman has to have a child to be defined as a woman, though I know some women who do believe that. I would have loved to have had children of my own, but that simply isn't how things worked out. But I also don't believe that one has to give birth to their own child in order to have children. Adopting children or having a partner who has children are other ways to have children in one's life, and if one loves children, they will love these children just as much as if they came from their own body.

I also don't believe that having children after 40 is a problem. Many women do it today, or they adopt. I believe some people simply have more patience, time, and resources after 40 that they didn't have before 40, so it's a better time for them to have children, whether their own or adopted.
 twobits45
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 24
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:44:13 PM
I am just past 45...no kids. I am pretty darn sure I am not going to get pregnant:-)
 kymber
Joined: 12/19/2004
Msg: 25
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how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 3/5/2006 10:28:43 PM
I don't know twobits. Anything is possible these days.
I have a son 25 and have no regrets having him in my life.
My sis is 43 and her and her hubby chose to be DINKS (double income no kids). She has no regrets and she is very happy with her lifestyle and choice.
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