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 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 1
Is "separated" single?Page 1 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Would you wish to involve yourself with someone not legally divorced? Whether they may be emotionally or physically apart or living in the "other" room or "basement" to spare the children or to save expenses.....Viewpoints welcome...........
 ¬©hristina
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 2
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:12:49 PM
I'm seperated. Not legally divorced.. We kind of went our seperate ways years and years ago and haven't even talked to him in 8 years.. But I'm not legally divorced. Does that mean I am not able (emotionally and mentally) to embark on a new relationship? No, it just means I'm too damn cheap to pay a crook, errr.. I mean lawyer.. for the paperwork! lol
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 3
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:16:15 PM
NO being separated is still being married in the eyes of the law. Nope.

I won't date a separated guy either, among many other things. I know. Picky picky picky. But guess who will be happier in the long run. You guessed. ME!
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 4
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:18:55 PM
I was the same way until my X wanted to remarry and then he paid his crook...lol.....please do not get me wrong....I am just picking brains
 auntie-up
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 5
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:19:05 PM
I had a b/f once who told me he and his "wife" were living separate lives and just needed to sell the house before the split was final. We dated for 15 months ... and still ... he lived with her. Every week there was a new excuse for why the house was still not up for sale. Well ... I called off the relationship (when I caught him making a date with someone else). But years later ... learned that the "wife" knew absolutely nothing about any house sale or that they were splitting up. According to her, they were definitely married. I was very young and naive back then (20 yrs. old).

A few weeks ago ... I met with a friend who told me about a man she was seeing ... someone she really liked. He had been separated for 2 years ... and so she was positive that it wasn't a factor in their relationship. Well ... didn't he spend a weekend with the ex and kids (some big birthday bash) ... and they decided to get back together.

You just can never know.
 Hypercubus
Joined: 3/3/2006
Msg: 6
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:20:21 PM
Maybe if she ask nicely
 budgirl1
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 7
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:20:47 PM
I guess it would depend on how long they have been seperated for.....there is the rebound thing....and I'm not getting involved with that....and then again...if they have been seperated for a long time....I would question as to why they are not divorced.....
 auntie-up
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 8
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:23:18 PM
Budgirl1 ... what do you consider a long time for a separation. Referring to my earlier post ... in my friend's situation ...he had been separate for 2 years. You would think that would be a pretty good sign that things were over between them. But ... NOT ...

How common do you figure this is?
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 9
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:23:59 PM
Yes auntie that has also been my experience as well. I just tell the fellas that once they are divorced and I am still single...then get in touch with me.....but I do know that once that legal break is made....they are still on a different page of life than me....most wish to sow sow sow the wild oats once again and seem to be bitter because their crook and X has taken all their money in maintenance and child support and do not want to remarry to ever have that happen again to them
 wolfskshuntress
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 10
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:24:35 PM
if separated less than a year, then they are probably not emotionally ready, so no ..
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 11
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:27:53 PM
Yikes I find myself in this situation right now.
First off...it's damn near free to get a divorce if you educate yourself of your state laws...trust me...I took my ex to court 3 times on my own no lawyer involved on my side..and I even got to cross examine him on my own. It was AWESOME!

Try your free legal resorces. (if you need help...email me I'm really good at that stuff)

As far as separated...well I look at dating a separated man as a problem with the divorce..it can be used against them in court. I need a more final boyfriend. Separated means they are still willing to work on things in my book..even though the guy I'm chatting with now seems final..it's still in the air in my opinion.

Damn the vodka for ruining all chances of spelling properly!
 auntie-up
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 12
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:29:53 PM
Sunshine and Smile ... I always believed that I would never give it a second thought about dating a man who was separated. I always considered it the same as divorced. But after hearing what my friend went through ... I hope that's more rare than the norm ...
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 13
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:32:34 PM
not a prob with the vodka....I can spell right now quite well thanku girl....lol
 ¬©hristina
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 14
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:33:02 PM
Normally it would only be a few hundred bucks to divorce here in Ontario.. but my circumstances are extenuating (sorry if that is vague) so it would cost much much more.. And great guy though he was, he aint worth thousands of dollars to me. I'll never remarry and I know he will at some point so he can pay for it lol
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 15
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:35:07 PM
snowflake....I hear ya.....he/she who wants out of the legalities first....should sign the check
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 16
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:35:17 PM
I dated when i was seperated. To me , the marriage was over and we were just waiting for a judge to tell us it was over.

Life goes on and if you meet someone while you are seperated then why not go for it?
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 17
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:43:32 PM
Oh sunshine I wasn't talking about your spelling..I'm bashing mine..I'm sure it's quite messed up...but damn the vodka gods for giving me the ability to finally have a c o c k tail :)

Well BR..if you need any advice...email me hon..I'd be glad to help as much as I can. The last time we went to court the judge asked if I'd like to go to school to be a lawyer hehehe :) Pissed the ex off royally
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 18
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:46:03 PM
be a doctor instead...no one likes lawyers
 JustBrian7
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 19
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:47:30 PM
Just to give a little different perspective on this... I have been separated for 6 months, but the divorce is still probably a year out because I am continuing to support my wife until she finishes school. By waiting she will be able to finish her degree at the end of this year so she can get a decent full-time job with her own insurance coverage. If we divorced now and sold the house she would be forced to drop out of school (or at least drag it out for several more years) and go to work full time. We may not want to be marriage partners anymore, but we are still friends and she is still the mother of our children. Once she finishes school she will be able to earn enough to cover the cost of separate housing, which we simply can't afford right now. It's clearly in the best interest of the kids to make this transition as smooth as possible, and in any case, I'm not a vindictive sort of person who deliberately make her life dificult.

She also has a boyfriend who she lives with part time, but she is still at my house frequently to spend time with the kids, and most of her stuff is at my house because her boyfriend is not currently in a position to move into a bigger place. He's been doing freelance work, but is looking to get back into a regular full-time job because of the new relationship situation. He and I actually get along quite well, and he has made a real effort to get to know the kids as their mom's boyfriend, while being careful not to interfere with me being their dad.

So in the mean time, I would like to get on with my life. I'm not looking for a replacement spouse at this point (or probably anytime too soon), so I don't think that the legal staus is terribly important right now. But I would like to have the companionship of a special person in my life. I am very careful to explain the whole situation to anyone I'm getting to know because I agree that it would be totally creepy to be dishonest about my situation.

Being legally single would make a lot of things simpler, but my first concern is for the well being of everyone involved, and I think I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances.
 auntie-up
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 20
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:48:25 PM
But Ruckus ... were you still living with your ex while you were "separated"?
How did you let your dates know that your ex was not a factor in your relationships with them?
 Sienna_leigh
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 21
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:49:13 PM
I learned the hard way not to get involved with a guy who's separated so I'll never ever go down that path again.

I think it's just as much of a red flag if someone hasn't been separated very long, as it is if they've been separated for years. For the former, there's the obvious concerns: they're on the rebound, haven't taken the time to work through the issues that contributed to the demise of the marriage, there's always the chance for reconciliation. In the latter, a very common reason that someone is content to be separated and not proceed with the divorce, "for years" is because they don't want to fully close that door - and I'm not up for the drama or potential waste of time.
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 22
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:51:57 PM
oh yes I know that smile.....my X had taken me to court many times...but it has stopped for the last 3....he didnt want anything to do with our 2 kids...and the kicker is....my daughter is going into being a legal administrative assistant....yes...she has learned a thing or two....and she is happily marrid for 6 years this summer and they have my cuty patooty grandson...ok....nuf said on the braggart board
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 23
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:54:18 PM
Hi Auntie

Nope, the ex and I weren't living together during our seperation. I told my dates that i was seperated and getting divorced and that there was no chance of the marriage being saved.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 24
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:56:44 PM
Oh god not this thread again...how many times will people create threads without searching for existing ones first

The issue is people just having exiting Long Term relationship regardless of marital status. I am physically & legally seperated waiting for my one year to complete before I file for divorce. I am re-singled without any possibility of going back to my ex who is living with another guy.

Discriminating based on marital status is short sighted in my opinion.

Bandito
 sunshine2tan
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 25
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:03:01 PM
hey calgary girl.....yes it is definitely a big huge red flag,,,,,is it just me or does it seem that fellas that are just "separated" seem to be in the explain mode for the circumtances....ie "I live in the basement" or "I am in the other bedroom and waiting for my condo to be renovated"....we should get a calgary group of us together over drinks...that would definitely be fun
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