| "prefer not to say"...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:53:41 AM | | It's nice to see that some people show you that they are deceitful right away. I mean, who wants to wait until the first date to find out that that person is not very honest. I guess it's a profilers right not wanting to admit being a drug abuser, alcoholic, or a smoker, but stating that they "prefer not to say" shows me that they are trying to hide something and I won't respond to their ad. But what really burns my ass, are the ones that "prefer not to say" if they have children! You got to me kidding me, that's the ultimate in deceit, denying one's own children in order to get laid. That makes me sick. If a profiler has children, they should be proud of that, not try to hide it and sweep it into the background. If I had kids, I would holler it with pride from the rooftop, not try to hide it behind, "prefer not to say". | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 8:08:13 AM | Ass-sumptions! Sounds like your upset, frustrated, at your wits end... There are alot of reasons women will not disclose if they dont or do have children. some may not want to sell their children as part of the product in a relationship. If its a big factor for you to have someone disclose children or not, put it on your profile. If it says 'prefer not to say', they didnt say "no" to that question, that should give you some idea that it (the question) needs further discussion. Sheesh, settle down, not such a big deal! It really isnt your business if the person is looking for friendship or dating. Its HER business for SCREENing potential dates and not putting it on her profile, do you know how many children are sexually abused by close realtionships????. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 8:26:50 AM | | I concur. It's a safety thing. Don't freak out. There's lots of internet preditors out there that are seeking out vulnerable single moms so they can have access to their kids. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 10:36:51 AM | "Prefer not to say" is NOT deceitful - I'd say 9 times out of 10 it just means "that's not an easy one for me to answer".
I think a lot of people choose "prefer not to say" when the other options might be more misleading. Maybe a person doesn't have kids of their own per say, but they don't want to say "no" because they were in a comitted relationship with someone who did have kids, and those kids are still a big part of their life. In other words "yes" isn't technically/legally true, but "no" would seem dishonest in principal. Likewise I could see where a person who would smoke pot if it was offered but otherwise never bothers wouldn't want to say "yes" to drugs and give the impression that it's a regular part of their life, but doesn't want to say "no" because that could give a misleading impression. I think "prefer not to say" exists for a reason - because you can't categorize the situations of as many people who are on this site accurately with just a few dropdown options. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 10:56:11 AM | banghae, you're older than you sound...
you should know by now that being deceiptful isn't the same as being dumb.
It's like asking if someone is a thief or a cheat - and they answer they'd prefer not to say.
That just means they don't want to admit one way or another - not that they are deceiptful. A truly deceiptful person will answer no when the answer is yes. That is deception. Why do you ask to be decieved? That's what you do when 'freak out' when people are themselves - if they choose to answer or do what they do, what's it to you?
Wise up, young man, you ask to be deceived - and you probably have been many times.
Just writing to let you know that you get what you ask for. So, what have you asked for in the past? Cause i'll bet you got it.
Unless of course, if you'd prefer not to say.... | |
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Garf
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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 11:00:29 AM |
"Prefer not to say" is NOT deceitful - I'd say 9 times out of 10 it just means "that's not an easy one for me to answer".
Marital status is not an easy one for you to answer?
Body type is not an easy one for you to answer?
Not having kids, or preferring to say whether or not you want kids, that's not a problem...lot's of people don't want to answer that. But if you put "prefer not to say" in the "Has kids" slot...that tells me you have kids. 100% of the time, so it's silly to say "Prefer not to say" and it's very silly to say"is not an easy one for me to answer"! What? They're not really kids? They're experiments?
Do you smoke...is not an easy one for you to answer? Yes or no. If you are willing to have a smoke on a Friday night after having a drink with friends, then you smoke. Pretty simple. How is "do you smoke" not an easy one for you to answer?
These questions are all pretty cut and dry.
You either do, or you don't.
Which is it?
If you prefer not to say, it's not because you don't do it, and you don't want people to know that you don't do drugs...well, that's just stupid.
Prefer not to say = prefer not to trust. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 1:04:37 PM | truely amazing....I find what I am reading truely difficult to beleive!
Again...Garf...did you not read all the post? You want specifics....ask! I salute those ladies that put prefer "not to say" on their profiles...they are being wise ....experience might have told them not to trust perverts that go scouting women with children to exploit them...Duh...STOP.........BREATHE.......read the above again...its' their choice....stop controling the situation with your Bratty Attitude.....whining like spoiled children yourselves... sheesh....take a breather.... | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 1:47:31 PM | | Some women just love mind games. They love to mess with your brain cells. Love to make you wonder, and get obssesed with them. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 1:58:55 PM | To the original poster, I wonder... do you think the women on here owe you anything? They don't have to tell you F*** all. Perhaps you are not aware but having kids is a little different for women than it is for men.
Another thing, I just read your profile:
Please be emotionally stable and not on any type of medication for mood disorders. Life can be crazy enough, my dates shouldn't be!
Are you really that ignorant? | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 3:33:24 PM | | Hmm, interesting responses. I never considered the security issue. I don't have kids so that didn't even enter into my mind, so thanks for the various responses. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 3:36:44 PM | 9 out of 10 times "prefer not to say" means yes. I understand the security issue, but most people know that it means yes. Some are just not open enough to come out and say it.
My thoughts,
Jamie | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 5:07:57 PM | I agree, sensisativa. For anyone to claim they choose "prefer not to say" when it comes to whether they have kids or not is due to a "security" concern is laughable. It obviously wouldn't be a safety/security concern if you did NOT have kids so you would therefore indicate "none" - so by default, it's more than obvious if you put "prefer not to say" that you DO have kids. One doesn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. I mean, think about it - who, if they didn't have kids, would choose "prefer not to say"? LOL Might as well just rent a neon sign and add it to your profile because it's so obvious.
For someone to select 'prefer not to say' to body type, smoking, drugs, drinking, etc.....is also laughable. What, it's a big top secret thing as to whether you smoke or do drugs or drink? Does one not know how to figure out, from the selections given, what their body type is?
I see this a lot more on another popular Online Dating Site I go to - and for a lot more selections and I immediately pass them by. If they do this because they're trying to be so ultra-safe, then maybe online dating isn't for them LOL I mean cripes, this is very basic info - you're not being asked for your bra size, your SIN (or SSN for you Americans), the balance in your bank acct, your blood pressure, your dress size, your blood type, your license plate number, etc - it's just very basic stuff and if everyone put "prefer not to say" then the whole premise of using this method to weed out those who aren't our type (or find those who are) would be lost.
For those who put "prefer not to say" for marital status, come on - you're either married or you're not. I see that as a clear sign that they are - whether it's "separated" (which is still married in my books) or not happy in their marriage and looking to see what else is out there, doesn't matter...........I also avoid those. I'm a very open and honest person and I don't have much patience for those who lie by omission, those who try to deceive, those who are cryptic and vague - meeting someone this way shouldn't be like having to pull teeth to learn the basics about someone. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 5:30:44 PM |
But if you put "prefer not to say" in the "Has kids" slot...that tells me you have kids.
Exactly. Prefer Not To Say almost always means, "Yes, but..." Everybody knows that... so when you see it in the Has Kids slot, it's usually safe to assume that there's children involved somehow or another. Perhaps if people are worried about the security, POF would consider making the Has Kids slot optional instead of mandatory. Y'know... like on some other sites if you don't answer a certain question, it will not display in your profile. Not answering the question looks a lot better than having it display Prefer Not To Say. If that slot is not displayed, you honestly don't know if it's someone with kids not mentioning them, or if it's someone without kids not telling you that they're childless. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/5/2006 10:01:06 PM | | It is deceptive I agree, but I don't get bent about it. I just pass on, if there are security concerns then you may be a lone person till your child is 18. Anything in life is risky, of course you don't gamble with your children, but if it consumes your thoughts then you may not be ready to date strangers. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 3:38:16 AM | I think this message has more to do with personal insecurities than "Security."
That or maybe the lack of functioning brain cells. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:48:34 AM | I have a few questions that they need to put on the profiles:
How often are you horny?
-never
-very seldom
-sometimes
-prefer not to say
-all the damn time
Do you enjoy sex?
_once in a while
-sometimes
-prefer not to say
-all the damn time
Where do you enjoy having sex?
-in the bedroom
-in the bed of my truck
-prefer not to say
-any damn place is fine with me
I agree with you. Just be honest. I have two kids and I sure as hell are not going to deny them. I'm proud of the little devils.
Gin | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 8:23:45 AM | | I think when people "prefer not to say" when it comes to their children it's for safety reasons not because they are denying their children, just protecting them..you forget how many sick twisted people there are in the world who are looking for children not the women/men that have them... | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 11:48:51 AM | I have Prefer not to say on nearly everything at the moment. And the reason for that is that I don't particularly want to talk to anybody at the moment.
I'm not here for the dating, my profile is hidden, but as most people will know if somebody has posted on the forums, they can be contacted that way.
And anybody who seeing my posts, who wants to talk to me, may look at my profile, discover that I have prefer not to say for everything and decide that I'm not worth the effort.
For me, at present, that's just fine. I don't have much emotional energy to invest in new relationships, of any kind at the moment.
When my energy levels are back where they should be, then I'll redo my profile, put my pic back up and be nice to people again. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 11:58:14 AM | Ok. So I sit here and I read over all these responses and I laugh at some. Lets start with body type. Fact is mine truly isn't there but I chose the closest to it. I am a BBW but not tall. The choice doesn't allow me to make that. Only one close to it says big and tall. Wrong answer there. So am I therefore out to deceive someone. No. For I do state in my profile that I am only 5'1".
Kids - I have talked to many women who indeed have indicated they have children and then regretted it as some men proved not to be all they led the women to believe of them. These men did go after the children especially young preteen girls. For myself, I used to not fill in that question if possible until my son was old enough that he knew what a sexual predator was and how to protect himself from one. Also, when I date I don't bring home the man on the first several dates. No need to confuse the children more than they already are. The only men I bring home are the ones that I have become serious with.
Drugs, Smoking and Alcohol - Personally I have never done drugs but if someone has tried it should they say yes? I used to smoke but quit just a year ago. It is still a struggle. Should I have said no but that I want to? Alcohol is a tough one. all the choices under that are misleading. If a person only drinks once a year is that considered socially?? I think of socially as when you go out with friends and yet I only drink at Christmas so what should I reply?
So you see not all are so cut and dry.
I hope this helps somewhat. If you feel the answer doesn't quite suit you then explain in your profile or not. After all, you still have the freedom of choice on here.
Just my opinions. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 12:17:55 PM | i don't think it's is being deceitful so much as withholding information. but if individuals put "prefer not to say" whether by default (not bothering to answer) or simply b/c they are afraid they might be weeded out from prospective dates, they have to live with the consequences that interested parties are going to speculate about what the "non-answer" means.
as for me, i had no trouble with answering the questions save one - "do you want children?". here's my dilemma: i don't want to have any children. i mean i've pushed out the one and am not going to be doing that again. however, if you have children, that's ok - i'd welcome single fathers. but my answer, since i say i do not want children, will weed out people who are sensitive and think that i don't want their existing (already born) children. so how do you answer this question given the selection of answers you have to choose from? if i say i want children, that would be deceitful since i don't want to have any more. oh, i am so confused. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 1:03:52 PM | Prefer not to say - as security? How? Someone want to explain that?
I've tried to wrap my noggin around it but can't. As someone said.. PNTS is an obvious yes. Assuming you're not posting your child's name and photo, you're really not doing anything to protect them. However, with the actual truth in your profile, if you were to come across a pedo, you'd likely notice this... perhaps not straight away, but you parents do develop a knack for sussing out this type of thing over time, more often then not.
As for the other areas where PNTS is an option... like doing drugs, perhaps it's possible for us all to sweet talk the mods into asking the site owner to add an option like "occasionally" or "recreationally", since just saying YES could rightly or wrongly lead one to think you're a serious dope fiend. I personally think my suggestion up there would truly suit many on POF well, but there's also tons of room in your profile for explanations and details about the answers you did pick. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 1:14:00 PM | | Not really - sometimes prefer not to say is the only logical choice available...for instance body type. I am not athletic (I don't teach aeorbics), not a few extra pounds (cause everyone sterotypes that as fat), not average because of my height, not BBW, and not slim....what else is there?...they should add vouloptous or curvacious to the list. Then maybe many women won't put "prefer not to say" in the body type category. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 1:54:52 PM | Its a matter of interpretation. When it comes to body type, I use the general consensus. In my opinion the online dating service category for "Average" is between athletic and chunky, leaning more towards chunky (in my experience). If you are over 40lbs. overweight (worth of fat/not muscle) you are considered obese, anything over 100lbs. you are morbidly obese. There should be a category named "overweight", "obese", "morbidly obese". A few extra pounds is just a sugar coat for the politically correct audience, but who are you kidding, you know yourself what body type you are, just look yourself in the mirror and see if you look healthy as far as weight is concerned.
But not all hope is lost, you'll never know who will you appeal until you meet face to face, pictures can also be deceitful, it can be in the lighting, the pose, etc that can change your appearance. | |
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| prefer not to say...WTF???
Posted: 3/6/2006 2:04:15 PM | | concur? consensus, responses? Hey, be glad some don't disclose what they prefer not to reveal. There is a reason they don't. Respect that, even if it's for your self~ Simple~ More will be revealed IF you get to know the person, that can't be helped. | |
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