| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 4:38:38 PM | So i've been in long term relationships ever since I can remember. My first relationship started in 9th grade and lasted 3 years, my next one was a few months after and just came to me and we were together for 4 years, and my last was 2 years long and long distance. I've never really taken part in the dating scene, it scares the crap out of me. It's been quite a while since I even went on a real date, I know that i'm ready to start meeting new people and getting into the game again, but i'm terrified of it so most of the time I just avoid it all together, any pointers on how I can get the ball rolling. I have lots of offers, and I accept them but once the time comes I get cold feet and cancel. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 5:05:06 PM | well...i have zero experience compared to you, but i think i might have some advice. I used to get totally nervous, and one would think (based on stories) that i'd never get over that "prom date" butterfly in stomach thing one gets when doing something like speaking in public.
one does, actually, get over it. It's quite simple really: just act like you're out with friends.
My advice? find a decent pub in your town and get to know the staff by name (you don't have to tip outrageously, 15-20% is good enough) and don't treat the place like a meatmarket. That's why i advise you to make friends with staff - because they're the last people to treat the place like a meatmarket (who'd want to get THAT reputation at a place you work?)
Once yer comfortable, it'll be the perfect place to take a "date"...don't treat it like some prom date - just a beer buddy. Friends. Now, if that leads to "friends with benefits" (or something more seriously committed like bf/gf) then great! hehehe...besides, knowing the bouncers names by heart can be REALLY helpful when dumbasses act like dumbasses. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 5:35:23 PM | Muffy's advice is a sound plan. However, it is vague to tell someone they have to go there and buy drinks. Especially if someone is nerveus or scared about dating, the last thing you want is to go unprepared, get totaly wasted and skimp out on beleiving you find someone who cares about you when really it is just a "dust in the wind" relationship which could possibly result in you just being another number to your date.
Not that I am attacking Muffy's opinion or anything. I myself have done this and continue to do so. Now I am a regular at the local Dooleys and am treated with much respect from not only the staff, but also the other regulars who show up. Just no date yet.
Really, the best thing, from my experience, is to just go out and don't think like you are going on a mission to find that one true love or perfect date. 99% of the time, you will not find that, and get upset. Just go out, enjoy the time you are having, don't try to hard and everything falls in place. Just give it some time...
I guess though, there is no way around fate, if you believe in it and no one can help anyone else more than themselves even if it requires great time. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 5:44:54 PM | uhm...i'm glad you're honest about attacking a strawman opinion and not my own..for i'm pretty sure i was the complete opposite of "vague" (i do hope my previous post didn't give the impression i was telling her to get pissed drunk and screw the nearest lamp post)
The point is how to eliminate the "butterfly" effect while staying relatively sober. Sounds like she needs more of this "vague" advise besides, "time will tell" | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:10:10 PM | | oh poo! you remember the nervous nellies! You ever think of why you don't feel that way any more? Might be considered good "Advice", yes? *pokes frangal for some info* | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:15:53 PM | you know the other stuff
you meet then find out he isnt who and what he first claimed
or
he suddenly gets confused
or
a million other things....people pick up lots of baggage... this ain't high school folks !
wanting to date isn't enough
you never know who your getting it seems
or who you will get.
Best just to go out and meet some people
and try to make new friends, maybe
you will run across someone you have some interest in
and maybe you won't...
but pure insanity to go out expecting to find someone
because all of a sudden you want to date. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:21:29 PM | [But pure insanity to go out expecting to find someone because all of a sudden you want to date]
This isn't what I am saying at all, and I take offense to this. I don't expect to find someone just because I want to date at all, it's that I have offers, want to go on these dates and get cold feet.
You should properly read the question before answering thank you. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:30:30 PM | | Hockeygirl, realize that the man asking you out may also be nervous. Perhaps a lot more nervous than you. Put on two pairs of socks and go with the flow..Remember, the person you're meeting is just another person. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:33:21 PM | if your worried about looking nice and that kind of thing...
YOU ARE REALLY NOT READY TO DATE !
You should be worried about finding someone who is going to be truthful, not
going to give you a disease, lie about who they are, where they work.....
lie about their feelings.
It just depends what you fear that will tell you if your ready to date. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:36:24 PM | | Again it comes down to the fact that I know I am ready to date, I just can't get over the hump of actually going on the date..... basically what i'm asking is how to get over the butterflies etc | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:39:17 PM | face whatever it is your scared of...
are you scared the guy won't like you?
if so.... you dont have much confidence....
and your going to need thick skin to date !!!!!
dating can be BRUTAL on your self confidence if your not secure in yourself.
You better understan NOW.. that you will be judged and guys wont like you due to your weight.... so if your going to go out and start meeting people.. you better get your head ready.... so you are secure in who you are...
dating can be brutal.... more so if your not secure with yourself | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:42:04 PM | Frangal, why are you ALWAYS so negative and bitter!
OP, actually, there's nothing wrong with a self-respecting person being a little worried about looking nice. Heck, if you were my date I'd hope you did make sure you looked nice.
Sure, there's a pretty good chance you'll run into some game players. And of course not every date is going to be perfect but hey, it's what you make it.
We all feel nervous when starting something new. New school, job, whatever. After a while we learn the ropes and begin to relax. Dating is no different. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:45:54 PM | You better understan NOW.. that you will be judged and guys wont like you due to your weight....
I always find comments like this hilarious, I have NEVER in my life had a problem with anyone not liking me because of my weight. I think it's funny when people comment on this and had to laugh out loud for real. I may not attract the same type of guy that a skinny broad may attract because i'm a bigger girl, but by no means am I so large that no one can love me. I have never had to worry about guys liking me or not which again is not the issue,I have to laugh at your comments becaue you do what so many people **** about all the time. You just generalized the world in one sentence. All guys will not like me because of my weight which means that you have generalized the world every single guy will not like a bigger girl. Ha ha ha is all I can respond to that silly and obviously immature comment. 
PS! OBVIOUSLY YOU SHOULDN'T BE GIVING ADVICE AT ALL ABOUT DATING OR RELATIONSHIPS, your marrital status = Divorced | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:51:04 PM | I AM A POF MEMBER!
If we get to know one another through this site, then over the phone, it's actually quite enjoyable meeting your new "friend". After meeting and perhaps likeing eachother enough to plan a "real" date, then you can begin to feel nervous.
EVERYBODY fears rejection sometimes! | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:53:17 PM | back to what I said.... Op asked how to get the ball rolling
answer:
confidence
if you have none or you are insecure.....
don't date. People aren't nice and they have preferences....
if you are not secure in who you are..... and have real confidence..
you are going to get your feelings hurt
its that simple. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:11:08 PM | hey Hockeygirl777, what's up :)
Well, dating can be so much fun and there's no reason that you should have any problems at all. My advice to you is to not psych yourself out. If it really does make you nervous why not take the lead and plan the date yourself?....that way you can decide what your comfortable with and how much time you want to be out with that person....maybe even a lunch date to keep things light and casual. Or you could even do something totally different, something that you can both laugh your asses off about afterwards. There's nothing like sharing a funny experience and laughing about it afterwards to break the ice :)
I gaurantee you that you AND your date will have a much better time if your relaxed enough to be yourself...share a few laughs, have a glass of wine and don't worry about impressing him at all. Like i said, go into it with confidence and no expectations, above making a good friend. I hope i helped, good luck and have fun!
cheers,
carolina | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:11:17 PM | Frangal-"If you are insecure, don't date."
So, by your logic, if one is scared of water, don't learn to swim.
Scared of falling off horse, don't ride.
Scared of failing, don't try to pass.
OP, you'll be fine. | |
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| Dating.. Terrified but ready
Posted: 3/5/2006 7:19:41 PM |
basically what i'm asking is how to get over the butterflies etc
You won't get over the butterflies etc until you actually go out on the date. Simple as that.
Take for example, starting a new job. You get nervous because its a new environment, new people and maybe even new skills are required, but you don't get over the nerves until after you get comfortable. You want to feel comfortable you have to work.
You want to get over butterflies when it comes to dating, you have to go through the dating experience. Anytime you start a new job there are feelings of anxiety which alleviate over time. Its the same thing.
Obviously it may get a bit easier as you go through more dating experiences but its never completely gone because its a different person and a unique experience. | |
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