RobD20
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Joined: 11/10/2004
Msg: 1 | |
| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/29/2005 8:03:19 PM | I have a question for anyone who has some good information/insight
I am pretty seriously dating a girl. She basically has everything I am looking for, with the normal shortcomings that are to be expected of any member of the human race.
But there is something that is really bothering me, and I have no idea what I should think about it. This is the situation, put briefly.
She has only had two 'boyfriends' in her life. Myself, and one other person before me. She has dated one other guy, but it was only for like a month, and they didn't have sex. That was before her first 'boyfriend'.
She met this guy through friends I guess, and had sex with him, giving away her virginity within only seven days of first meeting him.
Now, in this day and age, finding a girl that has only been with one guy before you, especially at her age (23) and level of attractiveness is really just astounding and my luck seems unmatchable. I want to stay with her, but this whole 7 days thing just won't leave my mind. It's like a thorn that is always stinging me.
I think of this girl VERY seriously, that's why this is bothering me.
Should this matter to me at all?
Am I just totally insane? | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/30/2005 12:21:44 AM | yeah man, i feel for you...
i've kinda bin in a situation like that before and my solution was to confront her with my fear of her possibly going on a sex spree again.. And it worked buddy... she told me yes, hence the reason i'm single now.. Look, if you have principles you want to follow then be honest with yourself and with her about this... you'd rather know right? instead of living in doubt all the time... | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/30/2005 4:56:58 AM | Girls do that to get it over with because the whole question of when to fisrt have sex takes on a life of its own and they make the move to put it behind them. She is a practical and reasonable girl so don't screw it up by fixating on the death of your own romantic notion about the significance of making virginity into something holy, puns always intended.
I had a friend in high school who kept going on and on about being a virgin, asking what everyone thought. we were good friends so i naturally assumed when she was ready I would be the one. But one weekend she decided to try it with this guy she hardly knew. WTF??!! Why him, not me? Well, he is someone she hardly knows so it won't lead to anything, and besides, and here I could see her point, the guy was like 6'3 and the presidenet of the local karate club.
I had another ftiend who just got sick of the whole subject and she picked up a guy in a malt shop, went and had sex, and came back and told us it's done so now we can talk about something else.
I think it is entirely possible to make a big deal of one's first time, but it is not necessary to do so, and no big deal unless you do make it one. The time that matters is the one you're doing at the moment. | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/30/2005 8:28:54 PM | I agree with shades of gray...I stayed a virgin till I was 18 (waiting for mr.right...didnt wanna give it away to just anybody, I had never even got physically with someone let alone sleep with them!) I had just broken up with the man who I thought was the love of my life and went on a blind date, had coffee, back to his place, and KABOOM! It does take on a life of its own, and you just get sick of being the only person that hasnt had sex! Would I do something like that again....never....it was a stupid idea. So to answer your question I dont think it should matter....I mean hell, at least she waited 7 days. I wouldnt be worried about it, its normal. Don't let it ruin something special, life's too short!
Good Luck  | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/31/2005 2:01:44 AM | A lot of virgins do EVERYTHING but intercourse.
That makes it easy to jump from no sex to sex.
The sex drive really is a strong one.
I was planning on being a virgin--but got drunk and did it with a guy I was casually dating.
You might want to ask yourself why it bothers you so much.
-- Are you jealous that she's been with people who aren't you?
-- Do you think it's unfair that she's a not virgin but you are?
-- Are you upset cause this means she has no morals/different values than you?
Answering why it bothers you so much might help you deal with the issue better. | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/31/2005 3:47:46 AM | and remember she didnt have to tell you in the first place, appreciate her honesty dont punish either yourself or her for it.
does it really make that much difference to your relationship if it took her 7 days or 7 years to have sex? | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/31/2005 7:42:10 AM | while I have nothing against anyone wanting to have sex, having sex, liking sex, so on, and so forth in this day and age, Im warry of anyone using any excuse to jump into the sack on a first meeting, or a random stranger picked up at the store, or wherever...its too risky with disease and whatnot. One mistake and it can be a permentant thing (or fatal).
besides that, I have no advice really to offer. Im not too sure what I'd do in that situation.
GM | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/31/2005 8:12:45 AM | Even if its someone you know its still risky, unless you go with them and see their results your still putting a lot on trust.
Especially when you bare in mind that a few sexual diseases can be passed on through oral sex as well, and statisitcs say something like one in four people have one and some wont necessarily show up for years!
Sex is a risky thing whther its with someone youve only just met or someone youve been with a while | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 1/31/2005 8:17:55 AM | True, your never gonna be 100% sure or safe but looking at a person's past behavior is a good indicator of what they're gonna be like and the likelyhood of having anything. The less selective a person, the greater the likelyhood, is all Im sayin'. Its by no means a definate.
Personally, Im not above going with someone and getting tested if Im really concerned. | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 2/5/2005 2:42:37 AM | I had alot to say, but I'm freaking  so I erased it all instead, twice.
I was gunna say losing your virginity with someone you've known for a week is lame. But whatever, my views are too old fashioned to matter anymore, I've given up. I'll say this: Do what makes you happy. If it bothers you, ditch her. If not, be with her. Make babies, rejoice. At least you've met someone that you don't find heinous... | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 2/5/2005 3:19:27 AM | @RobD20
I'd have to say "insane".
If you are serious about her and everything seems good, my advice is to not let this issue be a concern.
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 2/5/2005 4:08:23 AM | | Its very understandable the way you feel,but from a recent experience I have had, A girl who is a close friend of mine lost her virginity simply because she was anxious to. Overall the experience was not traumatic for her but the guy turned out to be a dick(as usual). Afterwards she was releived and educated but was confused w/ the simplicity that can be "the male's perspective". She thought that it may be more but was still glad that she had gotten that learning experience under her belt(no pun intended..lol) So all in all she may have really thought this guy was going to be the one and was starting to realize what being that close to someone is really like. New emotions can easily be taken advantage of. She has obviousley waited longer than that w/ you or you would not have a valid complaint, however it seems that this was just her first learning experience in sexual encounters and from now on she will probably not be so vulnerable to overwhelming emotions that she is not familiar w/.She probably wants things to be real this time around so be patient and understanding. | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 2/5/2005 10:51:47 AM | Well I asked a religious man once what defines loosing it for a man, he said the insertion of the penis into a woman sex, so I then asked him since he was wise in the first responce, I guess it means I lost mine at birth!
Anyhow you have to know where she comes from and if you wish to keep her you also need to know where she wishes to go in her life. are you just a toy for her?
If you love someone make sure she loves you back the same way you love her! | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 2/5/2005 10:09:04 PM | Every time I see this post, I have to wonder...was it that SLOW that it took 7 days?
Sorry....back to my little corner of the world now...
Squeak | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 2/5/2005 10:34:11 PM | | I think you should think about the questions brought up in an earlier post. They make alot of sense and are probably alot of the reason there are feelings about it. In addition to all of the good points people have made, I would hope that since you seem like a caring person with morals (or else this probably wouldn't be bothering you), that you look further into how she feels now. While sex IS a big deal, losing her virginity and under what circumstances is something she cannot erase. You both sound like decent people and as I can imagine, getting past this is difficult, keep in mind that she can't do anything to take back what happened no matter how either of you feel about it. Try as best you can to move past it... she's with you now. | |
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| Losing your virginity in seven days
Posted: 2/6/2005 8:02:00 AM | Yoooo, I can not believe it. I thought I better dont read the replies, answer straight away what I think.
We are all human beings and once you want someone you want him! So what difference does it make - waiting 7 hours or 7 days or 7 months, or would Mr.Proper prefer 7 years? For you???
Are you still virgin? How many girls have you laid and in what time frame? Does your girlfriend question this? Does she even have the right (from your perspective) to know? What the hell is screwed in your brain?
We are all humans and if we dont give in to our natural desires it is inhuman. With 16 years, ok.... understandable when you hesitate.
I might sound like a slut here but please dont get me wrong... I am just grown up. My first boyfriend I had with 14 and we waited almost 2 years... we stayed together a few more years. My next boyfriend I went to bed with an hour after the first kiss which shocked me too but then... we knew each other quite some time, I had wanted him quite some time. So what? The next one I waited a bit longer. I think 8 hours. But married him later.
So... it is not your business what she did before you. And believe me... if you are a little bit more open minded, your sex life will be better.
One more quetion: Why do you consider yourself lucky that she had just one partner before? What does it matter? Experienced women are relaxed sex partners, give more joy and warmth and there is no nervousness. | |
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It took you 7 day's to loose your virginity???
