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 tigerstripedcat
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 1
Breakup advice pleasePage 1 of 1    
I really ****ed up this time. I dated a girl that I was initially interested in, and on the second date slept with her. It was a really stupid thing to do. I was having doubts before we slept together. These doubts were solidified after (and spending more time together). I'm still doing some soul searching to see why exactly I don't think we'll work out long term. But I think there will be a good chance that I won't want to spend time to see if this works.

The problem is that I'm worried I'm going to end up hurting this girl. Now I look like the jerk that just slept with her because I was thinking with my penis (which is probably half-true). What is the best way to let her down gently? Should I spend more time with her just to make sure she's not right for me, or will that just make it harder in the end?

Any general advice or similar stories would help. I definitely need help. And please spare me the critcism, I realize that I made my bed and now I need to lay in it, now I just want to not have her hurt.

THANKS!
 Cyrix
Joined: 8/3/2005
Msg: 2
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 5:06:11 AM
Well I'll spare the criticsm friend, as you've obviously made a mistake but willing to learn from it.

The sooner you can positively identify that this will not be a long term relationship the better, but perhaps some may argue the decision should already be clear by now. No easy way to say it, and God knows I wouldn't be the best person on the 'letting her down gently' advice, but know she's inevitably going to be hurt, regardless of your reason.

Personally, I'd quickly try to determine if I was absoluetely ready to be in a long term relationship with her. If not, then tell her the truth, exactly how it is. Don't make some bullcock story up, you owe her that much.
 S_Davina
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 3
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 5:22:52 AM
Well it sounds like your brain and your penis were both involved, but you took the penis' opinion over the brain's.

No don't keep dating her .. you know it's all about not being the bad guy at this point, not cause you're crazy about her and can't wait to see her again. End it immediately and let her find someone else. If you have some way of explaining to her that you made a mistake and you're sorry for any grief it will cause her then do so.

She's to blame too ... by the way. She slept with you on the second date as well. The only way you're maybe more responsible is that you knew you weren't that into her.

Guys who keep something going hoping that the girl will somehow develop amnesia or be abducted by aliens ANY day now, instead of having to end something directly are a pet peeve of mine. It's *always* better to let someone move on and not take one more day of their life or create more false hope.

You're a good guy ... do the right thing and cut the girl loose.
 angora
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 4
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 5:24:37 AM
Hi Tiger

Best advice if I were the girl? Tell her. The longer you wait the more attached she becomes making the breakup harder and more hurtful.

You know no matter how long you wait that it will hurt her as you obviously realize the relationship means more to her than to you. Do the girl a favour and tell her you are having doubts. You already know how "I'm still doing some soul searching to see why exactly I don't think we'll work out long term".

Hope this helps and I know, easier said than done!

Good Luck

Ang~
 naturelover70
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 5
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 5:35:06 AM
I personally would want to know SOONER than LATER, before I developed stronger feelings for you. That way it will hurt less and the healing time is quicker.


Don't beat yourself up about it .........men/women both do this.
 pinkdaffodil
Joined: 4/12/2005
Msg: 6
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 6:15:03 AM
Get it over with, the sooner the better. Maybe she's not all that crazy for you anyway. She might be thinking the same thing. The only thing for sure, is that avoiding the situation will make it worse.
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 7
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History
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:09:51 AM
Do something stoopid so she will break up with you.
 Colin A. S.
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 8
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:53:37 AM
OP: Casual Dating (second dates count as that category still) is CASUAL DATING with or without sex. It's not like copulating is somehow writing a contract in stone and you're suddenly GF/BF ...Treat the relationship as "friends with benefits"

Now, i myself find it hard to go the FWB route, simply because i need to fall in love in order to enjoy said benefits. You &/Or your 'date' might not like FWB concept either...

If you can't be FWB and have to break up i fully suggest being honest with yourself before being honest with her.

BTW, I've had some experiences where the other party made some really scary shit up simply to scare me off...she could be doing the same to prompt you to break the relationship off.
 Allbymylonesome
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 9
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 9:35:31 AM
Just tell her that it's over, you and her will have both learnt a lesson from this and it wont drag on any longer causing stress between the both of you.
 ThinkerOutsideTheBox
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 10
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 10:24:53 AM
If you had doubts before you slept with her, then it wasn't the best idea, but you know this already. As long as you didn't mislead her to achieve this result, then you can still stand tall.

Think of the reason you want to mend this action. Is it to ease your conscience or to make her feel better? It's difficult to determine how she will react. When you end something, you can not also play the role of the nurturer. If she's angry or say's things that you'd like to fix... don't do it! The point I'm trying to make is that if you stick around or try to explain/justify your actions, you will make it easier on you, but not her. Of course, doing it this way will mean that you'll probably feel like s**t for a while longer, but that's the price you will pay for doing the right thing in *her* best interest.
 iluvsalad
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 11
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 10:55:06 AM
~yah i agree...tell the girl ASAP...be honest...and you aren't responsible for what she thinks/reacts/feels after you tell her...you can only be responsible for yourself....
plus...she had a part in sleeping with you after the second date too...so it's not like it's all on you....~
 Dovescry
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 12
Breakup advice please
Posted: 3/6/2006 12:41:40 PM

Do something stoopid so she will break up with you.


At least that way you are sure to never to hear from them again. *we hope*
 roadblock
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 13
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History
Breakup advice please
Posted: 2/2/2007 4:11:32 AM
Don't worry... I've been in that tough situation... I was going out with Amanda and I had feelings for Shylo but i still had feelings for Amanda too so it was very difficult so to prevent cheating I broke up with Amanda to be with Shylo and for one thing I knew all along it was going in that direction... Best thing is be honest if you want out of something that way you're not leading anyone on
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