| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/14/2006 8:00:07 AM | I just wanted to let everyone know there is a great book called "The Five Love Languages". It was written by Gary Chapman.
This book talks about the fact that everyone feels love in a different way, and basically everyone fits into 1 of 5 categories.
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Gifts
Acts of Service
Pysical Touch
Everyone has a primary way they feel loved and fit into one of these catagories. So for eg. If I feel loved by words of Affirmation eg. my partner saying he loves me, or telling me I look beautiful, or saying hey the house looks great today, and my partner thinks by buying me gifts he is saying he loves me. I am not feeling loved.
Or say my parters primary way to feel loved is by Acts of Service. If I am not doing things for him, but think by my telling him I love him all the time he is feeling loved. He isn't.
Really good book and I think if anyone gets the chance to read it......it is well worth it.
Now I just have to find a man to put into use what I have learned. hahaha
Hope if you get the book you enjoy it as much as I have. Sure opened my eyes.
Terri | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/14/2006 8:09:09 AM | Thanks - I find these types of books interesting from a sociology perspective. I'll def check it out! | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/14/2006 5:22:50 PM | | What about being "balanced" and not leaning towards any one primary way? This is an interesting topic, but I am skeptical of any kind of categorical "pigeon-holing" system. Thank you for the short synopsis of the book, though. I've heard about it and was wondering what all the hoop-lah was about. It is thought provoking to consider the concept and that people may not be on the same wave-length, which is where misunderstandings may occur. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/14/2006 5:47:20 PM | This book has the opinion that everyone has 1 primary love language and that most people have a secondary one too.
It really made me think when I read it and everyone I have lent the book to has agreed with it.
It does make you see where misunderstandings occur and how you make think your making your partner feel loved by what you are doing, but if it isn't their love language, it isn't making them feel the love. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/14/2006 6:21:47 PM | Hey Chaylan- this is absolutely mind blowing to me. Just a few days ago a friend told me about the 5 love languages. I'm not sure how long the book has been out, but I can't believe
I have never heard of this before! To me, the most incredible thing, is that it offered some
clarification on the characteristics of men/women. One example, while reading a profile
the man said he would surprise the women by delivering flowers to her office,
even before meeting for their first date (now to me, that just screamed either stalker or
desperate) it seemed too over the top, to do something like that at the beginning of a
relationship. But now after reading about the different ways people express love, I can see
that was exactly who that person is!! He was just being true to his nature. Now, for me, I'm an extremely phyical person. So, I have to touch, touch and touch some more. The
only thing that really surprised me, though, was the fact that the author says just because
my primary love language is touch, doesn't necessarily mean, I want a partner who expresses
love by touch. When in fact, that's exactly what I want. Can anyone else identify their love
language, but know that they want their partner to express love in a different manner? | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/16/2006 10:15:46 AM | chaylan_2, that's so cool that you brought up this book. My sister's pastor gave it to her on her wedding day six years ago. She and her hubby found it very helpful in the early stages of their marriage. In fact, because my boyfriend and I are venturing closer to marriage, she has offered to dig it out of her basement and loan it to me. I've really been looking forward to reading it.
tapestry44, I know what you mean. I'm a "toucher" too. But I think when my partner expresses "quality time" that is when I feel the most loved. In any case, I am looking forward to seeing little things that I've missed in our communication so that we can more fully understand how we express love to each other.
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/16/2006 6:31:37 PM | | I have read the book and my primary love language is Physical touch and secondary is words of affirmation...you can feel loved other ways however when you feel really, truely loved is when someone is speaking your language. This was so true for me in my marriage. It really helps if you know his love language because everyone tries to show love how they want it. I was very romantic and gave gifts but his love language was acts of service and he was always working in the yard. Thinking that was showing me love when all i really wanted was to be next to him. Its a great book...take what you want from it and use it to better your friendships and relationships | |
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| The Five Love Languages- I wish I had seen this book earlier
Posted: 3/17/2006 7:47:49 AM | Thanks for the input about this book. I feel the author is right. Does he/she also include the demand for
love that is controlled by a character defect ? Does he define love as defined, and expected by a psycopath?
Does it define love restricted by a partner who has a problem with trust - e.g. a partner who has a basic distrust
of the world ? This kind of depth would make this book invaluable . Thanks again. I will look for the book
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/17/2006 8:18:18 AM | | wow, that must be why so many people are thinking they are giving their all to something while the other just thinks they don't care all that much. I'll have to look for that book I'm pretty sure I'm a Quality Time and maybe Gifts person (if what they mean as in little things that show I thought of you when I saw this) without even reading it. I'm not really into the whole self-help thing but sounds like a great book just to help you further your understanding of who your best meant for! | |
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rjev
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Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 3/19/2006 12:27:42 AM | | Funny how often the simplest things elude us. This has been really enlightening; I've got a clearer idea of what I need out of a relationship. To me, the greatest way to show someone you care is to actually tell them, or surprise them with a hug, kiss, etc. - words and touch. But to someone whose languages are neither words nor touch, they could just seem like hollow, empty gestures, even though they're genuine expressions of affection. Thanks for sharing this, chaylan. | |
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| The Five Love Languages - xmendous- thanks
Posted: 3/19/2006 3:54:28 PM | I just wanted to say thank you for mentioning this book. I will return the favor by recommending a book
to you. The book is written by John Cleese, [ of Monty Python, yest] and the title is " Families, and how to
survive them. Very similar to the book by Chapman. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 9/17/2006 1:38:49 PM | I was recently introduced to "The Five Love Languages"...and was not really surprised that my primary language is Physical Touch (In a hug one needs to touch and be touched after all)
You can take a quick quiz and find out a little more info on the different languages by going to this link:
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
 H.G. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 9/17/2006 5:28:46 PM | My love language(s) would be quality time AND physical affection. I would not be content to see someone and not be held, touched, caressed by them. Nor would I be pleased if a partner never had time to see me. For me the two go hand in hand.
Acts of service and words of affirmation could be thrown out the window...they do nothing for me. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 9/18/2006 2:49:50 AM | I read the book and found it to be insightful.
It gave me a clearer understanding of how to express my affection. Definitely a must read book. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 9/18/2006 3:45:44 AM | Thank you, Terri!
I not only have read the book, but have taken several courses on it. I am a teacher, and in my profession we need to know how to best reach our students, so knowing what a child's love language is makes it easier to reach each child on a level that is meaningful to them.
I have since learned how to transfer that over into my adult life....it's amazing how true it is, and if practiced properly, there is so much power in it. Life and relationships can have added meaning and closeness if the five love languages are addressed, studied and applied.
To address some of the other questions I've seen here....yes, it IS possible to have more than one love language. In fact, it isn't impossible to have all five....and usually you do have all five to some degree within you. However, you will find that usually one or two of them stand out to you far above the others, and therefore those are called your primary love languages. It is easier to meet your needs by addressing your main love languages first...although going through all five of them is probably going to make you feel pretty darn loved and respected! | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 9/18/2006 12:49:23 PM | | My Pastor at church told me and my fiance about the five love languages during one of our pre-marital counseling sessions. Very good stuff. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 9/18/2006 3:42:40 PM | | My pastor talked about this in his sermon a couple weeks ago. This shows that giving gifts *is* a sign of love, and I always thought so. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 9/28/2006 7:20:37 PM | My pastor talked about this in his sermon a couple weeks ago. This shows that giving gifts *is* a sign of love, and I always thought so.
Just remember CTF that the gift giving language may not be received as communication of love by your significant other. Identify your mate's love language and use it as often as you can. They will naturally return yours back to you and that will just make your relationship stronger and better.
It is totally amazing how something so simple can be right under our nose and we cannot see it at all. Now that I have recognized it and understand it - I think it will definitely make all my relationships stronger and better - with friends and lover. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:18:17 AM | | You're right. It's a great book. Full of wisdom. Opened my eyes, too. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 4/29/2007 4:25:47 AM | I too have read the book. The author originally wrote the book for couples who where struggling in their marriages.
He wrote a subsequent book for singles "The Five Love Languages for Singles". This is the one that I read. The love language are the same, but the information is presented with a little different perspective and speaks more specifically about how to apply the knowledge to relationships at this point in our lives ... when we are single and dating.
I know that I both speak all five love languages and I did take the test and found that I am bi-lingual and I feel most loved when I am spoken to with quality time and physical touch.
In the video series, the author talks about the "love tank" that each of us has and how ... the level in our love tank will directly affect how we are able to both give and receive love on a daily basis. So ... a question to ask ourselves and our partner, on a regular basis ... how full is your love tank?
Great book ... very valuable information! I hope the guy I end up getting involved with is willing to learn the information, talk about it with me ... and will desire to apply it to growing a healthy relationship! | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 4/29/2007 5:56:02 AM | hi chaylan
i will certinally check out the book but, to be completley honest with you and everyone else out there i don't believe that anyone can catogorise love like that and i believe that if people think that they can then their sadly mistaken. yes love does come in many shapes and forms e.g i dont love my brother in the same way i would love a partner but for anyone to catogorise love under these three headings i think is complete insanity. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:06:00 AM | Hey Tapestry. Listen to your (screaming) inner voice. Perhaps flowers before a first date is, as you say, "true to his nature," but his nature could also be, as you also say, "stalker or deperate." ;-)
I find books like The Five Love Languages sophomoric. I think there is only one language of love...maybe two.
1) Do unto others, and
2) Communicate. | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 4/29/2007 7:42:58 PM | Best book I have EVER read.
Now how do we get the men to read it??????? | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:16:30 PM | | Wow what an insight. I can't believe no one has ever thought of being romantic and physically touching their woman to ignite her passion. This book sounds like it is breaking new ground. How much is it? | |
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| The Five Love Languages
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:30:07 PM | This is a great book indeed! Gary Chapman also has written the Five Love Languages of Children for those of you who have children under your wings... | |
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