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Thread: You might be a redneck if...

xchuck

Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 1

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/15/2006 3:34:58 PM
You might be a redneck if... More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. You think the stock market has a fence around it. You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame. Your home has more miles on it than your car.

brad77hayes

Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 2

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/15/2006 3:43:09 PM
You think Bangor Maine is a big city

xchuck

Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 3

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/15/2006 3:48:01 PM
You might be a redneck if... Your Christmas tree is still up in February. You've ever been arrested for loitering. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice. You've ever shot anyone for looking at you. You own a homemade fur coat. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list. You've totaled every car you've ever owned. The taillight covers of your car are made of tape. Your car has never had a full tank of gas. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash. Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap. Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days. Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

docholiday740

Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 4

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/15/2006 8:19:19 PM
if you think a VOLVO is part of a woman's anatomy. . .(you paid $2500 for a used WHAT!)

xchuck

Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 5

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/15/2006 8:25:31 PM
If you think overalls should be worn only for formal occassions

panaqqa

Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 6

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/15/2006 9:23:39 PM
If your half sister is marrying uncle grampa...

[ jay ]

Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 7

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/15/2006 11:02:07 PM
git er done! thaas right

SonnyCrockett

Joined: 7/12/2004
Msg: 8
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History

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/16/2006 6:52:48 AM
You might be a Redneck Jedi if... * You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." * Your Jedi robe is camouflage. * You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. * You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. * You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard. * Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

cor350xt

Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 9

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/16/2006 6:28:37 PM
Good ones, man! Have you heard of the new McJackson at Mcdonalds? It 40 yr. old meat stuffed betwean 12 yr. old buns!

Tigerman34

Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 10
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History

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/16/2006 6:40:30 PM
Your patio furniture used to be your livingroom furniture. You cut your front lawn and find a car. Speed stick is your favorite cologne. The total number of your families teeth will fill only one mouth. You consider roadkill as fast food. You end most fights with gunfire and start them. You have a spittoon for a doorbell. You can actually answer the original question.

panaqqa

Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 11

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/16/2006 6:40:58 PM
Not quite a redneck joke, but... Do you know how Michael Jackson is like Wal Mart? They both have little boy's pants half off.

xchuck

Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 12

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/16/2006 7:22:46 PM
Did you know Micheal Jackson called the group BoyZ to Men on the phone because he thought they were a delivery service

Foxxphyre

Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 13
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History

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 3/17/2006 1:41:57 AM
you might be a redneck, if you gun rack has a gun rack on it! "YOU SUCK!" You know you're a redneck when your family tree is shaped like a wreath.

~$Brittney$~

Joined: 9/15/2005
Msg: 14
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History

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/10/2006 3:15:56 AM
If you think that 401k is your mother in-laws bra size

Southern Lady Lookn 4 Luv

Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 15

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 4:10:17 AM
Hey, I am a redneck and I've never done any of those things. But the jokes are still funny.

Russbear

Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 16

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 6:45:02 AM
^^^^ LMAO Britteny

xchuck

Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 17

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 7:07:48 AM
Foreplay to you is beating a woman at pool in a bar and then screwing her on the table

jokester

Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 18

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 10:18:44 AM
your father walks you to school because he's in the same class you think a tooth pick is desert you have 3 lawn mowers that work and 4 cars that don't

evilnurse

Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 19
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You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 10:28:49 AM
You have an "UNCLE DAD" HAHAHA

xchuck

Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 20

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 11:10:50 AM
your father walks you to school because he's in the same class You drink milk from the nipple of your COW!!

bubbly37

Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 21

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 6:00:14 PM
You might be a redneck if you go to a family reunion to find a date!!

xchuck

Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 22

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 6:18:18 PM
You have bumper stickers all over the bumper of your pick-up to hide the rust

Cynful_38

Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 23

You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 6:54:13 PM
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu Oh sweet Jesus.......Im still giggling How many people, honestly, don't even get this one ? I was in North Carolina last May and grabbed some of this and planted it along my house up here in southeast Ontario Canada........lets see if it takes over Canada...... yeehaw...........

spudmama

Joined: 3/4/2005
Msg: 24
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You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 7:06:07 PM
"Hey, I am a redneck and I've never done any of those things." i'm not a redneck and i have, lol!

Celibacy_Failure

Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 25
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You might be a redneck if... Posted: 4/11/2006 7:12:20 PM
Your curtains are camoflage.

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> You might be a redneck if...