| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/2/2005 9:14:00 AM | You know you know some:
I'll get this started --
There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a ****ing machine,
Concave or convex,
It can please either sex,
But oh what a b*tch to keep clean! | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/2/2005 7:36:15 PM | there once was a man from Indiana
who thought he could play the piana
his finger slipped
his zipper ripped
out pop a hairy banana | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/2/2005 7:38:57 PM | there once was a man from Nantucket
whos **** was so long he could suck it
with a smile and a grin
and cum on his chin
he said if his ear were a ****
he could **** it | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/3/2005 6:06:18 AM | Your LiMeRiCkS for the Day!!!!
The Pirate of Gates
There once was a Pirate from Gates,
Who enjoyed doing a sword dance on skates,
But he slipped with his cutless,
Rendering himself nutless,
And exceedingly useless on dates!
The Man from Boston
There once was a man from Boston,
Who drove a little red Austin,
He had room for his ass,
And a gallon of gas,
But his balls fell out and he lost 'em!
The Brass Man
There once was a man from France,
Who's balls were made of solid brass,
When he banged them together,
They played "Stormy Weather",
And sparks would shoot out his ass!
The Other Man from Nantucket
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who's was so long he could suck it,
And he said, although crass,
As he lubed up his ass,
"I've found a nice place I can tuck it!" | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/4/2005 5:26:20 AM | Today's Limericks:
The Man from St. Claire
There once was a man from St. Claire,
Who was doing his wife on the stairs,
The bannister broke,
So he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in the air.
The Plumber from Leigh
There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing this maid by the sea,
Said the maid, "Cease your your plumbing!
I think someone's coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "it's me!" | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/4/2005 3:00:10 PM | There was a young fellow named Pope,
Who plugged in to an oscilloscope.
The cyclical trace
Of their carnal embrace
Had a d*mn nearly infinite slope.
There was a young fellow named Hector,
Who was fond of a launcher-erector.
But the squishes and pops
Of acute pressure drops
Wrecked Hector's hydraulic connector.
Both of these are from Thomas Pynchon's great novel "Gravity's Rainbow." | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/4/2005 3:51:09 PM | there once was a girl named missy
who always seemed a little prissy
till they found her one day
doing the farmers son in the hay
now no more little miss prissy | |
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longte
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Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 9 | |
| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/4/2005 4:07:37 PM | A gay young man from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/5/2005 1:42:41 PM | Well Mary McGregor she was a pretty whore,
She always greet you with a smile and never locked her door,
And on the day she died all the men in town did weep,
For Mary McGregor finally got some sleep. | |
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longte
|
Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 11 | |
| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/6/2005 3:04:25 AM | There was a young lady from York
Who all of the roues did stalk
but none of them entered
For right in the centre
Of her XXXX she had planted a cork
Then along came a man who presented
A Cxxk that was strangly indented
With a twist and a twirl
He entered that girl
Thus was the corkscrew invented | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/7/2005 6:02:43 AM | Everyone! Most excellent! Thanks for your additions to the thread.
And now, your Limerick for the Day!
The Maiden from Aberystwyth (a town in Wales.)
There once was a maiden from Aberystwyth,
Who took corn down to the mill to make grist with,
But the miller's son Bill,
Took her up on the hill,
And they grinded the parts that they pissed with! | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/8/2005 9:37:09 AM | Limerick for the Day (I think this one may be Swedish...)
There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/8/2005 2:32:27 PM | | oh my god that is to cute...love it....lol | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/9/2005 7:49:05 AM | And as always.... Your Limerick of the Day.
There once was a virgin quite tearful,
Of sucking a @#$, she was fearful.
So in a moment of dread,
She turned her head
And boy, did she get an earful!
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/9/2005 7:59:11 AM | There once was a man from dallas
He )()(ed off to a girl named alice
One day he was getting it
when alice was sitting on it
and now they have a baby | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/9/2005 8:26:35 AM | there once was a man named tony
whose bowels looked like pepperoni
he said with a grin
when it got on his chin
strange it tastes like baloney | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/9/2005 8:02:19 PM | There once was a cowboy from Bushy Head
who never met a woman he couldnt bed
only gal he ever turned down said he with a frown
was 13 year old annie and he turned her face down | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/10/2005 8:59:53 AM | And here it is............ Your Limerick for the day!
The Mortician's Daughter
A mortician's sly daughter named Maddie
Proposed to a virginal laddie:
"If you do as I say,
We can have a great lay
Since I've buried more stiffs than my Daddy!" | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/10/2005 9:03:23 AM | there once was a man named John
who loved having females go down
until one day he woke
and his date in this deep voice spoke
Hello handsome my name is Ron..... | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/10/2005 9:45:47 AM | Thanks everyone for the participation. I thought I would add a bonus Limerick today!
Enjoy
The Ladies of Birmingham
There were three young ladies of Birmingham
And this is the story concerning 'em
They lifted the frock
And diddled the cock
Of the bishop as he was confirming them.
Now the bishop was nobody's fool
He'd learned a few things while at school
So he lifted his britches
And buggered those "b*tches"
With his eight inch episcopal tool.
Said the first, as the bishop withdrew
Not bad for a bishop, tis true
BUT the vicar is quicker,
and slicker and thickeer,
And three inches longer than you! | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/11/2005 6:53:23 AM | It's Friday and time for your Limerick of the Day.
Man from York
There once was a man from York
Whose was shaped like a fork,
He claimed he could get,
A blonde and brunette,
to both simultaneously pork!
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/11/2005 8:21:14 AM | there once was a lady named jane
who loved to stand out in the rain
no harm in this she said
Till a lightning bolt struck her head
and now she is no longer sane | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/11/2005 9:21:05 AM | ok ok I know not dirty...lol
there once was a girl named betty lou
who all the boys loved to do
they spent most of the night
because she was so d*mn tight
always having the best screw........ | |
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| Dirty Limericks
Posted: 2/14/2005 5:06:22 AM | Happy V-day. For all those girls that celebrate this as National Masturbation Day, take heed!
Here's your Limerick of the day!!!!!!!!!!!
Jill and the Dynamite Dildo!
There was a young woman named Jill,
Who used dynamite to get a thrill.
While playing one day,
The fuze burned away,
And her twat was found in Brazil!
 | |
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