| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/2/2005 9:18:03 PM | I have been going to school with this girl I have known for many years, we have hung out at parties and things all through highschool. Now that we started University together we have been spending more time together carpooling and hanging out. The problem is I think she is the sweetest women I know we have lived down the street from one another all our lives and now that we are getting more exposure to each other I think I wanna ask her out.
However there are three concerns bothering me
#1 is we have been good friends for many yr. (hung out etc. no the family) and I dont wanna complicate things if shes not on the same page.
#2 I am midly disabled and if you were to see/ and hang around with this girl she could date someone so much better I am afraid that If I ask her out and she isn't interested she would still feel obligated to say yes, also I would be nervous about holding up my end of the relationship (physically) b/c no one wants a boyfriend that needs a hand to get up the steps when there are other guys out there.
#3 Since the dating scene is a mystery to me I might be missing alot of signals and such and I am pretty inexperienced in all aspects of dating (could this play a factor)
I am a mess, all I know is I love this girl very much (I think about her all the time) and I need some advice on how to proceed. Any advice positive or negative would be greatly appreciated.
Help PLEASE | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/2/2005 9:30:19 PM | | you know the only down fall would be if it didnt work you would lose that friendship you value so much,, sometimes its better to move past that person, and look for a new interest, im not sure what to say , just use caution as sometimes that one real friendship is so much better, and once you cross the line its usally never the same | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/2/2005 9:42:37 PM | DON'T!
There's no greater recipe for disaster then asking out a good friend. You just need to take to heart the following: you're getting everything you really need out of a relationship that has all the bonuses (ok, not ALL but all the important ones) of a long-term relationship and none of the heartache. Realize that going out with a woman is not the ultimate destination. For most women the ultimate destination you should have is good friendship. Ulterior motives never serve either of your interests. If something were able to happen between you and her you wouldn't be asking how to go about asking her. The reality is that when you ask that sort of question you already know that it's a one sided desire. That's all I'm gonna say about that.
Abe Vionas | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/2/2005 10:13:30 PM | Hi Wuzzie... that is a real hard situation. I had a bestfriend before that I truly loved more than my brothers. We were inseparable buddies until he told me he has fallen in love with me. I knew that I could not love him more than a friend but because he was so close to my heart and I did not want him to feel bad, I agreed that maybe we can step up one level higher than where we were. We went on for more than a year hoping that maybe I would develop a special love for him.. but it never happened... until I finally had to break his heart. I felt so guilty and bad. He was devastated. And we lost the wonderful friendship we had before which I miss so much that I wished he never told me what he felt for me.
I'm sorry.. I'm not trying to scare you... just making you realize a real-life consequence of a decision like this. Love is a gamble. You take it or you lose it all.
N | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/2/2005 10:51:32 PM | Wuzzi, I have to somewhat agree with Shattered and your first concern, you wouldn't want to loose a good friend over this. But you shouldn't let this discourage you, there is more than one scenario - as in all speculative efforts.
1. Has she been dating many guys around you? If not, this may suggest an interest from her part, and, that maybe she feels as awkward as you talking about dating.
2. How understanding and rational is this person? If she is understanding and rational (I know, I could choose better words here), and wouldn't be on the same page as you worried, she wouldn't be that much affected by you talking about your feelings. Yes there may still be a small change in your relationship, but it may just be for the better, and bring you closer as friends.
3. Would you risk loosing a friend? I am afraid I can't answer this, for you and you alone knows this. I think help in this answer lies in "how long where you friends". Longer you were, the less the chances are of loosing this friend.
4. If you don't ask her, and/or tell her your feelings, you may never get this off your chest...and could cause much anxiousness.
There many more I could write, but I can only say from MY opinion, ask your friend. Talk to your friend. If this person is truly your friend, a cold shoulder you will not get. If have been in this scenario from both sides a few times myself. I have broken friendship with one (was kinda creepy) and not another (very good friends still), and only once have I shied away, from my side (the position you are in)- and still question that one time to this day...
Just one man's opinion, hope you get what you want, and want what you get.
Good Luck | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/2/2005 10:55:23 PM | Dude first of all, you have to stop thinkin of yourself being not as good as other people. That attitude has GOT to go. What exactly makes you worth less than anyone else? Your mobility problem? Screw that.
It doesn't matter. You are a really young man goin into what sounds like a promising field. That says a lot about you. Walk with your head high man, you are goin places. And it doesn't matter that you have little or no experience with dating or whatever. The most important thing is that you know your sense of worth. If you carry yourself and think of yourself as someone who should be pittied and felt sorry for, then people will. You don't have to feel sorry for yourself man. That mobility problem? Sure that sucks and I probbably wouldn't understand what it means to go through that - but you don't have to let that stop you from struggling and persuing things you want in life.
As far as that girl goes, I say you go for it. You love her very much and you don't really think you have a chance. At least I don't think you do. Hey, Ive been there before too. I bet alot of people have. I say this but I know its easier said than done. My guess is that your feelings for her (and they are strong, arent they?) are not likely to go away but rather grow. Can you go through your life with her by your side starting to date other people and see other people? You can lift this burden by telling her. Or you could keep it to yourself.
Just do what you feel you should, I guess. There's no wrong or right answer to that one. Not one you'll find listening to me or anyone else here - that one is gonna come from you. | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/3/2005 6:48:35 AM | | My recomendation (keep in mind this has never ever worked for me but I also haven't really tried it) is to simply do things a little more intimate with her. Go to movies when you can, do little things with her. Don't give her any impression that you are interested in dating. The general idea is that she may come to you. I dunno that may be BS but that's what I would do. I wouldn't try to actually declare your love to her. I have lost too many friends by doing something similar to that to be willing to suggest it. (3 and counting, though none were a best friend) | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/3/2005 7:41:18 AM | Wuzz....just because you have a mild disability doesn`t mean you are less a person...What do you mean `She could do so much better???` You`re handsome, I checked out your profile..Come on man, have some faith...I say ask her out. Great relationships always start out with a friendship...And she would be one lucky gal...redneckgirl133 | |
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Missy
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Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/3/2005 7:48:47 AM | Wuzz, don't sell yourself short. No matter what your disability is, you are involved in her life because she wants you there. Before you choose whether or not to ask her out, or to tell her how you truly feel, ask yourself - are you willing to risk not having her in your life at all should she say no?
This is truly a hard cunundrum (I've always wanted to use that word, now I'm not so sure I spelled it right lol).
Good luck,
Missy | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/3/2005 12:12:34 PM | | yo, don't ask her out!!! first ask her what type of guy she's looking for. or what type of guy she likes. if she likes you, she may throw some hints. | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/3/2005 2:22:26 PM | | Listen to me I went out with my best Guy friend and it only ended up in shambles becausethe frienship that we once had was ruined and we hardly talk and never see eachother it turned out that we were better off friends than in a relationship. | |
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| how to ask out a good friend
Posted: 2/3/2005 3:45:08 PM | wuzzi, if you two are truly close friends then i dont see why it wouldnt work out. all you have to do is be open and honest about things and dont just dump it on her. talk to her about similar situations on how you feel about her etc. make up the ever so famous 'hypothetical' situations and ask for her take on things. right there that should give you any indication you may need to decide if you should proceed.
maybe she feels the same way about you - but is thinking the exact same thing and is too shy to admit it. heck she may not know how to bring it up and doesnt want to scare you off. for all you know, YOU could be the BEST THING to ever happen to her.
either way you wont know till you talk to her about it. if you truly are friends, then talk. thats what friends do.
btw to y'all non believers. i've done it and im still good friends with the guy. we're so open with each other and honest that we agreed to try dating b/c we both had the initial spark/interest. when it wasnt working out we discussed it and decided friends would be better for us and we're still just as close, IF NOT more b/c of it. | |
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