| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 3/19/2006 6:27:30 AM | | My husband went out with 2 friends and met a lady and her husband in January. They exchanged phone #'s but it is him and the lady that talk every day. He calls her, she calls him daily. All this was done behind my back until I found text messages from her last week. Then found a voice message on his cell Tues. night "Hi, it's 12:20 (a.m.), I'm on my way down the mountain. bye" and then a text message at 2:00 a.m. "Sorry had to go". He works afternoons and has my car to drive back & forth. He rarely talks to the husband, only her. They say they're just friends and have nothing with each other. I have never met them or been invited to meet them. In my opinion and anyone I have asked, his behaviour is unacceptable for a marriage even if he has not had sex with her, he is cheating or about to cheat. I know what I think, I've already told him we're done. What does everyone think? | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 3/19/2006 8:31:32 AM | I think that given the right situation that married people can be friends with the opposite sex. However I don't think this is one of those rare situations. It seems to me that you already know that this situation is not right for you.
1)"All this was done behind my back until I found text messages"-This is not acceptable behavior. People who are not being decietful have no reason to lie. There are other intentions here and I would be questioning what type of friendship they exactly have?
2)"Then found a voice message on his cell Tues. night "Hi, it's 12:20 (a.m.), I'm on my way down the mountain. bye" and then a text message at 2:00 a.m. "Sorry"-What kind of "friends" call into the wee hours of the morning to say bye and give their whereabouts? Most late night phone calls are of the emergency type or booty calls. This for me really makes me suspicious of their friendship.
3)"but it is him and the lady that talk every day."-This my dear is something that lovers do mainly. I don't even talk to my best friend everyday. I suppose it's possible but if they were so close of friends they would likely include you in their activities which is not the case here. Maybe this is something that you and your husband once did. The clingy phone calls may sound sweetly familiar to you.
I am not sure if they have had sex or not but this situation could very well lead into more than just a very close friendship if it hasn't already happened. In my opinion this is not trust building material that should be brought into a relationship. I think you should have a talk with you husband and if he is not willing to understand your feelings and wishes then you will have to make a choice then as to whether to continue the relationship. If he loves you then he will respect and honor your feelings just as you do his and let this friendship slide or make you understand the contexts of their friendship! | |
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mogrl
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 4 | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 3/19/2006 11:45:01 AM | My husband of 21 years about 5 years ago started meeting female friends in local bars. I was not "allowed" to go because in his eyes I did not know how to behave. We did the counseling thing. He continued meeting more and more females which would call at all hours on his cell phone. I was supposed to be ok with this because they were only friends. Even after hearing "drunken" conversations he was having with female friends about how he could not wait for them to spend time alone in front of a fire and how he bought 2 kayaks with her in mind. I was supposed to be ok with it because he was drunk. Well we are now divorced he has moved on after 2 months apart he is dating and having the time of is life while I have found myself alone.
I think what your husband is doing is wrong in my opinion. Yes it is ok to have friends but what about including the wife?? Finding married couples to do things with or just guy friends?? There is more than just sexual affairs. Any thing distracting from the marriage is an affair.
If you have not done couseling please consider it before hanging up the towel it might help. If he really respected you he would listen to how you feel and consider giving up his friend. Get help first it is hard to go it alone. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 3/27/2006 2:35:07 PM | | I think his behavior is unacceptable. If you are not included I think something else is going on. Why aren't the 4 of you talking and hanging out? I had a similar experience but the female was apparently an old school friend that had not been contacted in 30 years. Anyway to make it short I told my sweetie to end it or leave. He chose to not have contact with this woman. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 3/27/2006 5:18:20 PM | ok. In that situation, he has already comitted adultry wether he had sex with her or not. Just the way he is towards her says it all. To begin with he had no reason to keep in constant contact with her. If he is friends with her husband, ok. But he does not need to meeting females to have as "just friends". If you would of met a guy and kept in contact with him and didn't tell your husband, how would he feel about it? he would be mad I'm sure. You don't need that jerk anyways. Best of Luck to You  | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 3/31/2006 7:35:32 PM | | I personally dont see a problem with men having female friends as I have alot of male firends....but it sounds like there is a little more to it in your situation. But I would say that before anything rash is done you should sit him down and talk to him. Relationships are supposed to be about communication. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 4:21:58 AM | Normally, it is not acceptable. However, have you asked yourself why your husband did what he did? Is he getting something he is not getting from you.
From your profile it seems you are already separated with him, is that right? Legally you are still married. And, if it is O.K. for you to seek conversation with anyone on the Internet, then it might be alright for him as well.
I don't mean to pick on you at all. I just want you to think in a different frame of mind. If you were not hostile, maybe you could have saved your relationship with your husband. Often, we stick with what we believe, even though sometimes we hear an inner voice telling us we might be wrong.
People deceive for a reason. Just make sure you don't give them the reason. Just some thoughts after reading your message. And, hopeful, we can carry on a meaningful conversation even though I am miles and miles away.
Rodineer | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:57:33 AM | | Hiding it makes the relationship suspect, whether it really is just a friendship or something potentially more. If it were in the open, then I see nothing wrong unless some line is crossed that makes it more than a friendship. The only mitigating circumstance here may be if you have jealousy issues that made him feel he had to hide it in order to have a friend and avoid your jealousy. If that is not the case, then he has stepped over the line of trust. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:00:49 AM | | There is nothing to save and yes I am separated thank you. It is not the first time he has sought female "friends" behind my back but it was the last. He ruined me emotionally, physically & financially and that has been his goal and accomplishment with every woman in his past with whom he has had a "relationship". They all hate him when they're done. He is a psychopath that believes his own lies, feels he has the right to do whatever he wants with whomever. For the record, he is not North American, he is from the Caribbean and South America. This seems to be their culture. I just wish I had known prior to our marriage 3 1/2 years ago. I was in a situation where we had to marry prior to his immigration to Canada which if anyone out there is looking to do, I would highly suggest they think twice. There are many message boards out there that can detail these experiences and they usually don't work out. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:22:23 AM | | He most definately is going to cheat. I was in a relationship for fourteen years and separated two years ago was that an eye opener for me as far as what men are really like, I am a hopeless romantic so I truely want to believe that there are a few good men that will not but the fact is I have 90% married or attached men interested in me. It really is sad and since I have been on this sight(only 3 days) I have had men read my profile and message me a couple of min. after I filled it out and they are attached and in the first couple of min into the conversation they are asking to meet up somewhere.They don't know me and they don't care they want sex outside their relationship and it does not matter with whom or who they are hurting.Be strong and don't let him make a fool out of you, you deserve better then that.If this was truely an inocent relationship then he should never have hidden it fron you, he has something to hide. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:25:35 AM | Women usually make this a one way street. Its ok for them to have male friends, but if yoiu have female friends they got to go. I sent my female friends away in my 1st relationship, because she was jealous, but she kept hwer exes and male friends around. I WILL NEVER DUMP ANY OF MY FRIENDS AGAIN MALE OR FEMALE for someone again. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:26:52 AM | | He most definately is going to cheat. I was in a relationship for fourteen years and separated two years ago was that an eye opener for me as far as what men are really like, I am a hopeless romantic so I truely want to believe that there are a few good men that will not but the fact is I have 90% married or attached men interested in me. It really is sad and since I have been on this sight(only 3 days) I have had men read my profile and message me a couple of min. after I filled it out and they are attached and in the first couple of min into the conversation they are asking to meet up somewhere.They don't know me and they don't care they want sex outside their relationship and it does not matter with whom or who they are hurting.Be strong and don't let him make a fool out of you, you deserve better then that.If this was truely an inocent relationship then he should never have hidden it from you, he has something to hide. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:35:44 AM | most definately NOT OK....
My ex never had many MALE friends...thought that was odd. He also said he clicked better with women..mm hmm big red flag. he sure did click better with women....
I'd be telling your partner straight up..ENOUGH!! | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 8:53:17 AM | Does this woman even know he's married?
Maybe you should give her a call... how do u know that SHE is married? You only know what he has told you.
I would DEFINATELY not be ok.... with my husband talking to another woman all the time... daily and texting...... That just leaves it way to open for the possibilty of crossing lines!
Now saying ur done... is pretty definate.... U didn't sit him down and explain how it looks... how it makes u feel.... and that he needs to end this relationship? (with her?) | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 9:15:09 AM | | I don't know if it is o.k. or not for married people to have friends of the opposite sex. In my experience it has been an emotional attachment that ruins a good thing, even when people aren't married. I think if another woman or mans involvement interfers with a relationship it is a red flag. Talking to this woman every day and the wee hours like others here have address, is odd and is something people do when very attached to another. Emotional affairs are just as bad, if not worse then sexual affairs, as they are harder to break because of the attachment. Married or not, I do not think you need to be cheated out of a full relationship and sure don't owe him an explainations, but you should tell him how you feel about this and then get on with your life. Best to you! | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 9:41:45 AM | I think it all depends on your trust towards him...how does he act? Is he sneaky about things? Has he lied before? Cheated before? and go with your gut, its usually right! And also, the truth will come out eventually, it always does...so just try not to think about it too much, because you didnt do anything wrong...stay strong and you will be ok...just make sure he knows what you will and will NOT tolerate...take care hun
or you can just kick him in the nuts, that one always makes ME laugh, lmao...just joking!! | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 12:02:23 PM | I think it sounds rather sneaky if u ask me. Secret txt msgs, him speaking to another married woman. Why would he do that to u? U are meant to be his wife his best friend. It's not like this is a female friend he has known for years who comes over and goes out with u shopping or on girlie nights and then meets him for snooker or coffee or whatever. I would have put my foot down right from the go get but probably kicked him out for awhile anyway if it was such an innocent thing why not introduce u both and be open about chatting if she is such a nice person why doesn't he want u to know her and value her friendship as he does hmmm gut instinct hun go with it tc xjx | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 12:19:25 PM |
ok. In that situation, he has already comitted adultry wether he had sex with her or not.
If that is adultery, a lot of people are in trouble.
To the OP you have a problem with his behavior, has he said anything about you looking for men to talk to on a dating site, this is of course based on your profile...seeking talk/email.
Sounds like you two need to sit down and do some serious talking. | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 12:41:21 PM | | this is how I see it but could be wrong,,, it wouldn't be the first time,, anyway's ,,I know married people do get on dateing site's,,if I was with someone, not even married, but just in a comminitment,, I would not be on a dateing site,,, even if it was just for email/talk,,, it's called temptation.. god will give all that we need,,,maby your husband feels that he should beable to have a friend,, as you do on the site's,,,and I think it could turn into something,, given time.. just as with you,, your mailing could turn into something if given the time and chance,, not saying you would be unfaithfull,, but there are some really great man, on this site,, that could or would swoop you off your feet,,,and you wouldn't even know it happened,, that how fast love or lust can happen,,,,so good luck,, be really sure this is what you both want,,,to end it,,,,,,,, | |
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| Is it ok for men to have female friends when they are married?
Posted: 4/1/2006 12:57:20 PM | sorry to hear about your husband. however i have many male friends that are just that who would do anything for me and i for them, not in a sexual way, but just friends. i do think that if they are just friends and he loves you then he will only want you to meet those friends and share their friendship as well. I agree if he has friendships behind your back then you need to worry, unless you are a jealous person then may be that is why he kept it from you. none the less if it is just friends you should know. For the record no one will ever keep me from my friends we all need friends no matter if they are male or female. Jealousy has no place in any relationship and only honesty will make it work. good luck
donna | |
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