| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 9:23:40 AM | I stumbled across a great article on MSN this morning, just thought I would share it with POFers that may have missed the message. Just in case copyright people come hunting my neck, here's the original link, but I'll paste the full article below the link anyway:
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Relationship Myth Busting
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Love is a mysterious thing -- or is it? We dispel the myths and uncover the simple facts.
By Ambrose Diaz
What kind of standards do you hold your relationship up to? Generally we have instincts that tell us whether we're in a positive relationship or not, but a lot of people live by some rather misguided perceptions of what a healthy relationship is.
These relationship myths are quite pervasive in our culture and have been passed down for years. Let's take this opportunity to clear the air and do some relationship 'myth busting'.
Love is enough
Oooh, we're starting with a biggie.
I'm a hopeless (helpless / hapless) romantic myself. It would be really nice if this one were true. We'd like to think that the love between two people can surmount all kinds of odds and obstacles, but there are severe limitations to that kind of thinking.
In the real world, where I sometimes live, differences about things like: money, family, long-term goals, kids (the list could go on a lot longer) can be deal-breakers.
External forces have a huge impact on our lives. To dismiss them is to be naive. While love can definitely help you get through some things, it's not enough in and of itself.
Your partner should be your best friend
One question - WHY?
Your best friend should be your best friend; your DOG should be your best friend. Your partner should be your partner.
That doesn't mean that there's no intimacy between the two of you. It doesn't mean that you can't share. It just means that you have a different relationship than you do with everyone else. That's a good thing.
Best friends exist so you can complain to them about your partner. If your best friend and partner are the same person, you've got a bit of a problem on your hands.
A healthy couple doesn't fight
Show me a couple that doesn't fight and I'll show you a ticking time bomb.
Fighting is healthy. Remember, it's not IF you fight - it's HOW you fight that is important. Arguments are differences of opinion. These differences make us unique and resolving a fight is how we continue to learn about each other.
And let's not forget about make-up sex. Although, don't do what I once did and tell your partner that you're "really looking forward to the make-up sex" in the middle of an argument.
If you're in love, you won't find others attractive
This one makes me howl with laughter, but it's amazing how many people believe it - or at least say that they believe it.
Look, being in love with someone doesn't mean that you suddenly go blind to beauty. Appreciating someone else's beauty does not equal wanting to be with them. As long as you're not making your partner feel inadequate, there's nothing wrong with pointing out someone else's attractiveness.
A healthy relationship has nothing to do with sex
Sex is incredibly important in a relationship. While the frequency of sex does tend to dwindle over time in a long-term relationship, the intimacy that comes from sex is hard to match.
In this case, we don't have to limit the term 'sex' to mean 'intercourse'. A display of affection in the form of kissing, touching, etc. is matchless in making us feel loved and secure.
Also, sex is fun - you heard it here first!
A good couple should be interested in the same things
It's important to have some similar interests. But, it's just as important to have different interests that you can take part in separately.
Don't try to make yourself like something just because your partner likes it. Faking it will lead to resentment and problems down the line. Personally, I can't help but think about all the money I wasted on those ballroom dancing lessons - yeesh!
I'll be happy once he/she changes
This is one of the biggest relationship myths around. A partner is NOT a project. The only thing you can change is yourself. Being involved with someone you would like to fundamentally change is a dead end street. Ask yourself this: "If I want this person to change who they are, then why am I with them in the first place?"
No one is perfect. You should make a point of accepting your partner's flaws and focus instead on celebrating what you admire and respect about them.
Keep myth busting
It takes courage and commitment to be involved in a relationship. Don't go jeopardizing a good thing by adhering to a false set of hand-me-down standards.
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END OF ARTICLE
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I'm sure we've all heard these things in various threads, but if you've been on the forums for longer than a day I'm sure you've come across a few whiners that could use this re-education... Spread the word and happy fishing!!! 
Tigerwoods0924  | |
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| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 9:50:52 AM | I'll be happy once he/she changes
This is one of the biggest relationship myths around. A partner is NOT a project. The only thing you can change is yourself. Being involved with someone you would like to fundamentally change is a dead end street. Ask yourself this: "If I want this person to change who they are, then why am I with them in the first place?"
No one is perfect. You should make a point of accepting your partner's flaws and focus instead on celebrating what you admire and respect about them.
This to me has to be the most important point made in your thread and something definitely to live by. It is all about celebrating the amazing things about your partner that initially attracted them to you in the first place. When you start pointing out flaws and trying to change who they essentially are then you are bound for downfall. I know this first hand and it is truly devastating.
Excellent thread..........a real joy to read.
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| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 10:03:58 AM | Glad to see people are enjoying it, I know I did, and that point about a partner not being a project is one I've been trying to hammer in the head of my best friend for the 2 years he's been with his GF. They fight daily, heck he even dumped her off at a bus stop in the middle of the night last night for crying out loud, yet when I ask him about it he says "I just hope she gets it and changes"... Man I've given up wasting my breath on that score 
The other point I liked was about how some people believe "loving someone means you won't look at anyone else"... That's simply hilarious, and each female (and occasional male) friend that has claimed that to me I've laughed at squarely in the face You're in love, you're not DEAD (though some may feel like it  ) I would never leer obsessivley at a girl if I was taken, but I'm going to get a glance in passing...  | |
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| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 10:10:01 AM | ^^^^^^^^^
As long as you have eyes in your head , you WILL look and a partner that gets jealous of that is just purely insecure with themselves or the relationship.
You should definitely not feel dead in a relationship but fully ALIVE and ready to take it all on!
This should get some interesting posts........good way to spend the afternoon, but I need to go exercise........
enjoy the day all | |
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jo_13
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Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 11:10:49 AM | lol, the Not Looking part got to me! So many people seem to think that!
I just had a conversation the other day with a friend of mine, here's the general idea:
Him: You'll never be in a monogomous relationship
Me: Excuse me? what?
Him: You're always checking out guys! You'd never be able to stop doing that!
Me: Ok...monogomy does not mean i stop looking...
Him: It doesn't?
Me: *banging head on the table* NO!!!!! It just means you don't act on it!
Him: Oh...i see...
And yes, this conversation did actually take place. Well, maybe not the banging of the head part since we were in a restaurant, but you get the general idea.
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| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 11:18:32 AM | Hey Jo,
Thanks for sharing, nice to hear from yet another sane young lady that has witnessed this disturbing phenomenon amongst some people...
I'm looking at your profile pics, and I can certainly say I like what I see, yet I would not act on it for three reasons: a) I have someone I am very much interested in at the moment, b) I'm too old for you, and c) you live a few thousand km away
I hope you see my point here people: you can look, appreciate another's beauty and not touch, nor drool. I have always loved the beauty of women, that fact doesn't change whether I'm taken or not... What DOES change is whether I pursue it, and that is what monogamy (or in the case of my early courtship - happily interested), is all about 
Keep on sharing people, we're making good ground here
P.S.: Just in case readers onyl jump in on my last post, I will recap that the topic of this thread is the article posted at the top, we are simply having some fun with one of the points raised in it at the moment, but the full article is open to discourse... | |
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| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 11:56:38 AM | | The article summarizes these ideas very nicely, though of course they've been around awhile. They are ideas I've lived by these past 6 years, and I've had a very successful relationship as a result. | |
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jo_13
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Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 10 | |
| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 12:04:52 PM | lol, thanks Tiger, may i return compliment?
Another point in the article was the best friend part. I fully agree that there has to be a separation of the relationships. I would never tell the guys i date the things i tell my best friend. Those are two completely different relationships and should be treated as such. | |
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| Relationship Myth Busting
Posted: 3/20/2006 12:53:40 PM | ^^^^
Yes Muffy i realize this article is but a drop in the bucket of advice on relationships, and that there are no new concepts here. I just found it so succinctly fun to read that I couldn't help sharing it with the POF community...
A little reminder never hurt anyone, and I'd love to hear more than just one line of your input on the subject since you have some great posts...
P.S.: Jo_13 I'll put you on my favorite's list in case I ever find myself single and shipped out to Calgary and you don't mind older men  | |
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jo_13
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Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 13 | |
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