| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/21/2006 8:14:58 PM | | I've been single a little over two years. I can't seem to find anyone. I don't go out to clubs like I use too. It's hard because all my friends are with someone, and they invite me to places, but I feel like a third wheel. Its getting harder to find someone just to hang out with. I email women on here in my area, I get no responses. I don't think I'm ugly, maybe not the cutest. I think I have an outgoing personality. I guess I'm asking for advice, mainly from the ladies here, because I feel ladies speak from the heart. Men try to be macho or don't think before they speak. Should I go to clubs? I don't believe that's a good way to meet women. I've been told grocery stores are a great way to meet women... Yeah like I know what to say with a shopping cart full of groceries. ARGH... This is hard....HELP | |
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SWJJA
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Joined: 2/18/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/21/2006 9:06:00 PM | Hey dude,
I know its hard man. Online dating especially for guys isn't what its all cracked up to be. I guess I keep replying to posts by guys complaining (sorry i hate to use that word) expressing concernm how they are having major difficulty in not just connecting with someone, but getting responses from emails.
I try to make this brief since I have written numurous posts regarding this.
the vast majority of online dating sites are comprised of far more men than women. On average the ratios can be as many as 5 guys to one girl; therefore we are up against major competitiion. Unfortuantely its not as simple as just sending out a bunch of emails and waiting for the replies. this takes serious pork, tinkering with profiles, read up on ways to improve your chances, I did a little bit of ll of that and it just recently began to pay off in the way of I seem to be receiving a much more consostent stream of responses from mostly attractive women, not on this site but on some other pay sites. Being that said i still have not found what I am looking for.
Good luck to you!! | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/21/2006 10:06:17 PM | Don't give up. Its hard for everyone. You either meet some one's expectations or you don't. Its a hard pill to swallow. "Lifes a dance you learn as you live...."
Take heart that some one out there is looking for some one just like you. I usually find what I'm looking for when I'm not looking for it.......like my remote control......I know its around here some where. 
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/21/2006 10:56:54 PM | re: Thread: It's getting harder
--- hopefully penetrating beneath the surface will provide some ... solution.
I guess I'm asking for advice, mainly from the ladies here, because I feel ladies speak from the heart. Men try to be macho or don't think before they speak.
This perhaps could be one source of the trouble. As a man, I screw up just as much as any other, but damn if I'm going to sell my gender out like this. Macho as it may sound, does a woman really want to go out with a guy and have a venting party about men? This does not sound like a healthy attitude and this is one reason the so-called "jerks" do so well. They aren't making excuses for who they are nor dismissing their entire gender. I'm sure there are "jerk" like qualities that neither your or I can condone, but that's only a fraction of who they are. I'm not stating to go out and be the "jerk/macho" stereotype or anything... but personally, the last thing I'd suggest is asking for a woman to groom you on how to be.
Your profile isn't dull. You seem to have varied interest. I'd suggest looking in the paper for related events. I'm a night shift worker and working waaaay to many hours and sleeping during the day. I see that you have a child and perhaps you too have a situation that may prevent being as sociable. Do you approach women that you find interesting? If so, then what type or responses are you receiving. If not, then what types of obstacles are you facing?
If you model yourself after what women's magazines or perhaps many women here 'claim' is an ideal man, then sure... you'll be sensitive, gentle, a good listener etc... but the objective is to be yourself in the public eye - rather than being a carbon copy of some cookie-cutter ideal. | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 1:12:18 AM |
I'm sure you will find someone. Love happens when we least expect it. Good luck to you and don't give up.
Carrie | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 3:00:57 AM | i know how ya feel, I'm the only single person i know, lol. yeah people invite me places but I always decline cause it just seems like they are trying to be polite or feel sorry for me, and damn i can't find a single man willing to be seen in public with me  . and i'm so sick of attracting married men, lol. oh well
hang in there you're a very good looking guy and hopefully i'll all work out for you | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:47:27 AM | | Thank you all for the encouraging words. I just can't seem to meet anyone, and it's annoying, because I'm not getting any younger.. | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:08:42 AM | Usually when you least expect it you meet someone. Personally I believe the odds are against you when it comes to internet dating. Generally speaking, the statistics speak for themselves. (lol i wish i had them but i do remember reading them..and they werent very good) You are more opt to meet someone if you are out with friends---the grocery store..umm in my opinion has been overdone...usually when I go shopping --lol I want to get it done and get the heck outta there. Put on an air of confidence and happiness that is what attracts me --I cant speak for all women but..a sense of humer goes along way as well. As for the "not getting any younger" comment geeze you got lots of time...try to enjoy yourself...Life is too short to worrry about that. | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:29:27 AM | I do feel for your discontent. It's very hard to look at everyone else who seems happily involved when you're not, that just plain sux!!!
My philosophy however, has always been, I would much rather be alone than in the wrong relationship, the price we pay for that is way more than I will ever be willing to pay. I've been flying solo for a very long time now that that is by choice.
It does pay off to be picky, trust me on this. Just settling for what comes along to be in a relationship will suck far worse than your worst day being alone.
Get involved in things that you enjoy doing, i.e. hobbies, sports etc. than take those classes or join those clubs or associations. You'll meet many like minded people of both sexes. The chances than of finding a little romance will be much higher. What helps is that you will both have a common interest to share and that is always a great beginning.
Blessings,
Witchy | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:31:20 AM | | Brand new, thank you, looks like I need or should accept some of these invites? I just hate being the single one, I feel like a 3rd wheel.. When I'm grocery shopping, all I want is to be out of there ASAP... Any suggestions? | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:36:13 AM | | Witchy, very good points, I have many hobbies and interest and joining a club for these might be hard, but worth it. I hate being alone, it sucks... Thank you | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:59:47 AM | You're a real honey Atoneman, if you were closer to me, I'd be robbing the cradle all over the place. Hang in there and change your mindset just a bit. Instead of saying over and over that you can't find anybody (only reinforces said dilemma), try visualizing the end result. That is you involved with the right partner and relationship for you. After all the mind is a very powerful thing.
You can also ask all your friends if they know anybody who they think would be a good match for you. Who would know you better than your friends, besides your own mother. Of course I don't advocate dear mom setting you up, but you never know, LOL.
Network my friend and be positive.
Blessings,
Witchy | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:05:09 AM | Another point to ponder....... chicks dig puppies, LOL. I have stopped many people walking their dogs to first schmooze up the canine and maybe start up a conversation with the person on the other end of the leash. Just a thought.
Just recently got a new dog myself, not for those purposes of course, LOL. But hey...... if somebody wants to make a connection because of Max??? I'm good to go and he is a beauty.
Blessings,
Witchy | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:29:47 AM | Witchy, that was very sweet of you. Thank you for the pointers, they come in handy. You been a great help, let's just hope a lady comes around soon enough. Either way summer is about here, and the tanning begins. Thanks again..
-Atone | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 11:45:48 AM | Maybe you are approaching the issue the wrong way.
I never e-mail a woman expecting her to correspond with me. If she does, fine, if she does not, that is also OK....
Well, since i am not really looking, all I do is share a joke. Women are very receptive when they sense a guy is looking for love. They do not really respond to all the e-mails they get, but rather to those that catch their attention.....
Try to write simple, non engaging e-mails where you can sound relaxed.... This way you can try to build something up. If nothing happens, move on to the next. Someone will notice you. Keep your options open, go out and meet women, flirt with them....The worst thing you can do is set your sights in one person only.... | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:26:20 PM | | LOL well maybe we can help each other out cause geeze I hate that shopping thing...lmao...lets work together..lmao we can get through this together...lol | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:47:13 PM | I definetly feel your pain. Being single is not easy for men or women.
First, your pretty cute, so I don't think your looks are the problem. So, that leaves attitude. When you go out with friends are you grumpy or depressed?
Maybe you should take a break from POF dating. I found online dating to be depressing at times b/c you don't always meet high quality people. And your talking to a computer. Interacting with people face to face is much more fun, and spirit lifting.
I would start to accept my friends invitation. It gets you out of the house and keeps you busy. And who knows, maybe you will meet another third wheel of the female variety and bond over the fact that you are both third wheels.
The only way to meet people is to get off the computer and out in the real world.
I wouldn't reley on POF or other dating sites to improve your situation. I just don't have a lot of faith in them.
Also, getting a dog is not a bad idea. They are great companions, and I have dated guys that I met b/c I started to pet there dog at a park or somewhere else.
I hope this helps | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:59:17 PM | I suggest joining a dance or yoga class. I think those are the only groups with reversed guy/girl ratios. Good luck  | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 4:21:57 PM | Hey man u know what its all in time !!!!!
when u least expect it she is going to fall right on u !!!!
Yes go to bars !!!!! You would be surprised who u might meet!!
U may feel like the third wheel .........but your friends r there to be your guardian angel to!!!
thats what friends r for !!!!
if something was to go wrong at a bar......like a girl all over u drunk...he man in the same bar.....its good to have back up....your friends | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 4:48:22 PM | They say "you'll never meet your wife at a bar." Which is mostly true. Two of my buddies have defied that saying.
Something else that's super cliche is women can sense despiration. Y'know, by the way you present yourself, be it in writing or in person. Be macho. Be a jerk. Be sensitive. Be a caring individual. Just be you, man. Sounds really gay and Dr. Phil-ish, but it's true.
You just watch. Be cool, get out, have fun. Relax. See what happens. | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 5:01:39 PM | In this as in life, when we are too goal orientated we just keep pushing the event out in front of us.... step back and just bring the love and the enjoyment to the game...only for the sake of the game.... not the results.
Now you have opened the door to magic... and when you've got the mojo workin for you, you will be hot. Remember just bring the love of the game and every else takes care of itself.
Martin
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 5:10:03 PM | | Take a chance on us Canadian gals...I, for one, have no trouble relocating if it's right. | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 5:19:06 PM | I think you are adorable! Don't give up. You will meet someone.
As for advice. Just start talking to people, without expectations. Smile at people, say hello. Do things with your friends. You never know when or where you will meet someone.
At the grocery store....We all have to go! Ask women for help. We love that! Or just be bold and compliment her! It may end there, but it can build your confidence and make you feel good about brightening someone's day. | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:22:42 PM | Wow, alot of great advice, all truly noted. I don't rely on POF for dates, but if you see someone you might be interested in, why not shoot them an email. I don't come to strong or eager, just wanna meet new people and hang out.
BTW: You Canadians are hott, no joke....
MyBlue, thank you, I will try that next time I'm shopping. Asking for womens help huh? I always thought they would say "there goes another man who can't do things for himself". Is that really off beat?? Myblue, I think your a sexy woman also..
-Atone | |
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| It's getting harder
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:34:30 PM | I've got to tell you...if my brother ever reads this...he will kill me.
My brother is on this site...he's your regular blue collar joe. Decent looking, a little extra weight...
The only time he goes to the bar is for a POF function that i wind up dragging him to.
I'll tell you, he's having NO problems meeting women...THE REASON WHY.
He has more personality and charisma than anyone I know...he is always smiling and has enough nerve to walk up to a complete stranger and start a conversation...usually something a little cheeky and a little funny. He does'nt worry about looking like a fool, he'll get up and dance with anyone. IT'S his CONFIDANCE...it shows through the fog of people and acts like a homing beacon for woman...
Best of luck... | |
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