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 curlyman44
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 1
burn victimsPage 1 of 1    
do you think burn victims, should be taken for who they are as a person, instead of people judging a book by its cover ? I would like to hear some responses to this, because the dating scene is hard enough now, but if your a burn victim, its even harder.....thank you very much, and i would appreciate your thoughts on this, because i know i'm not the only one who has ever got burnt, and has alot of scars
 kitkat45
Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 2
burn victims
Posted: 3/25/2006 8:22:13 AM
Truck? We all have our scars....the war wounds of living life as I like to refer to them...I agree, dating today does have its ups and downs for sure...anyone that would let your scars keep them away is not someone worth being with anyway! Good luck to you...there is a fishee somewhere with your hook in its mouth...ya just gotta wind her in!
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 3
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burn victims
Posted: 3/25/2006 8:23:58 AM
Wouldn't it be a perfect world if we were all selected for relationships based soley on our personalities. You should never be judged on your appearance and hopefully people will see beyond your scars and see you for the person you portray. Unfortunaltely you will come up against people who cannot or will not be able to do that. Never give up hope that the person willing to love you is out there and waiting. We all have the ability to love and be loved regardless of our appearance, keep a positive outlook.
 jeepbooy
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 4
burn victims
Posted: 3/25/2006 8:24:36 AM
My moms brother was burned at his job. a steam valve burst open. Sent him 20 ft to the ground. He was burned 85% of his body. He lives his life like he has no scars!!!!!
 doggg
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 5
burn victims
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:43:15 AM
We've all been burnt in one way or another, either literally or proverbially.
Visible scars are nothing to worry about or be ashamed of.
It's those "invisible scars" that are easily hidden and tucked away by a potential mate that can be kinda scary, if they're not properly addressed or openly dealt with.
 jeepbooy
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 6
burn victims
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:52:37 AM
^^^^^^^^^SO TRUE!!
 shadow rider
Joined: 4/2/2005
Msg: 7
burn victims
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:49:17 AM
I have many scars all over my body. Not from burns but from several operations I had to go through. Still have to have one more. I was worried about it at first. But now I don't even think about it. Most people are going to like you because you are the person you are. They won't even give them a second thought.
 petgirl
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 8
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burn victims
Posted: 4/5/2006 6:45:29 PM
I too have an abdomen like a road map, and am completely comfortable with that. Several surgeries have left my belly less than prestine ( not like it was to begin with anyway). A friend commented that I wear my scars like a badge of honor- and after some reflection, I concured. They are a symbol of the struggles I have had, and overcome- therefore having a direct impact on who I am on the inside. Like leanne, I agree it would be wonderful if we were all "judged" ( for lack of a much better word, strictly for who we are on the inside. Alas, life isn't like that, especially the dating scene! LOL. But, as I have said numerous times, true beauty radiates from within for those who care to see it.
 Melissa*C1987
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 9
burn victims
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:34:49 AM
Yes I do. I do not judge those who are physically hurt. I only judge those who are totally itno themselves and that they think they need to be highly maintained. The dating scene is hard enough, thats a fact. For a burn victim it would be hard, the society is based upon appearances, and I for one hate that. Beauty is not so much "skin deep" rather " soul deep".

And to respond to those single men who are horribly burnt, about 60%-100%, I am searching for you. If your heart is made of gold and you have a good soul, but affraid to have a relationship with a beautiful woman, look me up :) I may be the one you have been searching for.
 phly phat
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 10
burn victims
Posted: 9/9/2007 2:52:52 PM
^^^^^Wow, you really did dig deep to bring up this ole thread. It's good to see that the "thread search" function works and is actually being utilized properly, once in a while. It is a good thread though; I'm glad that it's still available for all to view that may be suffering from any form of physical prejudices; simply to read and seek some level of comfort in knowing that not all persons are judged purely on the exterior.

This guy offered a truly superb opinion to this discussion:

We've all been burnt in one way or another, either literally or proverbially.
Visible scars are nothing to worry about or be ashamed of.
It's those "invisible scars" that are easily hidden and tucked away by a potential mate that can be kinda scary, if they're not properly addressed or openly dealt with.

LMFAO... of course I'm being a lil biased as I am that artist formerly known as "do(g to third power)"... but I still do stick to that opinion to this day!

O.T.- Physical burns or scar tissue would'nt turn me off of meeting someone, in any manner. But then again, I'm not a self-absorbed superficial individual neither. It's the person inside that actually counts, or should count anyways. Burns or scars are only a tiny speck of any individual's past life experience. No one should should be discriminated against solely on the fact that they once endured and triumphantly survived a personal injury. That merely highlights visible proof of their strength and courage, in most cases. Be proud of your victories; and never let the weaknesses of others oppress your own personal glory.
 unusualguy26
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 11
burn victims
Posted: 10/15/2007 12:12:36 PM
Hi WHATEVER1987

I had accidentally hit the 'Block user' button instead of the 'Reply' button when I tried to reply to your last message. Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. After I unblocked you, it seems that I myself got blocked by you. I couldn't find any other way to contact you than through this forum. (Moderators please don't delete this, as this is clearly an unintentinal situation).
 Mom2Beagle
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 12
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burn victims
Posted: 10/15/2007 1:00:48 PM
It is unfortunate that people can be so shallow, but anyone that isn't what society considers the "norm" can have a hard time in the dating scene - that goes for fat people, very thin people, short people, tall people, people with visible scars, missing limbs, disabilities etc.

Leanne, I totally agree with you, it would be a perfect world if people could see past the physical appearance. I look at it this way, though - anyone who would reject me solely on my weight or looks or scars or missing digit etc., is the one who is losing out, not me. And I don't need someone like that in my life.

To the OP, if you are still reading the forums, I wish you the best of luck and hope you've found someone special.
 Melissa*C1987
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 13
burn victims
Posted: 11/12/2007 10:58:42 AM
LOL, no I'm not mad. Don't let it happen again. Or I'll throw a snowball at you when and if snow comes.
 jeeprennie
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 14
burn victims
Posted: 11/12/2007 12:38:07 PM
Burn victims are no different than anyone else in this respect...Of course they shouldn't be judged by appearance alone. That's "Shouldn't".
Are people judged on the basis of appearance every day, here and in RT?? Of course they are!! It's basic human nature.
That being said, be patient. There are non-judgemental people out there.
 spankyw2
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 15
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burn victims
Posted: 8/23/2009 7:40:40 PM
I copied the article below from another site, because sometimes I struggle with self esteem problems, even though my burn is not that bad, and I am a musician, so people are always looking at me. But anyway the article below is so true.


As a disabled person it's hard enough to find the love of your life, and if you struggle with self-esteem issues, it will be nearly impossible. Your nerves may eat you alive before you ever go on a first date. Or you might turn away potential mates because you are too insecure with yourself. The key to attracting the right person is to exude confidence, so that no matter what your physical handicap, people will know you are worth something and they will want to be around you.

If your thoughts are constantly consumed with what you think he or she is thinking about you, your self-consciousness will make the date meaningless and maybe even unsuccessful. You have just missed a wonderful opportunity to get to know your date and let him or her get to know you, from your handicap to your favorite song. Don't ignore your disability, but don't let it be the main focus either.

Your personality will ultimately matter more than your disability. It is true that your physical limitations are a part of who you are, just as your hair color or the size of your nose. But that's just it: it is a part of who you are, not all of who you are. If you figure this out, so will everybody else, and you will be all the more closer to meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right.
 curious2bhere
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 16
burn victims
Posted: 8/24/2009 11:09:30 AM
In todays society, many people go by judging the "cover." Rarely will they take a look at the personality of individuals. Relax and be yourself keep positive!! Don't give up someone you meet will look beyond the scars and see the real you for who you are.
Peace out
 dougcoward
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 17
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burn victims
Posted: 12/30/2009 11:24:12 PM
I'm not usually a pessimist but i tend to expect the superficial view points of the norm, as a burn survivor it is tough i'm very close to giving up on the whole 'Some people don't judge a book by its cover'. well as a book im gonna judge based on whats written in the pages and now i am starting to search for a burn survivor's only dating site, cause if i look clearly at the situation im getting nowhere painfully slow, and just maybe no one out there other than another burn survivor will accept me, but that will be when/if i find a site dedicated strictly to burn survivors. anyway when all else fails look at your current situation even those who desire people to see past your scars you are also guilty if you go for a girl/guy that you know is gonna shoot you down, basically you expect them to see the real you while you try to find the eye candy, and a lot of people including myself are guilty of that. that very problem is what has caused me to stay single for nearly six years now, just try not to make the same mistake.
 dougcoward
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 18
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burn victims
Posted: 1/11/2010 11:27:50 PM
just an end note; life in today's society is unfairly stacked against those who aren't seen as "beautiful"
 pit bull
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 19
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burn victims
Posted: 12/12/2010 9:14:02 PM
I here ya on this i got burnt when i was 10 and well living life threw school was hard and now being 27 its realy hard to find some one that looks past that. i jsut stop looking maybe some one will find me lol well life has been hard but im getting threw it one day at a time thats all i can do. i wish i could take that day back but in a way i think were wold i be in my life now. well a Q i will never will know the answer too lol but its good to see that some people put this out on the table cause i would of never thought of it.
 123jewell
Joined: 6/29/2010
Msg: 20
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burn victims
Posted: 6/1/2011 1:43:06 PM
I too am a burn survivor and personally think that it would be great to date another burn survivor. They would not only have more in common, but I wouldn't feel as though I had to hide or feel bad about my scars. Society has a way of catagorizing us as though we are handicapped. Even some thinking we have mental disabilities from our injuries. We shoud all be accepted as who we are on the inside, letting that person flow out and letting themselves be seen.
 alpha8t5
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 21
burn victims
Posted: 7/18/2011 7:48:10 PM
The tricky thing here is the word "should." What should or should not be the case is very, very different from what is the case. Do I think people will stop being shallow and stop judging books by their covers? No. We judge a book by its cover because it is efficient to do so. Our sense of sight comprises 90% of our perceptual abilities. There is simply too much information in this day and age that we cannot afford to get to know everyone in depth. So we screen, filter, and apply stereotypes.

Should people stop being shallow? Yes. Will it ever happen? I doubt it.

You have my sympathies OP. Discrimination (in any form) sucks. But like I said, I don't think people will ever stop discriminating. Discrimination simply means choosing, and choice implies scarcity. We live in a world of scarce resources.
 Wakeboarding Guy
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 22
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burn victims
Posted: 9/29/2011 2:56:43 PM
I put on 46lbs from weightlifting. You bet people treat me different. I've had a variety of injuries putting me in casts, and go to the Safeway in a tanktop where the cashier calls me "man", and back again in my suit where he calls me sir. All these different outward projections produce a variety of different responses. I don't even want to tell you the stories my black friend has from growing up in the south. Like it or not, we WILL be treated by how we look. I personally, could never date anyone I am not attracted to. Sorry, just the way it is.
 fireball49
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 23
burn victims
Posted: 10/23/2011 8:05:24 AM
well i have a burnt story to beat all of these and not only did i escape injury but literally got burnt twice by the same person. i got burnt out of my house and lost everything i had since i was a kid. all my possessions i saved for my kids were lost in a recent fire and when i say i got burnt twice i mean it literally. she was a friend who developed a crush on me and when i rejected her advances when i found out she was a lesbian in love with me she burnt us out of our home. she was a nutjob and a headcase i knew nothing about. so am starting over again from scratch and will be more careful who i befriend then next time. however, i am not a bitter woman and have chalked this one up to a learning experience for sure and am moving ahead and not looking back. in fact i am writing my next bestseller out of that story for all to read about and maybe something good will come out of it. i hope she gets the mental help she needs out of this experience as she is one messed up woman for sure. it has made me a stronger woman in spite of it all.
 Yes45
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 24
burn victims
Posted: 10/27/2011 9:29:16 PM
Why are all these posts so old ? Comeon guys, 2006 ... really ?
 fireball49
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 25
burn victims
Posted: 10/28/2011 7:52:33 AM
mine just happened in august of this year
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