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| Men reaching age 50 + [CLOSED]
Posted: 3/25/2006 8:18:09 PM | So, after nearly 6 years of being single and venturing on and off online dating sites, I have reached an age where men older than myself write often (for the first 5 years, I was rarely contacted by anyone my age or older.) In the past two months, I have conversed with 7 men older than myself. I started to notice that every single one of them was 49. I then searched profiles for nearly two days, and I realized that 49 is an amazingly popular age. I finally began asking questions, and in the end, of those 7....6 lied about their ages. They were all young to mid 50's. For me, men aged 45 is really pushing the age limit that I am comfortable with. I don't understand. Why is 50 so distasteful? If you finally get to a point where meeting is an option, isn't it possible we might figure out you aren't what you profess to be??? I'm perplexed.  | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:14:31 PM | You mentioned that 45 was really pushing it?
Perhaps it is that prejudice that prompts men to fudge a bit on their age...
BUT you are coming into an age where many, of both genders, trim a few years (or more)
off their age. While 40 has been described as the new 30, that has not continued to be the case in the eyes of many... 50 is still 50, especially to those who are around 40 and feeling younger than they thought they would at 40...
BUT that could just be my theory and, perhaps, I am wrong.
Doesn't happen often but,,, | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:47:22 PM | There's nothing wrong with 50.
If you're my MOM.
I believe that age does matter in a relationship, generally speaking and I would never date someone 18 years older then me. Now, if I was in my 40's I don't think I would care. However, I think that 50 is undesirable for older women because once you hit 50 you're on your way to old age and our society stupidly values youth. I'm NOT saying 50 is OLD, okay? But it's ON THE WAY.
Up until about 50 years of age you fall into a certain category in society. After 50 your role/place changes and that place is not valued or easily accepted. | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:53:59 PM | I don't understand why people lie about their age. I, myself, have typically dated older men. 50 sounds like a good age to me!  | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 10:42:03 PM | | Your response is exactly why I am so perplexed....just because I don't prefer those older than myself, certainly doesn't mean all women feel that way. I will tell you, when I clearly state that I prefer those younger....it's the older ones that get nasty. Ummmm.....should I remind them, I'm younger (than them) hypocritcal at best!!! | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 10:50:30 PM | | Hmmmm...so me being more comfortable with those younger is a "cause" for someone to be a liar?? OK ?!?!?!? Isn't that hypocritical? I am younger than they are.....????? Here's the reality as I see it...I look very young, I am proud to put 41 on my profile. I could easily put 35, and most likely not be found out. But, WHY?????? There are many many women who love older men. To each their own, but the only purpose served by lying is to begin a potentially new situation with a lie. I actually had one man blame me for the dishonesty....oh hell no....that is just ridiculous. One person's prejudice can't make someone's else ethical stance deteriorate...if they are lying about their age, they are probably lying about other things. Sorry, not arguing with you...I am just really upset with this entire issue!! | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 10:50:55 PM | I have dated women that are in their 30's and look almost 50, and some 50 that looked much closer to their 30's. Is it not what you look like, and how you fit with the one you are with, more than the age on your birth certificate?
If I am with someone and we look good together, feel good together and enjoy being together, why is that not the most important thing?
I guess I have to ask the maker of this thread a question........If you feel that 50 is not so distasteful, then why do you have your limits set so low? Are you telling me that if you met some man 46 that looked 36, was in shape, educated, decent looking and liberal, you would not be interested? Compare that to a man in his 30's with an IQ of 98 out of shape, looks much older, and believes that the Bush family should become the next royal family, and he is within your dating age standards, then what?
We as a society have still put that curtain up for those that are 50 and older, just as we have for models that turn 30. You ask any 20 year old and they will say 40 is ancient, and then ask a 30 year old and they will say 50, and on it goes until we are that age. I think you the maker look great for a 40 year old, but that is me and I am older then that, and if you ask that kid of 20 he may just think you look older then his mother......do you feel that way? I know that I do not, in any area.
Just my opinion...... | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 10:52:29 PM |  Exactly!!!!!! My step-father is 52...he's great for my Mother, but NO WAY!!!! | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:00:04 PM | If your step-father looked younger and better than you......then WHY NOT? Do you not think that it could happen?
I was with someone recently at work who is a very dear friend, and my age, but has had suffered much with cancer and other problems and someone thought that her daughter was her grandchild and that I was the childs father........meaning omg.....she could be my mother.
I learned a long time ago that you never say never......just say.....let me open that door and find out......
Just my opinion..... | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:06:00 PM | | I know at least two guys here that admitted to saying 49 or 50 so they wouldn't be excluded in search criteria. How amazingly pathetic, when they're 50 plus. Age isn't a big factor to me, unless you're the age of my children. Lying however, IS!! | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:16:43 PM | bucs.....
You are right as usual and I respect you greatly along with your thoughts and opinions in threads....... And with that said, I wish all would think like you and maybe the age criteria would just be eliminated to allow those attracted to each other to just enjoy the experience......
I guess I better just head for that 60+ forum and see what happens.....
Just my opinion.... | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:21:19 PM | | Thanks deacon. Actually I met one of these guys for coffee earlier this year. B. S. before Sasquatch...haha. He's a very attractive man, smart, funny. He wrote me later and said congrats on finding my man and said he had put 50 so he would get more "hits". Too bad, he's not going to like it when and if he meets these women and tells them how old he is. I just hope he sees how wrong that is and gets right with it, otherwise he'll be wearing the next few coffees...haha. | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:24:39 PM | | ~C~ My age-appropriate numbers come from many years of being single and realizing that I share very little with those older than myself. Unfortunately, 10 years can make a vast difference in life-experiences. I appreciate what you are saying, and I think it's great that you feel as you do. So to answer your question, if someone happened to be 30-ish, fit, etc. but conservative, 98 IQ, would I date him?? No...I would not. That would be silly. There would be no commonality between us. My personal preferences run much much deeper than just age. This thread was put here because I am sooooo sick of being lied to (and yes, I realize anyone can lie.) In addition, I am not so shallow that I do not look at "who" the person is regardless of age, but, as of this moment, I have yet to meet a man over 45 who is willing accept me for who I am. They want to change me. I don't seem to have that issue with those +5 or -5 years. And I couldn't agree more, I am not for everyone, nor do I want to be...I just would like to be approached with honesty and sincerity. (BTW....if that was a compliment in there, thank you!!!) | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:32:34 PM | verygreen It's fine to have preferences, we all do. No need to explain or apologize for them. We have experiences that shape our thinking and tastes and the relating thing I can definitely....well relate to!! It's hard to find someone where there is a larger age gap that has the same tastes and likes/dislikes. I do get a bit tired of someone trying to explain away someone else's preferences finished up usually with you don't know what you're missing. That's like nails on the chalkboard to me. Yes, that may be true but they're the ones that chose to "miss something" so it IS their loss, then why is it someone else who's griping about it. That always just confounds the heck outta me.
Just stick with what you're comfortable with and what works for you. And forget about what anyone else has to say about it. It's your life and your choices to make. | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:33:17 PM | Like I said, it's not only about physical appearance...a 56 year old who looks 40, is still 56. And he probably told me he is 49!!!!!!! (GRRRRR) My step-father is extremely handsome, young looking and acting, but....he experienced Korea, I experienced Desert Storm; he had free love and frivolous sex, I got in on ground zero of Hiv/AIDS; he had John Lennon, I had 80's big hair bands...again, it's about a lot more than age...but this thread is about lying. I still don't get it. I once met a man who was a wonderful person, yet he should up and had made gross misrepresentations about his weight...I didn't see him again, not because he was overweight, because he was a liar.  | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:39:54 PM | 10 years age difference is usually about the most that works for most couples - more than that, and the cultural differences often come into play. But I've known happy couples with a greater age difference, and my SO is 8 years younger. A lot depends on health, well-being, and attitude.
It is more about compatibility than age, and of course honesty is always important. As a Buddhist, try looking at this with nondiscriminating mind to see yourself in other and other in yourself. You may see some of these older men differently than you do now, but I'm not saying that will necessarily make any of them more attractive to you! | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/26/2006 2:02:17 PM | A lot of people lie about their ages, and a lot of people get angry when someone they're interested in cites age as a problem. They all need to remember, there is no accounting for personal taste/preference. That's why it's personal. Lying about ones age, height, weight or anything else is just silly if you plan on meeting the person to whom you've lied. What a way to waste time, money and expectations for two people.
Lynn (who's only 29 and has been for the last 19 years) | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 18 | |
| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/26/2006 2:03:32 PM | | It's a shame that someone has the compelling reason to lie about their age.. Nothing to be ashamed about our age.. Lying is a deal breaker for me.. I've met quite a few men that are in their mid 50's, nice fellas, but they acted "old"... This has been most of my experience, is too many of them don't want to try new restaurants; travel to new places; much less think outside of the box.. I hate to say it is an "age" thing, and I truly hope it isn't.. For me, he has to be young at heart and think outside of the box, if he fits that criteria, the numbers on his cake become irrelevant. | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/26/2006 2:17:24 PM |
too many of them don't want to try new restaurants; travel to new places; much less think outside of the box..
Lord save me from those who are stuck in a rut......sheesh. Given the choice between SSDD and somewhere new and possibly different, I'll opt for the new one every time. | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/26/2006 2:32:12 PM | I'm confused, there are some of us that are 50+, and have given an honest profile, but it appears to me from the forums I read that honest profiles don't get replies.
Which do you prefer?
And if I had a lopsided swing (+/-) in age that I was looking for, with the larger swing to the minus side, am I not at a position that I would want a more mature person? | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/26/2006 2:57:00 PM | | holes of line. day light is burning Because the answer is if we men are that means we just past mid life and even if we hit we are already on the back | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/26/2006 3:09:37 PM | I guess what I'm perplexed about, OP, is why, if you're so uncomfortable with men over the age of 45, you chose to unburden yourself with your ageism in a forum clearly marked OVER 45? I mean really, as long as the guy is over 45, it sounds like he's turned into the male version of a crone in your book, so what's another few revolutions of the earth around the sun among a group you obviously won't date with a 10 foot pole? It begs the queston: Why are you here? Remember, we're being brutally honest here, playing the game by rules you've set down.
And why just men? Is it because women NEVER lie about their age? Nono, couldn't be, right?
Because I stay fit despite a serious illness in recent years, I can pass for late 30s. I don't make it a habit to broadcast my age. And upon meeting in public, I wouldn't tell you, either. I figure if you're prejudiced in some manner, you'll be (using your own logic) prejudiced in others. Goose. Gander. Kettle. Black.
Why is 50 'so distasteful'? Physician, heal thyself. Oh, and before you do something silly like trying to say "You too!"? I was in a long term relationship for a number of years with someone who was 17 years older than myself.
-Kerry O., who has noticed that Clairol hair color is amazingly popular, too | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:33:38 AM | I'm kind of (naively) surprised that people lie about their ages; possibly because I never have. I've always looked young for my age (thank God for inherited genes, lol) and I don't mind telling my age, never have; I actually find the look on people's faces funny when I tell someone how *old* I am.
I see a number of pictures of men on dating sites that proclaim they're 40, 41, 43 etc. and they look old enough to be my grandfather; most times it turns out that they *did* lie about their age. So then they question me and wonder if my pictures are current because I don't look 47, lol. I guess they figure if they lied so does everyone else. Sure there are some people who look older than they are, and some who look younger; and we all have our own preferences when it comes to someone we want to meet.
But, to me, putting up a false picture of oneself and lying about one's age is starting a potential relationship off the wrong way; starting with a lie about one's looks or age only makes the other person wonder what else they'll lie about. Better to tell me the truth from the beginning, as if I find out you lied when we meet, it will be a very short meeting ;)
I've always seemed to date men a couple of years younger than me, even when I was back in my 20s. Now, I have a preference for ages from 38-50; that doesn't mean I wouldn't meet someone outside those ages; it depends more on the individual than what age they are. But I did have a 62 year old email me and sorry, but there's no way I want someone that much older than me, not with me being 47. I almost married someone 12 years older when I was 37; that was different at that time. But at this point, at 47, I want someone who isn't ready for retirement, who isn't 10 years younger than my parents, and who may still want kids. | |
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| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:31:53 PM | | I don't mind admitting that I'm 54 but I'm sure some people have their insecurities about their age. Perhaps for fear of rejection just based on that, but being dishonest certainly isn't going to help things. I just got divorced at age 53 after 29 years of marriage and now I'm actually looking forward to this new phase of my life. I'm just approaching it with patience, try to take good care of myself and have as much fun as I can. | |
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99c
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 25 | |
| Men reaching age 50 +
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:45:36 PM | | After 6 years of this it is good to know you have begun to notice things and ask questions. If the trend continues, I can only expect you'll be blessed with great discoveries in the next 6 years, as you approach 50. Math is tricky when it come to dating. If only the Earth didn't keep looping around the sun, we could all be the same age all the time, and spare our fingers calluses working the abacus of love. | |
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