| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:26:59 PM | In Today's Toronto Sun, VALERIE GIBSON, quoted some emails from readers, mostly people in their 30's complaining about the problems of dating.
One common issue seems to be that successful women are less likely to date. Some people say that a sucessful woman intimidates men, but I'm not certain that that's the problem.
I wonder is its a case that sucessful women don't want to date anything but a more successful man. That cuts the opportunities down considerablly.
So, this is a question for the sucessful women. Wait a second. I should define sucessful, shouldn't i?
Sucessful - University Degree, working in a profession, or mangament position. Come on, you know if you are.
Would you date a fellow who was less sucessful than you? Would you date a blue collar worker?
If you're a doctor, would you date a male nurse?
If you're a Lawyer, would you date a male court room worker?
Just curious.
Irish_Fellow | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:35:53 PM | | As a woman with a university degree or two lol and a professional career. I would hessitate to date a man that was not my equal...He doesn't have to be better. But in all honesty I would prefer to date an intelligent man with a career he is passionate about. If he makes slightly less money than me, thats ok, its not about the money its about where he is in his life. This is a preference. But if I was a doc..which I'm not, I would date a male nurse, lol heck I would love to date a male nurse now, that I would consider an equal. | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:37:10 PM | Yes, there is nothing wrong with anyone working in an honest profession.
Me - Professional accountant - Director of Finance for international manufacturing company
I have had a LTR with a trucker, stationary engineer, postie, and a security guard. | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 1:00:16 PM | Honestly, I don't think that women will date beneath them. The bad side-effect for very professional women is that their chances of finding a husband go down dramatically the higher up they climb. However, I have heard of women who "switched careers" and then began in their new career further down the ladder having success. The available pool of men they were willing to consider enlarged overnight.
Now as a man, I don't have a problem dating someone "beneath" me, but the masculine view of love does not include financial security, position, or power as requirements. I suspect that even in this day of liberated women, that the feminine view of love still contains those requirements. That is why there are quite a few unhappy yet successful women, and a whole horde of men saying, "Hey, give me a chance."
~Aurora | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 1:17:31 PM |
That is why there are quite a few unhappy yet successful women, and a whole horde of men saying, "Hey, give me a chance."
It's not about the power, but about having higher standards. If you are successful, the horde of men may not fulfill your expectations and requirements, which means that even if you did give them a chance, you won't be any happier. The more educated you are, the harder it is to find someone on your level (and not just in terms of degrees, but also in how cultured they are, how well they think critically, how much they've read, how wide their frame of reference is, etc). I don't require power or financial backing, but I do require a serious investment in intellectual life. Sure, many people have a lot of wisdom and common-sense, but it's nice when you can have a conversation without having to give them the background first.
I've dated "down" and found that I felt unfulfilled - the conversations became more and more boring as they exhausted the things they were familiar with and started rehashing the same old things because they didn't have new ones to bring to the table. | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 1:25:50 PM | Hi,
Personally, sure I would date someone that may technically have a profession that is not in today's society considered equal. But, I think professions are relative. No matter what you do for a living, if you take pride in it and enjoy it then that is the most important factor. I definately do not date people based on their profession or lack of. It's the total package that makes me happy and whether or not you share compatible chemistry. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 1:44:05 PM | Well, I think those that want to be financially successful tend to hook up with those who have the same aspirations.. I just got back from a convention in Oklahoma City where 15,000 people were in attendance... All of us there have the burning desire for financial freedom and time freedom, and for the most part, we've discovered that the traditional 9-5 job doesn't offer that...
To answer OP's question, I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have the same aspirations that I have.. | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 2:40:13 PM |
It's not about the power, but about having higher standards. If you are successful, the horde of men may not fulfill your expectations and requirements, which means that even if you did give them a chance, you won't be any happier. The more educated you are, the harder it is to find someone on your level (and not just in terms of degrees, but also in how cultured they are, how well they think critically, how much they've read, how wide their frame of reference is, etc). I don't require power or financial backing, but I do require a serious investment in intellectual life. Sure, many people have a lot of wisdom and common-sense, but it's nice when you can have a conversation without having to give them the background first.
Let me rephrase. It's not *always* about the power or income. In those cases, I would argue that the metrics applied are bogus and empty standards to evaluate potential dates, and using such artificial metrics are what leads to the symptom described above.
With that said, am I arguing that you should date "below yourself" intellectually, culturally (I'm speaking of cultured-ness), or morally? No. I, too, have been around and out with folks to whom I had to explain "the backstory." It was dreadfully dull and soul-sapping.
I'm not even sure that it's education or even intelligence that makes the difference, but rather intellectual curiosity -- a kind of mental restlessness -- that pushes you on to explore yourself and the world in all its variagated beauty.
But enough finger-painting with words. *laughs*
~Aurora | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 3:16:15 PM | | And what about a person with a high IQ, who isn't interested in working in the "rat race," preferring a position he enjoys? Is he a "peer" or below your standards? | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 3:47:27 PM | Good point.
Have many aspirations of leaving the rat race. Got the degree as it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. The jobs can come and go, careers grow on you and vocations bring out all you can be.
However if you fall in love with someone the only things that are important are the overlaps of interest and sense of humor. Not looking for an intellectual equal but someone , like many people have said, that understands me... specifically my moral fibre and appreciation of culture... ok that means food, drink and music but hey.... that is important.
M
... to the person that said you would not support a man... does that count if he is raising your children while you work? | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 3:51:47 PM | This is a bigger problem than some of us may realise, women have got confused and with there new and exciting financial independance and are getting money success and happiness all mixed up...
1- you dont need alot of money to be happy
2- women will be struggling with this for along time to come..as men are bieng de valued in are society by them.
Love or finding a true soulmate have nothing to do with competition or one up manship or money, but it seems that todays relationships or succesful ones are bieng seen as a comodity or a purchase that a women can buy to suit her wardrobe, and we all know that buying stuff is one thing they are all good at...not, but when you look under the bed at all the shoes she buys but never wears...you wonder if she making the wrong decisions again and again as the reason she wanted them has been lost on her, love and friendship is about accomidating and it should have nothing to do with hierachy and status,
men on the other hand are going to become less and less interested in this type of women normally known as pretentious ****es who will never find the right man as they dont know what one is... as the things mentioned above have blinded them. | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:06:07 PM | However if you fall in love with someone the only things that are important are the overlaps of interest and sense of humor.
I feel the same way.
I may not have an extremely high IQ or vice versa but its nice to learn new things especially if its from your partner. If its done in a noncondescending way, there's no harm. I say it leaves room for more discussions. I get irritated by those who don't have patience for others because they think they exist on a higher playing field. There's always going to be some one smarter you or more successful. What I may aspire to do in my career has nothing to do with the relationship I have with who I come home to at night. I don't compare the two-ever. Yet, some do, and that's their right. I'll just never understand it or agree. | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:29:53 PM | | Try this on for size. I have been financially sucessful and am at the time in my life where I'm wanting to work less and play more, and I have the means to do that. I date and I could care less what an attractive, interesting and stimulating man does for a living. I care about his heart, his head, his lifestyle and my attraction to that whole package. But I am entering a new phase in my life and at this point and I do care that he is somewhere near a similar point in life where he is, or will shortly be, financially able to slow down and play with me (I am not interested in traveling and playing alone for 20 years while he works). I understand that this is not a shopping cart, but it's a significant factor that I consider, one which may or may not get met. C'est la vie. | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:38:14 PM | I like to date someone that's at least as ambitious as I am. The money doesn't matter, the education doesn't matter but it does matter that they want more in life than to just get by. I'm very passionate about my work and I have to say that's an attractive trait in a man to me. You can be a blue collar worker and want to strive to get ahead. I think self improvement is a good thing. Wanting more and striving to meet goals. I'm in sales. Does it show?
Luna | |
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99c
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 20 | |
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| Something is definitely wrong
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:44:14 PM | | The fact that you are applying labels such as successful and less succesful is an indication of just how supperficial Toronto is. If you jusdge people by the social acceptability of their profession rather than the content of their character you are doomed to failure. You date people not jobs. | |
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99c
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 22 | |
| Something is definitely wrong
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:48:18 PM | Not if a result of your education is that view of people.
People go to school so they can be better than other people, and get better things, and live better lives. What fun is that if when you graduate you don't get to be better? | |
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| Something is definitely wrong
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:55:53 PM | Yes something is wrong.
We do things to be happy. Hey I can never complain too much about women and shoes. Shopping is therapy, like it or not. Plus when a women looks good (and more importantly feels good), it is worth every penny. It is only when us people in the media... make people feel worthless through not being good looking enough.
Being attracted to someone ultimately means that you think your gene pool will be enriched. Fact, we are animals and initially attraction before analysis means just that. Ok, not so black and white now because we muddy the pool with... are they at the right point in their lives... are they successfulll etc.
Things before were easy- are they alive, single... now we all diverge into so many different places from so many different backgrounds we feel the need to be with someone that we can relate to. Completely undrestandable.
Ultimately give me someone with a good family as that is very important. Give me a girl more intelligent than me... it will give me something to look upto. My best girlfriend to date did not have higher education like my Physics degree... yet she was so clued up, socially aware with such good moral integrity that stuff like that does not matter.
Girls... go with gut instinct. If you feel he aint right, you may lead him up for a fall.
You know that attractive, funny, successful guy you met.... who was shorter than you. Well you pretty much know it is not going to work... for whatever reason. So just feel comfortable (or stop wearing heels  ) | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 5:12:51 PM | | Im just wondering about.. Um I know Im talking about back when.. but yeah anyways... what about Back when... I know women didn't have as many rights. But Men were the Successful... But dated and married women that were on a lower level than them.. but theres many things that can be brought to that subject too.... The subject is also Answerless.. I mean you can type your answer to it. But one may agree on it and one may not. I agree on alot of the statements that have been made. its just a matter of Opinion I guess. | |
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| Will successful women date a less sucessful man?
Posted: 3/26/2006 5:22:19 PM | 99c: "People go to school so they can be better than other people, and get better things, and live better lives. What fun is that if when you graduate you don't get to be better?"
If you have a higher degree, you are better, and live a better life? I've turned down job offers because I enjoy who I am and what I do, and I consider that "better." | |
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