| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:32:22 PM | Will post this here and not sex and relationships only because the topic seems age appropriate.
I may be making some generalizations here, and thats’ ok....am sure it will generate some discussion. 
I’ve read some posts from older gents that claim that their role in making love or having sex is really to “please” their partner. So in reading what I have here in POF, does this mean older men can live without sex???? Does it also mean that older men do not exercise their right to a high libido and are willing to just get by pleasing their partner?????
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:43:28 PM | | I've have always, in my adult life, been in it for pleasing my partner more than my own pleasure and its great when it does happen but it is not the only thing, or most important in life.Although I will take every opportunity I can to make love with the right person | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:43:53 PM | | What? Live without sex? NO WAY!! An older man saying he wants to please his partner is about having learned the wisdom not to be selfish. Or perhaps that lust has taken a secondary role to making love. | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:46:46 PM | | Yes it means we can live without sex. I have done so now for 9 years plus. It just isn't worth worrying about. I am a single parent and focus only on my job and being a parent. As far as sex goes...I can take care of my own needs. I have a life and enjoy it very much. I have my friends and family around, have my special time for me, have my involvements, so why would I want to change anything? | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 12:57:53 PM | I think you have it wrong. Pleasing your partner has nothing to do with ones libido or their desire for sexual fulfillment. It only means we are not slam bam thank you mam type of guys.
Luckly you must have never run in to the type of man that just gets his off and then could care less about you and your orgasm.  | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 1:41:53 PM | | I think men do slow down with age, which is a good thing. But more importantly, we mature emotionally and tend to be concerned with, and more patient, regarding our partners satisfaction. I look back on my 20's and think about what an inconsiderate partner I must have been. By my 30's I started to wise up, and found that satisfying my partner was more rewarding than being concerned with my own satisfaction. Now in my late 40's, my libido is still intact, I just know how to use it constructively ! | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 2:56:31 PM | I think that by the time most men are "over 45", they have learned that not only is it quite pleasing to please their partner ...
... but taking the time to please their partner gives them more time in the sack with her as well. I'd say that's an unbeatable combination, not to mention quite desirable. 
I think too, that they have also reached the point in their life where things just aren’t so “urgent” any more and eventually, due to work demands or family demands or combinations thereof, things just sort of get shoved to a back burner. I can see where that could give one the appearance that the libido is suffering, but in truth, that’s not the case.
You put a man with a woman who truly loves him … and vice versa … and the libido will still be there. If there are other physical problems, I say where there’s a will, there’s a way … thankfully modern medicine is seeing to that on a daily basis.
From a woman's perspective ... there's nothing hotter ... or more masculine ... or more manly … than a man who knows how to take the time to please his lover and is willing to do it every time. She may not even want it every time, but to know that the offer stands ... that's just downright hot!
There is “sex” and there is “lovemaking”. It has been my experience that most men “over 45” have matured to the point where they are more interested in quality over quantity and (I’m generalizing here) I would venture to say that most women they are inclined to be with at that point are also seeking quality over quantity. (Okay ... who are we kidding here ... every once in a while it's also really hot to just go for it and have "hot monkey sex"!)
Speaking for myself … I enjoy both (sex and lovemaking) and would want a partner who is still interested in participating. If I had to choose one over the other … it would be (hands down) “lovemaking” … that’s just my personal preference. I want a man who is not in a rush ... who is willing to do what it takes to please.
I have not physically been with a lot of men in my life, but in conversation … the men I am friends with over the age of 45 tell me their libidos are just fine and given the choice, they would want quality over quantity. 
Most are just not able to find the right lady ... and POF is working on that ... right? RIGHT? | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:17:05 PM | Hi to "Sunsets"...I like your philosophies...to the topic;
We "older men" usually have the same desires "libido" if you like, as the younger guys. We have learned a lot throug our life's journey. One important thing that we have learned is that, to quote an old phrase, "'tis better to give than to receive", or more importantly, if your partner is not being pleased, things are not right. Occasionally, women are non-receptive to physical pleasure, no matter what the man does. More often, it is a matter of not knowing your partner well enough to have a "happy ending" for both. Older men feel more pressure to please their partners because we know we do not have the physical appearance and attractiveness to at least start a "turn-on", so if we are lucky enough to find ourselves in the position of a physical or sexual encounter, we revert to our Boy Scout training; Do Your Best! | |
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99c
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:34:36 PM | I would like sex like before, but two things happened when I got older. One is that my hormones depleted to manageable levels. I still love sex, and get aroused and all the rest, but now it is no longer so powerful and incessant that it takes over. The other is my looks changed. I am that 1 in 4 of men whose hair gets goofy, partly bald, receding, whatever you call it. I also gained a few pounds, and look older, the way people do. This means I am not anywhere near as attractive as I once was. Compared to other men, forget it.
I don't live without sex. I masturbate. I live without sex with other people. Pleasing one's partner isn't just about emotions and technique or even love. Women feel badly about themselves if all they can get is someone who looks have degraded to the point mine have. It depresses their own libido. Then, no matter how good you are in bed they can't enjoy it.
It's like having a rusty beater of a car. It makes you feel shabby, no matter whether it runs good or where you drive to. Hi libido + low sex appeal = no play. | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:42:48 PM | | Hey, 99c, none of us are what we used to be. Sometimes we feel like giving up all hope, might as well go to a monastery, etc., but the fact that we are on this website, and participating in this forum should tell us, like it or not, we're still hoping for that "one magic moment!" | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 6:06:31 PM | @99 ...
From what I have seen of your posts, you are a smart man and that is extremely attractive. You have admitted that you still love sex and get aroused and all the rest ... that sounds good to me. By the time I was 46, my looks had changed too ... that's normal. The last I looked, it's part of the aging process.
I was never into the "male model" type ... I've always been more attracted to a man I can have a stimulating conversation with ... intelligent, practical, non-materialistic, yet dependable and monogamous. Big houses, fancy cars, and all the latest gadgets mean little or nothing to me. Of course, it's desirable if he can support himself, but that doesn't necessarily mean he has to have a big bank account ... unless he has expensive hobbies.
You may be pleasantly surprised to find that there are a lot of women out there who much like myself, are really more interested in having a man at her side who is caring and capable of caring about the woman he is with. If you have that, most of the things you described as "potential problems" cease to exist.
It's like having a rusty beater of a car. It makes you feel shabby, no matter whether it runs good or where you drive to. Hi libido + low sex appeal = no play. A man can pick me up in an old car any day. As long as it gets me where I'm going ... I DON'T CARE ... I just don't care!
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 8:13:03 PM | Interesting responses...ok so if an older gent increase their desire for having ‘sex’ (lovemaking) by exercising their libido consistently by masturbation (of sorts), does it meet the needs of women in their prime? Prime for ladies being 40's and late 40's or in some cases early 50's.....
I question the above for reasons that older gents seem to be attracted to younger ladies as well as older women contemplating relationships with younger men. With what I just noted, could it be that younger ladies do not desire 'making love' to the degree us olders do????? | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 8:44:32 PM | lipstick ...
...ok so if an older gent increase their desire for having ‘sex’ (lovemaking) by exercising their libido consistently by masturbation (of sorts), does it meet the needs of women in their prime? Prime for ladies being 40's and late 40's or in some cases early 50's..... Libido is "drive or desire" ... that's the brain part of sex. Often, male hormones influence "drive" ... testosterone ... bald men have more. Some women actually seek bald men for that reason.
If a man has no "drive" (desire) ... chances are he will not be getting erections. Being able to get an erection requires "drive" (desire) as well as the physical ability to send enough blood to the penis in order for it to become erect. Also, there are physical problems that exist that even if the man can send the blood to the penis, it will not stay in the penis and he will lose the erection. Even all the drive in the world can't help that problem ... that's when it becomes time for the "little blue pill".
Consistently masturbating is self pleasure of an erect penis. One can assume that the "drive" is there if a man is able to cause himself to get an erection.
Consistently masturbating does not necessarily "create" more libido unless you consider that if a man feels good about himself, that "boosts" his libido ...
... and by masturbating (showing himself he can still get an erection) that could make him feel good about himself and boost libido?
GUYS ... help me here! 
I question the above for reasons that older gents seem to be attracted to younger ladies as well as older women contemplating relationships with younger men. I can not medically explain that ... you're gonna have to ask a shrink about that.
With what I just noted, could it be that younger ladies do not desire 'making love' to the degree us olders do????? I think the best way to find that out is ask them. Do a thread targeting the age range of women you think the older men are chasing ... here on POF ... the members will tell you anything you want to know! | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:05:43 PM | Actually the thread is a result of what I have been reading in forums....easy to see the targets and responses and make some conclusions.
"testosterone ... bald men have more. Some women actually seek bald men for that reason." While us 'other' see bald men as sexy, has nothing to do with testosterone
Actually, cotter, I've read that if a man wants to increase his 'libido', one increases his 'lust' for it by participating in its pleasures thus increasing the desire for it (no need for the little blue pill). I would rather support the theory that creating the desire by being consistent therefore creating certainty would be higher on my list then having the 'perfect man' (your ego based theory) which can be rare....right?
I have also read that men who have had more boys as 'offspring' tend to have higher 'libidos', interestingly enough, men with higher levels of testosterone are much more masculine = thus have a higher then normal chances of having sex. etc. Men that are not channeling their desires become more aggressive.....lmao | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:41:23 PM |
"testosterone ... bald men have more. Some women actually seek bald men for that reason." While us 'other' see bald men as sexy, has nothing to do with testosterone Right ... I am one of the ladies who happen to find bald men (balding as well) sexy ... has nothing to do with the testosterone stuff ... just a preference.
Actually, cotter, I've read that if a man wants to increase his 'libido', one increases his 'lust' for it by participating in its pleasures thus increasing the desire for it Which is what I said ... masturbating makes him feel better about himself ... boosts libido.
... no need for the little blue pill. A man can have all the "libido" in the world which triggers the blood to run to the penis and create the erection (saturates the erectile tissue). However, if he has other "physical" problems (diabetes and heart conditions to name two), then chances are the "erectile tissue" in his penis will not "hold" the blood in his penis long enough for him to perform sex or even masturbation.
If that becomes the case, then that's when you reach for the "little blue pill" which will "chemically" stimulate the "erectile tissue" to retain the blood.
There is a misconception out there about the "little blue pill" or any other medication designed to treat ED. Popping the pill does not give men an instant or guaranteed erection. If a man is not stimulated through drive and touch and caressing or even visual stimulation, the pill is not necessarily gonna work. If you don't believe me ... look it up in a medication book. I have one here I can quote you out of ... it sort of goes with my profession.
Anyways ... if a man cannot maintain an erection ... for whatever reason ... it doesn't matter how old or young his partner is ... there will not be sex or "love making" in the traditional way of a man penetrating a woman's vagina.
I would rather support the theory that creating the desire by being consistent therefore creating certainty would be higher on my list then having the 'perfect man' (your ego based theory) which can be rare....right? Support whatever theory you want ... consistency with masturbation or not ... libido plays a role. But more importantly, if a man lacks the physical ability to hold blood in his penis (functioning erectile tissue) there will be no long-lasting erection.
Sorry ... didn't mean to get so technical, but that's the physiology of it. What a man does with it is his own business!  | |
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