| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:34:24 PM | | I wonder if anyone has someone in their past, who they loved, were married to, engaged to, lived with, etc...who you knew in the long run wasn't/isn't right for you, but nonetheless...you still carry a torch for them? You go about living life, moving on, but they're in the back of your mind....Always. You might not even want to be with them or you are the one who ended it, but they've still got a 'hold' on you? And you think, maybe, just maybe some day?? You don't wait for it, or even necessarily expect it or want it, but they've just never left your mind and heart, completely? Almost like you gave a piece of your heart away and never got it back, doesn't mean you're heart not still pumping though...Anyone ever feel like that? | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:44:23 PM | yes for a while i did. a girl named holly fron san jose ,ever while i was engaged to vicky. i still missed holly. i couldve devirginized her one night in the park when she said take me!. but i wanted her first time to be in a perfect situation. not at the park with my drinkin friends . so i went down on her . and made her wait but life took a different turn and later it broke her heart to see me dating a half mexican slut she hated . we had a great frindship and i might not get that lucky again  | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:49:26 PM | I love the torch metaphor.
I lived with him... planning marriage. We knew we had major differences and things were getting worse. He even went as far as to cheat on me with someone who shares many more of his interests. We have both moved on, but I will always carry that torch. I will always wonder why we spent so much time together and why we thought we were going to make it to forever, but in the end our differences were too great.
The opposite end of this is that soeone carries a torch for me. I had a boyfriend about 6 years ago; I know we dont belong together, but nonetheless he carries that flame for me. He has a girlfriend, and he considers our single times as just bad timing. We never talk about getting back together, but I know he considers it a possibility someday.
I am guessing that this is natural for most people. I know that I have lots of "what ifs" from my past, but I dont dwell on them. I guess this is the price we pay for loving with all of our hearts. It must be impossible to give it all and have your heart returned in its original state.  | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:58:11 PM | ^^@de
That's why I posted this. I knew that there must be a lot of ppl out there who experience this. I experienced a similar situation that you just described. Still do as a matter of fact.
I keep it under wraps (ha ha except now I just outed myself ;)..Although I know I'm still capable of loving someone else, getting married, whatever..it wouldn't negate that 'torch'
although my next love (if there is one) shall never know my secret.
I do like how you put it "it is the price we pay for loving with all our hearts and it must be impossible to give it all and have your heart returned in its original state"
I hope you don't mind if I quote you someday! You should put that in a book somewhere with your name under it! As the definition of true love? Or to define love lost ;.......
Actually poetic if you think about it.
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:09:33 PM | | My first boyfriend ... and coincidently ran into him this past weekend at a wine show ... ultimately we are not meant for each other ... we are different people .... different lifestyles .. but I will always have a little flicker in my heart for him .. as he does for me .. It was nice to see him this past weekend .. it reminded me how much i've grown as a person .. and how happy and lucky I am ... | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/28/2006 7:36:02 PM | Yes, and moving on....I don't regret it tho....I learned some valuable lessons.
I believe everything happens for a reason. People are just meant to cross paths for some reason or another. Now, I understand why I had to know him. I wish him nothing but the best. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:50:24 AM | | Hi, I am PJ, Yes, Just gettin over, or trying too. Was just led on and got really hurt, he just did not give me a chance, that is what upsets me the most. Why are guys like that? He just made a choice and it was not me, timing is everything, so in the back of my mind I think he will contact me again, he did before. PJ | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 9:26:29 AM | | I carry a torch for a guy. We use to get all the comments about looking perfect together and always looking so happy. At both places we worked at we had the comments about always looking so happy. We never argued or fought about anything. We enjoyed hunting and scuba diving plus many other things. We planned our wedding and our children. We actually had names picked out for our kids lol as pathetic as that is. So what happed you ask? His ex. She made him choose between the kids and me. She took the kids a few years ago out to Alberta when he was at work and never came back. They have no court orders or anything. She keeps moving and he can never find the kids. Never gets to talk to them now or see them. So he dropped me because he thought he would get to talk and see his kids more and it backfired on him. | |
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biel63
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Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 12:46:21 PM | | YEs, but probably for all of the wrong reasons. The one I was living with/engaged to is someone I met on one of these match sites. When I showed up for the first meeting she looked nothing at all like the picture, it must've been 5 to 10 years old. BUT I looked at what was inside, not the outside and liked what I saw. What I didn't realize at the time is that as I was telling her what I was looking for, she was claiming to be that and playing the role. But she could only play the role for so long before her true self was exposed. So the person I carried a torch for never really even existed....go figure? | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 1:13:40 PM | You are not alone sweet heart! There are at least two of us on this planet! Thanks for your courage to bare your soul in this issue. My friend Aunt Caroline says only new love will replace old pain. I am finding out that true happiness is largely a do it your self project! When I am at last at peace with being on my own then perhaps I will know the joy of love! I have been in love with a lost love for 20 years. I reciently had the chance to revisit the old flame same crap different decade! It seems to me that we perhaps idelize and project a lot of stuff into these lost love deals. At least that is true for me. In the end our beloved is a falliable person just as we are and we would do well to live in the here and now rather than pining for long lost loves of by gone days. We do well to grow as best as we can and be a vailable for the love which exits in the here and now rather than forgoing what could be for that which no longer is! If you know that I person was wrong for you then by all means grieve as you need to and move on! As the site says POF! I thank you for bending an ear,if any of this fits and helps great if not dont sweat it! Love,
Russell2995 | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:33:30 PM | | I am living proof of it. I am in a relationship (or should I now say out) that I don't want to end. But he doesn't want to be attached anymore. He wants to be single. The worse part is that I can't seem to let go. We live together but are selling the house and will go our separate ways. When we met I was head over heels in love with him. I cry and cry and don't know why. I have not been treated with any respect (he cheated on me) and I bend over backwards to please him. Why do I do this. Why do I still love him. I wish I could have his memory burned out of my head. | |
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99c
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:34:53 PM | | The torch is an excuse to avoid risking pain again with someone new. The romance of the past relationship lives on as its flame, which means all your romantic ideals are intact, so long as it burns. To extinguish the flame finally ends the romance, and casts you into the darkness of loss, doubt, and regret. The good news is, after the flame finally goes out, and darkness falls, it is not long before the sun rises. Carrying a torch is being afraid of the dark, and not having faith that the sun also rises. Hemmingway wrote a good story about it. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:37:02 PM | verygreeneyez-
I can relate To what You are saying.......mine is not a torch or a pining or longing for...but for this Person and for others we care about..it will always remain..a certain spot of love and caring for...
There is a Friend I miss....and as You say...some things just cannot Be...
It doesn't mean We can no longer Love these People.
When this Person comes to My mind I reaffirm good thoughts about Her ..acknowledge how much I love Her..and carry on...and continue My search.
Some come and Go...but others will always remain,and they always will .. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 2:39:18 PM | | I think my fear is of suddenly being alone, with no one to say good morning to or good night. He wants to remain friends (no - not with benefits) but I don't think I can do that. I would forever be thinking that maybe there's a chance. Well maybe not forever. Do you think that it is bad to be out looking for someone to fill that void so soon. How soon is too soon? | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 3:00:52 PM | ^^^
I know where you are coming from, believe me. No, I don't think you are out there too soon (unless this happened say...last week...then you may need to regroup and refocus, allow yourself some time to learn and heal a little bit).
Sure you could wait until you 'heal' more, but I think there is a part of your heart that will remain scarred. Not that you can't love again, or that there is only one person out there for you. I don't believe that. I think (and I myself did this) getting out there asap is best, it helps to open your heart again and allow anything that comes your way, in! I think you do have to be careful that you don't look for someone 'like him', a clone, because you won't find that...(I know, I tried ;)...but there's nothing wrong with wanting to be part of a 'couple' and filling voids...Life, imho, is all about filling gaps and voids. That's why we're social creatures. At first, I thought after 4 months I was out there too soon, and it's not that I was, it was merely I hadn't met anyone who piqued my interest enough to continue seeing...I do think you should make sure you aren't trying to replace HIM. You can't ever recreate what you two had..if you're aware of that...and understand it, I say cast your net...just let anyone know who you may catch that you were bruised recently and are cautious....so go for it and be cautiously optomistic!
As for my opinion on being friends. (and some may dispute this)..I say NO WAY. Not until you are really over him, because I did that too and it only gives you false hope. In that, your head can say "Ok, we're JUST friends" but your heart will hope. And hope, and hope, and the all the nice things he does will be misconstrued. I really think it is sooo rare a couple who've been romantically involved, intimate, and break up can ever be 'just friends'..it happens, but to very few..(and it would probably only work if both parties were involved with other people...because they now each have someone else to love and fill those gaps)
I understand and empathize with your fear of being suddenly alone. It sucks. Big time.
At night when you go to bed, it sucks....in the morning when you wake up alone, it sucks..
Nothing but time will help with that...I would say surround yourself with friends and activities to avoid being alone for now...change your routine and even your physical surroundings so you don't feel that emptiness (I even changed my whole bedroom colors)...it's really like starting all over...
Good Luck and Godspeed!!
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 3:02:33 PM | ~GM~ I fear we are peas in a pod...or is that...Frick and Frack...hmmm??? I relate. I don't miss him, per se, I miss "who" he is/was. And for me, it isn't an ache, it is more a flutter of what once was.
Oh, the proverbial search...blah blah blah!!! Can't I just put in an order and someone will send him to me? 
As for the coming and going, it's the going that I can't seem to shake, so I'm a runner...shoot me!!!  (I'm waiting for the answer on this banana/pickle.) VGE | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 3:38:22 PM | When you really love someone -- without hesitation or even restraint -- you give up a part of yourself that you never get back. There's a small corner of your heart that forever has his or her name enscribed upon it. *shrugs* That's just the way it is. Where you don't give much, or risk much, the memories are not as intense, if they are present at all.
Do I carry a torch? I wouldn't say that as much as I'd say a corner is taken.
~Aurora | |
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