| |
| |
| |
cst27
|
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 2/7/2005 6:54:25 PM | ONE REASON - tHEY ARE NOT READY
SECOND REASON - THEY MIGHT NOT LOVE YOU
3RD - THEY MIGHT NOT THINK OF YOU HAS YOU THINK OF YOUR SELF
4TH - THEY NOT READY BE TIED DOWN TO ONE PERSON
5TH - THEY MIGHT THINK OF YOU HAS HUSBAND TYPE
6TH - THEY MIGHT NOT BE LOYAL HAS SHE CLAIMS SHE HAS
7 - OTHER PERSON MIGHT BE INVOLVED
8 - HER FEELINGA RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH
9 - SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TOO
10 - SHE CHANGES HER MIND , BACK AND FURTH
11 - ALL OF ABOVE | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 2/7/2005 6:56:08 PM | Well, here's the thing, you can look at your watch at 9:00 and ask yourself
is now a good time? you say to yourself, "better wait, somethings not right", 2 o'clock rolls around you've missed an opportunity and go to sleep that night kicking yourself in the head for it. What's the deal with this timing thing? that's just a cop out sounds like to me. Love doesn't have a schedule, nor should it, if things are right, run with it I say, till there is no more time. | |
|
cst27
|
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 2/7/2005 6:58:01 PM | | well rember half time we lose , i had to ask my ex 3 times to marry me before she even consider too and she really didn;t love me when we did , but was funny she almost ate the ring though. | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 2/7/2005 10:04:14 PM | | because to commit yourself is to take a vow to spend the rest of your life with that person....and sometimes we just need a friend or someone who understands us more than a husband. Sometimes we aren't always desperate to tie the not if we haven't found our soulmate yet. Sometimes a woman is not willing or ready to settle if there are certain barriers that may potentially harm the relationship in the long run. Love is never enough | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 2/7/2005 10:07:49 PM | You guys are all posting the same thing over and over and over again. Im literally nano-seconds away from beating my own head against the desk here!!!!
So, times have changed and women dont want to commit. Yet the word "Player" has arrived on the scene explaining what???
Im not an advocate for either one, but seriously... if we are going to stereotype, lets show up with some relevant facts!!!
For the record, I HATE stereotypes. It denotes a severe lack of knowledge as well as an immense lack of concern. Its firing the pistol without EVER looking at where its aiming.
~Cross | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 2/7/2005 10:26:24 PM | I think the reason is because more and more people are beginning to realize that relationships are meaningless, and it is better to be alone. You don't need someone in your life getting in your way. Seriously, men and women get along better when they only use each other for sex. That's what we're made for...... we're not meant to get all emotionally attached to people for illogical reasons.
Love is a ridiculous concept that didn't exist until sometime after the first millenium. Love was created by society (through art and wavering philosophies), it's not a quintessential phenomenon of human existence. Glady, people today are realizing that relationships are useless, usually damaging and serve no purpose whatsoever, except to make life more difficult. | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 2/7/2005 10:33:09 PM | I'm in no hurry to commit, so it's a moot point for me. If anything women with "white knight" syndrome, the kind that always want a man to come and save them and be there for them forever scare me away like no other.
I'm at a cross-roads in my career at the age of 24, and the last thing I need to worry about right now is marriage- yikes! | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 2/7/2005 11:28:51 PM | I see this going both ways...it is sad because there are both men and women out there who want love and commitment yet....but they don't seem to be the ones who are meeting...hang in there...at some point, you will meet someone who wants what you do...
I would love to find a lifepartner.....
If and when it happens, I hope I recognize him...
Squeak | |
|
| |
| |
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 5/8/2005 8:21:46 AM | I find most women are wanting to commit.The thing for me has always been mutual compatability.If I don't think someone is compatible with/for me no sense in commitment.I think if a woman is unwilling to commit she is still in a situation of need to heal OR does not feel a mutual compatability.......actions are louder than words. | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/5/2005 11:17:13 PM | | hey 999 that's a hard line to take...though I know what you mean.but..... Marriage is for the kids sake and can sometimes work. Ever see a happy hooker on the street? (sex for it's own sake) OK- men need some softness in their lives and women still can give this..but not so readily nowadays. Happiness comes from inside and can include others surely? | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/5/2005 11:22:59 PM | | women are realizing that we have the same sex appeal to men as they do to us....why commit if one sex can have all the fun and the other was labled"wrong" or "immoral"...Women are starting to say screw that we are not any less if we just have fun and that is all | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/5/2005 11:34:42 PM |
Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Some of us have no problem committing.
The problem lies in finding someone who makes us want to commit to them. | |
|
| |
| |
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 4:19:08 AM | Are you serious? Do you actually believe that relationships are meaningless? Maybe you mean romantic relationships are ridiculous because so often people don't know what they mean, don't mean what thy say, and are just terribly confused about how to get what they need. It sounds like you've given up. A life with no love will be n ever more rigid prison of your own making and you are the only one who can change that. We are human beings, we are born, not hatched. We all have needs whether we like it or not. Physical, mental, emotional, psychological...the list goes on. Of course we are supposed to get emotionally attached to other people. Do you have a relationship with your parents, grandparents, siblings, etc? Are you attached to your parents or did you just have a business arrangement growing up. You paid rent and they fed you and left you alone?? Are those relationships meaningless to you? Do you have friends and are they meaningless to you as well?
I hate to spoil your 'moment of bitterness' but human beings are, for all their faults, and regardless of the fact we can't seem to change how we treat each other, still social beings. Relationships take time and attention and conscious effort to be all they can be. Possibly you have not experienced such a thing. The bottom line is this, if you don't go there, you won't get hurt. It is uncomfortable to put yourself, your ego and your pride on the line. If you are not sure of your own worth then it is easy to be hurt by others. Why do people hurt people? FEAR Fear of abandonment, fear of failure, fear of caring too much then losing what you care about, fear of losing your freedom, fear of being laughed at,fear of being humiliated, fear of not fitting in...fear, fear, fear. All negativity is born in fear and it spreads, it becomes anger and eventually hatred. If you do not understand yourself how would you be able to begin to undestand someone else. Yes, sorry, we want to be understood too.
I know it would be much easier to avoid all emotion, focus only on yourself and cut down human contact as much as possible thereby limiting the time you might be vulnerable. However, there is no growth or change in that place and only year after year of lonliness and eventually bitterness for everything until your whole life is hopeless and colorless and void of anything joyful or kind or loving, there is no chance for honor, for compassion,for courage under duress, of all the things about human beings that makes me poud to be one. If that part of life is difficult for you, I'm sorry but the answer is not to be less interested in each other, less caring, less empathetic, less connected. As a society we are already pretty disconnected and seem to have a great deal of trouble communicating with each other even though we've been here 2000 plus years. You would think we would have learned more about each other and how to get along We are ions beyond where we were say 200 years ago in terms of technology, yes. However, emotionally and psychologically we have not come very far. Man's inhumanity to man continues in barbaric ways that we should have outgrown a long time ago. We are like spoiled children ever demanding that life give us what we want, and do it now! Where is it written that life is supposed to be easy, fun, lucrative, fair, or any other misconception we've all bought into. Life is hard, life has pain and suffering, trials and tribulations, loss, grief, terror, sickness and we all have to find our way through it.
The idea of marriage being based on romantic love is a new concept. Marriage used to be based on economics, politics, social structure, class systems, etc. However, not romantic love. That is a new concept fueled by music, poetry, the media hype to sell consumer goods, whatever the media tells us it should be There are many types of relationships and we all have the right to have the kind we want. If we let people know who we are and how to treat us, eventually we can learn to have great relationships that are more importnt than anything else in our lives. Putting someone else before yourself is a sign of maturity. Maybe when you grow up you will be less afraid and more willing to experience love without being made so uncomfortable by it that you deny it even exists. When a new mother looks into her newborns eyes, there is love. When someone risks their own life to save another, there is love. When we walk the floor all night with our sick child even though we are exhausted, there is love. When we visit the old and the sick when they have no one else, there is love. When we give blood, offer our organs for transplant, there is love.
Love exists and it is all around you, you are the one who refuses to see it. I will tell you why...it hurts too much. I am sorry for your pain but you are wrong. Love exists and relationships are still sought out by most of us rather than to be alone. Being alone to learn to know and love yourself is a one thing. Being alone wih ourselves for a while is important to learning who we are and what we want. Then we can choose to have a relationship that is not based on neediness. Co-dependent, needy relationships are always painful because we are not truly in them. We are subconsciously working through past pain and hurt, usually related to childhood, and can not be there for ourselves let alone for anyone else. The relationship eventually causes more pain than being alone ever did because we are constantly reminded of who we are not, and that hurts. It will be miserable and doomed to failure. None of this is gong on consciously you understand and most people are clueless as to why they are so miserable. I know one thing for sure...it is never the other person who causes you unhappiness. it is your inability to be anywhere near a state of understanding that allows for growth and change. You can change partners and try again but will be doomed to failure until you understand yourself and why you do not believe you deserve to love and to be loved. That is why so many of us go from one bad relationship to another with nothing ever being resolved. We blame the other person then find someone else to continue acting out our pain with. New person, same old story. It isn't that we, as a people, are not meant to love it is that we do not understand how we block ourselves from having the very thing we desire so much...a true connection with another human being, unconditional acceptance. It is rare bu it exists and it is worth the wait and the work. We do not understand where our pain comes from and why it is not any better with our partner. This is not love, this is neurosis. Attraction is not love and we are attracted to what we need,and will continue to try and resolve the old pain though current circmstances, to act out the past pain, Subconsciously we are trying to resolve the pain and move on. We don't understand that and we get stuck and can see no way out, and we become bitter and angry and very, very alone.
I don't know what people you are speaking about but I see no evidence that we are
realizing relationships are useless and damaging. If that were the case what are all these people doing on this website? Wake up and smell the reality of your own skewed viewpoint and you might someday be open to the possibilities that are magical in this world including love and relationships. I am sorry for your pain and I wish you the best in finding your way. | |
|
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 5:17:14 AM | | I think for any one (men or women) who have been in a long term relationship or marriage and had it go belly up.. they become more picky.. which is not a bad thing. There is also the once bitten, twice shy thing.. fear of committment due to fear of loving and losing again | |
|
| |
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 7:16:48 AM | Woah Woah Woah here...first of all this was a huge generalization and yet again someone has attempted to lump ALL women into one big category. Bad form...
The question could have been "Why do some women fear commitment?"
I have a very strong ability to commit. When I know what and whom I am committing myself to. It takes a lot of time to establish that which is something many of us don't have the luxury of having all day every day. Some of us are incredibly busy with our lives and that gets in the way.
You know, something I've been thinking about, being in school for psychology and all...is how as a single mother I am under a lot of pressure now to provide for my children. There are no daddy's there who are playing a big part in that...they have no "paid for" extracurricular activities and I would have no idea how to provide for their education and their needs as they grow older. Retirement: what will I have then? I've spent my life putting my career choices on hold in order to bolster my husband's career only to end up empty handed in the end. I don't express this as bitterness but that is the way it went and shyt happens but at the same time, I just don't see how I will ever be able to have a relationship? Most men nowadays are expecting a woman to be independent...and I can be just that, but sadly he just won't fit into my life while I'm working my butt off at being the be all and end all for my family. There is no one here to step up to the plate and say I'm in it with ya. It's a solo mission...what breaks my heart is that my choice to stand by my man has hurt me so much in the end. I'm really finding it hard to be my children's everything. I had no idea it would end up this way. I had hoped that the fathers of my children would step up to the plate and at least be a father. Interestingly my own father was the same way...he was never there. Never a part of the picture...
Ok this is becoming a monologue...I apologize...but oh man, I was really giving this some thought today...and it looks like I'm going to be alone for a long time...I don't know that I have anything left to give after the day is done. With full time university studies and two kids and trying to be the best "me" I know how to be...what is there left of me to share with anyone? How does anyone do it nowadays? I'm still baffled here.
Alot of men who talk with me on here ask me what it is I do for fun. I say that I really don't have much time for fun or any other extra curricular activities. They tell me that I SHOULD make time for myself! Where??? If I do, something will have to suffer the consequence...my kids (God forbid) my ability to pay the bills...my home (which is my kids sanctuary and mine) and my studies...I just don't know where the time or money exists to be able to go have fun anymore. It just isn't happening. There is always so much to do and get done that it astounds me.
Heck I'm 39 and I don't even own a car yet! I have no idea how I'll even be able to afford one let alone the care and maintenance it requires. I'm living on student loans here! People ask me what I do for work...what work? What time? When...you mean when I'm not studying or taking care of my children or cleaning the house or attending to the other priorities? Heck I shouldn't even be on here!!! LOL! It's stealing time too.
I have days when I go to bed crying because of how it has gone. I have clearly been a fool for a few kind words and well intentioned promises. Yes, I needed a man to be part of my team and I had no control over their choices...so this is where I am today. The beautiful person I have tried to be has become a stigma, a statistic...a single mom.
God save me! | |
|
| |
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 8:10:21 AM | Blast,
That was a great post. Kudos.
Save some time out of all that for us will ya ? It doesn't cost a dime, and you need to have some fun too.
All work , and no play, is just wrong. | |
|
Home
login 
