| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 1:44:37 AM | | What if she is perfect in everyway, but you haven't fallen in love with her? Do you or should you marry her and should you say "I love you" if you don't feel it yet? | |
|
| |
| |
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 2:43:09 AM | | No I think you can get someone real drunk, take a cab to Vegas, and have the cab driver be the witness on the marriage certificate. | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 2:56:47 AM | Technically, no . Just look all around you for proof of that. People marry today for all sorts of reasons, and love seems to be getting less and less popular.
They certainly think it's love, but then ( sometimes years/decades later) they find out it isn't.They find out love was something they never even had from day one.
Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself. That's a rare quality today, and getting rarer. A person who doesn't love themselves says " I couldn't live without you." , while a person that does says " I could, but my life is more enjoyable when you are with me."
My suggestion ? Don't do it. | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 2:59:37 AM | I would have to be in love to marry, but that's just me. Other people may marry for whatever logical or illogical reasons, but that's their choice. Being "in love," though, is not the only criteria for me to consider marriage. There are also other matters to consider, but BEING IN LOVE IS DEFINITELY THE MOST IMPORTANT. How can she be "perfect" in EVERY way, for marriage, if you're not in love with her? Besides that, nobody's perfect. I think we are all perfectly imperfect or imperfectly perfect, take your pick.
And, NO! - Please don't tell someone you love them, if you don't truly mean it. That's called being dishonest, and is mean, making people's lives unnecessarily problematic. Geeez!
Considering it's the middle of the night, I'll cut you some slack. However, I do find this to be an odd question. Are you desparate or what? Why not hold out for true love?  | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:31:02 AM | | I agree with the others. I would find being in a loveless marriage very hard. I think the little things that bug you would multiply faster. | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:31:20 AM | If a person doesn't love themselves they will say things like " I couldn't live without you." , while a person that does says " I could, but my life is more enjoyable when you are with me."
I've found many men willing to say I love you far too quickly, and I think its sometimes their way of having you hang around longer so they can really decide how they feel, or until someone they love more comes along.
When you know it, you will know it. You won't have to question it or ask on the forums. No you don't say anything that you don't mean, it's just thoughtless and painful for the other person, who might actually believe it! | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:47:58 AM |
What if she is perfect in everyway, but you haven't fallen in love with her?
Perfection: that one goal we will always fall a bit short of. If you don't love her, then the little things that are less than perfect about her (and we all have those little things) will one day become huge problems. When you love someone it is not due to the things that are "perfect or wonderful" about them, it is regardless of those things that are less than "perfect or wonderful." A loveless marriage is self-defeating and will, most likely, be doomed from the beginning. Don't make a mistake simply because someone seems "perfect." If you don't love them, no amount of "perfection" will be able to change that. | |
|
| |
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 4:08:00 AM | ^ That is so true! Ever see the "The Truman Show" movie, where everything was supposedly "perfect?" (Jim Carey is in it.) If someone appeared to be or presented themselves as "perfect," I'd wonder what they are trying to hide! And, yes, sometimes, it's those little "quirks" that make a person adorable, special, unique!
OP: Based on what you wrote in the mail you sent, listen to your friends! Let her go, so she can find someone who WILL love her. Considering how deep you already got yourself in this, she is probably going to be hurt, so brace yourself.
Also, along those lines ... about love ... sometimes, I think that to "love" someone ... It is a DECISION we make, either during or after the infatuation, la-la-land phase. I have a friend, who is from a culture that is very different from my own, where marriages are "arranged." She and her husband are very much in love and have been married for about 15 years.
Sometimes, people can even convince themselves that they "love" someone, especially if they think/say it enough. It sort'av becomes like a habit. | |
|
Kixxie
|
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 4:48:26 AM | Personally, I dont say LOVE unless I mean it from the deepest part of my heart. And to marry someone that I wasnt in love with? Not a prayer.
Just my nickle's worth | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 5:17:07 AM | | never tellsomeone you love them or are in love with them unless its true. be patient if its meant to be then it will happen. | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 5:22:30 AM | | It means your de-sensitized by hi tech porn sites and computer wizardry .. and you will never give them up for THE ONE..No matter how perfect she is. ..how good she is.. .it's never going fill that empty space in your soul..so ...back off, get real and look to yourself for the truth of the matter.. | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:02:58 AM | I think there are different types of love -- like you can love a best friend (of the opposite sex) but you're not 'in love' with them.
Still as others have said -- give it time. But when you think about how your life has changed since meeting this person. And how you'd feel if they were to suddenly not be in your life anymore .....
Oh well, just give it time. And good luck to ya. | |
|
| |
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:15:31 AM |
should you say "I love you" if you don't feel it yet?
Nope, I believe that is called LYING. What happens if you NEVER feel it. Perhaps the person for you is not "perfect in every way."
Why is the goal "marriage?" Is this some certificate of authenticity of a relationship? Why not just make the goal being able to say "I love you" and mean it and forget about the overhyped marriage thingy.
 | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:25:24 AM | | I have to be in love to marry. I want to find this with someone that will love me as much as I love them. I know they are out there I just have to keep searching. I thought I had found it, but apparently not. | |
|
EB1
|
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| |
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:29:48 AM | If she's perfect in every way then you should be in love with her shouldn't you? No way should you get married unless you are in love.
Luna | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:36:14 AM |
if it keeps you both out of trouble, and you both feel the same way .. who are you hurting? ..
Many people get hurt....yourselves included....i am speaking from personal experience...this situation doesn't work...the reasons you get married in the first place eventually plays itself out...and then you are looking for a deeper connection which isn't there because it wasn't there in the first place...but by this time children have entered the picture as well as extended families.. | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:48:20 AM | | I actually know a couple from India that really had their marriage arranged! They seem perfectly happy, but I can't say I would advise it. | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 4:55:36 PM | | nope i couldnt marry sumeone i didnt love or just hoped i would fall in love with one day no matter how much i liked them x so many marriages fall apart when people are in love so wat chance would it have based on a hope ? x | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 5:02:35 PM | How could she be perfect in every way if you don't even love her!?!?
She may be "perfect" but obviously nowhere near perfect for "you". | |
|
| Do you have to be in love to marry?
Posted: 4/1/2006 5:58:25 PM | I don't know if that is true or not, but this one weirdo guy told me I was perfect and wanted to marry me, but he told me he didn't love me.I guess this kind of strange feeling only goes on in a man's mind.Do women ever think a guy is perfect,and want to marry him but don't love him?I don't think so.So something is wrong with your species.lol.No offense intended.It's just funny and weird. | |
|
Home
login 
