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 ShadowKnight59
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 1
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Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?Page 1 of 1    
I am asking this based on a thread asking whether True Gentlemen exist or not.

I think it would be helpful in that discussion if the ladies would outline those qualities they feel make up a True Gentleman as well as whether or not they would find a True Gentleman boring or not and why or why not.


Kevin
 Angel_in_jeans
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 2
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/9/2006 2:18:19 PM
A true gentleman treats people with respect. If I am dating someone, I watch how he treats everyone: the waitress, the crazy person we run into that needs someone to talk with-EVERYONE. Of course, I want him to treat me well, but, he even if he treats me well today, someday, he will treat me the same way that he treats the rest of the world

A true gentleman considers my feelings. His eyes might stray on me a little bit, but he doesn't ogle the other women in the room or behave in a way that might embarrass me.

To me, being a gentleman is more an attitude and a way of life than following a written code. If a man values and respects others, he doesn't need to follow every rule written by Ms. Manners for me to value and respect him. Things like pulling a chair out for me, helping me on w/my coat-all that is nice. However, it can be done in two ways: 1 way to impress me and get what he wants. Another way, to truly show that he values me. If he cherishes me, and acts accordingly, that's lots more important than being mannerly every minute. A gentleman will pay attention when you speak with him and speak kindly and gently to you. He will say what is on his mind if he is in a relationship because he understands that letting resentment build is a bad thing. But, if he has something negative to say, he will say it in the kindest possible way.

Unfortunately, some women find this boring, because they are addicted to the drama and adrenaline charge that comes with dating the "bad boys." You know, the alcoholics and the men that beat or threaten them. And, sad to say, some women repeat a cycle of bad relationships for their entire lifetime. My heart goes out to them because I know that they do not see what they are doing to themselves. They tend to believe that they are the victims and, unless they claim control of their lives, their lives will not change.

I respectfully submit to the gentlemen out there that you are better off w/out the women that find you boring. They may be good people, but they have work to do regarding their view of relationships before they can enjoy a healthy one. So, yes, the field for nice guys may be a little limited. But remember, it is limited to the nice girls. And we are looking for you!

Oh, did you say outline? ! *LOL* I'll stop this dissertation now then.
 just_Kats
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 3
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/9/2006 2:26:35 PM
"Im Bond.... James Bond"
Will first excuse me for... ripping half of my dress off, to make it possible for me to run to the chopper and will blutantly knock me down if I stay behind - then pick me up and throw me to the chopper... for which you will apologise over dinner on the top of Empire State building...

(ok, I know it's not all, but we all know JB was a perfect gentleman, just watch a few movies ... )
 ShadowKnight59
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 4
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Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/9/2006 4:42:09 PM
Thank you Angel and just_Cats for getting this started. And you are both right. There is no reason for a gentleman to also be boring nor is there reason for gentlemen to put up with the "drama and trauma" that so many seem to be addicted to.

Well used drama can, if used correctly, create attraction. By that I mean the drama of say...a carriage ride in the park, a train ride through the mountains, a murder mystery dinner theatre, things that create special shared memories. Heck, even riding on a carousel and doing something goofy just for fun.

Kevin
 sammysalt1
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 5
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/9/2006 5:49:32 PM
Fine line between a true gentleman that don't try to be one no matter what. Than one that trys and lies to please.
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 6
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/9/2006 6:53:12 PM
Well

allow me,

I feel it really comes down to being firmly grounded in ones characater and knowing who one is and how they should treat other people and they show compassion and kindness to others.

Someoen who is not shallow or narrow minded but can open up and just let him or herself go and be a true person and not pretend to be someone he is not and is happy with who he is, and is also accepting of others for their flaws and tries to help them with their mistakes.

Same also goes vice versa. Thats what it means in a nutshell.

My 2 cents
 Ginibin
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 7
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/9/2006 7:31:29 PM
I'd say every woman is so different, that a gentleman is one who takes the few minutes to size her up to see how she wishes to be treated. I don't need an ultra gentleman for me, I like a guy just a wee bit rough around the edges and maybe a little more in charge-but he has to show me he's worthy of my submission. I'm old fashioned in that I give a man most all the control when we are together, but only *my* man gets that and he gets to be *my* man by my resepct for his intellect, judgement, kindness, etc..

A gentleman is:

He's decisive without being dictating. He's generous without being a Sugar Daddy. He'll never mention a gift he insisted a woman accept and no gift will seem as an exchange for sexual favors. He'll find the time to be with her and make certain that he bends to suit her schedule at least half the time if he expects her to bend to suit his. He'll open doors if it doesn't involve stepping in her way. He'll make small talk in awkward situations and none of it will be vulgar. He'll do the approaching, introduce himself without cheesy lines, give her safe, not too intimate, way to meet later, and won't expect her to call him first. He'll behave in active courtship, buy gifts that are appropriate to their mutual incomes and their current level of intimacy. He'll comprehend that, as a lady of value, she'll have several men interested in her, and until she decides to spend all her energy on just him, he'll have to prove he's right for her. When the time is right, he'll formally request her special favor.

He'll be kind to her family and find a way to get along with her friends, and discuss the problems he has with them in an open non-confrontational way until the problem is solved. He'll look at everything he finds wrong with her and make a decision to either accept it or ask her to change-and offer to make some changes himself. He won't marry her until everything about her is permanently acceptable to him. He'll take care of himself, wear his seatbelt, etc., and think in future tense- future beyond the bed.

He'll propose marriage before her friends/family and speak to them beforehand to receive their blessings. He'll try to understand why she did something wrong instead of punishing her for it. He won't patronize her and treat her as if she is stupid, even when she acted stupid. He won't blame her family and friends for evrything that's wrong between them.

If he asks her out, he picks up the check. If his income is signficantly greater than hers, he always picks up the check *or* suggests more economical activities. If she has children, he accepts that she's already gone to an expense with childcare and that is part of the date cost for them both. If he expects her to date only him, then he stops looking for others on dating sites and introduces her to friends and family as his partner. He praises her publicly, but not effusively. He laughs with her before laughing at her and always helps her save face when she's embarrassed. He keeps the details of their intimate life between she and he and puts his foot down when she gabs too much to her gfs.

That's what, if I saw a guy be all those things, I'd say he's a true gentleman. I don't need *all* of that. Some o'dat wouldn't be too bad though.

ginibin
 lizwhip
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 8
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/9/2006 9:46:41 PM
A gentleman is a civilized, educated, sensitive, well-mannered man.
 sen_suelle
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 9
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/10/2006 12:19:11 AM
A true gentleman is a man who knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn't.

 ShadowKnight59
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 10
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Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/10/2006 6:05:23 PM
These are all getting to it...and sen suelle that is just funny. Can't say I know how to play bagpipes...but then never wanted to scare everyone away for miles either in the learning process.

I am wanting to see if there is some sort of basic consensus for qualities that a gentleman is thoguht to possess. But I also want to see if you ladies feel that gentlemen are boring for having those qualities. As in would you date a gentleman? Why or Why not?

Kevin
 dragenfly3f
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 11
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/10/2006 6:14:52 PM
I could go on and on but to me a true gentleman would be a man who is clean,neat and respectful to a lady. Treat a lady like a lady. But now days the women they see on tv don't act like they would like a gentleman. Did any one watch opera today it was about the way our young girls are learning not to have respect for their own bodys and minds. Then they talk about how he treated them. Maybe, be a lady and he'll be a gentleman. If mam did her job...
 Ginibin
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 12
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/11/2006 9:04:55 AM
A gentleman is not boring just for being a gentleman-what keeps a woman interested/passionate is more about what happens with just them. A lot of guys see a woman with a jerk and they don't get it, but when alone, my experience is that the show off jerks tend to just melt around me in private and become this man I just can't explain to anyone else but he's exhilerating and sensual and says the most wonderful things. The *nice guys* *the gentlemen* I've dated have been wonderful in public and it's true that I just fell for them simply because I loved being treated so well, but the intimacy was never there, they always had this wall of behavior up, almost like they just couldn't see me in a romantic and sexual way, like I was their mother and needed all the respect and honor due me.

So, both have appeal, but neither are enough to sustain. Just like a lot of guys say they want the *Lady* in general public, the *tramp* at home in bed, the good-time gal pal when out with their friends, the smart partner to make decisions with, and the homemaker who at least knows how to supervise the help if she isn't doin it herself, well....is it such a mystery that some women want to have the gentleman with high standards, who gives respect and honor, he is the public gentleman AND the MAN in the family AND is the sensual passionate lover AND makes smart partner decisions. etc., etc...?

I learned that if a woman is mentally sound, she can be all women to her man, if he treats her in a way that makes her feel secure enough to let all her personalities out when the time for each one is at hand. He'll never be bored. Make her insecure and she is just the *one* kind of woman and she's generally unpleasant to be around. Unfortunately, I haven't yet learned how to make a guy feel so secure that he can be every man to me. It is my opinion that it is easier to make a show off jerk feel more secure so that he becomes a gentleman in public, than it is to inspire a dispassionate *nice guy* to be a tiger in bed.

So give me two men and mebbe I'll be happy.

ginibin
 sen_suelle
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 13
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/12/2006 3:42:32 AM
Kevin truly ..a true gentleman is not only about certain criterias but also about things he knows how to do that he just would not do...and only his great level of thinking would say at this point its proper or not..that was just an example. A gentleman on all levels creates his own identity..if you read here all the women say the same thing..all that are common things and really that does not create a true gentleman. Pull out the chair..say senual things..thats what women want to hear so in their minds because they dont hear it enough it creates an image. Its like saying whats the definition of a lady..there really is only one word and that is being feminine at all times.. so what qualities determine a true gentleman ..its being a man at all times.. with better judgement....and nooooooooo..you can not come to dinner with a fig leaf ..you got to wear a tie with that get up, or they wont let us in!!!!!!
 Sweetsweetangel
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 14
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Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/12/2006 4:57:43 AM
Well Mr. Shadowknight...I have a question for you....what makes a true gentle lady? And are gentle ladies boring or not?


Personally I think it's all karma...We usually meet like minded individuals...
 ShadowKnight59
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 15
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Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/12/2006 7:32:27 AM
So Sen_Suelle,

How about a tie and the fig leaf? ;)

Yes, We all create our own identities and have a certain level of conduct which I feel includes Chivalry, Honor, and Honesty. I feel that the level of conduct and manners is what determines whether a man is a gentleman or not. It isn't as much the "dog and pony show stuff" the pulling of the chair, helping with the coat, opening the door, and such but rather the way he treats others. Is he courteous? Is the demeanour one of an @ss or is it of one who is respectful, courteous, honorable, and honest to all whether they can do something for him or not.

There are plenty who "play the game" at being gentlemanly but usually they can be found out because their actions and words are that way only for those who can in some way advance his view. Unfortuantely these charlatans have given, I believe, gentleman a bad rap. Also there are those who believe that being a gentleman means allowing others to "walk on you" which it doesn't. There are times when a gentleman must stand up for what is right.

Neither do I think that being a gentleman means I have to be a boring stick in the mud. I can be a gentleman and still enjoy doing a wide variety of things.

Kevin
 ShadowKnight59
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 16
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Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/12/2006 7:48:55 AM
Ok Sweetsweetangel...you asked for it...lol.

When I think of a true lady I think of women who are feminine, gentle, and mannerly who can enjoy a wide variety of things while still maintaining her poise. Notice if a woman sounds like a hag or a banshee then chances of her being a lady are slim and none.

A lady knows that there is a time and a place for everything, she never purposely tries to cause embaressment to anyone, is respectful and kind, is helpful, knows when to push, doesn't nag, and enjoys a wide variety of things. To me being a lady includes poise and grace and charm but these qualities are not reserved for a select few but rather for everyone. At the same time she also knows when it is time to stand up and fight for what is right.

It isn't about...knowing which spoon or fork to use for what dish. I have known plenty of true ladies who wouldn't have a clue about some of the "high society dog and pony show". In fact it has been my experience with many of the so-called society ladies that they are charlatans...it is just for show to those who can in some way advance their designs.

Do I find true ladies boring? Not in the least. They may not want to bait a hook, skin a rabbit, etc but they don't mind if I do. They aren't afraid of getting dirty or having fun. When they have a man they are perfectly happy just to be with him...if he wants to fish then they may not fish but rather go along with a book and sit in the boat or on the bank just talking with him.

It is all about attitude rather than trappings. It is about a woman who is perfectly happy being a woman rather than trying to be a man.

Something I once heard was "Women, if you would have the men be more manly then you be more feminine".


Kevin
 sen_suelle
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 17
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:36:05 AM
Shadow I said everything you said in four lines but granted my english is not as great as yours lol. What did I say the definition of a lady was??????

I am sure when I grow up lol I will have this down pat as I am not so much taking notes just patting my back for having a great set of parents who set great examples on the gentleman part and the lady part!!
 tinkerbell58
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 18
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:41:22 AM
A true gentleman to me is not necessarily someone with good manners, that opens doors etc., I consider that common courtesy. What is a true gentleman is someone that respects you and is somewhat protective of you in that they are considerate of your feelings and treat you with respect and honesty. Considering your feelings takes in a whole range of courteous treatment.
 ShadowKnight59
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 19
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Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/15/2006 9:27:56 AM
So for you tinkerbell it is some of the basics of Chivalry such as Courtesy, Respect, Honor, Honesty, Justice, Largesse

Kevin
 djbynature
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 20
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/15/2006 10:58:02 AM
I believe, that basic honesty, and the ability to NOT look at your date as a someone to "bed". Listening and remembering points that your date brings up are key. By the time you reach my age (my opinion).....a long lasting relationship wins out over a quick "hook up" anytime.
 jackietr
Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 21
Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/15/2006 3:17:53 PM
A true gentleman is someone who allows you to be who you are without being prejudice or discriminating against your behaviour or demeanor or personality. He'll find enjoyable qualities in anyone he dates.
 TimothyAL
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 22
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Ladies...What qualities determine a True Gentleman?
Posted: 4/15/2006 3:49:23 PM

A true gentleman is a man who knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn't.


Excellent way to put it! Very deep. Or were you just being playful. But then again I would like to assume both.
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