| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2006 11:17:19 AM | Ok my question goes out to the men particularly but anyone feel free to answer if you've been in this situation.
What's it mean when a man comes back into your life after a year of not hearing from them? I've had this happen several times and it makes me question their true feelings. Does it mean anything or are they playing games would one think. Do men usually do this if they really care about someone deeply? | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2006 11:49:17 AM | Could be any one of a number of reasons for this, some of the more obvious might be:
He just had another fight wth his wife and she threw him out again.
He was interested, but wanted to check he was getting the best deal so he shopped around first.
He found a better deal, but she has now found out what he's really like so it's back to #2.
County jail wouldn't let him send emails, and he was too embarrassed to call collect.
In any event, it would seem that there is some other love or passion in his life that detracted from his attraction to you, and if he's done it before, then he'll probably do it again - probably better to ask him outright what the issue was and judge based on that. If he's sincere, you'll get an honest answer, if he isn't then he'll probably have to grope around for a lie. Men do not usually do this if they care for someone deeply, quite the contrary, its usually an indication that they don't care! | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2006 2:28:34 PM | "Do men usually do this if they really care about someone deeply?"
No...they don't. If they really cared about someone they wouldn't go away in the first place. Proceed with extreme caution. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2006 4:20:56 PM | | Means there is a brake in their dating, and they wanted to fill it, and you came to mind. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2006 8:54:16 PM | Mine come back when they leave their wives. But they tend to keep in touch always.... | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/12/2006 2:26:10 AM | yes listen to these smart men posting.....
its tough being there only as a filler....time to out the trash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/12/2006 5:49:25 AM | I too agree with Pauper I, men can real ass*****.
Sometimes it seems like there is no rhyme or reason to our thinking.
If you ask me it sounds like he’s playing you. 
Knowing that he can come back anytime he wants.
Time to let hi know you’re done with him.
Kick him to the curb…
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/12/2006 6:32:36 AM | | I myself have never done this. If i really care for somone, i would not just disappear for a year then just appear again. Could be he is after somthing ? or maybe he has just come to his senses, who know. Only he can answer your question. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/10/2009 5:34:21 PM | | It means he's between relationships & your better than being alone. Don't go for it. Tell him he missed it. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:13:24 PM | It can mean any number of things beyond the game playing, at least to my mind:
1) Another chance. Depending on why things ended the way they did, this is one possibility that comes to mind.
2) Make amends. Think 12 step programs where one has to reach out and ask forgiveness.
3) Become friends. Similar to 2 but with more of a relationship as a result. Reconnecting but without the first case is also possible here.
I think there are some factors that one shouldn't forget to factor in here. If no one moved any distances, then I'm thinking it may more likely be one of the latter two cases. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/10/2009 8:15:02 PM | | how can you even let a man back into your life after he walked out on you .its not that he even cares ,if he did he wouldnt have left in the first place. he is likely to be on his own again and sees you as a easy target .im a man and i wouldnt go back to any relationship that had finished for that amount of time.i think he will be playing you and if you let him he will do it as much as he can | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/10/2009 8:27:33 PM | Personally a few thoughts come to mind. Pauper already listed the worst of them. Here are a few more positive ones.
1. He has matured over the last year and realized he made a mistake
2. He had a personal issue he was not prepared to share with anyone and now he is or it is over
3. He made a mistake and was ashamed
None of these are reasons to take him back, but I'd give the man a chance to explain and then make an informed decision and leave emotion out of the picture. Logic and reason need to rule the day here. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:58:37 AM | 2 words come to mind: Security Blanket.
You don't want to be that.
I've had the feelings that would lead to the behavior you're describing, but I'd never act on them. If he's been out there for a year looking for what he thinks he REALLY wanted, and not finding it, he could be getting buyer's remorse and want to go back to what he gave up. The grass is always greener.
Or there's always that possibility he's been imprisoned for murder and the trial just ended with his acquittal because some glove didn't fit... you probably want to avoid that too. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2009 2:29:05 PM | If he knew you at one time, he's familiar with you. And its so much easier to approach someone with which you're familiar than with someone new. That's the main reason why.
Your concern should be his intentions and why did he leave in the first place. The grass looks greener when you're having bumps in a relationship, and that's why he left -- for someone else, for time to figure himself out, to find an answer to his problems, whatever. So what does he want now?
If he doesn't come right out and say he is back because he realizes his mistake and knows your special, you have every right to grill him. He doesn't want to answer? Goodbye.
But if he's back for the right reasons to YOU, then maybe you have something there. We make mistakes, but we can also recognize when we really had it good --
But more often than not, it will be because he's scared of being alone and you're familiar... not a good enough reason to invite more heartache. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2009 2:38:11 PM | Kdavid.
The only posted reply I can respect. A rational thought unlike all the other cynical one-sided lonely replies. Life is a trip and just because someone takes a 'vacation' from your life doesn't mean they are "trash". OP, find out your facts about him and move on from there.
All the best ! | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/11/2009 3:15:47 PM | | if he can't answer that question for you to your satisfaction, surely a bunch of random people on the internet won't either....try to consider all the possibilities, and don't automatically go to the lowest common denominator and assume the worst | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/12/2009 9:30:12 AM | -Ask yourself what makes you so interested now that you weren't last year?
If someone would lose interest and not return emails or messages I would say thanks but no thanks. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:20:51 PM | | I can't think of anything good it could possibly mean. It basically means he's returning to old hunting grounds. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/12/2009 9:12:14 PM | Until i read this I actually didn't realize it had happened so many times. I was thinking back to all the times it has happened to me.
I think by nature I am a giving person. I tend to give comfort, friendship, an open ear and help (of all kinds) to the men who come into my life. When they get their fix they move on to the more abrasive women who rarely give anything more than a pretty face to a relationship.
I tend to be a bit more of a kind of girl you take home to meet mom. A few guys have actually done this, and then completely stop talking to me for months....8-9 months and then all of a sudden pop back into my life. I can get down and dirty like anyone else, but I wouldn't be the type they would take out with their friends. So they would find someone they weren't embarrassed to be in public with, and then call me when they get dumped. I realized this pattern with a few guys, but it became evident when the guys would be gone, for a while, and suddenly want to jump back in where they left off.
There are a MILLION reasons why guys would do this. They did this to me I AM CERTAIN, because they were embarrassed to be seen with me with their friends, but would take me home to mom.
I stay away from people like that nowadays.
Bottom line. Get the facts. Don't hesitate to ask what happened. Use your best judgment.
Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice shame on me......
~Lost
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/12/2009 9:35:35 PM | The previous folks have posted some great replies. I would add....ask where he has been. He may have been out of the country for a year. If he just returned, that would make sense why he had been gone so long without contacting you. However, you would possibly want to heed the others' advice and still find out why he wants to come back with you. Maybe he realized while he was gone that he couldn't live without you.
A guy I dated in college....I left the country and we lost track of each other. When I came back in the country, he wasn't around. I found out later he left for South America just as I got back from Central America. So, when he finally did track me down several years later, he had some good reasons for the missing years.
Then again, maybe you are just someone he feels comfortable with and he is using you until he finds what he is looking for.
As the wise ones before mentioned, communication is the key. If he really cares about you, he won't want you to be hurt. He will also understand your need to know where he has been and what he has been doing during the last year. If you care about him, it is worth taking the time to talk to him. If you don't, move on and say sorry buddy, you had your chance and blew it. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/12/2009 9:41:19 PM | | Run Away!!! Run Away!!! You are a Casual "GirlFriend in this Snakes Eyes!! Protect Yourself, and Your Sanity from a "Player" that has the Best of BOTH Worlds!! Its Too Bad, and I am Sorry ANYONE Has/Chooses To Deal with such a Creep. Pardon My Bluntness. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:14:52 AM | I've had this happen too...usually in more casual relationships, where I'd been the one to say - you are nice, but you aren't IT...
I think that often people "come back around" to see how you are, or to see if maybe, just maybe, they might have another shot. If you were friendly - it might just be a friend checking in type thing.
I think if someone "leaves" you would know the reason why...and that would speak volumes to their reappearance in your life, and what they want, and what you are willing to give them! | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/26/2009 4:02:52 PM | I have to agree with davidl 's post as well. Not eeveryone has ulterior motives if and when they return. Dynamics and feelings and sometimes regrets have alot to do with it.
I have had this happen more than once, only the "powder" the guys took was anywhere from 9 mos to 1+1/2 yrs to over 3 years. They tended to be rather tumultuous relationships. Incredible passions and connections, but with intense disagreements as well. They said they wanted a commitment, or were "in love", yet their impatient, impetuous natures didn't allow for them to demonstrate sincerity. EVERY one of them did something "stupid" like traipse after a shiny object that caught their fancy while they were waiting for me to "come around" to their way of thinking or a way of being that suited their needs. Alot of men don't seem to realize that women want to see evidence of the integrity in what a man says. Actions, beyond all else are what matters. Maturity has alot to do with it, I suspect. The "I'll show her" mentality, when in reality all it proves is that they were not capable of true love, respect, or consideration in the first place. In my scenarios, I VERY well knew the men that left, and I know why they left, and I know why they return. These same men also put their pride on the line by attempting to make amends or return. One stated he could not imagine his life without me in it, if nothing else at least as a friend. He went to great strides to repair our relationship. Unfortunately, the damage is done..you may be able to rekindle some of the true friendship, but not likely the love or depthful connection or trust that you once had. In all of my cases, the men came to realize that while what we had wasn't perfect, that at least it was always REAL. Reality can be harsh when your realize that the grass isn't always greener, and that you sacrificed somethiing genuine and of value to you in the process. One man told me he was getting married, yet also felt compelled to tell me I was the closest thing to a soulmate he had ever known. He also had no idea why he was marrying the woman that he was, except to say "it's time"... Hmmm.....He was also the one that made contact after 3.5 yrs, totally out of the blue, after he was married.
Forgiveness may or may not be forthcoming, but all to often NOT second chances. It may be about the amount of love given vs. amount of pain inflicted. Often there was anger and haste in actions (or words) as well. This is where the golden rule truly does apply. It is about values, trust and mistrust, regrets, remorse, respect and disrespect. Communication is the key. Only the two of you can know the dynamics that transpired between you in your relationship. Don't judge in haste...Yes, there are those that will attempt to manipulate...be wary and be cautious. How does that person make you feel when they attempt contact? Trust your instincts and intuitions. It does matter WHY they left as well as HOW. Some people need a lot more time than others to get over pain and anger, and it can be frustrating for those who are trying or are willing to make amends. Not everyone can be rushed, (I happen to be one of those people!) and if you try, you end up with less than that person might be capable of had you employed a little patience. (or ALOT.... sometimes!  ) The moral of the story is...Try with all your might not to make choices and decisions in life that hurt someone else beyond repair...choices that you may regret...Regrets are very hard to live with. | |
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| What's it mean when.....
Posted: 4/26/2009 4:17:54 PM | | I get quite a few of those. I won't take the players back. If they leave to begin with, I guess we don't mean that much to them. | |
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