| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 4/11/2006 4:37:11 PM | Okay, maybe I just need to type this out. It may come out as so much gibberish, and I don't know that I'm looking for advice, knowlege, or anything in particular.
My ex's mother passed away around 4 AM this morning. I only know because I work for my ex's brother (annudder long story) and one of the ladies at work informed me. I knew she was close to passing, as I had the kids last night and my ex had asked that I bring them by to see their grandmother.
I'm in an awkward state right now. I loved and respected my ex-mother-in-law. She was always kind to me, even after the divorce. I plan to attend the service, but not go graveside, send flowers, but not go to visitation.
My daughter, all of 14, was well-aware this would be happening; my son, 8, hadn't a clue, of course - he thought "Memaw" would come home.
I'm sure they'll be fine, with time.
That seems to be what's on my mind right now....anyone else ever in a similar situation? | |
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| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:00:37 PM | | Wow, you call her Memaw? Family... a group of things with a common feature. I have been divorced a eleven years. I was married for six.... after all this time, they have become common. They are my family.... common feature: my ex. | |
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| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:06:09 PM | Arealangel, thank you...I do plan to attend, and most certainly do not consider myself part of the family any longer. I care about some of them, surely, but not as family.
NJAM, I can see where you got that, but, no, I called the lady by her nickname. The children called her "Memaw."
Annudder | |
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| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:09:20 PM | | This is just my opinion, take it or leave it. Your children may need you. Just because you divorced your ex doesn't mean you divorced the feelings of that extended family. If you loved the woman, you shouldn't feel wrong in honouring her memory. Or perhaps offer your ex to take your 8 year old home after the service so he doesn't have to endure the graveside rituals that may be too hard for him to grasp at this time. | |
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| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:09:57 PM | annudder Sorry for the loss for you and your children. Family is family, divorce only ends marital relationships. I would suggest you contact a local Hospice. My children went to their meetings at their school and a weekend camp. They have many printed materials availabe that are excellent on death and grieving and work wonderfully with adults AND children. Please avail themselves of any local services available. They may have a person that visits your children's schools. They also have a lot on their website.
Hope this helps. | |
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| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:43:54 PM | It is a tough thing to deal with.
When my ex's father passed away,my children were much younger.
I was as honest about the situation as I could be with younger kids.
They understood that grampa had been sick,and would not be seeing them again,except to look down upon them from heaven.
I did take them to the visitation,and the service as well...my ex appreciated it,as he was quite distraught.
There are books you can get at the library that deal specifically with explaining death to young children..you may want to check them..
Very sorry for your loss. | |
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| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:52:34 PM | As long as you and your ex are on good terms there's no reason you can't go. I still feel bad that I missed my ex-brother in law's funeral..however I felt it might be in bad taste to go since my ex is remarried..and his wife made it very clear I was not welcome. However...they have only been together for 3 yrs...I was a part of the family for 12 yrs...I still felt it not appropriate to go. I took my daughter to her aunts house so that she could attend all of the services...but again...I still wish I would have been able to say goodbye.
Strange I know. But it didn't seem right. I did send flowers and I sent a card to his mother (my ex mother in law) and his brothers as I knew they were in need of love and support.
Not sure this helps...but I hope you go. You are a part of the family...when divorce happens...often the family isn't involved. Good luck..and I'm sorry for your loss. | |
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| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 4/12/2006 3:39:19 PM | Thank you all. I sent flowers to the funeral home and a card to my ex-father-in-law. I plan to attend the church service, but not go to the graveside service. I did leave a message for my ex that if they needed someone to watch the youngest ones while they went to the graveside, I would be available.
Annudder | |
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| Death of an ex's mother and the kids...
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:57:22 PM | | I certainly understand how you are feeling. I have had two mother-in law and loved them both very much and they loved me especially my first one, and told me so often. Just because I divorced their son doesn't change how we felt about each other. Also, this is a very hard day in your childrens life, they will certainly need you and you will need to be there for them. They are not adult yet. As for your kids' mother, this is a good gesture toward her. You may be divorced, but she is the mother of your kids and always will be. Respect her for that. | |
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