| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 3:04:30 PM | My semi-ex's birthday is Sunday. We're still in love, miss eachother greatly, but she's technically with another guy who's extremely jealous since their relationship is nothing like ours.
So, as far as presents go... I don't want to make her lie about stuff, and if my attempts to get her back fail I don't want to screw up their relationship more than need be. I figure nice jewelry is a bad idea? I contemplated getting her the DVD of a movie that about made her run back to me; I don't want to hurt her with that, but yet it may help my cause...? I figure a book about knitting that's a follow on to some Christmas presents would be neutral enough to be accepted, not cause serious problems, and not leave me having given her nothing... Hard enough being in the situation, let alone figuring crap like this out, I just want to love her and treat her like I used to. | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 3:43:55 PM | It's obvious you still aren't over her.
Want to send a clear message?
DO NOT SEND HER ANYTHING FOR HER BIRTHDAY! No cards, gifts or anything of that nature. No calls, no emails, no text, no drunk dialing.
She's dating someone else right now. If you do anything such as contacting her, emailing, begging, pleading, etc you are essentially handing control of your life over to her.
Stop worrying about her and put the focus on YOU.
If the feelings were mutual, if you were BOTH still in love, she wouldn't be dating someone else.
Stop feeding her emotional needs while ignorning your own.
Bottom line, you will come off like a clingy, needy, insecure guy if you continue to talk to her and be her friend.
You can NOT be friends with someone you are in love with. She's moving on with her life (dating somoene else) and you're here contemplating what to give her for her birthday.
Move on. Forget her. Live your life and be happy. Rebuild your confidence and self-esteem.
You really need to read my thread entitled "So you want a second chance?" in this forum for more ideas which contains some suggestions for getting on with your life. | |
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Catwm
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Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 3:47:45 PM | 1. Why is she with another person if she is still in love with YOU?
2. Send no present
3. Agree with above post | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 4:01:47 PM | you're both still in love with each other and both miss each other but technically she's with another guy???
By technically do you mean she's handcuffed to him and can't leave him?
If she wanted to be with you, then she would be.
I'm also curious as to what movie almost made her run back to you.... | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 4:15:54 PM | I'm also going with nothing.
No card, no gift, no phone call.
If she's hurt, she'll bring it up to you, and you can explain how much it hurt you to see her with someone else.
Maybe you need to read the book "He's just not that into you", and replace all he's with she's. One chapter states "She's just not that into you if she's having sex with someone else", you may also benefit from "She's just not that into you if she's not dating you", or even "She's just not that into you if she's breaking up with you".
Good luck buddy. | |
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Catwm
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Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 6 | |
| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 5:28:06 PM | Still wondering if you are both in love with each other, why weren't you together? | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 6:07:07 PM | I just posted in your other thread..she has left you so face it...you wont be loving her like you used to. Its over, she has moved on.  Good luck! | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 6:22:52 PM | | Buy her some sex toys for them to enjoy. | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 6:28:01 PM | I agree that you shouldn't give her anything for her birthday. Even though you want to, it's not worth being hurt over. Maybe, since you can't stop thinking about her, just buy the gift and hold onto it DON'T GIVE IT TO HER! Then, if you two get back together, than you could tell her everything your heart desires.
Or if she gets mad that you didn't do anything for her birthday (you're still friends right?) Then tell her why and give her the gift you purchased. Then the two of you will be happy and she will think you are the sweetest for concidering her current situation with her current boyfriend!
Sound like a good idea?
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 7:26:57 PM | No present , No card , No call
if you bump into her on the street wish her a happy birthday ..but do not seek her out
I saw your posts too .... MOVE ON PLEASE ...you can do sooooo much better for yourself | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/14/2006 10:24:24 PM | I think sonjarobin's idea sounds good. I already had most of the stuff before the whole situation happened, so it's just what to do with it... I'll donate it to something if it never pans out.
Everyone keeps telling me I can do so much better for myself and I'll find someone even better, find it hard to believe, never had anything close to this before.
The movie was Dying Young. It's not our exact situation, the m/f roles are reversed and she's not dying, but sounds like the relationship is fairly similar. I guess I'll have to rent it or something, it's been years since I saw it.
As far as the other post, incase you don't see it, some of this is relevant:
well, some of you have seen previous posts, she got really scared and married an ex before I could get to her. Thus, it involves breaking her word / getting divorced/annuled...
I haven't been making any contact, but she's been making it more regularly. He's got the security that she needs, but the rest isn't there. I guess there's always the possiblity she's not still in love with me, but she's not a good enough actor to respond to my touch the way she does. She's confident he won't ever leave her even to the point where they'd share nothing in the house but the laundry room, so there's no good reason to keep me as a "backup." She knows that I'd stick around without us getting "carried away" to the point that I have to try as hard as I can to keep from losing what morals I have left. Maybe she's just using me for the affection, only she can truly know...
I guess I'll have to go back over that post jarbarian, it's such an f'd up situation that it's hard to fit it in, but I guess I'll keep trying. | |
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Catwm
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Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/15/2006 6:02:56 AM | | Op: Move on and good luck. | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/15/2006 7:46:39 AM | Bottom line.... she's not with you.....
It's not your place to buy her a gift.....
You're thinking WAY too much about it..........If she ever leaves him and comes back to you then ok... but U really need to quit seeming so desperate.... and trying to be a part of this womans life.
YOU CAN'T LOVE her and treat her the way U used to.... SHE is WITH someone else!
EVEN if she leaves him and comes back to you.... it will be different..... tainted somehow...
SHE made her bed.... and u are enabling her by staying in contact.... SHE married another man for goodness sake!!!!!! That says it all!!!!!!!! | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/15/2006 7:53:25 AM | The best way to get her back?????? MOVE ON!!!
:))
Witchy | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/15/2006 3:38:48 PM | | MOVE ON!! If she wanted to be with you, she would be. I don't mean to sound cruel but that part of your life is over with now. I have been through this myself and you DO GET OVER IT!! Keep your chin UP and SMILE! | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 11:17:03 AM | | She called to wish me a Happy Easter, I wished her that back and the Happy Birthday, thus solving that quandry. Gotta love when the tone of the conversation is strangely different and I bring up something and she "can't really talk", ie he must be in earshot. Sucks to be him, sucks to be me, sucks to be her. Guess I have to let her do her thing and hope in the back of my mind that she realizes that living with the mistake isn't worth it. | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 11:46:42 AM | BNJ~ That's great that she called to wish you Happy Easter....
I wish you could be strong enough to tell her that it is NOT appropriate for her to CALL u! That she is a MARRIED woman! She made her bed... her choice...
NOW mister Ur making urs... by allowing this fricken mental torture...
-Yes u care for her
-Yes she may care for you
But dude... commmmmmmmeeeeee oon... ur holding on to something that isn't there right now. Maybe if u grow some..... um... that would be too rude... and stand up to her...
CUT her off... maybe she'll realize and leave him and come to u.. but right now why should she? She's got her security blanket or whatever BS she's telling u... AND ur still talking to her.
Yeah it sux that she is such a loser to call u... when he is or isn't around..... SHE'S FRICKEN MARRIED NOW!!!!! | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 12:57:00 PM | yeah, I know. I don't have the balls to stand up to her yet. I know if it doesn't go my way I'm just setting myself up for more hurt by pushing it aside and letting it be what it is right now. Allowing the contact, however bad it is for her or me, feels better than when we don't talk, so it's hard. I know it's bad for her to talk with me, I know I should support their marriage, but the little ***hole that's in me sometimes wins over and thinks that letting her undermine her marriage would do my cause better than just praying that she'll miss me enough to come back rather than forgetting about me or convincing herself that she's done the right thing without me being able to contest it.
Yes she made her bed, made a choice, but it "can" be unmade which is my only hope. When she says stuff that shows serious consideration and thought to doing it, the hopeless romantic in me wins over the logical and appropriate parts of my brain. Worrying that my parents would hate her after all this, I just don't see something like that coming from the average soulsucking woman just leading me on; although I guess it could just be that I'm a sheltered midwestern kid who hasn't experienced the wonders of evil that exist in coastal women...
 I want my old life back | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 12:58:57 PM | My ex did crack for my birthday
isnt that special
and the dumbass thinks i'm going to get back with him
HELLO DUH!!! | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 1:19:33 PM | Hey BrokenHearted, I'm in a similar position as you and I all I have to say is that you are not her first choice and that said, no woman, and I mean no woman can truly love and respect a man who willingly takes second place or puts himself in a position of supplication. Just ask any woman that you know and she will agree.
Do not send her a present, do not contact her. It will serve you a lot more in the long run when she sees that you have self-respect, dignity, strength and a backbone. Sending a present will only tell her that you are willing to accept second best and no woman wants a man who does.
Read Jarbarian's post on "second chances", stay active and stay strong.
She is not the essence of your being... you and only you are.
Capische? | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 1:40:01 PM | You sound like a very nice young man. As i read what you have written, it makes me think of my son who is 25 years old.
Go have fun......... and don't get so involved with all this "stuff" because you don't need to. Enjoy the time you have as a single young man. Your so young, do for you.
Maybe she is breaking your heart now but.... it was her choice to do what she did.
Don't be the fall back guy cuz it won't get ya anywhere in the end, onlyheartbreak. | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 2:29:17 PM | Never really interested in "having fun". I guess it was my upbringing. I found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, going back just feels unacceptable to me.
She had to go and say something that validated my fears of cutting off contact, so it's really hard for me. I get the thing about allowing myself to be second best, which is why I try fighting for #1 in my own way. I guess it depends on the woman, it's feeling like damned if I do, damned if I don't, so do what makes me feel better for now. | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 2:47:03 PM | Broken Hearted, the best way to fight for yourself is to walk away and "demonstrate" to her that you are your own man, you have self-respect and dignity and wait for no one to decide whether "you are worth it." I understand what you mean about making yourself feel better but then a junkie does the same thing to make himself feel better. It's like this (with the ex being the narcotic):
1) Junkie feels like sh*t - will do anything to get another fix (any reason to see the ex)
2) Junkie starts to feel a lot better knowing that another hit is coming (knowing they are going to see the ex)
3) Junkie gets his fix and feels amazing (thinking they still have a chance with the ex)
4) Drug begins to wear off, junkie feels terrible, starts to crave another hit (wanting to see the ex again and again and again and again...... etc, etc.)
Does that make sense?
Get off the pipe (your ex) and start breathing the fresh air.
Life is gonna be okay without her, believe me amigo, it really will be. Enjoy your 20's, they only happen once. | |
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| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/16/2006 3:13:31 PM | Brokenhearted..move on and forget her...Better yet change ur number etc..cut the ties..your asking us in a forum...
Stop and think for a min..If the woman really loved you she'd be in your arms right now and you would NOT be asking us in a forum what to do.... | |
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Catwm
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Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 25 | |
| Ex's Birthday
Posted: 4/17/2006 5:49:31 AM | | Don't hang on to a relationship just because it is convenient. There is so much more to life and you deserve to be happy. | |
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