| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/14/2006 7:22:30 PM | | I want to hear what people have to say about getting over a long term (3 years or more) relationship. In your opinnion what helped you move along? What did you do when you had thoughts of your ex affecting your day to day life? To some degree it also depends on the nature of the breakup so I'll state mine. The girl I was with had a psychiatric disorder and we eventually let the relationship burn out after four years, with no phone calls, no closure, and no further contact. | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/14/2006 8:08:27 PM | | I was with a guy for 5 years. For two days after we broke up and he left town, I literally didn't think I would make it. Then I thought of the alternative, which was worse. A couple weeks later I received a job offer across the country (from Indiana to Arizona) and took it. A fresh start was really nice. If I go home this summer, it will probably be more difficult, but when I get lonely, I remember the reasons we broke up and all the ways I've grown since we parted. Its hard, and it still hurts sometimes, but thats the price we pay for love. | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/14/2006 9:56:55 PM | | I've been with someone on and off for the last 11 years and we even share a daughter together. A few weeks ago he just up and moved out one day while I was at work. For the first few days, I cried a lot, got sad, thought of what I could do to get him back and work things out and all that kind of stuff... and then I got pissed off... lol our life together had its ups and downs but I have to admit, the past few months there were more downs. The fact that he didn't even tell me and cowered out after all these years and memories together, well I really wouldn't ever be able to forgive him for that... so I am just trying to keep busy. I go on the computer a bit more, I work a little more and when I feel lonely and depressed then I call a friend.... Time is what will work in the end... it takes time to get over a long term relationship... one day at a time ;) When I have moments that I think I can't live without him and want to call him, I think of the bad times and then I don't want to call anymore... lol I guess everyone deals with things differently and we all have to find our own way of dealing with heartbreak so good luck to you and remember one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time... it'll all get better sooner or later :) | |
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Derps
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Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 4 | |
| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/15/2006 5:33:42 AM | | i was with her for what would have been 4 years in may, and she broke things off on feb 13th, there was a whole comlpicated mess that just went out of proportion and it ended, well she lived with me so i had to keep seeing her when she came to get her stuff out and that was the hardest part, what honestly helped was joining here and meeting new people, and also going out and having fun with old or new friends. Sure i had my relapses and would be depressed and miss her, but then i would just think of all the bad times and how she went about the breakup (totally heartless method) and that anger helped me through it and showed me that i am way better off, also helps to keep busy and set new goals for yourself to achieve. main thing is having fun now and living life for me, it may not seem like it can get better but i was there and now i understand what everyone was telling me, time heals all | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/15/2006 7:52:14 AM | letting it go with no phone calls and no closure....... is pretty dayum sad after 3 years....
I've only had my heart TRULY broken one time..... Thank goodness! I've never felt that low... sad and lonely before in my life... I cried EVERY fricken day... multiple times a day! I'd see a cute couple and start crying!
I started keeping a daily journel of my feelings and my day.... I cried when I needed to and I cried until I couldn't fricken CRY anymore! It took a really long time.... but I finally got over it..... after a few months we tried to be friends again.... but I had to end that because all of the sudden after 4 years he wanted more... I couldn't allow myself to be that vulnerable again.... and let our friendhship go...
Best of luck to you..... It really is hard with no closer and a 3 year relationship deserved some type of closure... | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/15/2006 1:19:07 PM | i was with someone for 3 years and we broke up almost 3 weeks ago. what helped me was a mix of several things.
1. sometime without talking at all. its the hardest part but its good because u have time to think about what happened, the relationship, etc.
2. making contact with the person and deciding to stay friends. when i say friends i dont mean talk everyday and hang out all the time. i would recommend one day a week where u spend time together. this helps make the transition smooth, and u avoid all the pain of having everything u were so used to 3 years to be taken away so suddenly.
3. hang out with friends as much as possible. its distracting and while ur with them u feel better. if u stay alone too much u will start getting depressed and feel pathetic
4. find some friends that u r comfortable with that u can talk to about what happened and ur feeling about it. some friends just dont have the capacity or patience to listen to ur sob story so dont force it on them. itll just make u feel worse. find someone thats willing to listen. this way ur not alone and u can let ur thoughts out of ur head and this will decrease the amount of time u think about the x
5. find someone that you are comfortable to get physical with. that is the ultimate thing to decrease how much ur x is on ur mind. this person needs to be someone that u r with consistently. this is good because ur sense of urgency to find someone either on this city or while ur out decreases and so does ur anxiety.
follow my 5 rules and i think u will be over ur x in a month!! | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/15/2006 3:44:24 PM | Sneaky . . . your not done. This friends thing is a lie you tell yourself. It's too soon to be friends. Watch how that rule backfires. I guarantee it. | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/15/2006 4:06:39 PM | twilight,
if i still had feeling for him or wanted to be more then friends then u would be right, it is too soon. but since i dont feel any of the above i think the timing is fine. i took 2 weeks to myself to figure out how i truly feel and this is the conclusion that i came to. i havent really had a chance to truly test it out though so we'll see how it goes. it might now work out and we may not remain friends but i really dont think it will end badly. | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:02:10 AM | | hey there, I was with the same man for almost five yrs. We had a daughter together and I never pictured myself with anyone else but he was very paraniod that I was cheating on him all the time and stuff like but he aoreason to be. anyways after almost 5 yrs together he broke up with me the day before my birthday and the day after daughter had major surgrey. I was so heart broken and still am some days. but we have now been apart for almost three months and all I can say is that it takes time. i am starting to move on and meet other men but some days I really miss and wish we were togther I now it will not always be this way but for now it is. You just have to do your best to move on. Which is so much easy said then done. I know. I still miss him sometimes. but yea anyways LOL. it just takes time . | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/1/2006 12:53:38 AM | I just got out of an abusive long term relationship. Almost 2 years, that's the longest for me. He physically abused me one time but the emotional abuse has gone on all year since he got into coke. bleh.
We just broke up a little over a week ago and I've moved to another state since then. I left my whole life behind and it has been soooo hard. Sometimes I think I can't cope, I love him and miss him so much. I feel stupid because when I was with him I just wanted out, now I'm out and am not handling it so well.
GAH RELATIONSHITS!!!!! *stabs self*
I'm reading all I can about how to get over this and I have been told more than anything that it just takes time. We talk on the phone everyday, I'm very lonely here and have no friends at all. I'm staying with my mom which makes me feel even more lame. Bleh.
Sorry I don't think I was any help to this post, just rambling. Sorry....  | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/1/2006 9:58:32 AM | Read my post entitled "So you want a second chance"
The best advice for getting over someone is in there. There's no magic pill. Follow the guide and allow time to do it's work. | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/1/2006 10:07:35 AM | change ya routine-when your in a relationship, you get in a routine, when it ends you often feel lost.
if you feel low-go for a walk/gym etc..keeps you healthy and pre-occupied. go out with mates..talk about feelings to anyone prepared to listen (talking is great therapy).
keep reminding yourself why it ended..be positive and maybe go out with some mates and get pissed  not a long term solution and im not saying become an alcoholic lol but it has a temp feel good factor and takes your mind off things for a bit-it also reminds you that there is a life out there (or so they say!). | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/1/2006 10:33:26 AM | I was married to my husband for 29 years so it was a tough one. To get over it I made lots of new friends, joined wine tasting group, started going o museums, concerts and
city tours by myself, started concentrating more on my hobbies (reading, wine tasting,
knitting, designing etc), have been doing meditation and going to the gym, just basically doing things to improve myself and feel good about myself so I c ould be happy alone.\Sure, it's hard a times and I still miss him sometimes but the right state of mind
is very important. Don;t let yourself be depressed about it, enjoy your life, you are so young, everything is still ahead of you. | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/1/2006 10:53:36 AM | ~bottom line...everyone is built differently thus handling situations differently...
it ain't easy...and it takes time...it does suck...
i read this quote the other day "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"...i don't suggest you repress your tears or emotions whatsoever..but be thankful for the relationship...and think about the good times(there were good times right???)...what you have learned about yourself...hopefully you will have become a better person once it's all said and done...~ | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/1/2006 8:51:32 PM | | Beer and Hookers helped me....lol.....just kidding about the hookers.......drink her out of your mind,trust me it does work...seriously !!! | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/2/2006 9:50:08 AM | After being with my wife for 30 years, I just didn't know where to go or what to do, when someone doesn't love you anymore, your soulmate you thought. Just takes time and if you can find closure in your own way and on your terms you will move on. Mine was an alcholic and AA was worse. I was just left hanging on my own. I have worked things out in my heart and soul and know what happened to me happens to a lot of people. You will make it.
LG | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/2/2006 6:52:22 PM | | For me,after my 10yr relationship.....TIME......i dont think it ever really totaly goes away....just gets easier to deal with it...... | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/2/2006 8:51:25 PM | I made the mistake of falling in love with my best friend...
we dated for 2 years...when we broke up I was just so out of it. Over time I realized it was the right thing to do. He's still my best friend now, and I still love him, but again it's different. I know he loves me as well...but It's much stronger than just this "romantic" love-deal.
I have no regrets.
Time was the only thing that made it better. He was helpful too. the day after we broke up he came to me, gave me a big hug, and told me everything will be okey. he always looks out for me. | |
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quark
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 22 | |
| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/3/2006 12:51:14 AM | Firstly, as for break-ups. I always loved this Robert Hunter line.
"Broken heart don't feel so bad"
"You haven't lost half of what you thought you had"
Secondly, and just a tad less serious....and to add a bit of levity ...
The best way to get over a man,....is to get under one.
Charlemar | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/14/2006 9:02:26 PM | | well..ive had 3 marriages and im not bragging was committed to each one of them.. life is a funny road and each phase is different ..it made me realize that you have to be the person you are..and it made me stronger..I submersed myself in my children.. they suffer also in a divorce..I was married to very selfish people and I found that I had to like myself ..I do not allow myself to get treated badly and ..I am who I am ..love real loves never goes away it just changes into some other thing.. I know hate would destroy me so I became stronger an d made myself a better person the only thing you can change is youself ..not another person.. | |
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| Getting over a long term relationship
Posted: 6/14/2006 11:16:35 PM | | i cant seem to get over it. But i couldnt leave a relationship with no contract thereafter. This is one...all i think we should be is friends at least. | |
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