| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 11:40:05 AM | | How do you deal with the death of a loved one, how do you cope, how do you move on start a new life, hoe do you stop the tears...... | |
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kame
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 11:53:27 AM | | I know what your going threw ,I lost both my parents when I was young,Its hard when you see them on a daily basis and all of a sudden there just not there anymore,time is the only thing that makes it easyer the pain lessens as time goes by,but I know the ace in your heart that your feeling,and the empty feeling ,just hang in there the pain will get less as time goes by ,and will be taken over with the good memories you had with this person. | |
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kame
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 3 | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 12:07:16 PM | Hi, I am so sorry to hear bout this? is this your hubby?
I am also a widow a very sudden illness and 67 days he was in and out of a coma, resulting in death of my soul mate and bestfriend on veterns day. (17 yrs of marriage)
I had to make the choice to take him off of life support. I had so many un ans. questions i wish i could of asked him. In my own way i have the ans i need
I use to hate it when people would tell me time heals all tears.. to think of the good times you spent together.
Well my friend times does make the eyes cry not so often but then you deal with all of the 1st. birthdays, holidays and all of those important days.
Well you ever be the same person you were before? OMG NO!
I say i am re inventing myself each and everyday. Learning and hoping to find my place in life again. I was very pampered and spoiled, which was a good thing then but a new learning experiance for me now..
I use to stress over the holidays and kids b-days that i was not making special for them. The honest ans is no they are not the same but in my way i do try. Yes i feel like my son is short changed in alot of ways but that is the way life is now. and ive explained it to him the best i can.
I had/have a great support group between family and friends. I could call on them anytime. There was times when i just wanted someone here to fill the space. Now when i get that way i go shopping.. :)
I still have my many moments they do not come as often as they use too. I still have a hard time just relaxing in our home.
I do know that my hubby would not want me to sit at home and die. I have to much of a passion for life nor would he want me to not have a relationship with someone.
Just as your special person would want you to live life to its fullest.
Take care
Judy | |
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cojo4
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Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 5 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 12:17:10 PM | There allways in your heart,,,,,,,i have learned to deal with it...by remembering the good times | |
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cojo4
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Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 12:27:57 PM | | guess what they dont, you wouldnt be human if they did, time ok...give it time... | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 12:34:47 PM | | i've recently lost the father to my very young childrent o a tragic death, he went to a new yrs eve house party hardly even drinking... he was 2.5 hours from home trying to help his brother save his marriage, and the price to pay for that was him getting his throat cut with a drinking glass by a man he grew up around. I dont understand what it was all over, but it was definitely a sneak attack... i never knew that by telling someone you love them and give them hugs and kisses every time they leave the house actually did help in the healing process because you have already overcome what you wanted them to know before they died.. the only hard part is now that i am 6 months pregnant, he wont be there for the birth of this child like the other two. he was the glue that seemed to hold me together, and the life of our family.. this is something that i have to do my best at now. life is something that can be gone in a flash.. I was worried that he may have suffered, but it was instant that he felt no pain and was gone in less than 5 minutes. i am only young.. 30yrs old, and am finding some days worse then others, i lost 40 pounds in 34 days and had to get medical help so that i would not lose our third child.. he knew i was pregnant. The way that i helped to ease the pain was to make a webpage in tribute to my loved one..this is where i go just to know i once felt worse than i do today and that life has its twists and turns. there were a lot of things that occured beforehand that were signs that he may have subconsciencely known hed die soon.. seemed a little weird. but it was just so. my oldest is 4 and she asks me to get her a new daddy often, but thats not what i want to do right now.. i want to be able to get on my feet before i can be swept off my feet again..love doesnt end, i will always feel the same for him.. the pain will always be the same.. but understanding is more and more clearer every day.. everybody has to have something to look forward to to help them along the journey they have left. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 12:52:34 PM | i know from experience i lost my wife of 22 years of marriage 8 years ago. i want you to remember that everyone has their own way of how to handle grief but i want you to think about a motto that helps me everyday.
look back but don't stare
if you live in the past you are doomed to be sad for a very long time. go out there and live your life and have fun. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 2:15:57 PM | Am in grief counselling myself...and here is the best thing she told me...
She asked about my past...and I told her...I shared some pretty traumatic things...and told it without crying, getting angry...told it as if it were a story.
She asked...how did you feel about telling me that? I said...fine...you asked...I told. She said...since when have you been able to tell that story without emotional attachment...I honestly couldn't remember.
Lesson was...I am to tell the story...to tell the story again...and to continue to tell the story...and someday...I will be able to tell the story with a smile...and not tears.
And so will you red and teeny and all who have lost a special one...honest injun  | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 3:01:30 PM | God Bless all the ones that have lost loved ones in this thread!
Today is one year since my son Johnathan.. ..died at age 19 when he fell asleep driving to work.. .. and as an earlier poster stated.. .. the tears never stop...but neither do the memories! ! !
GROUP HUG
~Pour | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 4:41:00 PM | | Just a big hug can do when something like this happens, and, of course, a lot of crying.... | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 4:49:07 PM | | I lost my girlfriend to diabetes many years ago, so I know what you are going through. After that I spent a lot more time with my father. He was getting older and he needed me. I felt much better when I was with him. Do you have any family? Another idea is to look for a support group. There is an online support group called griefnet that you might want to check out. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 4:59:32 PM | If I can deal with the losses the lord has bestowed upon me in the last six and 1/2 years, I should be able to answer this question. Then again to each there own in the ways of dealing with loss and pain, All I can say is keep your chin up and pray for strength.
I lost my mom in Dec.1999, my husband in Sept. 2002, my stepmom in Feb.2003 and my Dad in March 2004, I also lost several close cousins in this time. I surounded myself with friends and prayed my heart out for the strength to hang in there and contiue to live.
I will pray for you, and if you ever just need someone to talk to contact me anytime. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 5:41:35 PM | | I know what it feels like to lose aloved one. My husband and I were married 22 months when he had heart attack he was a truck driver, we had no insuance I lost him, my home, my car, I lost my whole life in Florida, And the bad thing my inlaws treated me like I had a plage and never talk to me again after his death. It has been two years and I still cry, he was my friend. My soul mate, we had known each other for 30 years. Now it does't seem like I can ever get over this. But I try. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 6:02:01 PM | When my husband died.....this poem came to me....special delivery...it was just what I needed and it has given me much comfort.
I BELIEVE
The Lord has tucked you in
And kissed you goodnite
And promised to wake you
At DAWNS First Light.
So sweetly you sleep
Safe under HIS Wings
Awaiting the JOY
The MORNING will bring.
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 6:20:21 PM | | I've never lost anybody close to me, but my Mom last sunday became seriouslly ill and was taken to the ICU where she's currently on life support. It's not certain she's going to survive as it's day by day. She's been the most unconditional loving person I've ever known and can't even imagine life without her and don't even want to. I'm hanging in there, but it makes me break out in a cold sweat physically even thinking about losing her. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/16/2006 6:36:01 PM | Dear One,
There is no way that a dearly loved one can be replaced. The tragedy is that the sense of loss seems to obliterate the far greater value of the relationship you had. What if the good times were once again to come forward and take their rightful place at the front of your attention? What if the automatic sense of loss that comes when you think of your loved one was gone and all that was left was the gratitude of having known someone so wonderful? What if you felt only the great resource of having known your loved one?
With all due compassion, may I offer a suggestion? If you can find someone who knows the grief resolution pattern taught by Connierae Andreas, you may find a way to be much happier and honorrable with the memory of your loved one. She has found a way that can disconnect all the horrible feelings about loss and can recover the wonderful feelings of that relationship that are still rightfully yours. If there is a certified NLP practitioner in your area, it is likely that they could guide you through the process in about a half an hour. Quick, painless and permanent. What's the trade off? Resolution and gratitude, or pain? | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/22/2006 3:46:12 AM | | My heart goes out to a young person like DowneyGuy dealing with such anxiety and uncertainty. I shall be checking back here hoping for an update. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/22/2006 4:56:30 AM | | hi everyone is different i lost a child she was 6 month old .the first three days were the hardest i wouldnt even let anyone around me or her twin sister . i was so pist off at??? i couldnt stop the teers i dont think you should stop them .they are clenssing you .i know talking helps and understanding how the greving prosses works that realy helped they have greaving packets you can get .that was a big one for me understnding and knowing its ok to feel that way .hope you beleave in god know there in heven thats the biggest one day somthing a voice when i was driving told me that god needs little angels to . no one was there but i herd it good luck if you need to talk write to me . this happensd 3 yrs ago jim | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:25:51 AM | How do you deal with the death of a loved one, how do you cope, how do you move on start a new life, how do you stop the tears......
I lost my mother and my dad in the same year, then shortly after my wife left me! I didn’t want to live but I couldn’t kill myself because that would have caused even more grief to my family.
After that, 9-11 happened and a spiritual journey began and I found even more reason to live. This is one reason why my profile says, “love is life.” I became involved in the peace movement and started thinking about others not just myself and this got me going out more as well.
You ask how to stop the tears and my advice is, don’t try to stop crying when you need to cry because tears are a part of the healing process. Try to get out and get involved with something, not so much simply as a distraction but so you can be thinking of other people.
It's difficult I know, it can be very difficult but when you are able, if you do the above it will help a lot. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:32:32 AM | This forum really brought me to tears. I have lost too many loved ones.
Son at 15 months first child. Had to go on with my life and did have two more daughters which kept me going. Husband of 24 years suddenly at age 46 over eight years ago now. Ten days after my husband died my father died. I have had a really hard time letting go of the past. I try to take one day at a time and remember the good times. Time does heal and
it does help to talk about it. I am lucky to have many great friends who have always been
there for me and made sure I was ok.
I feel deeply for you all. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:43:57 AM | | you remember that you were blessed by God for the time you had the loved one. You talk about the love you shared and the time you had together. you will always have the memories. There will never be another one like the loved one you lost so don't compare them | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:51:23 AM | Here is a poem that was sent to me, I hope it helps you....
This poem was written by a 13 year old boy who died from a brain tumor
that he had battled for 4 years. He died on December 14,1997.He gave this to his mom before he died. His name was Ben.
First Christmas In Heaven
I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights,like heaven's stars,
reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other,
as my father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or love
he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.
My son died 12.25.2003 from a brain tumor, this poem helped me | |
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