| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/16/2006 11:41:39 AM | | Hoe do you make long distance relationships work, how do you trust your partner whwn they don't live in the same city. Dilema. | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/16/2006 12:14:38 PM | | From someone who was in a long distance relationship for 31/2 years, it's not worth it. At first you'll think you can do it, you'll prove everybody wrong and make sure your relationship is the one that lasts, but in the end it's really not worth it. Too much money wasted, and you really can't be there for each other through trying times because of the distance. You grow apart in the end because most of the time you spend by yourself. It's a great way to figure out a lot of things about your own personality, but that's probably the only good thing about it. Save yourself some serious heartache hunny. | |
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Doxy
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Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/16/2006 3:14:02 PM | I must disagree with you LeeUh. I have a cousin who was in a long distance relationship for 2 years, before they decided to move. She lived in Southern Alberta and he in Texas. Since they began talking online it has been 9 years. They are married and have two children and moved to Arizona.
I am currently in a long distance relationship. I must say it is very hard and LeeUh makes some great points, however it is not true right across the board. | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/17/2006 5:51:39 PM | It definitly takes a special type of person, and making the most out of the time you have with them(man that sounds like someones dying) I am a big touch person so it would be hard for me not to have that person around. On another level though you have a chance at really getting to know a personby keeping in contact while they're gone and having realer(is that a word?)times with them when they are around | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/17/2006 10:55:19 PM | I never thought too much about long distance relationships until i got involved in one ....
Before i thought, it can't be that hard, i mean if you like the person that much and want to be with that person, than why should distance stop you from being with that person ...
Now my opinions on it have changed a little bit .... sometimes loving someone and wanting to be with them isn't enough .... and the distance wins .... and the worst thing when this happens is knowing that this person could have been perfect for you if the distance wasen't there .... specially when the time you spend with that person is absolutely amazing and totally blows you away and you are compatible in every way, except for area codes .... visiting is great and works for awhile however the affects of those visits wear off over the time spent away from each other .... and each time you spend time with that person, it only makes you miss them and want them more ....
LDR's are harder than any other relationship. There is nothing worse than being totally in love with someone, wanting to be with that person, wanting to look into their eyes, wanting to hold their hand in yous, wanting to feel their arms wrapped around you, wanting to feel their lips pressed up against yours, basically just wanting to feel their touch and touch them too .... cept to know that you can't have them .... It takes very strong people to last in this type of relationship and i give props to the people that have lasted more than a year ....
Only info I can offer to you to make it work is - Trust is a big thing, so if your not good with this aspect of relationships, save yourself the heartbreak. Communication is another big thing .... after all it will be what your relationship is built on. Having a plan is also essential ... its hard enough being away from someone for long periods of time but if you have something to look forward to, it makes waiting for the next visit that much easier. And eventually one of you will have to move so you better have a plan for that in the future ....
Anyways, good luck !! | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/18/2006 5:58:46 PM | | i have always wanted to know just how this works. how often do you get to see that person and what kind of relationship do you call that? how do you ever really know the person enough before making that move to be closer to them? look at what you could be leaving behind and what could happen if things don't work out in the end. is it really worth taking the risk? seems a little crazy to me. | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/18/2006 6:01:48 PM | | Why allow to distance to be a factor in not getting to know someone? Think outside the box. There are a lot of really cool people out there, and they don't all live in my town. | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/18/2006 7:58:26 PM | Your thread reminded me of my own experience being in a LDR.
This type of relationship will test all boundaries!!
True~~you can sustain a loving relationship with your distant partner, and if all seems to be going well and you both "click"....it's only natural to crave him/her by your side.
But when communication break down happens, and he's suggesting you "find someone who can give you more"......the beginning never had a good ending!
If this man is not emotionally ready and does not provide all things you consider to be "a good loving relationship"....
dont waste anymore precious time.......run like hell!!
When you remove the rose colored glasses....
yew may just be thanking the big guy for "unanswered prayers"
Good luck to you! | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:19:18 AM | i have always wanted to know just how this works. how often do you get to see that person and what kind of relationship do you call that?
its called a "relationship" just like other relationships .... you can be with someone that lives somewhere else and still be in a relationship with them, i personally think the relationhsip aspect is more associated to your feelings for the person than anything else .... its not your typical relationship yes, but it is still a relationship .... and you can see that person as often as time ( and money ) allows .... the amount of visits will also depend on the miles in between ... sometimes it may be a couple times in a month and sometimes it may be every couple of months .... but when both parties are willing to make the effort then the visits will come when ever you want them ....
how do you ever really know the person enough before making that move to be closer to them?
do you really ever know a person ??? seriously, in any relationship you only know a person as much as they want you to know them .... but one of the great things i found about long distance relationships is that the majority of the relationship is built on communication .... so therefore i find you actually get to know the person better than if you were dating locally because talking is all you really have .... you find yourself talking on the phone for hours and disussing things that might never have been discussed if you were sitting face to face
look at what you could be leaving behind and what could happen if things don't work out in the end. is it really worth taking the risk? seems a little crazy to me.
thats up to each individual in the situation to decide, you have to determine if that person is worth taking the risk for ... every relationship involves taking risks, this is just another one of those risks ... plus the things you left behind will always be there in case you decide to return ... moves are not forever unless you want them to be ... besides when you move to be closer to that person, you should have a life set up for yourself out there in case it doesn't work out, makes friends, get a job, your own place, all of that so that if it doesn't work out you will still be able to make it ... you should move to be closer to a person, not move to be with that person ...
JMO | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:43:51 AM | What is with everyone who is posting things like "everything is perfect exept our area codes". As if there was a great big fence around your state and there was NO WAY either of you could ever move to be with the other person. There's no iron curtain you have to pole vault over or border guards you have to dodge. It's almost as if it never occurred to you or your long distance significant other to think of moving to the other person's town? If everything was perfect between you EXCEPT for that, why wouldn't you (or they) move to be with that perfect person? People do it for a lot less important things than love (a job, because they like the ocean or the mountains, etc.)
I know I always assume that any long distance relationship will eventually become a close distance relationship if it gets beyond a certain point. I mean, if the relationship is getting serious and we to want to start dating on a regular basis, I'm going to start looking for a job in the town she lives in! | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:54:13 AM | oooooooo GOODY
a thread on L D R
F I N A L L Y
 
(tell ya what AINT 'long distance' -checkin forums for RE DONE DUNCE EE) | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/25/2006 2:15:19 PM | I think long distance relationships can be fun and exciting but they're not realistic. Everytime you make a plan to meet it's always an "event". ANd the danger is the relationship get's stuck in the "honeymoon" phase forever.
The only real way to know if someone is a good fit for a life partner is to see them at their worst. When the chips are down, when there are car accidents and financial problems, arguements, etc... You have to be in a regular day-in-day-out routine with this person to kow what they are really like.
In an LDR each person has limited exposure and limited responsibility to the other person's trials and tribulations. That's the gift and the curse. | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/25/2006 2:24:19 PM | I personally don't like long distance for the very reasons that some of you have said. Talking to each other over the internet, and on the phone is not the same as actually being able to be there with the other person physically. Mainly b/c, you can't touch them, hug them, kiss, them, or even have sex with them (trust me, cybersex is not the same thing). Sure I guess some people can put all this aside, but me personally I'd want to be able to do all these things. Not to mention, that there is no way of knowing if the person on the other end is taking it seriously or not. | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/25/2006 2:30:21 PM | The cool thing about LDR's is the trust you share in each other. If you can't trust then there is no point in a LDR to begin with. The one thing I would recommend you both write a set of vows tp ensure you are both on the same page with boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable given that you are exclusive to each other.
As far as making them work...there are enough tools now to help you keep connected.
E-mail
Chat & Cam
Text Messaging
Phone
Keep touching each other...specially as soon as you wake up and just before you go to bed.
Set goals on when you expect to meet, even if only temporarely...keep focused on what is important and whether your needs are being satisfied.
Hope that helps,
Bandito | |
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| long distance relationships
Posted: 4/25/2006 2:41:38 PM | | I can tell you from 2 years of experience,many weekends of driving over 500 roundtrip miles that they don't work..they won't work..at least in my situation..she wound up cheating and all,bad deal..Whoever can make them work and stay true to each other,my hat's off to ya..But she really screwed me over once she moved back to where she came from.. | |
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