| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 12:25:35 AM | lol i get such a kick when i see my ex living in a tiny messy room at mom and dads still and hes 31 with his sis who is 34 still downstairs too...thier parents are so weak and foolish to not put up boundaries or deadlines.They let them live there rent free... no financial help from the kids at all.I totally understand the student or the recently divorced broken home but for 4 years??????? thats crazy..is it lack of care....lack of ambition...mom does it all cooks cleans launders...tells him what to do makes his lunch...watches his own kids..i dont give a rats flying fart about my ex but with that new movie out FAILURE TO LAUNCH out now more and more ppl are shocked to hear about the so called ADULTECENTS still at home...
Id love to hear what you guys think about ppl over 30 still at home.. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 12:34:08 AM | | yes, alura, I've seen this in many areas, not just in the scenario you describe. If someone is carrying the load for you, whether it's this situation, or in a relationship, or at work, then the natural human response is to say: "all right, time to sit back and let others do the hard work. I'll just enjoy myself". Of course, it's an empty life to continue that way, but many people need a kick in the ass before they'll contribute. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 12:56:26 AM | Leaving the nest is a necessary part of growing up. Those who don't are postponing an emotional growth stage. And emotionally retarded people are not well equipped to deal with things like relationships.
Going back home in one's thirties, when necessitated by finances or a catastrophic event, is usually a wise thing to do. But if it drags on too long, it will start to have negative psychological effects.
I went on one date with a girl who was about 30 and still living with her parents. She was a good example of the above. She lived in a little world that seemed to make her happy, though she did seem to have a need to put people down, compete with everyone about stupid little things, and tell the jokes that were barely funny in grade eight. Scary. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 11:53:09 AM | I couldn't imagine still living at home at 30...would have been nice in a way, put all your money in the bank to save for a huge downpayment for a home etc. But come on we all have to grow up and still being at home at 30 is just plain wrong.
Heck I was out at 14, working part time and going to school full time. At 16 had a full time job and loved the freedom I had to do what I wanted & the responsibilities of paying bills etc.
You learn so much to have been able to go through your own life experiences. But if you are still at home at 30 what have you really faced?? Not a hell of a lot...what are you waiting for the right one to come along...marry her/him and move from your parents house into 1 with your wife/husband so they can look after you like your parents did. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 1:29:39 PM | I am 36 and still at home. I have left for periods of time but have had to come back. There are legitimate resons that some of us are there. I went back to university, I was sick for several years and now that everything is on track (within the last year I have been well enough to get a permanent job with a union/health benefits if I get sick again), and I have to clean up student loans! In my city, you cant buy anything with a single income and rent is more expensive than a mortgage. That is what family is for and in many parts of the world, kids do remain at home until married. Its some silly north american standard that says kids have to go by a certain age.
I would disagree about it having negative effects beyond a complete lack of privacy and it certainly doesnt interfere with life experiences! I am also not sure you can make assumptions about what someone may or may not have faced. I dont understand how anyone can say I am postponing emotional growth (I am a post grad in social psych)! Nor are we sitting at home waiting for anyone to take care of us!
I am not saying that some of what you are saying isnt true, I am saying you cant make these generalizations and apply them to every circumstance. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 2:43:50 PM | Can you say "Failure to Grow Up"? Unless you are living with your parents under certain narrow reasons...recent divorce, parents sick and your taking care of them, etc there is no reason for an emotionally intellectually mature adult to still be living at the parents house. Especially not at 30 years of age.
Don't get me wrong. There may come a time where my children and I end up moving back to Missouri and live with my mother to take care of her but that time is at some point in the future. That would be the only time I would be living with her on anything resembling a permanent basis.
Then I could see it but other than that? No, our lives are too different.
Kevin | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 2:47:04 PM | | Me? Failure to grow up? Its all a societal norm. As a matter of fact, my mom want to buy a house with me when I move this summer! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 4:28:20 PM | I live at home, and I just turned thirty.
For me, well... mom always guilted me when I was younger. She recently admited last year when my dad passed away that she held me back. My father was an alcoholic, as the youngest son (of four) I knew if I left the family home would have to go up for sale. There were times when I would get so fed up I wanted to leave, but each time I either didn't have enough money socked away to comfortably buy a place or I was distracted by a relationship.
Looking back now, my dad has passed on, mom is now set and I am f*cked. Real Estate is through the roof. Well, I guess I can still buy a small hole in the wall without a huge mortgage but it just doesn't seem appealing to me at the moment. Anyways, I just thought I would share seeing the topic of the thread.
P.S. I do have the basement so I have mediocre privacy, but as much as I plead with her she still comes down when I am not home and puts her *touch* on things. Drives me insane. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 5:20:10 PM | People used to live with their parents for their entire lives... were they all 'immature'?
Just because something is currently the cultural norm doesn't really tell you much about an individual circumstance... take each person as they come to you.
And no... I don't live with my parents... | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 7:43:35 PM | I don't know where people get off thinking that ppl that are over 30 and still living at home are what you call ADULTECENTS...I am 30 and I still live at home, there are reasons that I live at home that are none of anyones business but I have a great job, own my own car (BUT drive my fathers 2006 Dodge Charger whenever I want to) and run my own life.
Not everyone that is over 30 and still living at home is a lazy good for nothing sack of crap. I help my parents financially, and with anything else they need. In return they help me when I need them.
The way I look at it is my parents are not going to be around forever and I've lived on my own, with room mates whatever but I would rather spend my days at work knowing that when I get home, my stuff is still going to be there and there isn't going to be a bunch of losers hanging around looking for a free meal or a place to crash.
You see the commercial that says "Want your kids to leave home, stop cooking with cheese." Well I buy the cheese and I am one proud 30 yr old to say that I live at home.......Because I am spoiled rotten. But so are my parents..... | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 7:45:11 PM | I don't know where people get off thinking that ppl that are over 30 and still living at home are what you call ADULTECENTS...I am 30 and I still live at home, there are reasons that I live at home that are none of anyones business but I have a great job, own my own car (BUT drive my fathers 2006 Dodge Charger whenever I want to) and run my own life.
Not everyone that is over 30 and still living at home is a lazy good for nothing sack of crap. I help my parents financially, and with anything else they need. In return they help me when I need them.
The way I look at it is my parents are not going to be around forever and I've lived on my own, with room mates whatever but I would rather spend my days at work knowing that when I get home, my stuff is still going to be there and there isn't going to be a bunch of losers hanging around looking for a free meal or a place to crash.
You see the commercial that says "Want your kids to leave home, stop cooking with cheese." Well I buy the cheese and I am one proud 30 yr old to say that I live at home.......Because I am spoiled rotten. But so are my parents..... | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 8:00:33 PM | Been in both worlds actually. Back in '97 I was considering proposing to my live-in girlfriend when we were living in Agawam, MA (you could chuck a stone and hit 6-Flags from where we lived). Things were nice. She kept the place clean, did a moderate job of cooking, and I earned the money.
I got sick. She left me at that point. Yeah, yeah, Waaah waaaah.. good riddance.
Stayed in Agawam for another year after I recoverd and promptly lost my job exactly 53 weeks after I returned to work. Reason: I single-handedly doubled their health insurance premium, and when another company bought them out, the one condition was that the health insurance premium be brought back to normal. So they got rid of me.
So I did in fact move back home with the folks in 1998. I needed a roof, food, and access to the doctors in Boston if something went wrong. Struck up a deal with the folks that went something like: When I get a job, I pay the bills, I pay the taxes on the house (since the house is paid for), PLUS my own bills (all except heat, but including DSL when it came to us). Plus I became their on-call I.T. computer-fix-it guy. I buy my own food, cook 2 meals a week for all of us, I help them with whatever needs doing to or around the house (last year, we installed new-construction windows in a 35-yr-old house... THAT was a learning experience), and in exchange, I get...
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The smallest room in the house, plus my own bathroom.
That may not be exactly everyone's definition of "The Real World", but besides the fact that they live downstairs (oddly enough, I think they're the ones living rent-free now.... funny how that works, huh?) I fail to see any difference between me living in an apartment and me living where I am now...
Oh yeah, the dating scene never really recovered from that move-back...
Not like it was fantastic beforehand. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 9:16:15 PM | Me and my mom live together,her boyfriend she was with for 11 years went to jail for a bank robbery due to a Crack cocaine/Meth addiction 5 years ago so no income from him has made me carry alot the load which is close to $1000.00 plus tack on my own Visa bill, Car, gym, entertainment,e.t.c, she also lost alot of her life savings from her ex-husband 15 years before..Now she has been diagnosed with 'degenerative disc disease' in her back and arthritis which will require her to probabaly go off on disabilty from her trade 'hairstylist' which she has done for 35 years... I also do all of the yard work and matenance on the house... So you see... everyones situation is different! Plus my mom has also told me that its perfectly ok with any future fiancee,wife e.t.c.. living here too, 'european tradition'lol!
Although I dont think its right that grown kids live at home with there parents when there parents are financial off and able bodied, and they dont contribute to the household, I do work with a guy who is like that and the sick part is he also has a kid and never see's it and his 'daddy and his lawyer' went to court for him to get his child support reduced, to $130.00/month.lol and he puts all his money into his car which costs $1000.00/month or more..and he dos'nt pay any rent to his parents at all!! like $0.00/month!! as far as being 'emotionally retarted' as someone stated!!! I have been through more emotional in 28 years then most have in 50! I have been in relationships and all the crap that goes with them! I have pulled needles out of druggies arms that where od'ing 'moms ex liked to do this'..I have no need to explain myself any further, never judge anyone till you know them!!! a wise man taught me this..peace | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 9:25:39 PM | | Also... I forgot to add.. I dont think that my situation will change either and it dos'nt make any sense financial for me to leave, mom could'nt afford it on her own maybe 50% of it!She has a bit of $$ coming when my grandfather passes but thats about it and the house we live in was once owned by him, so its my moms now, and is also part in my name, Its all about taking care of your own first! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:02:03 PM | After my dad died, my mom decided to sell the house, it got to be too much with all the yard work, maintenance, etc. Found this townhouse, which we both invested in. I can walk to work, is near everything. I have my own space, and she has hers. I do my own laundry, most of the cleaning, and cooking. For me, this works out great.
I don't have to worry about nutty room-mates, (room-mates who can't pay their share of the rent), stuff missing, etc.
Everyone's situation is different. Don't pass someone up because they 'live at home'. At least get to know them first, then decide. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:07:50 PM | I live with my mom. We get along better than ever. I am a full time student. I am single and dont want to live alone. Ill get lonely bymyself all the time. I was in a relationship and we shared an apt for 3 years. We spli up I came home, and we decided i should stay. Why pay some stranger 500 dolalrs a month, when my mom has a huge house? Just so i dont get insulted by people like you concerned with some buillshit Status Quo Social Stigma? Maybe if i get into a serioyus relationship we could get our own place. Plsu my mom is older and she needs help around the house and with stuff. I love my mom and I am happy we live together. Now I have lived on my own for 11 years, and I am back now. But i have no desire to move out right now, and I dont care what anyone thinks. I want a woman who will respect me for who i am, and what i want out of life, not judge me for where i live.
I think that if it is your EX you oought to get over it and out of his buisness. its not your buisness anymore where he lives. Get over it already. Putting someone else down to make yourseld feel better is not nice. If he has a lack of ambition and is a jerk thats one thing altogether different.
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:28:32 PM | I always get a kick out of people whi sit here and critize others... who are you to judge... if someone chooses to live their life like that then that is their right...
Besides, there are always 3 sides to a story... Theres yours, Theres, and the truth... what you are saying is purely one sided and sounds somewhat jaded or still have residing issues with him...
For whatever reasons I person leads their life, it's no one elses right to poke fun at them for doing it... Rather just chalk that person not the one for you...
Like someone said earlier "Failure to Grow Up" BUT, thats directed at this thread... | |
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alura2
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Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 18 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:53:43 PM | i am all for ppl who take care of parents.. help them out finacially...heck they raised you its only fair to come to their aid when they need you as well. I completely understand those who get thier career on track..go to school and with the prices of living the way they are i see more and more families buying homes where mom dad are up and the kids are down with the wife hubby ect.It makes sense ( my bf and i are considering that with his aging mom)
i guess what im getting at is my ex monsters are the NON CONTRIBUTING TYPES the ones who expect it all and give nothing back.
They take and take...sucking my ex mother in law dry and dont pay rent...no food and then turn around and whine when mom tells them when to come home at night...I MEAN COME ON..  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???
i have been out of the house since 19 and never went back...i raise my kids ON MY OWN with 2 jobs and doing very nicley...
all in all...dont use your parents....they gave you so much to disrespect that is cruel...( not all do but a fair few) | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 11:12:47 PM | | I hate to say this even tho I dont live at home, but wish I did..Europeans have a way of family life and its pretty much set at living at home until they are married and regardless of what one thinks its not about weakness or boundaries or deadlines or being rent free because most men at this age support a house full of sisters and mothers and fathers that have lived years to support them,,its not about being a mama's boy its about having morals and ethics and about being close knit with their famalia ..Failure to Launch is truly a Canadian and American thing its definately not European because when the man launches he is still tied to his customs which are huge in European men and that is what makes them soooooooo sexy..u run with it or you leave it and truly as much as every man is sexy in his own way regardless of his nationality ..I prefer to run with it | |
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alura2
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Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 20 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/18/2006 11:25:27 PM | when i think about it....i wish i didnt fly out with my wings on fire...i regret it now like 12 yrs later... sighhhhhhhhh
i think i would have taken that damn college courses...and perhaps made a few better chioces....PRIDE kept me out lol.. plus my parents changing my room into an office grrrr.... | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:22:17 AM | | its not sad ..u make it sound like it should be a wake up call..a family who bonds and ties in every way is never called sad you call it sad maybe because you never had it like that..and I certainly do not mean any disrespect but you are the one calling it sad..so may I say wake up and do you really think a house full of love would throw you out and if they think your to old well I say this..........marry someone european his family will never throw you out | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:34:28 AM | Actually I believe that in most parts of the world it is still common practice for children, parents, grandparents,etc to live under one roof. Part of this may be cultural or economic. In my country most people live with their parents or near them all their life. In my family for instance my parents could only afford their own place in the late 20s. Then we lived apart from my grandparents till my grandparents were too old to look after themselves. Instead of sending my grandparents off to a home for the aged,my folks decided to hire a caregiver to take care of my grandparents and invited them to stay with us. Most most people here may still live with their parents till marriage but of course they help pay the bills.It's common practice for families here
Renting a room or buying a flat of one's own is simply too expensive,unless a person is already married and both partners can afford a new place together. Prices are high here cos' land space is really limited.
Of course, for people who are high income earners, they can move out and have their own place, whether single or not.
My point, different folks,different strokes. Don't judge people based on your personal cultural standards. | |
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7times
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Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 24 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/19/2006 5:09:23 AM | well first off,, if the person isn't helping pay bills and has his mom still do everything yes that is SAD. Have some freaking respect at least if you are living with them.. Insist on doing the stuff yourself.
I for one could not do it and wouldn't want it that way. I still see my folks several times a month and get along great with them.. Also they would kick me out anyways with drinking and bring home hookers | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/19/2006 2:21:41 PM | | I can't imagine living at home after the age of 20 let alone 30 but that's just me. I try not to be judgemental about people's situations...maybe they are there helping out their family, they are ill, unemployed , divorced, it's tradition...I don't THINK I could date a guy living with his parents though. Unless for a short time and a reason other than he likes having his mom do his laundry and cook for him. Again that's just me . I couldn't even have a roommate now. I like my privacy too much! | |
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