| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/18/2006 7:20:05 PM | | A woman tells you your going to fast and to slow down. At 50 years old I would think your already slowing down and running out of time. How do you define how fast is to fast and when your going at the right speed? Don't we all wish for the answer to that question. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/18/2006 7:38:46 PM | Love is like a record, for those who still remember when music was on a big flat black vinyl CD called a record.
There's those little single records called "45s," that also ran at the 45 rpm speed. Then theres the bigger one, the complete album, that ran at 33 1/3 rpm. Then there's those old big thick ones with one side that ran at 78 rpm.
Speed 45: A couple tunes, fast speed. Possiblity of boredom quicker. Cheap tune, also. Top 40 on national lists, or very common.
Speed 78: Sometimes only one tune, but goes real fast. Not the best sound. A hit, but often an old one.
Speed 33 1/3: Lots of variety. Can include tunes from a 78 and 45. Not too fast not too slow. Top 40, to stay in vogue, but often some good tracks that dont get much play.
The point: The slower speed isn't bad. Its thought out and has a lot of variety. Isn't all commercial, but can be enjoyable even if it is a little. And that extra 1/3? That's for each of us and our imaganation to know:-) | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/18/2006 11:26:06 PM | | I don't know how to do slow. If I'm going at the wrong speed, it's not wrong for me and if you can't take it, I guess its time for me to go to the next race track. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/18/2006 11:29:32 PM | At 50 we aren't running out of time - well, if we are, please let me know, cos I'm in trouble!
If she says 'slow down' I take that to mean she's interested (always a plus) and would like to go further, but that you're maybe pushing it a little too far and too fast. Pure guesswork here, but stop trying to get her in the sack and try wooing instead of wowing?
Just an idea - give us some more info and someone can probably better it ;) | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/18/2006 11:42:54 PM | I used to work at the post office ... stood there sorting letters into a case sometimes for 11 hours straight. They didn't like it if you got a little slow ... 1st class mail has to be sorted and at the carrier's case by 0700 AM.
My point is ... if you go too fast, you can make mistakes ... yea I used to have to go over and work the "misthrow" case too ... resort all the misthrown mail the carriers would send back because it didn't belong on their route! Ugh!
When the supervisor would harrass us about "not throwing fast enough" ... I would purposely then step out of my case, announce that I needed a drink of water and take a short walk to the drinking fountain. Upon returning to my case I would look at the supervisor who was then glaring at me and I would say ...
..... "Fast isn't always good! If you don't believe me, you go work the 'misthrow' case!"
Ever heard the saying: "The hurrier I go ... the behinder I get!"?
Take it easy ... if it's meant to be, it will be. No matter what you apply that to ... it applies. | |
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anni
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Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/19/2006 1:07:26 AM | Depends on the person usually. My rule of thumb is at least wait till we've met a few times before using the 'L' word. So many people get themselves hurt in a venue like this thinking they are in love after only a couple weeks worth of emails and a phone call or two. Patience is a virtue.
hugs,
anni | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/19/2006 5:45:06 AM | Thanks for the advice. I just don't want the other person to get the wrong idea though cause I do care about that person and do want to know her more. I wouldn't say I love her but rather wanting to know her better. How does one do that when there communacation levels are somewhat limited. And what is to fast? Thank you for sharing though | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/19/2006 5:49:02 AM |  I like what you had to say. Take it easy. If it's meant to be, it will be. Thank You. I do know thats true. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:23:31 AM | Heeheheh Gym12, as humans we have control. It overrides what you term 'chemistry' | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/19/2006 6:52:30 PM | | "slow down" probably means, "I'm feeling a little uncomfortable" , or it could mean, " I feel that you are making demands I just can't fulfil at this time". If one really likes this person, it might be beneficial to allow the relationship, whatever it is , proceed at a pace that both are comfortable with. So, slow enough, is at a speed where one is not pressured out of their comfort zone. As in paying attention to their feelings not just your own. Not easily acclomplished but doable with practice. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:29:43 PM | i have felt this way myself in recent situations...as one example, in my relationship with my last BF i felt like we needed to "slow down" at first because he and i had GREAT chemistry and we were getting really close really fast -- but it was too fast and i felt overwhelmed; i guess i got scared a little because we were getting really close before i knew enough about him to feel comfortable, ya know? so we slowed down a bit... and that helped.
perhaps it's like this with your new gal? | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/19/2006 9:14:18 PM | I agree. To fast is not good. But how do you know when your going to fast? This is the internet and unlike meeting in person or by phone. When you meet by person or phone you have a since of direction where as by emailing your limited to what you can feel. Most relationships happen by 1st contact and goes from there. with the internet that opertunity is out the door. So I ask the question again how do you know what to fast is or if your going fast enough. By the way I thank all the input I have recieved because you would not have answered this unless you have either gone through this or are going through this. It's hard to make somebody happy if your not sure what the want.
Sonnybono50 | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/20/2006 3:48:24 AM | Ask HER!
Ask her what has happened in this relationship that she is feeling hurried.
Ask her about her feelings, fears, hopes, ideas.
Listen to her answers.
Read all your emails to and from her from start to finish, and see what you can discern as a progression.
Even if it's "too much of a good thing", it's still too much.
Good luck! | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/20/2006 4:23:04 AM | Slowing down isn't about how fast you are ageing. It's about her thinking you're hurrying her into a commitment she doesn't feel ready to make. The fact that she's told you this might mean you're in with a chance as long as you don't hurry her - otherwise "You were going too fast" would be the reason she gave for finishing with you.
There is no hurry.
I read a wonderful story in the paper a few years ago about a woman who married for the first time at 64 and made it to her 40th anniversary!
In any case the right woman is worth taking time over, isn't she? If not, I'm sunk (see the end of my profile!) | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/20/2006 6:40:21 AM | Sonny,
Best advice here is to re-read all of your emails. Are there an equal number between you or are you sending her 2 or more emails for every one she sends you?
I have had this happen to me. We would start out with a very equal exchange of information. Then, I start getting 4-5 emails a day asking endless questions about my tastes and preferences. The constant demand for information and attention starts to border on stalking and obsession. Maybe her comment to slow down, really means back off a little and give her some breathing room.
You talk about being 50 and running out of time. BS....my guy and I starting dating when he was 57, and that was six years ago. We took our time and have never regretted it. I figure we have a great twenty or more years ahead of us. That would be longer than my marriage lasted, and I married at 20. Age doesn't matter and shouldn't be used as an excuse to take shortcuts. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:02:12 AM | The 50 and running out of time was kind of figure of speach but I do like the comments you last couple of people have pointed out These are good ways to know how fast your going and I commend you. Will hold these thoughts.
Sonny | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/20/2006 8:34:14 AM |
This is the internet and unlike meeting in person or by phone. When you meet by person or phone you have a since of direction where as by emailing your limited to what you can feel. Most relationships happen by 1st contact and goes from there. with the internet that opertunity is out the door.
but, sonny, are you suggesting that this is a person you have not met yet? for some reason i was under the impression that you were dating...
if that is the case, i mean if you have not met yet, then yea, definitely, slow down!! until you meet you cannot (really) have any idea how you feel about this person, or her about you... | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:13:42 PM | | I agree. I don't really have any deep feelings but don't you kinda get to a point that you have gone as far as you can go typing? | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:42:47 PM | oh, absolutely, sonny, and that's sorta the moment of truth i guess? i mean, if a person is serious they will meet you, and they will look forward to it.
i hope it works out for you!  | |
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