| | What is learned in relationships?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | Hi, I haven't had many relationships so I don't have much experience in the matter, I was wondering what everyone has learned from their relationships? Feel free to respond=) Thanks | |
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7times
| | Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 9:24:28 AM | | that when you bring another woman home make sure nobody is there, unless she will fall for the whole but its for a 3some excuse | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 10:11:16 AM | | Don't dwell on things, if they do something you dont like..you talk to them about it and if you decide to forgive them.You forget about it like it never happend. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 10:28:09 AM | I've had one major relationship.
Some of the things I learned:
I am lovable.
I am able to love.
I am able to be honest, open, and vulnerable with the one I love.
I love being in a loving relationship.
I am not as selfish as I thought I was.
On the other side of the coin I learned:
To pay attention to my RED FLAGS.
To pay attention to my intuition.
If the relationship is not going in the direction I need and want, don't wait too long for it to happen. It should not take anyone more than a year or 2 to figure out what they want.
That's just off of the top of my head. | |
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arri
| | Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 5 | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 10:43:23 AM | | It's like discoverjoy said. Watch for Red Flags. They are easily overlooked if you really like the person. BUT...If something seems wrong, it probably is. Use your intuition. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 10:45:27 AM | | I've learned that you cannot be in a relationship with mentally ill people if you wish to keep your sanity. For four years of my life I have tried to be with her and also tried to make her happy, always wishing for her to get better and always trying to help her in that regard. My feelings for her were very real, I loved her, and I know that when she is not going through her little episodes, she loved me too. There are just things in life that we cannot control, people whom we wish to make happier but are out of our power to do so. Everyone told me to leave but I couldn't do it, I couldnt see her suffer- yet I couldn't save her either. I've realized that having me in her life also unintentionally reinforces her mental problems too, because to someone who is in love, you learn to forgive them and you try your best to make them happy. The relationship ended one night when she was at the peak of her mentally troubled state, and cops were involved too. We never talked again and our relationship burned out with no closure and no further contact. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 11:10:27 AM | Most of all, I've recognised my "limits".
And another valuable thing was and is that I do listen to my body | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 11:15:52 AM | I also have not had many relationships...........one very long term, and two short term which doesn't make me an expert but this is what I have learned.
1) Look for someone alot like you rather than your opposite.......leaves less room for arguing about what you both want to do.
2) Avoid partners with addictions........it can be a killer to a relationship, especially if you are not one to indulge in their choice of habit.
3) Avoid anyone who is controlling, abusive, or been abused, .........they tend to take this out on you.
4) Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do in a relationship.....be your own person and strive to complete the goals you have set out to do in life.
5) Never jump into bed right away, not a good thing.
6) Watch how the person interacts with their parents........eg. how a man treats his mom is usually a good indication of the respect he has for women and vice versa.
7) Talk, Talk , Talk and then talk some more........know what you are getting into beforehand.
There's a few hope they help. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:00:47 PM | I have been lucky and learnt allot of my lessons at a young age- they still are challanged as I grown and become a woman...
I have learnt to let the other person be free- I can not control them or what they do, I am happier and so are they is they just exsist as they are use to..
acceptance- both in your short comings as well as thiers.. if you can't accept them then move on... it is unfair to want to change a person to what you think your ideal would be.
Take it with humor- laugh it off... about 97% of things can be laughed off.. don't take it too seriously..
those are just my fav top 3's... I am sure like every one else I could go on and on and on... | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:20:39 PM | I've learned that both have to work at the relationship, you can't do it all yourself.
That if someone wants to argue all the time, it's not worth the tears, better to just walk away, no matter how hard it is or how much you care about the person.
That if they hit once, they'll hit again, no matter how many apologies they offer.
If you can't trust your partner, there is no relationship....
I'm sure I could go on forever too.... | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:24:28 PM | Through my relationships I have learned:
To watch how he reacts to the little things, if he gets frustrated and angry, he has a temper.
Watch how he interacts with your children if you have any. And also his own children. Tells a lot about a person.
See how he treats a waiter/waitress, I think this also tells you what kind of person he is.
Make sure he doesn't cut you off from your friends and family, they are your support network.
If he has no self-esteem he will try to get rid of yours, its another control tactic.
Comparing you to an ex! Then he doesn't know you and probably didnt start the relationship with a clean slate. There is no winning with this one.
Respect. See if he gives any.
Any red flags you see RUN! These are only the tip of the iceberg | |
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supper
| | Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 1:16:34 PM | | With every relationship I learn a ton about myself. And usually pick up nifty, new interests and/or hobbies that a partner has introduced me to! | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 1:22:09 PM | "With every goodbye you learn"
I think that this is true with relationships. Every place you've been changes your life in profound ways. If you are smart you learn from your mistakes and take careful consideration not to bring your issues into the next relationship.
This is why I've never understood the people who get out of one long term relationship and jump head first into another... I believe that people need to take the time to reflect on how the relationship has affected them, analyze, accept what was your doing and what you could have done to change that, heal from the things that were not your doing and then move forward.
That's just my opinion 
OP 
Here's a poem (I first heard this when I was in high school, some of the words have been changed and title is different here, but it means the same as it did then) :
"After a While"
"After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company isn't security.
(Kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.)
After awhile you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you stand too long in one place.
So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure,
that you really do have worth.
You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn."
By
Veronica Shofftall or Judith B. Evans or Unknown for Certain
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 1:27:46 PM | Hi 2a4r5i225,
Check out a book writen by Stephen R. Covey called "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". It's geared to wards personal change and management. But covers the elements of love and relationships in great detail. The one element that sticks in my head. Is the idea, that when you engage in a relationship you are effectively opening up an emotional bank account with them. When you do and say things that reflect unconditional love. There considered deposites. When you do and say things that put conditions on your love. There considered withdraws. A healthy relationship means your emotional bank account is in check. I've highlighted one basic element that is covered in great detail in Part iii titled "Paradigms of Interdependence". There are some catchy phrases included in the book as well like"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence with out integrity." (Samuel Johnson). good luck!
Jerry. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 2:20:37 PM | I have learned to listen and read between the lines..things are said that you just let it go over your head when you should have been listening..after you breakup ..all the signs and words were there..but I just didnt listen..
Always be faithful..
give each other space..
remember birthdays and give christmas presents..does not have to be much but get SOMETHING.. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:07:12 PM | Hi, Thanks for your replies, it was insightful, This may seem like a weird question but please humor me, The question is it seems that everytime I'm in a relationship, or dating, this has been a pattern for but I cannot figure out why, basically the relationships get sabotoged, sometimes I unknowingly push a person away, without even realizing it, Also it goes this way to it seems that something or someones else sabotoges the relationship, I'm usually the one that ends up hurt? I know that friends will tell it how it is, and be protective, I guess besides
unknowningly pushing people away, it seem like the world wants me to be alone, I know that sounds weird, I do know that there is someone for everyone, and there are obstacles along the way, but once I clear an obstalce, more appear to put me back right where I started. Its like the person that pushes the boulder up a hill and just before the person gets to the top the person starts all over again and repeats. I mean what can you really do except stop pushing the boulder, or push the boulder around the mountain? Sorry about the weird metaphors, does this happen to anyone else or is just me, also I'm not paranoid either.=)Thanks | |
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supper
| | Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:18:31 PM | iluvsalad- oOOooo those are good ones!
2a4r5i225 - Communication is key in relationships... maybe if you focus on that it will help you understand more of the obstacles and get by them more efficiently? (not sure what kind of obstacles you're talking about, but the communication efforts might help with the "pushing away" part...) | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:28:01 PM | | Hi, Thank you I'll work on communication, as the obstacles it seems that something beyond my control is always bring back tp being alone and no matter how hard I try or what obstacles I overcome, or how perserverence I have I still end up where I started, but with more pain and lonliness and loss. That's what I was talking about, sometimes its hard for me to say the simplest thing in the simplest way, how weird hhhmmm. Thanks again=) | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:33:52 PM | | One thing that I know for sure is that love can be consuming, blind, decieving and cruel, but it aslo can be the most wonderful thing=) I don't know if that what I just said helps or hurts a relationship? What does anyone think? | |
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