| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 6:22:01 AM | Having been a victim of this - I am curious. Why do you make a date and then not even call or email to cancel? I'm not talking about a first time internet date where maybe you change your mind, I'm talking about someone you've seen several times, called a lot, acted like you like her kind of thing... I read in an earlier post that some guys do this a game to "keep a woman interested" ???
Personally, I consider it a slap in the face if the guy doesn't think I deserve the common courtesy of a phone call or e mail. If you're not interested, why make the date in the first place??
I was seeing this guy for a month or so, he called almost everyday, I thought we were enjoying each other's company. He said he wanted to get together on a Saturday - he cancelled Saturday morning due to a supposed family emergency- rerescheduled the date for Sunday afternoon. Never heard from him on Sunday. On Monday he told me his friend "kidnapped" him to go fishing????
Be honest - if you've ever stood up a women - why did you? | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 6:43:57 AM | Im not sure this qualifies as standing her up, but what happened was we were going to meet in a coffee shop, knew what each other were driving and wearing. I got there early bu a few minutes and called her cell phone. She says she is just arriving. I see her get out of her truck, she is do different from her profile. The photos were either of her daughter, or her many many years ago, dressed like she just climbed out of a sewer excavation, and I just started the car and drove away.
Had doubts, looked around for another black dodge durango, none. Called her again, saw her answer her cell phone and lied. Told her we need to cancel, I have a client just called and need to attend to that. Later I wrote to her, semi respectably telling her she should update her photos and profile description.
Just standing a person up for any other reason I can think of , thats just rude
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 6:51:14 AM | Get, that wasn't standing up. That was escaping a bad situation. If her first steps in meeting you were based on lies and a deceptive photo, what would it be like from that point forward?
On a more positive note, was the daughter in the photo hot? 
Why is this a gender based question? I think if we searched the annals of recorded history we may find at least one report of a woman standing a man up.
Is this any worse than completing the initial meeting and leaving after 5 minutes when you receive a prearranged bogus emergency phone call? | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:09:20 AM | I have been stood up a couple of times. Why do they do this? Who cares?? For myself, I am glad they didn't show up because I would not want to know someone like that so I consider myself lucky that I didn't spend weeks emailing them. I always want to meet right away because, being the internet, a lot of profiles on here are just the product of someones imagination.
Remember, if it looks too good to be true - it is. | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:12:33 AM | | Hi Eastside - I didn't mean the question as a slam against the male gender, was just looking for the male perspective :) I know there are lots of women out there who have done the same thing... | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:13:54 AM |
Why is this a gender based question?
True. I've been stood up by women a few times on blind dates. One time I was actually stood up in person--it's possible. We were supposed to meet at a bar, I arrive on time, someone who VAGUELY looks like her profile photo is sitting by herself. I'm not sure if it's her. After a couple minutes of looking around for someone who looks more like the profile photo, I ask her if she is meeting someone, she says "no". WTF.
It's not just men standing up women and men playing bullshit dating games with women. That "bullshit shoe" fits very well on women too. | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:14:40 AM | was just looking for the male perspective
can't help you there honey, i don't stand up my blind dates, nor do i flake out and change my plans right before a first blind date. i've had women do that to me a few times, i assume she's attempting to posture herself as a "happening cool chick". | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:20:21 AM | I've never done it-nor had it done to me. But you should be thankful that it happened to you relatively early on in this relationship-so you could get to the truth and find someone else.
You were partially right about "keeping you interested" but you need to add "so that he could have you as a backup to sack you in the future" to your own answer.
Anybody (guy/girl) who does'nt give you the common courtesy after one month of contact to let you know what's up in advance is either not that interested in you/or in a real realtionship.
Regarding the other meetings/leaving after a short period of time-my take on it is to just say "nice to meet you, but I dont feel we would be a good match" | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:57:39 AM | After a couple minutes of looking around for someone who looks more like the profile photo, I ask her if she is meeting someone, she says "no". WTF.
I have had to do that because of the description that was given and the real thing. Was waiting at some bar and 2 women came up to me and asked if I was ****. I looked at them and said no, finished my drink and left. To every one, please be honest with your profiles, I think you'll do much better. | |
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*Tee*
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Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 16 | |
| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 10:14:55 AM | Luckily this hasn't happened to me, but if it did, he'd be a total write off. The way I see it, technology the way it is today, theres no excuse for bailing without some phone call, or other form of contact, unless he got hit by a bus..I wouldn't be a happy camper, but I sure as heck would be glad I found out right off the bat that he's a wuss...  | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 11:35:58 AM | I have had to do that because of the description that was given and the real thing.
I always mention my true height and weight when meeting someone blindly so their expectation would match my physical reality. When I am the one waiting and the shoe is on my foot, I simply explain to the lady that I feel like I've been deceived, or that I simply am not attracted and that is an important part of the chemistry mix for me.
And in typical female fashon, they also have many pairs of that same shoe.....
I threw that metaphor in there to see if Carrie would say something about Jimmie Choos. 
However, that said, your lucky to be done with that type of person before anything ever started.
Yeah but it is a HUGE waste of time and resources, since normally I suggest meeting somewhere close to where the lady lives to increase her comfort level. If she lives a half an hour or more away, it's a big pain in the ass--hugely inconsiderate. But that's the way things go often on the internet, people being deceptive due to desperation or a lack of character. | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 12:47:30 PM | | I've been stood up so many times I've stopped counting. In fact I was supposed to go out last night but he never called. And he knows who he is! I'll get an email or text message or finallly he'll call me and tell me stuff happened with his kids or something else and we'll try again for another date. If I hadn't already met him (only twice now after a year of emails lol) and had fun, I'd give up completely. At least the first date we met as planned. Others have called back days later and told me that something happened with an ex-wife and the kids or work related. Or my favorite, most flattering I suppose, was that they got cold feet. They were afraid that they wouldn't live up to me. I personally try not to have expectations so they weren't in any danger there. I do however have standards and bailing on me without a word takes you off my list. lol | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 12:56:34 PM | I have read the posts by women who have been stood up.
My only question is.....
HUH???? 
Iridecentelf and Gallavanting? Stood up?
I am going to resign from the gender!!
IF ONLY on looks alone, not even accounting for the many other positive things about both of them, what kind of moron stands women like this up?
Without thinking, I can name you 5 men I know who would kill each other and crawl over the pile of bodies to get a CHANCE to date either one of you. (They are at my house every Sunday during football season. Eating my food. Drinking my beer. Making rude noises. Throwing sponge bricks at my big screen TV when the Browns do something stupid. Generally acting like idiots. But only I can say that about them.)
I an understand a man bailing out when the women gets out of her car and it is obvious she misrepresented herself in the early stages. But intelligent, personable, beautiful women should NOT be stood up. EVER!!!  | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 1:39:02 PM | | I think I get stood up for about half of the first meetings. One guy emailed 3 hours before time to meet and said he had gotten very sick. We rescheduled for the same time, same place the next week. Once again, 3 hours before the scheduled time, he emailed and said he was "very sick". I refused to reschedule. Usually though, they just don't show up and I never hear from them again. | |
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Tansi
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Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 1:43:37 PM | | I was recently stood up. Or so I thought. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop and I waited an hour. I drove back home (35 minutes) and received an email saying that he had waited the same amount of time and was I alright. Turns out, I missed the one he was talking about and went to one a couple of miles down the same road. Rule #1 . Don't agree to meet at Timmies or Bucky's in a strange town. There is one on every block. Ya know....I never did get together with him. Wonder if the one he said he waited at really exists at all. Hmmmmm food for thought. Turned out a guy from POF was there anyhow and recognized me from the site so we had a bit of chat. When one door closes................. | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 2:21:40 PM | Never stood a woman up. If they show up and arent what i expected or not as nice as the pic they have posted I would still stay for the date. Just because they may not be gf material or whatever doesnt mean you cant have a good time making a friend.
Standing up a date is bad but this idea of waiting for the date to show up and then lie about being their date or just running away as soon as they walk in isnt just rude its cowardly.
Is your time so valuable that you cant spend a bit of time with someone that you dont find sexualy attractive?
I agree that sending pics that are out of date is basically a lie unless the sender lets you know that the photo is old and lets you know that they have changed. if they say they look the same then they should be telling the truth. The same doesnt mean an extra 20 lbs.
A long time ago I chatted to a woman and she sent her photo and at first i thought wow she looks great for her age. Not that she was that old or anything just late 30s but looked 20. We continued chatting and I took a second look at the photo and it occured to me that not only did she look very young and trim her hair looked, well like it was out of the 80s. it occurred to me that the reason it looked 80s was because it was. I asked her how old the pic was and she said a couple of years. Later she admitted that the pic was her at 19 not 38. She also admitted that she wasnt "skinny" anymore. Well she wasnt skinny in the photo but just your average type size. Never met up with her but it had more to do with the lies or lies of ommision. She lied about the pic, lied about having kids, cant recall now as it was so long ago but everytime i chatted with her i was always shocked by some new information that didnt mesh with what she had said previously. I dont expect a woman to have a perfect body. Just be honest. Also reminds me of a friend of mine that met a guy online and went to see him. turned out his picks were old and he was 6 inches shorter than he claimed. The full head of hair in his 15 yr old pics had receded to a nice shiny dome. As she thought when meeting him "is this him or did he send his father to pick me up?"
I dont know if men stand up women more than the women do but whoever does it is just plain rude. I mean if you are not interested then dont agree to the date. If you agree to it then at least spend some time with the person even if they are not fitting in with what you expected. If they have sent you old pics that dont look like them then ask them why they dont send recent pics. What else are you going to do? ditch them then go home and watch tv for a while? or go back online and try the intimate encounter because your date didnt turn out the way you wanted? | |
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| For the guys - why do you stand up women on dates?
Posted: 4/20/2006 2:47:46 PM | Bravo kitsguy,
Just because someone doesn't fit a physical ideal is no reason to treat them as less than human.
I've learned, though. All my profile shots have dates of origin. Even before that I'd tell people if I felt my weight was up or down, or whatever. Sure I always want to lose a few, but honestly I feel pretty sexy at the weight I am now. If the guy can’t see the worth in that I’m a sensual, confident person, then that is his misfortune, right? I’ve been stood up for a second date before, even after leaving a message on his phone that it was okay if he needed to cancel, to just call or shoot me an email to let me know so I could make other plans. He chose to be a rude jerk. Sigh.
Getting stood up doesn’t harm my self esteem, it just pisses me off because my time is VERY valuable. Grrrrrr.
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