| Self Harm
Posted: 4/24/2006 11:52:14 AM | I've seen a couple of threads on the subject, some making an uninformed diagnosis (sexually abused, mentally unstable, attention seeking) and some offering sympathy along the lines of "I'm sure you'll meet someone given time". This is all well and good but I find that such threads tend to lean towards ego stroking and pandering to people that "normal folk" see as fragile and a lot of the time it's completely uncalled for.
Now as SH is far more out of the closet these days and I assume that most people will know someone who at least knows someone who has some experience of this.
I don't want to hear sympathy or stories of others, I want to hear opinions on the subject, why would someone do it? Are they crazy? How would you deal with someone that you care about mutilating themselves? Would you comment if you met someone who was heavily scarred because of self harm? Could you be with a self harmer?
I want to know how informed people are........ | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 4/24/2006 12:03:25 PM | I know very little about the subject, and as far as I'm aware I don't know anybody who self harms.
And to be honest, I don't know how I would react if somebody told me that they did. I would probably be very curious, as to why they did it. This may not be the "correct" reaction but until I was in that situation I really don't know what I'd do. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 4/24/2006 12:15:03 PM | For an insight into Self Harm ..read "A Bright Red Scream" by Marilee Strong
also an excellent blog by "John" from Ireland via http://iselfharm.blogspot.com/
Nom | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 4/24/2006 12:55:40 PM | I have talked a little to a couple on the web and read a few comments elsewhere and each time it has come down to the person having had a totally screwed up childhood, in fact I would go as far as to say one even worse than my own and I must admit that I thought my childhood life was bad, Its one thing to have no self-esteem and one thing to have no confidence , to be socially inept is so hard to deal with but to find escape in destroying your physical body is totally beyond my understanding. I really do think that society lets some people down really badly I cant comprehend how an education system can see these kids and not realize that there is something fundamentally wrong in there worlds. I'm not saying the kids should be taken from there parents but more like the parent should be taught how to care for the kids and if they don’t the kids are then taken and given to people who would care for them properly though by this time the damage is invariably done!
Isn’t drug abuse another variant of self harm?? Why does one choose drugs another the knife, could either be considered well adjusted? I think our society is on a very nasty downward spiral, god knows where it will end. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/4/2006 3:30:09 PM | I hate it when my date gets out a blade and starts to idly slice bits of her own flesh off......especially when I'm only halfway through my meal.
Self harmers are the same as drunks, drug-users, and Communists..........to be avoided at all costs! | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/4/2006 3:35:10 PM | MSG 7 Not really, given the marks all over their body....yuk!!
Ex-drunks and ex-Communists are fine, though..... | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/4/2006 3:38:32 PM | dont know anyone myself but i beleive it to be an illness along the lines of drug
and alcohol abuse although that is only my perception..would it stop me being with someone
i really couldnt say but if it was something that started while i was dating someone i
wouldnt just dump them because of it | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/4/2006 5:26:26 PM | | self harming isnt only about cutting yourself there are many ways and many reasons, ppl who feel invisible ignored or unloved can do it because if they break a bone they get attention and noticed, ppl who are abused physicaly or mentaly can do it believing if they hurt themself no one else can, no its not nice seeing someone with cuts or scars on their body but what if they had been disfigured in an accident you wouldnt ignore them? iv worked with a young girl who SH no it wasnt nice and at times it was very scary we didnt know what she was going to do next, i eventually left the job when we found her hanging, we got her down in time and she is now in a secure unit, should she have been ignored and labeled crazy? she did the things she did because she was abused fom a baby and decide no one would ever hurt her more than she could hurt herself. it is still a very taboo subject but my opinion is they need help not ridiculing. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/4/2006 11:55:47 PM | | My brother was a self harmer. He would cut his arms with blades from his craft knives and he would bite and tear his own nails off... The only explanation he could give was that it was a variation on the daily pain he suffered from, caused by his various illnesses...He said that the pain felt "exquisite" that it made him feel real. He said he needed to know he was still here and it gave him that reassurance that he was really alive and not just a figment of his imagination or a fevered dream..... It used to scare us and it put alot of pressure on our family even to the point one day when I caught him holding a carving knife to his wrist, in the kitchen that I grabbed hold of it and tried to press it to his wrist. Screaming to him that if he wanted to kill himself then he should do it properly... It wasn't really a suicide bid or even a need for attention.. It was just a coping mechanism for his myriad physical health problems..He went into a psychiatric unit for a while, not long after that incident and didn't self harm to the same degree when he returned, although he never quite stopped totally until 3 weeks before his death... | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/5/2006 2:39:45 AM | Self Harming:-
A very serious issues that affect much of the population, there are many ways of self harming….not just physically………………Most self harm is hidden from sight.
There are normally reason behind why people hurt or severely put themselves at risk, there are not enough resources to look at the situation…………A lot of inexperienced people put it down to attention seeking….well mainly it’s a cry for help.
No one to listen to them, no one to hug them, no one to understand what they have went through or continues to go through, no closure to traumatising events in their life’s.
Having worked with many and been at funeral of several………..this is not an area to avoid. It should be highlighted more in the press and the government forced to take action and provide the specialist resources needed for these people.
The vast majority are victims of someone else’s actions…locked and traumatised in their own pain……………………who could walk away from any living creature let alone fellow human when in pain. I know I Could Not.
As for having a relationship........there are many types....offering friendship is often draining but better than abandonment. Help them find help then back off if that’s what it takes. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/5/2006 4:19:24 AM | It's a tricky thing. I don't wanna cause controversy but I have known people to do it because it is seen as very dark, and almost "cool" to have the markings, etc.
But then some people also do it because they have been through some kind of traumatic experience, and it is some kind of coping mechanism. Either a way of dealing with the mental pain they are suffering from, a distraction, or some kind of cry for help. Some people try and hide it but at the same time want it to be noticed.
It's something that has an enormous stigma attatched to it, same as with things like depression, it's very difficult for someone to understand if they haven't been through it themselves. But I know I couldn't walk away from someone who had depression, no more than I would walk away from someone who self harmed.
I actually saw a website once, for self harmers, with "tips" on how to do it safely. And I actually thought that was a kinda good idea, what does everyone else think? | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/5/2006 6:24:12 AM | I was having having a really intersting topic on this subject just the other day with some fellow student nurses. A pilot scheme has been introduced in a St George's mental health hospital whereby they are letting patients who self harm keep their blades and they are allowed under supervision to continue self harming.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4942834.stm
My comment on the topic is as below:
Subject: Re: Self Harm
Posted by: Laverne Huggins on Friday, September 15, 2006 11:27 AM
I like you am on the fence as I can see it form both sides. I think that if self harming is to occur then surely it is better it is done with clean equipment and under the supervision of a nurse and in a safe enviroment where it can be managed and controlled? In a weird , almost warped way it may encourage the building of a therapeutic relationship, the patient may find themselves able to confide in the healthcare professional and may even in time and when enough trust is gained divuldge exactly why they self harm. This brings me to my next argument, surely it is better to establish WHY the patient is self harming and understand it rather than encourage it? and work towards counselling and therapy.
There is an interesting website that dispells the misconceptions assosiated with self harming;
http://www.nshn.co.uk/facts.html | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/5/2006 6:43:39 AM | My ex-wife was a reformed self harmer. She'd done it a lot in the past and when she first met me she was finally happy with her life and stopped doing it.
Or so I thought. Turned out that she still had many issues and problems in her life but for some reason didn't want to bother me with them so didn't talk to me about them and instead resorted to self-harm, as it was all she knew.
The reasons she gave for it all were that she did it because the pain and seeing all of the blood running over her skin made her feel better with her life. Like she was cutting and all of the "bad feelings" were leaving her body and she could see it.
She went to a psychiatrist at one point about it but apparently he couldn't help. I suspect that she didn't really want to be helped.
Nowadays I would never get involved with a self-harmer again, and I would be very VERY guarded about getting involved with a reformed self-harmer. I would do it, but I would make it clear that I'd be off like a shot if they started it up again. It was hell for me to know that she was doing that stuff and couldn't talk to me about her problems instead. That might sound selfish, but I don't care. I've already been in the situation where I've tried to avoid walking away from someone with these problems. Tried to help them, tried to be there for them and help them get away from this awful habit. It didn't work, and that made me feel like shit so, never again.
Unbelievably, self-harming is seemingly becoming something of a craze amongst teenagers and college students (the emo crowd, especially) and I think this is absolutely mad and needs to be nipped in the bud. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 10/5/2006 7:09:56 AM | My ex was a self harmer although I did not find out for a long time..My ex was an extrememly mixed up person but to me it seemed, he had a normal life no better or worse than most people who had reached his age.We split up but it had nothing to do with SH!
When I was younger about 13,I was in a situation where I happened to meet a girl who I got to know quite well and she used to cut her arms to bits, her arms were covered in scars.I asked her why she did it she replied " Nobody loves me "So sad for someone to think that especially at such a young age!
Self harming in my opinion is an illness and a very not well understood one! I do not pretend to understand why people feel the need to do it,I just think that they should be given the help needed and never ridiculed!  | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:40:10 AM | Cut up kids
Did anyone see this last night? If not you can always go watch it now on bbciplayer.
I found it most interesting and was glad the young girl called Tor was going into sailing and bettering herself.
Observational documentary gives a unique insight into the phenomenon by following three young people who have resorted to self harm as a way of coping with what life has thrown at them.
Beth is 15 and suffers from arthritis. She self harmed as a reaction to bullying at school. Tor, now 24, began cutting herself at the same age - and she still is. It was the pressure to get the grades for a private sixth form college that was the trigger for her.
It's also claimed that 25 per cent of young self harmers are male. Gary, now 20 has been self harming since the age of 13 when he went to live in a childrens' home.
I can understand where these people are, I've been to a similar place, but came out the other end, as the people have.
Have you ever self harmed? | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:17:46 AM | I am the only one who found a thread called "self harm" by someone called "bite_me" funny.
Oh well. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:30:19 AM | Having 11 years of nurseing a lot of self harmers,its a minefield,
1-is someone crazy for harming,they can be,but not, so you cant make judgements,why they do it. for the thrill,sadness,emotional,the worlds the oyster for reasons,normally they dont need any.
2-How would you deal with someone self harming, =nothing,other than if you do have alot of patience,an CBT/DBT can work,
but once a habit always a habit,unless with the persons will power to stop an deal with it in another way,theres not alot i feel. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:30:40 AM | I cant see how you can class a self harmer as an attention seeker!
Most self harmers do so for control. to take that control away would be the worst thing that could happen and that is why most self harmers prefer to hide the fact they are self harming to ensure they can carry on. When most of the time they are in need of help rather than crying out for it.
It is true that self harm comes in many different forms and has been around a lot longer then most people believe, it is just that society has a more open attitude to such things that they are now discussed. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:36:34 AM | | Cinderfcknrella= from my personnal experience, iam not saying your wrong but i have to differ with you which will remain private i have known them to do that for attention seeking purposes. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:30:03 AM |
iam not saying your wrong but i have to differ with you which will remain private i have known them to do that for attention seeking purposes.
some maybe so... but I don't understand why anyone would harm themselves just to get attention... makes no sense to me... there has to be a reason why they do it....
cinder has a good idea on the subject.... how do I know? because I am one.....
started when I was 17... am now well 40 in april... last time I harmed myself... november 2007... nearly died... that was frightening.... as I only do/did it to release the pressure from my nightmares of my past....I need to see evidence of my memories leaving my body..... do I want others to know I do this? no..... last time I was in hospital and my neighbours saw the ambulance my next door neighbour who knew the truth told them I burned myself... I was happy with that and had no intentions of anyone knowing the truth... why should I? it is private.. my business.... my way of coping... couldn't give a fooooookkkkk what anyone thought of me..... no one will ever understand why people do it until or unless they have been there...... give people a break.... it is not cleaver or something to be proud of... but think... why do they do it? think of the pain they are suffering please... don't knock people who do this.... you are lucky you don't feel the pain a lot of us do....
ok... enough said and of my soap box lol.... | |
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Posted: 2/7/2008 10:41:43 AM | I went out with a girl who self harmed, I finally got her to talk to me about it.
She said if she felt physical pain it was a transferance of the memtal pain she felt inside and some how made it better.
I am glad to say she stopped after about a year of us talking through things each time she felt like harming herself. It did mean for that time I had to always be on the end of a phone if she needed me to talk and it was a slow and uneasy process.
Everyone deals with their pain in different ways this is just another. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:43:04 AM | I am waiting for some tw@t to post that self-harmers should snap out of it, they only have themselves to blame, ya de da de dah!
I am sure one or two of them will crawl out of the woodwork soon enough!
Pam xx | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:14:23 AM | have to say a fair few posts on this IMO are bollox...
Self harmers in the truist form do it as a coping mechanism, whether it be done for distraction purposes or for release. Those who do it for attention wouldnt that be a form of munchousen?
how many leave visable markings? it is done in the silence of thier own illness.
To also say it is a long term thing is also bollox, its not it is a temporary coping mechanism for that life event crisis, they may revert back to it for another event, but hopefully by that point they will have sought treatment for the psycological part of the illness, wetiher it be through CBT/EMDR/or plain simple psycotherapy... Treat the under lying problem.
I work with alot of mothers who self harm, a major proportion of them stop SH as soon as their illness has been treated. A majority of the mothers i work with are also diagnosed with OCD... guess what, as soon as the PNI is treated the OCD symptoms seem to just disapear too..... | |
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Posted: 2/7/2008 11:21:25 AM |
You have a choice Princess leigh
easy as that eh? foooookkkk what is in your head... stop feeling sorry for yourself.... yeap... I have a choice... not.... do you think I enjoy living like this? do you think I am prould my son at the time was 11 and found his mum in the kitchen with blood all around her? AM I PROUD OF THAT? of course I am not and sooooooooo ashamed.....
the reason I feel the need to BROADCAST it now because of being sickend by ignorant people who have no idea how a person with a past or mental illness are treated like a piece of worthless shyte.... up until 3 years ago... no one knew why I was the way I was... I kept it secret all these years because of the stigma.... then one day... WHY THE FOOOOOKKKKK SHOULD I?... I have a illness thanks to some foooking perverted monster... I am suffering to this day because of him..... should I be in an ASYLUM because of it? do I deserve to have flashbacks and nightmares to this day? to affect my two children over what happened to me? DO I FOOOOKKKK... and I have finally realised... I do deserve help... I did not ask for this... and sick of people thinking I am weird because of it.....
after all these years... if I can finally help one person over come their fears then it is worth this post.... and believe me.... after a recent post on here about mental illness... I had four women and one man contact me and commending me on what I said on it.... we are still in touch and am so proud that I have helped a few people.... just by not being ashamed to admit I am not NORMAL......
ok. I admit... nov 07 I nearly died.... that was a huge mistake... in all the years I have done this... NEVER has it come close to that and no intentions of killing myself... it was an accident which frightened me and now getting help for it....
seeing people who suffer from this and understanding the truth are two completely different issues... if you truely knew the reasons why people did this you would be more understanding and supportive.... your to negative in this issue which tells me you have no real idea what suffers go through and have no intentions on finding out why.... so sorry.... you have no real opinion here....
if you have an issue deal with it
damn.... is it that easy? wish someone told me twenty three years ago... would be almost NORMAL by now lol.... what ever | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:33:08 AM | The main reason for self harming is CONTROL.
People who self harm often feel that they have no control over any aspect of thier lives, save for thier own bodies and feel isolated from the world, not recieving the support they need to vent thier emotions safely.
It is important to point out that self harmers do not only cut themselves. Some deliberately get injured in other ways (slaming a door on thier hand or such likes), others drasticaly alter thier apearance, most comonly shaving thier hair of (sometimes even thier eyebrows), and some get frequent tattoo or piercing done, aditionaly over indulgance or restriction of comforts (i'e food) is another way of self harming. Everybody is subject to these outlets at some point, but not everyone developsa reliance on them as the only outlet.
Each diffrent method is a way of controling the only thing they feel thy can, thier boddies. The control they get from altering thier body in such a manner makes them feel better for a brief time and lets them feel they are capable of dealing with the world even if they can not control thier lot in life.
It is symptom largely of the young, because they are the most vulnerable, due to thier rapidly changing emotional state and the isolation felt during puberty, but it is not restricted to the young. Many older people have feeling of self harm and express them in difrent ways to the majority of the young. It is more comon to see comfort eaters in middle aged populations, food restricters in young adults and body mutilation in pubescent populations.
There is a growing awareness of self harm in the world today and it is also probable that there is a growing preponderance to it as well. This is not trend thought, it is caused by the change in our society that has seen acceptance of such issues alowing people to come forwards when they couldn't before, as well as the growing presure on the young in modern times, pusing them to feel isolated and out of control, this corelates with a growing no of children self harming. Hospital statistics show a vast increase in self harm patients around the time of important school dates such as the start of a new year or exam times.
I myself have issues with self harm, although I never cut myself. I restrict my food at times of stress becasue it is a method of controlling my body. I shave my hair and change my look when something throws up problems in my life. When I feel unable to cope with the raging emotions inside me I deliberatly cause myself an "accident" (the last time I threw myself down a flight of stairs) to provide a phisical pain so I do not have to focus on the emotional pain.
Self harm is a copping mechanism that has been ussed by everyone at some point and to some degree.
It is a normal and natural behariour that has become to imbeded in certain people and turned into a problem.
It is a symptom of a deeper cause.
It is also something that is relatively easy to deal with if you have the corect help.
Simply learning to use new coping methods can aleviate and even stop self harm alltogether, unfortunately this dose nothing to treat the cause. | |
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