| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/29/2006 5:29:16 PM | | I had a great relationship with my bestfriend. Its over because of menepause. She became moody and stayed agravated. She was yelling at everyone and insulting me. I do miss her. I just wish she would realize she has changed and not for the better. Was there anything that I could have done to help her? Is there any chance of us getting back together? I hate that I not only lost my relationship with her, I also lost her friendship. What should I do forget about her and move on or hope she comes back? Has anyone had this experience before and what happened? I am glad I don't have to go through menepause. | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/29/2006 5:33:23 PM |
Was there anything that I could have done to help her? Is there any chance of us getting back together?
How would you answer those questions yourself??? | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/29/2006 6:46:01 PM | | Not much you can do there. My mother was going through the whole menepause thing and it wasnt very good at all. She felt that everyone hated her because they were trying to get her to see it was happening. My parents marriage almost ended because of it. I was back home over the Christmas holiday and my mother for some reason she wouldnt stop judging me and everything I do. Eventually I snapped and told her like it is and how I was concerned about her and my father and that she needs to think about what it is that she needs to change before passing judgment on the rest of us. These are not exact words but I did make her cry. After she had a long talk with my father she appologized to me for acting the way she was and agreed to do something about it. Later that day my father thanked me for expressing my feelings without holding back anything. | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/29/2006 7:01:20 PM | I believe it's different for everyone and if someone is greatly affected by it, understanding and being compassionate for what they're going through would probably help them the most. Be sure to communicate your feelings, gently and caring....and you'll be able to help them work through it.
My mom only had one physical change (and she was happy about that one). Other than that she didn't notice anything....mentally or otherwise, and went on being the same optimistic cheerful smiling person she always was.
I'm going to be just like my mother......... or else!!  | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/29/2006 7:48:37 PM | Very true unzipped....I also believe it is different for each person. I personally only had to deal with physical changes...none of the other things. I'm glad I was able to still be happy,smiling, and cheerful!!!
You're also right that compassion and understanding are very important...just as it would be with anything else that might have a major impact on a person's life. | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/29/2006 7:51:34 PM | try couples counselling...if that doesnt work book a trip to Mexico..or..somewhere warm and tell her you'lll see her when u get back...lol
But seriously if she loves you as much as you love her and sees that its all well worth the effort she will do what she has to do to save your relationship.
Just remember men go thru menapause too...so is she going to be that willing to have acceptance when you go thru it????...Just a thought | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/29/2006 9:36:20 PM | The hormonal changes that happen through menopause can greatly affect a persons mood and outlook. If you want her back, and she wants her old self back go see a doctor a doctor might be able to help her balance her hormones. I have been on birth control that made me cry a lot changing to a different hormone made a huge difference.
Also think of it from her point of view, she probably would really appreciate it cause I bet she has lost a lot more in life if she is always moody and aggravated. Please try to convince her to seek medical attention and balance out those hormones. Wouldn't you do that if she broke her leg not the same thing but requires medical attention. | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/30/2006 7:03:28 AM | | when this happened to me she got very abusive to the point that i lost most of my friends.no one would vist and our childrens friends wouldn't evan come over.she evan started calling my job and mouthing off .our nieghbours had noticed things were wrong.her doctor(s) danced around the obvious and started giving her pills for everything but .when i told the family dr.he said it wasn't my place to tell him what was wrong with her and that her health was personal.the kids and i have a new dr. thats my story. try to ride it out get medical help that cares don't be shut out .go through it with her .i wished i could have ... | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/30/2006 7:08:09 AM | At what age did she go threw menapause? I hear about it but haven't ever seen a sign one of it yet. I think its made up.  | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/30/2006 7:14:15 AM | Why do all the bad things that happen to us women people BEGIN with "MEN"
I'm not looking forward to it I guess...... I just don't look good in a mustache. | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/30/2006 7:19:42 AM | Sounds like more than just menopause.....your profile says it was a 3 month relationship...perhaps you just got to know the "real" woman? Perhaps she's bipolar?
Or you just annnoyed the crap outta her? | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/30/2006 9:41:49 AM | Hi all
Menopause can be a major trip. Some women have very few symptoms and others get them all. It can be a very difficult time for a woman. Moodiness and depression are just a couple of the things that can happen. She probably knows something is wrong but can't quite put her finger on it...hopefully her Doctor is the type to listen...there are meds to help. And it is not necessarily a permanent change in her personality. Its just rough getting from A to B.
And yes...have been there, done that.
Good Luck in yet another of lifes rollar coaster rides.
Babs | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/30/2006 9:52:54 AM | No, unfortunately, it is not made up. It is of course, different for everyone, but the ones who go through it with minimal change are those who are fortunate enough to be able to take hormone replacement as a whole. Many of us are not, due to blood clots, breast cancer risk, etc. Those of us who cannot have hormone replacement experience the mood swings full blown and generally lose all our friends and barely are able to maintain a relationship with our families.
If you can understand, we are the same people on the inside and the rages our lack of hormones cause both embarrass us and cause a lot of guilt, but there appears to be little "holding them back". I have gotten better over a year's time, but my friends tell me I've "lost my magic" and things of this nature.
The total experience causes life to be very depressing and one wonders whether to risk the blood clots or breast cancer just to have friends. Hard choice and not one to be dismissed with a careless "it doesn't exist".
My whole life has changed since menopause (surgical) and not for the better. | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 4/30/2006 10:04:17 AM | Pardon me for making this suggestion but you werent prepared for this onslaught of menopause in your friend, correct?
I mean what type of person thinks....hmmhh in a few years...this'll happen so I better be prepared.
Well chances are, neither was she, or at least not everyone is equipped with the foresight
to know how well they deal with it. Maybe in a perfect world, but everyone knows
the world is far from a perfect place.
These things just show up in the middle of the road and challenge us to handle them.
Maybe you cant help but being a little upset with the bump in the road, and for her its twice as worse because shes the one going experiencing it. If the relationship or friendship fails, it wont because of her life change, it'll be because of male selfishness.
Hey you might get some good ideas from this thread here
http://www.drphil.com/messageboard_archive/?IDX=messages&DiscussionID=382&P=14
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:00:38 PM | | Yes, She is seeing a doctor. She just started the menepause process. We both knew something was going on. I think part of her problem with menepause could be its telling her she is getting old. I know a lot of women don't want to think about getting old, but it does happen. You can't stay young all your life. LOL Just have a young attatude. | |
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| Menapause and Relationship
Posted: 5/1/2006 4:52:45 PM | There is a medical/hormonal component to menopause, that's undeniable. But I suspect that there's more mental/cultural conditioning at work which Premarin, black cohosh, or antipsychotic cannot undo...
Menopause makes many women in Western cultures feel like they've just lost the only things that give them value as human beings...the ability to attract a mate and produce children. OK that's a pretty unvarnished statement, it's not like they put us on ice floes to starve or anything, but a lot of women think going thru menopause means they don't matter anymore. Coupled with the hormonal fluctuations and other metabolic goings on, it can really shake a gal up.
I happen to be there and speaking for myself, I feel fine. I've got an RX for HRT that so far I've chosen not to fill because of all the controversy(and I feel fine) I use some herbal remedies(black cohosh) and a positive attitude.
OK to be fair, I never had any kids( I was married for nearly 25 yrs;he died) I live alone,I'm retired due to a chronic pain/fatigue condition,( no work hassles). So maybe I don't have much grief with menopause because I have fewer external irritants than most women?
Here's another thought that maybe women going thru menopause(and the men that love them)should run by their healthcare professional. I've been on an antidepressant for years(buproprion, brand name Wellbutrin/aka Zyban) that I started taking to quit smoking,and it really helped a lot with many of my fibromyalgia issues so I stayed on it and continue to take it . I'm not advocating that every woman going thru menopause should be put on antidepressants just as a routine procedure, but hey, if she feels bad and is making everyone else miserable,it might be worth a try?( If she won't take it, guys,maybe you should as a survival tactic
Cindy O | |
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