| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 4/29/2006 8:59:20 PM | | How do you break an obsession with someone you dated for less than 2 1/2 months, when you have no immediate family other than an elderly mother with Alzheimer's? Is there anyone who has had the feeling I am about to describe: no matter how much you work, pray, try to stay busy, exercise, and socialize with others, you can't get your mind off that person you once dated for very long. Rarely, if ever, do you go more than a few minutes without thinking about her. The obsession is tormenting, especially when you have no siblings and no children to turn to for help. Has anyone experienced this, and how do you deal with it? Thanks. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 4/29/2006 9:16:59 PM | Keep occupied at ALL times, don't watch soppy tv/movies/music, get rid off all photos - no matter how heartbreaking it is!!! Start meeting NEW people even if it is only for coffee, I still keep away from my wonderful friends because I don't want the pity...that does NOT help. I was given words of wisdom by my 12 year old daughter..."all you need is time"...such a terrible cliche but so true because I no longer have a tidal wave of tears but just the ocassional rainy day...hope this helps xxx | |
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pam51
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Joined: 4/17/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 4/29/2006 9:19:37 PM | Hi journalist
its not easy!!!
Even with family and friends around, work , socialize, etc: its not easy to forget.
Something around Us seems to remind us of what we are trying to forget.
Weather its a laughter across the room, the smell of the perfume
the movie you watched together or the words you said to each other,
Life is a learning tool, we take part in action, fill it with emotions
take it day by day , and think we have it made,
when in fact, its not that at all, because no matter how we see it
its still part of love.
When you find the magic words to stop the memories of the one you thought you loved,
do me a favor share it with me, because i have been there and i still care.
better to have loved, than not loved at all.
so move with your life , theres plenty of FISH in here and out in the real world.  | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 4/29/2006 9:42:45 PM | One thing you always have to remember is everyone wants the things they can't have. You just have to look at it as you already had her and try your best to leave it at that. If that doesn't work try to meet someone new even if its just a friend. The best way to get over a girl is to find another one! It's always hard when you find the person you can't stop thinking about. You just have to tell yourself that you can't truely enjoy the good times without the bad times. Trust me one day you will find the one that will wipe her out of your mind 4 ever. It might take weeks it might take years. You just have to get alittle cold hearted but don't stay that way cause it is hard to come out of it.
Good Luck Man from someone whos been there. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 4/29/2006 10:33:20 PM | Oh I can relate,
I have been in this situation multiple times. I have to say the madness must be confronted head on.
First of all.
Are you sure it is her you love? I found I put my partner up on a pedestal and my mind went nuts thinking how great and awesome this woman was. The reality was she really was a selfish dork. But I didnt see "her" I saw what I wanted to see. Then reality hit me in the face and I still couldn't get over my fantasy of who I had made believe she was in my mind.
The fact is it is always hard to forget someone who you depended on for your happiness.
The thought " I cant be happy without her." Is a reflection of the fact you are not happy with yourself. If you were, losing her would not carry the Earth ending weight that it does.
Your self esteem that is where you really need to start. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/10/2006 7:24:07 PM | | How to break and obsession with someone you've dated for less than two months is not as challenging as one might think. Although, one may have no family and could feel heart wrenched at the loss of a loved one, or love hope, it's best to search inside for the reason why the obsession occurred in the first place. Having no extended family may or may not be a sufficient reason for the obsession; it could go far deeper than this. Perhaps there are just some people that make you tick, and losing contact with that person may very well cause you to feel inadequate in some way, or for some, present itself as a mere simple reminder how lonely they really feel. I mean really, there is not necessarily one reason for why people feel the way they do. It could be their environment, biology, history and so on. Think of three chefs making the same soup, but all following a different recipe - there's no way of truely knowing how it's going to turn out, let alone, what the cause was. The best way to resolve your problem is to “try again”, and most importantly find yourself a "new recipe". | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/10/2006 7:31:08 PM | Dear Journalist,
How to break and obsession with someone you've dated for two and a half months, two and a half years, or two and a half centuries, is not as challenging as one might think. Although, one may have no family and could feel heart wrenched at the loss of a loved one, or love hope, it's best to search inside for the reason why the obsession occurred in the first place. Having no extended family may or may not be a sufficient reason for the obsession; it could go far deeper than this. Perhaps there are just some people that make you tick, and losing contact with that person may very well cause you to feel inadequate in some way, or for some, present itself as a mere simple reminder how lonely they really feel. I mean really, there is not necessarily one reason for why people feel the way they do. It could be their environment, biology, history and so on. Think of three chefs making the same soup, but all following a different recipe - there's no way of truly knowing how it's going to turn out, let alone, what the cause was. The best way to resolve your problem is to “try again”, and most importantly find yourself a "new recipe".
Regards,
HatterChatter | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/10/2006 7:47:43 PM | | You don't thats the problem when you meet someone and your connection is that strong nothing but time will make the pain of loss go away. Think of yourself as lucky because you loved and lost. There are many people who feel that connection and stay together for months and years in misery trying to make that feeling happen again. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/10/2006 10:04:12 PM | | I only dated him a couple of months, but we moved quickly, and now I am in the same position. Its terrible. I cant get him out of my mind. Ive even tried dating new people to no avail. The thought of being with someone other than him makes me physicall ill. I keep busy, and it helps me get through my days, but thats all I am doing, is getting through them. How DO you deal with something like this? Its the first time Ive ever been so stuck on someone in my life. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/11/2006 11:47:01 AM | The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Ooo slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Paul Simon....... | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:05:16 PM | I could not believe what I was reading. It was like you were writing my thoughts. I thought I was the only one with a heartache so painful that I feel that I can't breath sometimes.
I think of this man when I wake up, he is the last thing I think of as I am finally falling asleep.
I love this man with all my heart and soul. Everything reminds me of him. I had a relationship with him for 6 months. We started out as good friends and realized there was more there, but like all good things, it eventually came to and end. What is worse for me is we are both married. We didn't jump into a relationship we had many conversations about everything involved. When we couldn't resist any longer I thought I had found my own little piece of heaven right here on earth. I never knew I could be so happy and so miserable all at the same time. Every minute I was with this man my heart was all a glow with happiness, when I wasn't with him I was lonely and miserable. I always knew this was a temporary thing and I know that cheating on a spouse is never right, but I was in love with this man before anything began. If I hadn't been I never would have done anything. I never cheated before. The relationship is over with this man but every minute of my day is spent thinking of him. It takes every ounce of will power I have not to pick up the phone and call me or send him a IM. I also feel like I am obsessed with this man because I go out of my way to put things in my day so I am reminded of him. Part of me doesn't even want the heartache to go away because that is also apart of him and it is the last thing I have of him. I think I would rather have my heart breaking in a million pieces than feel nothing at all and that is what I felt before this man came into my life. He made me come alive again for the first time in a really long time, if nothing else I have this man to thank for bringing me back to life. For that I will always be grateful but I miss him so much sometimes I can't even think straight.
We are both still very married and always will be Us living happily ever after was never an option. I just miss our time together and I miss seeing his face.
Any suggestions on how to get over this one??? | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:50:31 PM | One thing I'd like to add is you really need to start building a support network. Talk to people. Make lunch dates with friends. Maybe try visiting a websight called meet up dot com. That's one where you can meet people in the real world with common interests. Perhaps get involved at church or maybe an alzheimers support group would be good, too.
I've gone through this myself. It's tough!!! One other thing I might suggest is just get away for a while. Take a long trip and get your mind off things. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/11/2006 8:28:28 PM | | You know, after venting my feelings, when i woke this morning i felt a lot better. I tend to hold things in... and by letting it out, i feel much much better!! I think that is a BIG key to letting go. Talking about it. Even if it really isnt talking. Typing to a bunch of strangers helps a lot more than NOT expressing it at all. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/12/2006 2:20:47 AM | You made her your head drug of choice. Think about why she dumped you and why it won't work out between you. Remember the pain, like a burned hand.  | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/16/2006 4:39:15 PM | | Been there, done that! I'm still trying to get over a lady I dated for four months and then she suddenly decided to dump me. Yeah, I still think about her several times a day BUT not as much as I used to. I try to focus on my job and keep busy with my friends on the internet and on Plenty of Fish. I would say it takes both time (as in time heals all wounds) and by getting out and dating other ladies. Yeah, it's gonna hurt for awhile but you'll notice that day by day the pain will begin to subside and one of these days when you find THE ONE the pain will be gone completely. Hope this helps! | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:40:35 PM | I totally know the feeling, BUT THERE IS A WAY TO STOP. The way I stopped was just that, STOP. Yes, just stop. Work at stopping. There is no where to go but really brutally hurting yourself if you go back to her. Going back to her only means really really brutally hurting yourself like worst than being dragged behind wild horses.
To pertect yourself you need to be your own parent. I say to myself, "we have established that we are okay to let go.". I say to myself, "she is not mine anymore, she is someone elses.". Constantly say to yourself that it is a LIE that she is so great; it is a LIE that she is mine; it is a lie that everything will work out with her. The fact is your brain plays jokes on you, making you believe you will like it being back with her when in fact, you will be in the worst painful hell known to man, you will be distraught and crazy. Your heart will break and you will go insane. Be your own parent and just make yourself stop. There is no magical tricks other than, just knowing it is a lie that she is yours, because your mind is playing tricks on you. Work at it. That is all. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:19:17 PM | Oh my gosh, I am in this very same position!
What's worse is that the 'Infatuation Thing' never happens to me... pride myself on being the rational reasoning type.
Unfortunately, recently I met someone to whom I am DEEPLY DEEPLY attracted... and I can't have him. The reasons are not important (and no, he is not attached!) but it would be extremely foolhardy for me to go there. This guy has 'issues' that would be just too damaging to live with.
However... am stuck with this ' yearning that won't leave me alone, I adore him, can't be in the same room without going weak at the knees and feeling those overwhelming flutterbyes'. My body actually vibrates all over when I'm near him. And we have ALOT in common in terms of what we like.
So, I deal with it this way. I STAY AWAY... and I put things in perspective, knowing that its going to take some time for me to get a handle on this. Have to put instinct before heart (though the heart does want what it wants). And LET GO of the desire.
This person represents to me the Unclaimed parts of myself that are deeply soulful, musical, whimsical, romantic. What I feel for him is just a PROJECTION of what my soul is telling me I really need for myself. So I will develop that part of myself, that this person has brought to my attention (that which I need to develop in MY OWN LIFE) and not have it met by someone, who would not be good for me in the long run. So I see him as somewhat of a Messenger... a message from the soul that there are parts of me yet unfulfilled that I need to do for myself. So I can thank him (and the Universe) for this valuable message.
Its all good. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:35:11 PM | ^^^^^^^^You have obviously never really been 'in love'.
When the emotions are involved, its a whole different ballgame to just 'liking someone' or having the hots for them. The emotional centre can be at real odds with the thinking head part of a person.
Have some compassion, for crying out loud. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 6/16/2006 8:32:33 PM | | I also have the same problem, but i've been trying to deal with it by getting into genres of music that i would have never listened to before and so on... finding new things to enjoy, is the best thing to keep your mind occupied, at least temporarily | |
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