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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested i      Home login  
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 Banghae
Joined: 1/9/2006
Msg: 1
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?Page 1 of 1    
I've been getting some replies from people that I know are not for me. Some of them were the jaw dropping kind of "oh my god, you've got to be kidding". So how do you respond to these initial inquiries without being rude and hurting them? I think ignoring them is rude, but writing back may give them false hope, so what do you do to treat them humanly, but firmly stating that you're not interested?
 Pgooperman
Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 2
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what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/6/2006 7:43:18 PM
I almost always respond, and I'm almost always very courteous. I see no reason not to be. I simply say:

Thank you for your nice message. I'm very flattered, but after reviewing your profile, I don't think we'd be compatible. Nevertheless, I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your quest.

I rarely have any problem with this response and sometimes men have even thanked me and wished me the best of luck as well.

Petunia G.
 Mandrake48
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 3
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:19:49 PM
Awww...I bet you say that to all the guys!^^^
 Ciana5
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 4
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:35:06 PM
I totally agree with bgoop. Honesty and a polite reply are the best way to go. Most men I replied to in the past were also very polite and wished me good luck. Of course I did receive a couple of nasty replies of guys saying that I was a b**ch, that I only liked good looking people and so on, so to these people I just replied back that given their nastyness I was glad they were not my type.

So good luck banghae!
 BadBrain
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 5
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:57:53 PM
Personally, I'd rather be ignored. I find the whole 'thanks but I dont think we'd be a good match' response to be quite patronizing. But that's just me...
 Blastkist
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 6
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:58:59 PM
Try "oh my gawd, you've gotta be kidding!" LOL!

Ummm no, that would be mean. Seriously.

Just tell them, we're not a match, sorry. Just be honest and tactful...yeah, tactful.
 triplebp
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 7
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what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/7/2006 1:52:05 AM
I tend to be on the honest slope here and find that seems to work. I will always at least answer their email. If I'm not sure I send back an email to see if there is more to it.

So honest is good but you don't have to be brutal unless warranted.
 Fishman1973
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 8
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/7/2006 3:27:00 AM
Maybe you could tell the person you're interested in pursuing someone else at the moment, so you want to focus on that for the time being.
 samhonolulu
Joined: 12/24/2004
Msg: 9
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:28:31 AM
what've you been doing?
i'd think that if you know they're not for you before you know them, you ought to be able to crack that nut - not interested... cause you're (fill in the blank) 1) ugly 2) fat 3) remind me of... 4) your obviously not good enough
What's your most common tip-off that someone's not for you, banghae?

 Vanilla~Spice
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 10
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:40:52 AM
If you don't want to have to send a "no thank you" reply to every single person that contacts you .. .. put it in your profile.. .. say.. .. something like.. .. If I don't respond..I'm not interested.. .. move on .. .. nothing for you here.. .. or you could use more tact...I guess...I'm just not that nice...lol

 luvnthatswirl
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 11
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:21:26 PM
and of course, take FULL ADVANTAGE of the BLOCK option when necessary.
 Aquarius0205
Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 12
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what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/7/2006 6:07:36 PM
So from what I know first hand. I would say just send them a reply saying your not a match. I send lots of emails out to women telling them about myself and about 95% of them don’t ever send a response back to me. I don’t know if this is a bad thing or a good thing. I don’t mind hearing the truth I have heard it all. I have gotten a few that said I am not tall enough or we are not a match but very very few. Those I normally respond too and say thanks I wish you luck in your search. Then I move on ... I would like an answer from all the emails I send out but people tend to forget about respect and curtsey now days.
 lorilovesdaisies
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 13
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/10/2006 3:28:22 PM
well when u think that not replying is rude u kind of are saying u want to respond.

u have to be honest, i think u want to be anyways, but be nice and keep it simple.
just say thanks for the message, i dont think we would jive but im sure hes on here for u

well good luck, and thanks for being considerate, its sweet of u
 Banghae
Joined: 1/9/2006
Msg: 14
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 5/10/2006 8:22:12 PM
Hats off to you man, it takes an American to say what a Canuck is thinking. Yep, I've been getting alot of emails from obese women. I'm not a chubby chaser nor am I a health facist...I just think that sometimes a man should be able to pick up his girlfriend...
 northerngirl76
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 15
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:09:22 AM
I think just to tell them you're not interested.I believe honesty is the best policy.
 just43
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 16
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:45:58 AM
Best to ignore.. I have heard a couple of excuses and well... they're all excuses. Well meant, maybe, sometimes, but still excuses.

1) Thank you for.. blah blah. You seem like a great guy but I am currently seeing someone from this site and I like to find out where it leads first... and then you're supposed to be happy if she puts you on her waiting list.. (favorites) I mean, if you're seriously seeing someone and wantto know where that leads to, why even 'open' messages from other guys?

2) Same as someone stated above: I don't think we are a match.... getting one like that is ok, but it is not as much as she wanting to be polite, she probably couldn't care less, but it is more because she doesn't want to be regarded as a stuck up Prima Donna by not replying or maybe she gets a kick out of it.. who knows...who cares.. Maybe she is new on the site and will learn, maybe she has been receiving multiple messages from pencil dick insecure guys who didn't get a reply to emails sent to her and started to get nasty... and she figured that the best way to keep everybody happy was to have a standard answer...

Something wrong with those guys too.. let it go man, she doesn't want you, doesn't even want to talk to you...who cares..plenty of fish. If you know you're a great guy... she is the one missing out.

I'd rather be ignored..don't waste my time sending me a message. I mean.. wow.. the pretty girl is actually replying to me, I get all excited because you never know and then when I open the message and it says "Get away from me, you freak" (different words, same meaning )..'I' end up wasting time. More of a dissapointment than be ignored.

Just love the favorites list.. "I am on someone's favorites list, I feel so special now".. but they never write anymore... or never write at all ...well.. I have a little solution. You don't write next time you're online (and favorites list tell you excactly when someone was online last), you're deleted... If you write to me afterwardsr.. ok, I'll be open, let me hear how wonderful you are, but you still have that strike against you. Not easy to overcome that one. I won't be in someone's bullpen, waiting room or to-do list. Sorry.

I don't have favorites. If I like someone's profile I write right then. Currently, after deleting a number of them, I only allow to be on the favorites list of 1 person because we're talking and we'll see where it leads. The rest of them got and will get deleted.

I was on some women's favorite lists from England... huh? Can't they read.. maximum distance: 75 miles.. kinda clear, isn't it? At one time I noticed I was on the favorite lists of about 50 women... but only 4 actually wrote to me...why put someone on a favorite list if you're not gonna write.

As far as stopping communications.. I think that if one stops writing it will send a clear message...don't bother with it.. there is a little rule about it... it has to do with back and forth and time between messages. You can feel if the other person is just not into you (anymore). Why confront someone with that, what are you trying to accomplish.. There have been a few and then they stop writing.. I am still the same guy but obviously they lost interest..So what?

What I am gonna do? Haunt them..'please please write me, like before, I miss you, why don't you write to me anymore? boohooo, blabber, blabber, tear, tear.. mommy, she doesn't want me anymore... waaaaahhhhh.."...No wonder these guys never get anywhere with women.. (mommy's boys.)

She is not into you, so ..let it go. and as far as in real life: If I don't feel like seeing anybody anymore.. the simple straight reason is: "I just lost interest, sorry."

Truthful, simple and finite.
 La Te Da
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 17
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:25:17 PM
in real life, do guys really want to hear a reason you're not interested? or is it good enough to say "thanks, but no thanks" ?

i have a problem if i am out talking to a guy, and he wants my number. i am not interested in anything more than conversation with most men i talk to when i am in a bar, so i try to get away before it goes too far. for some reason i am always caught off guard when they ask for my number. i dont know why.
 just43
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 18
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:36:31 PM
I don't know about other guys... but I wouldn't care. A simple: "Sorry, lost interest"..is enough. Don't care to know why, because I wouldn't change who I am anyway. And even if she would tell me, she would most likely try to sugarcoat it or give some kinda excuse. If she is not into me anymore or I am not into her, we already pastthe point of finding out if we have a future together or not. At that time..better to just walk away.
 just43
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 19
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:53:23 PM
As far as being asked a phonenumber in a bar...and not wanting to give it.... Well, if the guy is somewhat normal, he should understand and get the message, if you just say..sorry, I don't want to give my number out.
 andysails
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 20
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what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/16/2006 8:33:04 PM
I agree with BadBrain and Just43.

simply ignore the message. If they persist in any way block em.

No matter how you phrase your answer, it reads as "Good luck, jerk" to a guy.

Getting all worked up when I see a message from a pretty girl is a BIG let down when it turns out to be negative.

If a guy MUST have an answer then he's insecure/need closure/clueless and you can't do anything to appease someone like that but give in to him. So just steer clear.

Andy.
 wrecks
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 21
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/16/2006 10:54:08 PM
no reply is the best way.
It's the way of the internet, everyone gets them, it's a fact of online dating. You don't want to be anything more than that to this person - according to what you're after from POF.

Negative attention is still 'attention', why not just stay in the pile of 'no-replys' instead of being one of the few who actually did reply?

I get lots - for what reason, who knows - some for different reasons. I just give em a week or two and then I delete em. Hey if I'm not worth an e-mail thats fine, it's like walking down the street, nobody apologizes for walking by without saying "hi".

Just to say 'hey you look good to me', I don't expect an answer and if I don't get one then I don't bother her again.
Gotta love it - go fishing! Go find someone else - that wants to hear from you. It's quik, easy and no serious harm done.
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 22
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/17/2006 10:27:41 AM

I was on some women's favorite lists from England... huh? Can't they read.. maximum distance: 75 miles.. kinda clear, isn't it? At one time I noticed I was on the favorite lists of about 50 women... but only 4 actually wrote to me...why put someone on a favorite list if you're not gonna write.


I can't say why other women do it, but I if I see a man and I like his profile I will add him to my favorites list, hoping that if he sees I have added him, and he is interested he will write me. I don't know why but things seem to work better if the man makes the first contact.
 bubbynutz
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 23
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:02:54 PM
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?


Here's what you do: Type up a generic email that says...

"I think your a really nice guy/girl, but I've found somebody. It's not you. It's me."...

then don't send it.
 dragonbite
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 24
what's the best way to turn someone down that you're not interested in?
Posted: 7/17/2006 5:13:33 PM
Tell him to F-U-C-K Off.

Tell her she's ugly.
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