| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/15/2005 8:43:41 PM | Well I have quite a story to tell: CHAPTER 1
I was married for 12 years with my first wife, we had 5 kids, there ages are now 4, 7, 10, 13, 14. Kids are my like. I have always been proactive with all my kids, I stood my wife in the delivery room at each of the births. She got pregnant with the first child on our anniversary night, so after about 7 months when she started showing she started complaining about SEX - saying that she didnt want to anymore and that it hurt. Well her gynacologist said she was crazy and that sex was good for delivery (same thing I said) but nevertheless she did not want to and it seemed like I was having to beg her just to satisfy the natural urges. One part of the brain was telling me you need it while the other part was saying you shouldnt have to beg. Well, you can probably guess which side got its way, but it came with a price. because as time went on and the kids kept coming it got worse and worse. She never wanted to make love, instead she kept making excuses, headaches, shopping, tires etc.....I went along with this for quite some time. When she would finally concede to sleeping with me, the aftermath was worse than if we havent even did it at all. That is the feelings you get when your partner tells you to hurry up or after gets done, she says are you fininshed yet. No oral just wham bam - made me feel pretty crappy when we were thru and I would end up telling myself, "you see, you should have not done it" that way you wont feel bad.
Well year 5 came around and things came to a screeching halt: CHAPTER 2
I truly believed in my wife, you know for better or for worse, etc.... well, she confessed to me that she had been unfaitful to me and was pregnant with another mans child - my heart dropped. I was very upset and angry. I also got another confession that she also cheated on me 6 months after we got married with her old boyfriend. Now I am a person that will give you the benefit of the doubt and am very trusting. So when she came to me begging me to stay and keep the family together, I beleived her. She told me she give me my life on a silver platter. Meaning things were going to be pretty great it seemed.
Well year 11 comes around and things again come to a screeching halt: CHAPTER 3
Things started out pretty well, but soon lost inspiration and things went back normalcy. No special life or anything. Well I spent my time with my kids since I was not getting any attention from my wife. While my wife went out shopping and going out with her supposed girl friends, I was home babysitting. I even bought her 2 cruise tickets for christmas and she ended up asking her best friend to go with her 9 (oh well) Well things were very different for about 4 months. I kept asking her what was the matter and why she wouldnt talk to me. Well come to find out she cheated on me and was pregnant again with another mans child
Descision Time: CHAPTER 4
Wow all those feelings I had to deal with all came back to heart. Horrible, but I had to decide can I continue to live with these conditions? So I told her that if we were ever going to make this work we would have to get married all over again. Because we never really had a true marriage it seems. So her response was that she needed to think and she couldnt do that as long as I was living in the house. So I moved out and lived with my mom for 4 months and when my mom said I needed to move, I told my wife I was going to move back home (after all it was my home too) well she said NO, she wasnt ready, so I moved into an apartment and after a couple months filed the divorce papers.
AfterMath:
Now I hope I made the right decision. Yes I did have to drag my kids thru this which I never wanted to do. But they have dealt with it pretty well. We were divorced in 2000, so most of the healing has already taken place. The situation is a 50/50 joint custody with my ex. I have them half the week and she has them half the week
Moving On:
Well as the kids were growing up with school, sports, friends etc.. I spent my time running the kids around here there and everywhere: my days were wed, fri, sat, sunday. there was not anytime to date or meet anyone. So I turned to the internet and I vowed I would not get into this situation again. Well it was easy for me because I could screen women by going thru my list and if they didnt fit, I could just delete them. I went thru 100's of women. I actually met one woman who lived in New York, I flew up there to meet her, I thought she had enough of the qualities I was looking for. But when I got there I realized you dont really know the person until you are with the person.
The New Wife:
Well I finally met a woman who I believed mad many qualities that I was looking for (I realized no one was ever going to be perfect) She lived in Missouri and I am in Florida, so we met half way and things went ok then as time went on the next step if this was going to be serious was to introduce my kids. Well I did that and that went ok. So as time went on she would make a trip to Florida about every 4 or 5 months. She was financially capable and I was not. Well our relationship had gotten to a point it seemed we wanted to take it to the next level. So we got engaged and then 6 months later was married.
Live Turns Upside Down:
Well I had made it clear that if we were going to get serious, I was NOT going to move and that if she wanted to pursue a relationship she would have to be the one that would have to move. Well after we did get married she never moved down. Now we are going on 3 years still married and she still lives up North. But things have gotten so bad now, I do not want her to move down.
Her True Colors:
You see when you marry someone you never seem to know who they really are until they have you wrapped underneath their noose. Well come to find out that she is a very, very jealous person, she hates my ex (who she has never met) she is very insecure, she wears her feelings on her sleeve. She constantly accuses me of everything she can think of. Now I just listen to her and at first responded to her ignorant comments. By letting her know I care and talking about her issues, reassuring her etc...But the accusations kept flying and got worse, It got to a point where I did not even want to talk to her anymore with all the crap coming out of her mouth. Now I do NOT talk to her, because I cant stand the things that come out of her mouth and when she calls I just hang up.
ANSWERS: I really dont know what to do, things are so bad I cannot list all the things that she has done, but deep inside my heart I tell myself this is not really a marriage either, we have never really given it a chance. But, I dont know now if I want to anymore. I wonder if anyone has been in a similar situation? I have talked to counselors many times but still seem to be stuck in LIMBO?
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/16/2005 6:56:38 AM | | Find someone to make you happy and willing to move to be with you. Get rid of her!! | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/16/2005 9:34:25 AM | | Hi if I were you I would DIVORCE as soon as possible so you can move on and find the right one for you sometiomes it takes a long time to truly know a person you just met 2 wrong people for you thats all and you can and will with patients met the right women for you and for your childrens lives. | |
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dudio
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Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/16/2005 10:01:31 AM | ugh .. what a story !
I'd say the marriage you have now is a big mistake,
and why you got married before you both sincerely
committed is beyond me.
As for the last one, your comment of "One part of
the brain was telling me you need it while the other
part was saying you shouldnt have to beg" stunk of selfishness.
Good luck tho.
PS: Marie - let's get married.
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/16/2005 10:27:38 AM | What a mess!!!!!
I think you need to stop and rethink what you value in a relationship. Seems to me there is a repeatable pattern here. Frued would have a field day with you, get some counseling get yourself well before you even think about another relationship. As for wifey #2 look into an annulment, divorce could put you in a bad away. As for the kids, I do not know all the details but they see you as Dad and you have to live up to that responsability we don't want more messed up kids out there.
Good luck | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/18/2005 1:52:11 PM | | NightStranger......reading you story made me very grateful for my life..Thank you....redneckgirl133 | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/18/2005 3:04:26 PM | | I am a single guy who TRULY desires to have a wonderful wife and family real soon. I work a lot so that I can be financially set to support a wife and family, to be able to provide them with a wonderful home and to keep food on the table. To raise my children up to experience all the good things that life has for them. I said all of that to say this. I do not mean to judge and to cast stones, but this needs to be brought out. I am really tired of getting on these websites and looking at different profiles of the ladies and to my dispair discover that they are single moms and/or divorced already. This is pathetically sad. PEOPLE SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WANTING TO RUSH INTO RELATIONSHIPS only to get pregant and the man leaves them or they quickly realize that they aren't even compatible. Its sad. There are too many single moms and divorcees out there today and also to many "harlots" who sleep around on their husbands or wives. Do people really want a family, or do we just want sex and more sex. God help us. I know that some can't control circumstances, but shouldn't we use more wisdom-upshur77 | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/18/2005 3:26:27 PM | | Talk to a counselor BEFORE you make any of these brilliant decisions. What a mess. There may be grounds for anulment based on lack of cohabitation so try to fix that and don't do anything else. You should be scared of yourself or at least your decision making skills. Be the best role model you can for your kids and don't be a pushover. | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/19/2005 1:23:45 PM | | thank you so much for your insite, I totally agree with you | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/19/2005 1:25:05 PM | | I think in a way you understand where I am coming from and I am glad you are able to work it out in your own relationship | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 2/19/2005 1:26:25 PM | | I definitely hear you, in fact I am trying to look into if an annulment applies in my case. I have not found the answer yet | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 7/19/2005 1:43:29 PM | im sure if yo have consimated the relationship it cant be annulled,,,
i feel for you me nad my daughter was watching tv the other day and we were like dang it upsets me to see a man go through this so much more than a woman shes the same way although we have no idea why,,,but you need to fing yo find yourself worth,,,dont look for someone else to make your life better,brighter happier,,,when its time it will be there for the taking and it will be great,,,love trust compaaion and all that comes with it shouldnt be pain and distrust and confusion....you will soon realize that those kids you have are what makes you happy,,they are the one sure thing in your life you can count on...good luck | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 7/19/2005 3:53:13 PM | Your life sounds like mine, only mine was over 4 years and only one wife.
I'm only 28 and there are no kids involved (thank god!) but I know that it still hurts.
You should check the divorce laws in your state (and maybe hers) to find out if you can get an annullment.
Don't feel too bad, there are others out there, and they usually show up when you're not looking. Does that mean stop looking? Heck no, but the one that is for you is the one you least expect. :)
Good luck. | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 7/19/2005 5:23:42 PM | Nightstranger,
That is so sad, I'm sorry to hear that love has been so rocky for you. Do you believe in it still, after all of that? | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 7/20/2005 8:28:46 AM | | A divorce is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I have been through two and I am having a hard time getting over the most recent one. | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 7/20/2005 4:17:35 PM | I aggree....divorce sucks.
It takes two to get married,yet only one to get a divorce.
There should be an aggreement on the marriage license that states that whoever leaves the marriage (without just cause) leaves with 25% of the assets, 75% to whoever stays.
That might create some incentive to make the marriage work. | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 7/20/2005 4:34:27 PM |
Well I had made it clear that if we were going to get serious, I was NOT going to move and that if she wanted to pursue a relationship she would have to be the one that would have to move. Well after we did get married she never moved down.
I think that’s where you went wrong. The move should have been done first before the marriage. No move no marriage. So I can understand both you and her for thinking there might be someone else in each others life (although I know you never said that there was anyone in her life)
Why don’t she come down on the weekends to live with you and then you can either reassure her that there is nothing going on with your ex, or finally know whether to go for another divorce or the next step forward in the relationship? | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:03:02 PM | | My above message was actually mean't for messenger #10. | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:26:22 PM | YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear OP,
You need a good lawyer and a good psychotherapist. I mean both in the most respectful terms. There is no shame in asking for professional help.
I will not say "I know how you feel" because I don't. I can only imagine.
That said, there is a bigger crime in not asking for help when it is available. Get help and get it now.
I truly wish you the best.
WD | |
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| Marriage and Divorce
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:50:56 PM | Sounds like a mess I would get into. Anyway, maybe this will help.
http://www.ablelegalforms.com/annulment.html
Google can be a great tool.
Dale
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