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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/7/2006 7:44:05 PM | | i ve dated guys with kids, doesn't bother me unless they are bad parents, **** about the kids mother, but It may be becasue I have a kid that it works for me, I m sure some no parent party girls might not be down with the responsibilty aspect of it (kid comes first, can't go out at the drop of a hat etc etc.) | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/7/2006 7:49:11 PM | | Maybe I'm wrong.....but if I were a woman, I'd be a little scared of a man who has the kids after a divorce. Not because of him, but his ex would need to be a drug addict, not have a job, an acoholic, abusive, have a criminal record......possibly the majority of these defects....and be proven in court, before he would have the kids. I know some very good guys who've been through a divorce, but they can never get the kids. How many men have custody and DON'T have a totally psycho ex-wife? Can't be many of them..... | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/7/2006 8:01:39 PM | actually it might be a custody sharing thing 4 days with mom 4 days with dad don't judge people brian2mn when you don;t know whats going on maybe dad schedule is more flexible than moms, maybe mom's not in the picutre at all, I personally have full custody but diffrent arrangements work for diffrent people,
I think i see your ignorance showing!!!  | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/7/2006 8:07:58 PM | I have 3 children and the man I am dating has three children of his own which he sees every other weekend plus he has full custody of another child who is not biologically his.
If anything I was drawn to the fact that he has a child that he is raising that is not his own, he has extreme compassion towards children and if anything that is something very attractive.
I would personally rather date someone with kids than without, because ultimately they will have that understanding that children come first and that we can't just always pick up and go.
The right woman will come along who totally accepts you as a package............ | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/7/2006 8:31:45 PM | ^^^I am with Daisie here. Unless the guy is a widower, I want no part of being with a guy who has kids. Divorced fathers are a problem for me. I don't want to deal with ex wives, custody battles, the emotional messes related to divorce or the other problems associated with divorces. I don't feel comfortable getting involved in all of that.
If the fellow is a widower, the dynamics are different. I don't mind if he has kids in that situation. | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/7/2006 9:39:47 PM | I prefer no children. The reasons are:
First and foremost, I don't have any of my own and there are still plenty of men around in the same situation in my dating range. Now if I had kids of my own, or very few men in my dating range were childless, then obviously I couldn't afford to be so picky. But since this is not the case, I have a right to date whomever I want and I have a right to be picky.
Secondly, I did it once and it was a nightmare, turned me off forever. My good friend did it once, it was nightmare, her experience turned me off forever.
I don't want to deal with ex's, particularly those who I don't agree with their parenting style, and being that you're only a "step-parent" (if you're even given that right).. you don't get a say.
I want kids of my own, I don't want that limited because he already has 2 or 3 children, too bad, I want 2 or 3 as well... I don't want "our" kids parented one way, while the kids from the previous marriage get parented a different way because of decisions made by the ex. If she's a bad parent, I don't want the resulting behavioral problems from that home coming in to my home. When I get pregnant, I don't want to hear stuff like "well my ex didn't experience that"... My ex this or my ex that... The birth of my first child is going to be one of the most special days of my life, a "first" for me and i want to share that "first" with my spouse, I don't want to hear "well when so and so was born "....
Finally, research shows that stepchildren do not accept a stepmother as readily as a stepfather and i've seen it over and over again (yes there are exceptions), and having step-parents myself, I can relate to this, and I just know that i'll never love your children as much as i'll love my own, as my step-parents never loved me as much as their own and this can be problematic (Don't get me wrong, they still loved me as I would love another child if this situation should happen to me, the key words are "as much as"). I sincerely hope to have an intact family unit, that is one of my fervent dreams.
And then theres the financial strains, the custody strains, the scheduling headaches and all the other "little" things that arise....I don't want half of my partner's salary going to another household, we have our own lives to build together.
Like I said, i'm lucky enough that I can still afford to be picky and I exercise that right as long as I possibly can in hopes the right guy will come along and he'll be childless. I don't believe in "there's only one person for everyone"... there's lots of fish in the sea and it's early in the day yet, there's still lots of good fishing time left! | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/7/2006 9:53:48 PM | | I dated this guy that had a 4 year old son...I didn't have any issues/problems about with it..I had a lot of respect for this guy the whole time i dated him..he is a dedicated father, that's one of the many reasons why i fell in love with him but anyways, that relationship is over and done with.. | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 10:16:37 AM | I think men who love their kids are very cool. I just don't want to date them.
Having just been through this, and burned not once but twice in the process, I can honestly say that I cannot forsee myself ever again dating a man with children.
As someone else mentioned - I have no interest in dealing with ex-wives and custody woes.
Also, if and when I have a child, I want that to be the most incredible, spectacular, breath-taking event of my child's father's life. Not fair to me if he's already been there/done that with someone else.
Is this selfish of me? Maybe. But that's the way that goes. | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 10:27:33 AM | | I'd also rather not for a lot of the reasons already mentioned. I'm not interested in having to deal with crazy ex's, not being able to say anything to the kid if he/she's being a little hellion, dealing with the possibility of the kid intentionally making my life miserable because he/she thinks I'm trying to take his/her mom's place, not having it be as special to him as it is to me if and when we got married and had a kid of our own, and so on and so on... | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 10:36:39 AM | | i def wouldnt do it. chances are the guy is gonna spend $ on his kid and thats money that should be spent on me. not to mention i really dont like kids in general. it would never work | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 11:00:10 AM | I like how the assumption is there that there will always be problems. What about the guys who have custody and all of those issues have long been resolved?
Now let's add all those who have "been burned". I am sure these are the only dating situations you have ever been burned in. Never has any man without children every hurt you. Better stop dating now!
My favorites, and I run across this constantly, are the women who have children, but refuse to date men that have them.
We want someone to accept us for who we are, but they have to be perfect.
1coolchick, I would think that every child is just as important to the father. Would your second child mean less to you then the first? I hope not...
imsneaky, I sincerly hope you are joking. If not, I hope you get everything you deserve with an attitude like that!
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 11:08:25 AM | What He Said:
1coolchick, I would think that every child is just as important to the father. Would your second child mean less to you then the first? I hope not... ...
But read carefully ...
What I Said:
Not fair to me if he's already been there/done that with someone else.
"With someone else" were the operative words. Which might explain why they're in italics.
And no, angelicusbraticus, men with children are not the only ones who've burned us. But that was the topic of the thread.
What He Said That I Actually Agree With:
If not, I hope you get everything you deserve with an attitude like that! ...
She must have been joking... right?
Interesting thread idea, OP.
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 11:16:36 AM | Oh, I saw the someone else, just don't see why it would matter!
As a father, and one who has dated other women with children, I can tell you all of the children mean the same to me, mine or not....
The far more important thing would be that it is his first child WITH YOU. You, and the child are no less special for being second, trust me on that. Otherwise, he wouldn't be there. | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 11:29:07 AM | | I think that if i meet a guy that i can see myself being with long term, then the fact that he has kids wouldn't matter. I would love him regardless. Having kids from previous relationships/marriages doesn't make you any less of a person. The only time it would be a concern for me, is if he had nothing to do with his kids by choice. If he was lacking on his child support payments etc... | |
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ab_qt
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Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 11:36:32 AM | | I've dated a couple men who were single dads (their ex's were not in the picture at all) and that worked well for me, however, I also dated a man who shared custody with his ex and that was f.cking hell! I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid a guy with kids, but I would definitly look at the situation more carefully before I got involved. I've learned my lesson in the past about dating men who have kids and ex's that are actively involved. | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 11:57:41 AM | How many times have I heard," Oh no not me ,I'll never get married!"
Then down the road they do. Same thing with women/men with kids. If the attraction
is strong enough, and 2 people really click, opinions change, unless of course you
already have been involved with single parents.
Unless you have been with a single parent, no one can say they wouldn't,the more you
convince yourself you won't, chances are you will!
Knight Rider! | |
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| what do girls think about dating a guy with a kid?
Posted: 5/8/2006 11:58:54 AM | 'Maybe I'm wrong.....but if I were a woman, I'd be a little scared of a man who has the kids after a divorce. Not because of him, but his ex would need to be a drug addict, not have a job, an acoholic, abusive, have a criminal record......possibly the majority of these defects....and be proven in court, before he would have the kids. I know some very good guys who've been through a divorce, but they can never get the kids. How many men have custody and DON'T have a totally psycho ex-wife? Can't be many of them.....'
THAT is the biggest double standard I have heard to date. It's pathetic. Why don't ppl ever assume a man is psychotic if he doesn't have custody of his kids............
Saying a woman would have to be a drug addict, unemployed, a criminal etc is ludacrous.
There are a million different reasons why there is shared custodly, sole custody etc.
Give me a break. | |
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