| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:33:50 PM | | I need some quick advice, because right now i'm confused. I shouldn't be looking online for answers, but i'm sick of not having any answers really. Ok, here is the situation, I thought I was pregnant, but then it came back negative. Well that same day we break up, and less then a week later I go back to my Moms. I went to the doctor Monday and found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. I tell the father, and it didn't go so well he didn't know what to really say on the whole situation. So his whole opinion is he thinks we should have an abortion, because we "apparently" aren't resonsible enough, I know poor excuse please don't hate lol. Anyways I feel the whole abortion thing is wrong, and I want to really raise this kid. I told him I would walk away and raise this kid alone, without his help or support. Nope that wasn't good enough for him. So how can I ease my mind about the abortion thing being ok, or how can I help him see the ligh? Because we are both clashing on this subject, and i'm feeling hopeless about now. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:42:59 PM | | Fact of the matter is this. you stated yourself you wanted the kid. **** what he wants or says... he did it. he should pay for it. Clearly its a decision you've made, but you're afraid of what he'll say... give up on him and accept his monthly child payments=) | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:50:30 PM | | I don't want child support from him or anything. Thats not it at all, I just don't want to have an abortion either. I'm not sure if i'm just unsure of what to do or if I really know what I want. I think I know what I want, but yet I feel unsure. He's sure of how it should be done, and he has never lead me astray. I'm afraid i'm going to regret this for the rest of my life. I don't think I could live with myself, if I had an abortion and thats the part that worries me. I may be fine and dandy to go have it done, but the minute I get out of there I know i'm going to have so much regret it's not even funny. Some feel relieve and I know for a fact thats not how i'm going to feel. I guess I have some emotional attatchment to this baby for some unknown reason. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:13:30 PM | Sweety i went through the exact thing with my ex!! and now im still dealing with it. Do you want my opinion? Well here it is any way!
F*** him! Thats what i did. Well you no wath i mean!! not literall but figuratively. My ex did not want this child. Wanted nothing to do wtih me or her. I left him teh day after i found out i was preg. He wanted me to have an abortion from day one. Then when i refused he said i had to get an adoption. My ex said the same thing yours did and so did his family and mine. We are to young and immature! I sure showed all of them!! And honey you can to! I moved away from there wehn iwas 8 months casue i was getting no help. I had at one point told everyone i was having an adoption. I totaly changed my mind. I could not do it!! Just wasnt in me. I went tell seh was 5 months, soo almsot a year with out tlaking to him... He never once seen her or tlak to me about her. I got curious... His paretns wanted her in there life soo i finnaly said yes. Waited a few montsh before i contacted her father and well now im in a huge ordeal with him.(he wants visitation rights! He has visitation rights. He can coem and visit ehr whenver he wants!! But thats nto god enough so hes threatning me wiht court!! HAHAHHA have un buddy!) He has payed me every month and back payed me every month from the day she was born excpet this month casue we are fighting now. One thing i well tell u to do is if u decide to keep this baby and he dosnt want a part of it or you... DO NOT get ahold of him to be apart of his childs life. If he wants to he can get ahold of you. I knwo its hard and u want to know how he feels but its jsut not worth it. HES NOT WORTH IT!!! and this child deserves more. DESERVES YOU!!! Sweety do the best you can.. But dont ever doubt yourself. If you want this baby have this baby... I Know exactly how you feel! If you ever and i mean ever need to tlak to some one!! Iam here. Just message me. I know what you are going through and its not easy but you can do it!!!! If i can any one can!! | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:13:37 PM | Think about yourself first than about anyone else!
Its your life . You are the one who is going to make a desicion here, you can listen your ex/ your family/ your friends advices but really its YOU who will decide to give a birth to that unborn baby and be able to be a good parent/ be able to support financally yourself and a kid
and enjoy your life at the same time or choose another way and dont give a birth / wait a little bit more till you sure you have everything settle and ready for your future kid.
Make a desicion and dont regret about it
Take care hun!
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:30:03 PM | | I can't wait to long, if I don't have the baby and have the abortion it will be too late. I'm in a rock and a hard spot. I'm not sure what to do, it sucks bad. I want to trust in myself, but i'm having a hard time. I went through PPD with my daughter. It sucked bad, but it made me feel not close to her, and she tends to be more close to my Mom. So I feel like I failed parenting there. So what makes me think I can try again and actually suceeded? I think I can do it this time, but there is always this chance that I can't. Maybe I can make things right this time, maybe not. I don't know but this situation is just making me feel sick. I believe life starts at conception, as to where he doesn't. I just wanted him to be happy, and he's not. It sucks so bad, because I think that the moment he would or could lay eyes on his child, his WHOLE opinion would change and he would be sorry for even thinking that. I feel like i'm losing a fight battle here with him, because he's ALWAYS right, so what if he is right and i'm just being unsure. Sorry to rattle on and on, but i'm so confused right now it's not even funny. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:39:08 PM | Sweety, I went through those tough choices when I first found out I was pregnant, me and my sons dad were not together when I found out and we talked about abortion adoption everything. I didn't have him tell me to have an adortion though, but its YOUR decision and yours alone! Its your body and you make the choice for you. Do not ever listen to what anyone else says about this kind of thing. You do what you feel is right for you. I had a hard time deciding what whats best, but I followed my heart and my gut and I do not regret one thing and my sons dad has hardly been involved. We do just fine!
A very close friend of mine went though this and the boy told her you have that baby and you will never see me again. She was looking at cribs and baby name books and everything until he said that and she listened to him and you know what, she feels awful and he still left. Do for you!!! I wish you all the best!!! If you ever need to vent or anything feel free to contact me!
mamaof1 | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 12:34:54 AM | | Alright ill let you all say what you want about me. But this is my desicion too. First of all i cant let her walk out of my life cause i do care about her. Second of all this is a bad situation to be in. We arent together, which first of all is unfair to a child. Having mom here and dad there. second we are both so far in finacial trouble its unreal. she is on the verge of going to jail. i dont make very good money. also she barely takes care of her own kid. we lived together for 2 months and the whole time we were there someone else had her kid. she doesnt have the patients to put up with her own kid. that wouldnt be fair to her kid now. she told me herself she regrets having her daughter, so what shes gonna play this "Oh this time will be different shit. Fix the problems with the first one. why would she want a second. also just last week she tried to kill herself. thats real safe. she swallowed a half a bottle of tylanol. thats not good for a baby. I have medical issues that i dont want to pass on to a baby. to me its not even a baby its a fetus. it could be used for stem cell research if we go through with this. thats not my point just one. everyone is different. I didnt say it was right. i said in our situation its the best decision. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 12:40:35 AM | | and im not trying to be an ass about it. i just hate it when people make posts like this and only give one side of the story. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 1:08:04 AM | | this is a really hard decision. but DO NOT let people make your decision for you. I have been through alomst the same thing but I am a dad and was in high school when my childs mother was pregnant. believe it or not it didnt occur to me to have an abortion untill she was 7 months pregnant. anyhow i am completely prochoice and i think it should be up to the individual. ultimately it is their choice. "it is not the worst thing that could happen", probably the best thing that i ever heard from my dad. I now have two stud sons that of course are on the A honor roll and one wants to be a pro bass fiherman and the other of course wants to be a cop. I am not trying to suede you. i do not regret my choices, i am a single father of two boys............................. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 3:58:16 AM | bottom line, he doesnt want to get stuck paying child support for the next 18 years, plus it doesnt sound like he wants to be with you either. I would do what is in your heart. Try watching the dvd silent scream before you think of a abortion though. They had a camera up in the uterus area as they were doing a abortion on that child. The child literally was screaming while its head was being torn off by a suction machine.  | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 10:10:05 AM | 1. Don't have the abortion because you don't want to have it. Very simple there.
2. DOOOOOO collect child support because 1) you play you pay and 2) your child has every right to that money...so if you don't want to use the money to support the child, then put the money away for when the child grows up...it will give him or her a nice nest egg. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 10:14:27 AM | hey joker....my son is almost 8 months and i have no regrets....message me if you need to talk....
his dad and i broke up and i found out 7 weeks later....and since then he has not been involved at all. hes seen my son once. but its ok, if you really feel like you can do this...then you can. im not gonna lie, its hard at times, but it is SO worth it.  | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 10:35:51 AM | It wasn't one sided dear, it was putting information out there for advice, but not throwing my life out there. Which now that you so gladly did and thanks so much I might add. That was really F**king funny let me tell you. Secondly i'm not going to jail lol, that was real funny. Anyways if I was it was over finacial reasons. But I got that all taken care of. Why does any of this matter, it's irrelevent. The point is I came on here seeking advice but not to tell my life story. I wasn't blaming it all on you, I was just putting out my worries ok.  | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 10:51:33 AM | | I do believe that all parties involved regardless of what is going on in their personal lives should really take a step back and do what is best for the unborn child. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 11:19:13 AM | Sounds like you already made up your mind. Do not let a man dwindle what you are know.. and what. In the end this is something you have to be proud and accepting of. You need to make this decision on your own... regardless of what he thinks and wants becuase right now.. he's just being a selfish **stard and ony has his own agenda on mind.
As far as freaking out.. DON"T.. IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. SImiliar situation happened to me, only i was 17. TO me abortion was out of the question, but that's what he wanted. He pretty much fell of the face of the earth. I am now 24.. just finished teachers college and am a proud mother of a six year old boy. Now your probably thinking yeah great.. if your parents help you out!!! Not exactly... You do have to have strength and will inside and a great support sysytem from friends. I have been doing this whole thing on my own.. living on my own... and it's just fine. It's really not as hard as they say it is.. as long as you have a postive outlook on it. I still do not know where the father is.. dont take any money from him.. etc.. and i'm better off.. way better off.
Here's something to think about.. it was my answer.. but maybe not yours. I knew i was having the baby regardless just didn't know if i was going to keep it or not.. then it hit me.. 8 months in... NOw i'm not a very religious person or anything.. but i got thinking.. Something like this.. unexpected.. unplanned... is a miracle in its own. What if I could not have children for some reason in the future..?.. What if the man whom i fell in love with.. could not have chilren?.. WHat if this was my one and only chance to have a child?... I figured this was a happening for a reason.. so embrace it.. and that's what i did.. and will never look back...
IF your worried about dating with a child.. no worries there.. there are wonderful men out there.. who are mature enough.. to look past that... I HOPE THIS HELPS> | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 12:15:10 PM | I really dont think ANYONE should have to watch that movie!. There are cut of limits with abortion for a reason, obviously! Dont push pro life crap on young girls! God thats like pushing your religious beleifs on somone! Everyone has a right to do what is best FOR THEM!
The fact is its her body, and a woman in this day and age has a choice. if she wants to have a baby its her decision and hers alone. She will be the one with the little gift of never ending love. or if she isnt ready its for her to say. it is a huge responsibility.
i beleive that as long as you have the family suport of loved ones everything will be ok. no matter what your decision
i dont know about everyone else, but i know i am here if you ever need to talk just msg me | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 12:22:23 PM | Ok I have been though this similar situation myself. I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant. I really thought that I should have had an abortion but in the state that I live in you have to have a parents premission and my parents both said no way. So they tryed to get my to put him up for adoption and I knew there was no way I could do that so I had my son and have raised him on my own. His Dad wants to be part of his life as long as he doesn't really have to act like a Dad and really help me out with raising him. I have done it on my own for so long now I wouldn't know what to do with the help. Anyways my point with this is if you already have one kid you need to focus on what is going to be the best thing for you and her. Because yes it is completely your decision to have the baby or not but I also think you need to stop and really think long and hard about how having another baby would effect the kid that you already have. You have a family already by yourself think of the big picture having an abortion could give you a chance to get yourself straighten out. Don't take it wrong I am not saying you should or shouldn't have one just you not only have yourself to think about but another child thats life is effected by this whole thing. Also if do have problems dealing with the one how would you handle two? I'm just going off what was said I am no one to judge anyone else for anything. I have seen to many people just pass there kids off and hate to see it but I know it does. My whole point is do what is right for you and your child that is already here. The ex's opinion doesn't really matter because in the end he will either support your decision or you will never hear from him again simple as that. Just keep a good outlook on life and you'll be fine. If you do have an abortion take it as it is your weren't ready to have another one so don't put yourself in a possion again until your ready. If you need to talk feel free to contact me I have more insight that I can give you just don't want it all posted. Just know that there is always someone willing to talk to you about anything and there are great guys out there that really don't care if you already have kids they date you for you and nothing else. I hope all the info your getting on here helps. I wish you nothing but the best with whatever you decide to do.  | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 12:27:17 PM | | Instead of worry about the needs of a partner who is no longer there, perhaps you might consider addressing your own needs first. | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 1:02:41 PM | joker, you sound like you want this baby. if that is the case then dont have an abortion.
when i fell pregnant at 17, my entire family and the babys father wanted me to abort. i went to see a counsellor and from the moment i spoke they told me it was obvious what i wanted. i was so scared of my familys reaction and 'him' leaving me that i ignored my feelings and booked the apointment. now this sounds really lame and kinda weird-but the night before i was booked in, i had this terrible dream where there was a large vibrant blue dot inside me, someone stuck a needle in the dot and it gradually became a huge red dot. in the dream i was sobbing so hard with regret the second the needle had hit.
when i woke i KNEW i would regret aborting the baby and she is now 13. her father left way before she was born yet my family have always stood by me and my girl is the most loved and wanted child.
however, my friend fell pregnant and knew from day one that she wouldnt be able to cope. she had the abortion and has never looked back-now a few years on she has a wonderful little boy who was planned.
my point may be a bit long winded lol, but dont DONT have an abortion if its not what you want. its not something you can put right and you have to be so so sure.
if you feel you will be unable to cope then maybe think of adoption...at least its something positive you would be doing for your child. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 1:06:03 PM | My mother was 15 when she gave birth to me....I thank God everyday that she didn't even think about aborting me. 
And to this day she believes I am the best thing that has ever happened to her. And even if she HAD considered it....boy am I glad that she hasn't told me that....I wouldn't want to know that my own parent didn't want me at one time. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 1:46:27 PM | Maybe if your unsure about keeping up with a new baby, maybe consider open Adoption or something. You sound scared maybe consider something like that. That way you don't just get rid of the baby and you may make a couple who cannot have children very happy. Just another thought.
mamaof1 | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 4:01:00 PM |
Alright ill let you all say what you want about me. But this is my desicion too...
WRONG!! This has nothing to do with what you want.. this is HER decision NOT yours. You have no say. If she wants to have this kid, you're stuck. so, suck it up porkchop and accept responsibility for your actions..
If you're so against having kids, don't have sex.. plain and simple. | |
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allh2h
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Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 4:44:52 PM |
I guess I have some emotional attatchment to this baby for some unknown reason Well duh...it is in you growing! It is a part of you. It is your child (or depending on your beliefs, will be a child)
Whether he has never led you astray or not if you do not feel you can live with an abortion and you want to raise this kid then you hae already made up your mind hun...just do it and fukk him if he does not want to be a part of it. It is his loss not yours. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:05:20 PM | I was in the similar situation, 17 years old and found out I was pregnante. Before the blood test came back, the ex and I were talking about whether we wanted to stay togeather or not. When the test results came back, he asked what I wanted to do, and I said I couldn't do an abortion and he said he was against adoption, so little choice left. Although he wasn't always in our sons life, he is growing up and being a dad. This may happen with both of you. Both parents have to accept the responsibility and realize it's not a trophy child. Does your city/town have a crisis pregnancy office? That would be my suggestion for you. Good luck. I'm sure you'll do what's right for you.
-Lee | |
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