| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:43:13 PM | I have always been very kind and generous. I have been seeing someone for 5 months now and besides hanging out with my friends or family he has never taken me out! I am helping build his own business, he stays at my apt., I cook and clean for him so he can work hard driving a truck. I have tried to express my feelings with him and he tells me he will take me out and show me more attention and doesn't. I have even caught him on my computer, getting on date sites, flirting with other woman. Good gosh why do I still want to think the best of him and give him a chance. What is wrong with me? And why would someone actually want to use and hurt someone like this? Any advise out there? | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:57:37 PM |
you let him do it..
to an extent, this is true. it doesn't mean he has the right to do it though! confront him, see what he says. is this the first time it has happened to you? | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 6:06:29 PM | | Wake up! Reread your own post! Throw the bum out NOW. You are training him to mistreat you. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 6:10:01 PM | | I hate to say because you let them, but that is what I discovered to be true. Heard it a million times, but it is a shame that some people will use others and seem to be perfectly content with that. I say throw his ass out!! Did he ever take you out? Maybe once in the beginning? All it would take for most people is to catch him online flirting, that is a deal breaker. It would be different if he were home with you all the time and doing things with you. He sounds like a user to me. I know it will be difficult, but it will only get worse and not better I would think. Have you confronted him at all? So sorry you are getting dumped on this way. Best of luck to you. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 6:12:21 PM | OMG! I completely understand where you are coming from. I just kicked out one of these same type of men. I was with him faithfully for 3 1/2 yrs and every time I got to the point I was ready to end it, he would show the sweet, wonderful, caring side of him so that I would doubt my own feelings. I too helped him build not one, but 2 businesses, got him and his son cell phones on my plan...completely supported him for 6 months and on and on it goes...sex was only when he felt like it and only for him...I never was satisfied. I finally started waking up, tolk him he had to move, packed all his stuff and set it on the back porch while he was at his newest victim's house reeling her in. I am still kicking myself for letting him do this to me, but not only that my children as well.
Why do men do this to women? | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 6:12:45 PM | YOUR LETTING HIM USE YOU GIRL YOU LET HIM STAY IN YOUR HOUSE ONLY AFTER 5 MONTHS AND YOU COOK AND CLEAN AND HE DOESN'T SHOW OR GIVE YOU NOTHING BACK AND YOUR STILL WITH HIM WOW I WOULD HAD KICKED HIS ASS OUT ALREADY FOR REAL YOU NEED TO TELL HIM TO LEAVE .SOUNDS LIKE HE'S JUST USEING YOU AND YOUR LETTING HIM BY DOING ALL THOSES THINGS FOR HIM SLOW DOWN YOUR NOT MARRIED TO HIM AS YET IT'S ONLY BEEN 5 MONTHS AND HE CAN'T EVEN TAKE YOU OUT leave that bum girl let him go use someone else | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 6:16:57 PM | Hi Liteiside!
My advice to you is to dump this creep. I had the same experience, gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he used me. At the time I was so "desperate" for a man, it wasn't funny! (This guy did take me out once in a while. I often ended up paying.) He, too would get on singles sites, on my computer, and tell me these women were "just friends." yeah, right!
Like this man, your guy is a womaniser. These kind of men will do nothing except break your heart.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are a nice person this man doesn't deserve. Guys like him have this attitude,that because they are men, and we women can't live without them, its acceptable to behave like this.
You willl be hurt when you get rid of him, but in my own case, this man dumped me for someone else, or 3! He wsn't a two timer; he was a four-player, and I don't mean that in any sexual context. I was heartbroken, and took it up with a counselor. I was advised that mabe he did me a favor. In the "end" I saw him as being no great loss. I remain alone and very lonely at times, but would rather be this way than with someonewho was screwing around on me. Best of luck, God Bless you! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 6:34:06 PM | | With the extreme exception of brain washing and such, No one can use you unless your allowing it to happen. It doesn't matter if your in a great relationship or a losing one like your's. People, mates, friends or strangers cannot use you to any degree unless you allow it to happen. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 6:49:23 PM | Stop letting him use you. You deserve so much better!!! Trust me, we cling to worthless men because we feel so lonely, but we are only making ourselves even lonlier! There are so many men who would treat you like a queen, wait for them!!!
I can't message you, so I am going to ask here, can I please quote you on your motto??? That is just perfect!!!! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 6:58:17 PM | | I'm with you on this one Zermatt! The man does not respect you or, frankly, give a shit about you! If you have no other reason to stay with him other than companionship, AND it is evident that he is not much of a companion, I would say cut your loses and move on, it will only get worse as will your frustration as time passes! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 7:14:01 PM | | My guess would be because you are a kind hearted person who sees the best in people, and by being that way, some people take advantage of that. Dont let them anymore!!!!! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 7:21:07 PM | yep!,They use you because you allow it!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW GIRLFRIEND!! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 7:24:48 PM | It's been said 100x
You allow it. He's a douche. Toss Him Away like a used condom... | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 7:49:31 PM | oh my goodness..
I just thought of a joke...
How do you reuse a condom??
You turn it inside out and shake the fuk out of it!!!....
I know this isnt a joke thread..but I couldnt resist... | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 7:57:07 PM | | IF , A woman would do all that for me AND have wild sex . I would be hers . That has not happen to me . must not be those woman in wisconsin . | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 8:03:38 PM | | A good relationship is give and take. It seems like you are generous to a fault. When you find somebody who will reciprocate that, it will turn into the best quality you have. I once made the mistake of giving everything I had to somebody who didn't value it and I got burned badly for it. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 8:24:07 PM | In relationships you both have to give 110%. What day is trash day in your neighbourhood? Put him on the curb...he is not worthy of what you have to offer.
Obviously it is your nature as to why you do the things you do, but in the dating game...there are many of these kind of people. You have to gain some backbone, and tell him to take a hike.
Good luck on finding your new fish! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 8:27:18 PM | I agree with alwaysme, it's because you are a kind, trusting person who believes the best of people and takes people as they come...
Go to "lovefraud.com" to read some truly hair-raising stories of women who were taken advantage of by psychopaths.
Psychpaths, who don't care about anyone but themselves and live for immediate gratification, are charming, intelligent, and highly verbal. They see people just as "sources of supply" for whatever they need: money, sex, a place to stay, drugs.
I used to be like you, and I still fight that impulse to help anybody in need. I couldn't understand how people could be like that, and kept giving them another chance, thinking it was a misunderstanding.
The analogy that finally made sense to me is: guys like that think of you (women, us) as a REFRIGERATOR. In that, they open the doors, take what they need. When the refrig is empty of what they want, they move on. You are just a refrigerator to him, when he's cleaned you out he'll be gone.
That's why he doesn't do anything for you or meet any of YOUR needs, it's incomprehensible to him! Just think if you walked into your kitchen and your REFRIGERATOR all of a sudden started demanding to be taken out to dinner and bought presents! You'd freak! That's how he thinks of it. You're the refrig and don't have any right to make demands or requests of him.
I don't know what the answer is for you, it seems easy to say kick the bum out, but you will have to strategize and get yourself together so you don't just take him right back. Maybe if you tell him you're fired from your job and out of money and the house is being repossessed, he'd just leave. The important thing is to concentrate on yourself and making yourself feel better rather than worrying about him all the time.
And, it's hard to think of somebody you loved only wanting you for your possessions and for what you do for him, but perhaps a strong counselor would help. You need somebody in your corner looking out for your interests, who can support you and get you out of just being used and treated like dirt.
Good luck. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 8:28:58 PM | | One more thing...put a password on your computer and don't let him use it anymore. His using your house, your computer, and your internet connection to meet other women has to stop. Or take the computer out of the house for a while and leave it at a friend's house. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 8:36:03 PM | That was incredibly well said, Countrysidecat !!!!!
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 8:42:15 PM | | you let him do it. i mean you already know something is wrong, so stop it. this some you can share with all women. A MAN WILL DO WHATEVER YOU LET US GET AWAY WITH. as for the guy you have now it's too late, he has already gotten use to the situation so send him packing. but the next person you hook up with start it out on the right foot. you should both share your expectations of each in a realationship | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 9:04:52 PM | countryside,
You may have a good suggestion, but these kinds of games really shouldn't have to be played with someone you're seeing, maybe with a little brother when you're in your teens. If this guy is actively pursuing others, its pretty obvious what his feelings are and obviously she is aware of all of this. With that said, I think each individual should be responsible for themselves first and foremost. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 9:53:50 PM | Let's see...
Why do men use me??
It could be because...
I have always been very kind and generous... I am helping build his own business, he stays at my apt., I cook and clean for him so he can work hard driving a truck... I have even caught him on my computer, getting on date sites, flirting with other woman.
And you're still with him. Could you please explain which of these examples shows an incentive for him to do anything other than use you? He may not be respectable for doing so, but some people really don't give a rat's ass what people think of them so long as they are getting a free ride. And until you stop putting up with shit like that, it's going to keep happening because guys like that can sniff out a sucker.
Oh yeah... don't be surprised (if you stay with him) if he decides he's had enough of you once he's got this business up and running that you're helping him build. Seems to be the way people like that operate. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/8/2006 9:58:18 PM |
A MAN WILL DO WHATEVER YOU LET US GET AWAY WITH. that is the biggest load of crap I have heard yet! If you actually wrote that and think that then please get help! A man that can truly call himself a MAN does NOT use anyone for self gain! | |
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