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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?      Home login  
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 elanvitaldepeace
Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 1
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
This question is actually for a friend..I already have my own oppinion on the subject...but she is wondering socially what the general oppinion is on this subject. Anyone want to lend any advice on the pros and cons and acceptance of dating more than one person at a time? Thanks.
 OceanMyst
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 2
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 5:51:00 AM
Hmmm...well I've been told that if you're just dating (dinner, movies, dancing, social events,etc) with no sexual contact then you should have 3 potential boyfriends. Afterall, you need to look around, see what you like, dont like, etc. However, if you want to pursue a sexual relationship or both feel that the potential to deepen the relationship is there, then you should become exclusive. And for the life of me, I cant remember who told me such things. Dang Dang Dang...
 Like2get2knowu
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 3
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 6:11:58 AM
I totally agree with OceanMyst. Dating is a numbers game, and if you're not dating a number of people, how are you going to be able to find the right person for you? It's when it gets to the relationship stage (meaning, more times than not, that you're intimate with this person) that it needs to be cut down to just that one person. I used to just date one guy at a time and if things didn't work out, I'd have to begin all over again. But with dating more than one guy at a time, if it doesn't work out with one of them, I have another one or ones to fall back on and maybe also hook up with someone else. But also as OceanMyst said, dating is the "go out to dinner" or "catch a flick" kind of thing, an activity you'd do with your friends, but if sex becomes a part of the equation, then it's time to make a decision to become exclusive with just one guy.
 Nickeylove
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 4
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 9:23:00 AM
so lets say your dating a guy and seeing him 6 days out of the week and he says he REALLY likes you and cares for you .... but you see that he still goes on here as dating and hasn't changed his profile .. and just found out that he's also on LL because he doesn't want to lose his 50 credits .....

would you say that its ok for me to go out and date and meet guys when i thought there were more feelings ?

and i asked him to change his profile .. he said he's too lazy too ...

i guess i just answered my own question
 shol
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 5
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 9:29:28 AM
I personally think you can date whomever you like and as long as it's open with the people you are interacting with. I mean personally I can only really like one person a lot and that's just me and to each their own but even if you are dating a few people I think it's proper to let the others know that you are playing the field etc.

I am just glad that in my heart I can only really adore one person romantically, but as I mentioned everyone has their own take, opinion and ideas as to what they are looking to do and what not :)
 wannabe_writer
Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 6
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:01:33 AM
I am in total agreement with the above post.............I can only date one person at a time, how am I giving them a fair chance if I am looking all over the place? I would be more confused than anything, call me old fashioned but I think it's one on one as my dating policy.

If I dont' like what I am seeing, then I move on.

JMHO
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:28:53 AM
thats a really hard question to get into...

alot of people get intimedated when they realize you aren't 100% zoned in on them.
it makes them feel like they aren't good enough, or like they in a weird way, need to compete with you, cause if your dating say 2 people, then they feel like they have to date 2 people as well... so they dont look like they are waiting around for you... even if they are.
its a twisted game, when you get the insecure ones...

I deal with that sometimes, cause I always been real open with who and how I date.
sometimes, I've dated a few girls at a time, and I was always super honest about pretty much anything, from whatever happend the night before, to having to leave them at some point in the day, cause I had a date with another girl that night.

what I found, is when your way honest about stuff, most girls seem to take it lightly, like your not really dating... just kinda interested.
but if I am seeing some other girl, and they are seeing some other guy, then the whole thing just seems like its no big deal at all.
I am the kinda guy, where if I wasn't exclusivly with a girl, and say she wanted to go out on a date with some other guy, it really wouldn't bother me.
even if it came down to her sleeping with him.
I've just never been the insecure type.
to me, if I am not exclusive to someone... as long as they are honest with me, they can pretty much do anything they want. only thing I personally ask, is if say she slept with a guy a few days before... then wanted to sleep with me a few days later.
tell me you did.

why?

cause I want to make DAMN sure you took the time to ask this guy about STD's and such.
if I even got the slightest hint you didn't turn into sherlock holmes on him, then I am not going near you...
no if ands or buts about that.
luckily, this situation has only happend twice.
so far, I haven't had a thing to worry about, cause I date smart girls, and I am a total ass when it comes to protecting myself from any potential STD's and such...
but if your gonna date multiple people, and he is too, then you gotta be kinda ruthless about somethings, cause the crap they do, can seriously ruin your life.

about 15 years ago or so, my best friend, was dating this real lame guy...
he got drunk one night, had sex with some drunk girl in her butt.... went back to her, and 3 months later, shes got diseases I don't even want to hear about.
she said "8 different types of HPV", now I don't want to know what that is... I never asked, I never want to hear what it is... this is my best friend, and I don't want a graphic idea of what her cooch looks like so I don't want to find out what exactly that phrase means.
but I know this...
to this day, she can't cure any of it, and treatment sucks.

after that, you bet I am a ass about dating.
so if you choose to date other people, realize theres risks to it, and you gotta be 100% cold about dealing with those risks. otherwise, your life can be drastically different some day when you wake up after sex with your non-exclusive boyfriend, whole slept with dirty ass sally down the street last week, now your peeing lava...

Condoms, Common Sense, Know who the people your dating, are dating...
and be ruthless when you ask about what they been up to.

90% of the time, I am with 1 girl only.
theres always a short period of time, when I date 2 or so girls... but I myself save sex, for the more serious relationships.
I am paranoid about STD's, and I get alot of crap from my friends, cause sometimes I do date girls, that want to sleep with me, and I won't do it, cause I like another girl at the same time... so no sex for me.
yeah my guy friends sometimes give me crap about it.
but I say let them.
they don't gotta live my life.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:52:36 AM
As long as you are honest with people you are dating, and you haven't had an exclusivity conversation with any one person, you can date as many as you can handle. Just like the store, you don't buy the first product you see, you shop around, and it's better to stay busy....when you date one and they stop calling, it sucks. When you date four and one stops calling, you might barely notice.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 9
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:55:03 AM
P.S. I didn't mean sleeping with 5 people....if that's what you want to do and you're being honest about it with everyone and safe, fine. I just meant dating, spending time with different people.
 Your Best Challenge!
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 10
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:55:17 AM
Yes it is ok to date more than one. You are dating, not in a relationship. If they ask you if you are dating someone else as well. Be honest. If they want you to date just them. Ask them, does this mean you want to be exclusive? If they say yes and you want that too then do it. If they say no then continue on dating.

Nothing wrong with that!
 kr8ztwin
Joined: 7/29/2004
Msg: 11
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 11:43:58 AM
Personally, if I'm dating you I'm only interested in you. I wouldn't be with other women and I would expect the same in return. I'm not saying dating more than one person is wrong. Just saying if you date more than me.....yer not my type heh.

It just seems rushed you know? Like you don't have time to just invest into "knowing" one person so you take on 2 or more. I'd rather give 1 person all my attention and if things go badly, just move on and jump back into the "fishbowl".
 jmadsenhouse
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 12
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 12:15:06 PM
I think its ok to date more than one person at a time, unless you have talked exclusivety with them, then it is wrong in my opinion
 Nickeylove
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 13
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 12:17:20 PM
i couldn't agree with you more kr8ztwin !
 summer_lover
Joined: 5/1/2006
Msg: 14
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 12:34:55 PM
Well, I have some similar issues, but the thing is that, we are single & healthy adults here. Unless you are catholic, sex is not bad, or illegal. For instance, in my case it's a phenomenal workout! I know that the guy I'm looking for will match my sex drive and I won't have to feel bad because I like to do the VERY thing they want us to like. Why buy a pair of shoes without trying on more than one pair. I don't agree with sleeping with several different people, but being sexual with someone doesn't have to be so serious. Make sure you understand why you want to, then do it for the right reason. And no matter what you decide...practice SAFE sex, ladies!

Caio!
 jessikaowl
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 15
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 1:25:40 PM
IMO:
If they know you are dating more than one person.... it's okay
If you are not sleeping with any of the guys you are dating..... it's okay

As soon as you decide to sleep with one of them, you've made a more serious commitment to one of them and should stop dating the others.
 Catwm
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 16
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 1:46:33 PM
Everyone is " dating " when they meet. Each relationship will have to decide whether or not you are ready for an exclusive dating arrangement or not. I would definetly not be intimate with more than one person at a time. Just my thoughts.
 jessikaowl
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 17
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 1:56:05 PM
you seem to have the same reply as me often catwm...... I try and read the replies... but, meh.
 ffryan
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 18
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 2:06:53 PM
It's very simple. How would you feel if you were asked to take a number, get in line, and a guy will get to you when he's finished with the woman before you? Not many people are going to be cool with being one of a handful of people you're dating. So chances are you're going to have to lie to pull it off. When you're finished with the guys, just don't ask why chivalry is dead or there aren't any good guys left in the world.
 DestinedSouls
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 19
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 2:48:15 PM
This is the game called love. It isn't fun sometimes, but it isn't meant to be either. Eventually, someone has to step up and say "I want to be with JUST you". (This obviously shouldn't be on the first date, by the way - that would be called "possessive personality", and we all know at my age to run like...lol.) At some point it really is a matter of making a decision. If you care enough about the person and want to give it an honest try, then go for it. If not, then it is only fair to set them free. The problem is that many people (both women and men) choose not to be honest because they want to keep people on the back burner, or they act like they are serious but in reality are just waiting for the next best thing to come along. A relationship takes work regardless of what anyone tells you. It's always easy in the beginning, but challenges in how each person would like to blend into the others life is gauranteed to have inconsistancies. A good relationship is therefore determined partly by how well two people can communicate. Some people just understand each other cause they think alike, others need a little more work at it. One way is not better than the other. Devotion is really key. Someone may be prepared to trust someone and start a new relationship, but there is a portion of trust that comes from time. Just as time heals, so does it also strengthen someones trust in another, and bond people.

I think it is common sense that if someone is going into a serious relationship with someone they should let others know. So, be upfront with people. On the other hand, if someone does a one-night-stand, then they are only fooling themselves if they think that is going to set a solid foundation for a long-lasting future.

After years of dating, I have learned that we are all very unique. Although people believe that the way they think should be common knowledge, it just isn't so. Everyone thinks about things differently, so ask people if you are confused. If someone doesn't seem to be able to answer your questions, maybe it's because they never had to answer them before. So, don't be judgemental, but do know what your expectations are and share them. The worst that can happen is people get their feelings hurt...which isn't great, but if its honest, then there's no need to feel any guilt over it. Most importantly listen to them talk around their friends. This is really a great way to judge someone's true character, but don't judge them by what their friends say, only by what they say to their friends. If something seems out of character, then talk with them about being themselves and not playing into what they think their friends expectations are.

I have found it pretty easy to detect when someone is not being honest. Actually, I am too good at it. It is funny how when you really care about someone how you learn how they think. I think this makes me capable of a deep and wonderful love, but it will probably take a little more fine tuning than most. If you feel something isn't right, then listen to yourself, because you are probably right. To make sure you aren't just paranoid, look for signs. When you ask a question, do they get nervous? do they hesitate? Do they make an excuse instead of answering directly? These are all easy signs to pick up, but they are not what you might think. I have found the opposite to be true. If someone easily answers questions, doesn't hesitate, and is direct, then oddly enough, they have had practice, and they are good at lieing. Someone that seems to be dishonest by hestitating, getting nervous, etc, is someone that is more likely wondering to themselves why you are asking them such a question. A relationship takes two people, and we all know communication is everything.

I personally like women that are very upfront about things and not afraid of telling me what they are thinking. (not in a rude way, but just being sincere) It makes the relationship so much better. Instead of waisting time wondering what each other is thinking, a couple can concentrate on planning and doing things together. In my opinion, this is what a truely wonderful relationship is all about. This is the part I am best at. (as opposed to the dating around part). However, I have met people who are the opposite of me and really like the cat and mouse games (unfortunately I am a magnet for the wrong women...lol). That is cool, but just isn't for me. I think if you need to constantly test someone then that is something that will continue to happen, and the relationship will go nowhere. Either someone is at a point where they can trust and start a new relationship or they aren't.

They say love is a battlefield...all is fair in love and war...and so forth. Good luck ladies and gents. Just be honest and guilt free. We might be from different planets, but we'll figure it out eventually.
 Littleengine
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 20
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/16/2006 9:53:47 AM
Hmmm... a tough one. Personally I don't like "serial dating"... trying to juggle 2, 3 or more guys at the same time was never my style. I guess that makes me more a 'one at a time' kind of girl.

Chatting with a few guys to narrow things down and find one you'd like to meet, get to know better and date is one thing, but once you've met I tend to stick with that one until I know if it's going anywhere. Some equate dating with shopping... gotta try several things in order to find the right one. I guess, talking in those terms, my opinion would be yes, you do have to "try things on" to see if they fit well. But if I'm interested in pants, I'm not going to take 5 pairs and try them all on at the same time - for me, dating works the same way. One at a time works for me, but doen't necessarily work for everyone and vice versa.
 jerryb1961
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 21
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2006 3:31:43 AM
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?


Short answer, no.


Long answer: It shows the person you're dating that you aren't investing 100% of your efforts and thoughts on them. It's telling them they're just a placeholder until something better comes along.

Your friend should date one person at a time. It's usually pretty apparent by the second or third date whether any compatibility exists. If it doesn't then by all means move on to the next one. The question to always ask yourself is, would you want it done to you?
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 22
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2006 4:10:43 AM
We use people to fall back on? Hmm, the only person I fall back on is myself. Geezus, we're not props.

Simple dating, ie: hanging out over drinks, a dinner date, going to a sporting event, etc...I don't think there is a magic number in which we should say "this is too many, this is not enough".
However, finding someone you want to explore is something else entirely. When that happens, 2 is 1 too many.
 rainbowfishh
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 23
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2006 4:22:40 AM
Depends on what your looking for...

as long as you make it known you are not wanting to
date exclusively.. I see no problem with it.

Its when you do not make your intentions known you run into
problems as people feel they have been misled.
There are plenty of guys who also want to date more than one woman...
so hopefully if you are honest about your feelings to not
date exclusively... you will meet the guys right for you.

Pros and cons can vary greatly upon personality and lifestyle.

Dating several people would be good if you like to party and have casual sex...
also good for some who can travel as they can see the world... pretty much
on a budget by hooking up with others in other states and countries.
The downfall of that is that you really are not anything but a object of fun
and recreation for others and if you get sick, hurt or in trouble.. they may not
be there for you.

The internet will open new doors and make lots of things possible... but that doesnt mean its all good.
Everyone must make their own choices.
 Catwm
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 24
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2006 5:26:58 AM
Great minds think alike.
 Ziarko
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 25
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/26/2006 4:45:20 PM
When he doesn't want to change his profile you can bet there's something else going on. Go out and date other guys and forget this guy.
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