| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 9:03:42 PM | Pardon me while I vent a bit. I'm greatly discouraged with the frequency of people misrepresenting themselves. I can't begin to express the disappointment/anger that I feel when I have gone to meet someone only to find out they look nothing like their photo nor profile listed "body type".
Posting a photo of yourself 50lbs ago is not an honest representation of yourself today. There is a segment of the male population that IS physically attracted to "plus" size women - I just don't happen to be one of them. You may have the most amazing personality, charm, wit and intelligence but it won't change the fact that I am not attracted to "large" ladies. Please give yourselves the best opportunity to meet someone who does enjoy your physical attributes by posting a photo of yourself showing your body exactly as it is today; you will avoid the unpleasant forced politeness that will occur when you surprise your date by showing up looking nothing like the person he hoped to meet.
If you choose to list yourself as "athletic", please be able to walk into a coffee shop without getting winded and then immediately break out your pack of cigarettes. Thinking about starting an exercise program is not the same as participating in one. Athletic people, for the most part, prefer to enjoy the company of other athletic people; we would really rather not have to become your personal trainer for the next 6 months before you can walk around Stanley Park without needed a rest break.
I'm writing this not to offend anyone (please accept my apology if any reader takes this personally) rather to introduce a concept that I had hoped to encounter when I signed up: HONESTY. Use this site as an opportunity to meet someone that has all the physical, intellectual and personality characteristics that you desire - misrepresenting yourself will only lead to members becoming so frustrated by the process that they will leave, which ultimately penalizes others for your lack of honesty.
Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to release my frustration. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 9:10:01 PM | Unfortunately, you're not the only person that has experienced this!
I could be 6' Tall blonde! Instead of a short chubby readhead! on the net!!!LOL
Some men honestly think they look the same way they did in their 10 year old pictures.. they think they are still wearing the same size jeans... not taking into account they are pushing the pants down!!!!!
Unfortunately, it's not gender specific! Just have fun and move on! Don't dwell and don't become bitter! | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 9:12:27 PM | I misrepresent myself in defiance of people's demands for accurate information, as if they have some God-given right to strip me of my pet delusions. That, and who would want me as I am? The soul of a lesbian trapped in the body of a gay man. It's the only way I can explain my intense attraction to women, and their complete lack of interest in me. I might be exaggerating, but where's the harm in that?
When a woman must use an old photograph because she is mortified by how much weight she has gained, fearful of being deemed ugly and unlovable, and cheats a bit presenting herself, you have a choice in how you view and treat her. You can take umbrage, resent the deception and lambaste her for doing you wrong, or if it's within you, perhaps instilled by parents, church or other good example, you can recognize her plight as well as her humanity, display some gallantry, and treat her like the jewel of womanhood she is at any weight. It's more about how much gold you have to give than being robbed of a few pennies by a woman so starved for love she eats herself into obesity trying to dull the loneliness. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 9:18:50 PM | I actually really appreciate the generous tone of Gentlealphamale's post.
You're right - what's wrong with misrepresenting yourself is that you're refusing to let someone get to know and love the real you.
That makes me feel sad. : (
Also, I'm sure it's no fun for the boys.
But I also agree that men are much much more forgiving (read clueless) of their own physical failings than of women's and that is not cool.
(The white american male as a species needs a makeover
- With some exceptions.)
Lucky for me, men become more handsome when they are funny and kind.
I guess chicks don't.
Blame biology? | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:06:00 PM | | that screwd up op, just imagine you going to meet someone you thinking they slim and you got some one obese, I whould have been pissed, because the time and energy and the excitment you put in to go on the date was a big lie, I know people lie about the average and few extra pouds by 50pds but saying your slim and you way offffffffffffffff, I wont blame you for walking out. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:11:07 PM | | Insucure thats it nothing else, these people think no one would want them for who they relly are. The truth always shines through. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:59:26 PM | I could never understand this either. Whatever happened to I am what I am..lol or did popeye say I yam what I yam? 
Anyone who has met me in person, knows I'm no two ton lulu, and I don't post pics of myself...I have my own mental reasons for it..lol | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:12:44 PM | Come on Guys! This is not a female dominated problem here. From what I have both heard and experienced men do their share of both old photos and lying about there weight too. They may be wearing the same size jeans they wore 10 years ago, but if they are wearing them 6" lower to accomadate a gut that hangs over because it does not fit in them it really does not count does it? And how many photos have we all found out after the fact was actually 3 or more years old and we can tell this because their ex's are cut out of them. Y'all don't don't have a monopoly on the dishonesty thing.
I take a photo of myself at least every other month to assure accuracy and at each meeting I ask if I represented myself accurately. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:25:39 PM | I'd say it's because they are not true to themselves. I would never think about posting a pic that is more than a year or two old, more or less post one of me in my 20's. I wonder if I could post me as an 18 year old, would that fly? It's sad. But, that is the net for you. From what I have experienced, women here want you to like what you see (them in the past) fall for the present character, and then not be discouraged when you see the REAL DEAL! But, they are living a lie. Everyone, men and women need to be up front about who they are - that is the only way you'll know if someone really likes you for who you are. I think I am going to write a how to guide on how to meet a legit woman/man (wouldn't know) on the net. You know, what to stay away from, do's and don'ts, red flags - I have a really good top five! So, it's disappointing, but keep fishing, a legit one will pop up!  | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/12/2006 12:22:35 AM | | I don't think I misrepresent myself, other than they didn't have a catagory of "super fat and uglier than sin, with a desire to kill and mame"....what could I do?!!! But many guys misrepresent themselves too...it goes both ways, and many out and out LIE (both males and females!!). | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/12/2006 1:15:38 AM | Why misrepresent yourself? Exactly - WHY?
Here's a stupid one - I don't know why to this day but I dated a guy on and off for a couple months last year - finding out bit by bit his 'stories' never seemed to add up, my kids and dogs loathed him so in hindsight I should have trusted their untainted views - when I finally got the full scent of the rat I quit dating him all together.
His pic came up at the top of my screen the other day - HE'S BACK - this time his profile is totally inaccurate, much more than when I met him - of course I don't think anyone will ever know the REAL truths about him - he says he doesn't have kids - he has three, he says he doesn't do drugs or smoke - he smokes pot and drinks like a fiend, everything from his age, his pictures, his preferences to his supposed "worldly" accomplishments, hell top to bottom his entire profile is a total deception - and sadly he's on about 50 favorites lists.
I pity the poor girl that actually goes for all of it...
Shaking my head wondering why in the hell do people do this? Are their lives truly that pathetic and shameful?
I've met a few really cool people but have met more serial bullshitters as well, that is not a pleasant surprise when you spend time getting ready for a date and meet someone that is totally NOT who you thought you were going to meet, sets the stage for a bad deal 
Let's hear it for being single on the internet   | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/12/2006 2:53:01 AM | | i keep my pictures up dated and expect the men to do the same, yes its happened to me to | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/12/2006 4:48:36 AM | I do not know why people do this. Do they think they will not be caught? What is the point of lying and making yourself different or better than what you actually are? Carrie is Carrie. If someone likes her great, if not, that is okay.
There are a lot of people here who are honest though and the fakers make it bad for all of us honest people.
~Carrie B. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:26:19 AM | I had to spend a whole weekend with a 15-year career X-NBA ball player.
We met on the net and after talking on the phone for 2 weeks and exchanging photos, he decided to fly to LA to meet me. He books a room at the Marriot and I was to pick him up at the airport.
In his pictures he was very handsome and fit. Little did I know they were all old photos of him in his playing days. When I pulled up at the curb and saw what pissed me off immidiately....He must of been almost 100 lbs over weight. Can u imagine what 6ft10 & 375lbs looks like?
This guy also, upon seeing me dissappointed, still had his NBA additude. I was polite and hung out with the guy but, it was sad to see him eat so carelessly and he was a grump with a big chip on his shoulder... what a waste of energy those 2 weeks. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:42:44 AM | | I'm secretly 5'2 and weigh in at 400lbs and I've lost most of my teeth. I just use an intricate system of camera angles and other visual tricks to make myself appear more along the lines of what my profile says. Really, it's not working for me, so I think people are seeing through it... | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:49:14 AM | I missed this thread in my first post..
I too want to know why people misrepresent themselves?..
The obvious answer is the insecurity thing, but why be here and sell people a false advertisement? If you've spent any time here you realise that real connections are based on truthfulness and compatability ( I sound like the guy from matchmaker.com)
I've been on several dates through PoF and only one has ended in a somewhat lasting relationship (we're just friends).
I challenge all those on POF to post areal pic of themselves and go on that first date.. they might not like what they see but at least they'll get a real firsthand experience on dating and selling snake oil. If you don't like what people are seeing in your profile..change it.. Do a body makeover.. you don't need cameras and loudmouth dieticians. We all know whats good and whats bad. It involves moderation.. etc.etc. anyhoo
Bottom line.. Pof community...start posting pics of the real you.. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:59:39 AM | juicyfruit tn has a point...
There are just as many guys on here who misrepresent themselves, I'm willing to bet.
heck, the only date I've gone on that I found on this site listed himself as being my height. He only came up to my shoulder! | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:04:41 AM | AHHHHHH If it was only the pics. I can get past a few extra pounds, but misrepresenting yourself in other aspects is a real turnoff...Dont tell me your in the medical field only to find out you in hospital maintenace. Not that it's a demeAning job, but it must be to you or you would lie. Another thing is telling me you have your own home and your living with your kids, IN THEIR HOUSE.............alos telling me your kids are grown(which 2 are) and then I find out you have an 11 year old. So he's living with your ex. The kid is still a minor dependent and in your life. Be honest. Being in your early 60's its not something I would even give thought to on my own. To throw that at me on a 2nd or 3rd date is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. My grands are older than that and I can send them home lol
So you can be wrong in the perception of how you look. But, to misrepresent in other areas is a lie...................... | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:11:42 AM | maybe you misrepresent yourself also?! possibly there are quite a few things you have embelished and many you have played down.
that is life. if you had any concerns or questions or doubts about the body beautiful, then perhaps voicing them early on may have helped you on your quest for perfection?! there must have been something that attracted you to these women in the first place - not entirely their fault i wouldnt think.
best advice i can give is to get to know someone - those endless emails and IM's can actually reveal a lot if you take the time to ask questions.
bad bad women we are  | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:27:00 AM | I've found this aspect of online dating to be the biggest deal breaker of them all. You are doing nothing but making yourself out to be a liar and that's not at all cool in my opinion. I can't even count how many times I went to meet a woman who claimed to be of "average" build only to find them to be a BBW. In a similar vein, you should never, EVER, put down that you enjoy going to the gym when, in fact, you've gone maybe once in the last two years.
As they say, a leopard can't change it's spots. Once a liar, always a liar. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:29:48 AM | | Happened really only once some years back. Should have known only pic was in a one piece. When we met it was obvious was REALLY old pic as she truly was as round as tall. Met at a mall which she brought her 2 small children to (nothing against kids but on first date?). While we were there eating some hot pretzels poor guy who was about 70 was sweeping somewhat close to us, this woman went off on the poor guy. Well I stayed polite and after couple hours politely told her was nice meeting her but didn't think we were a good match. Went home and found just really nasty email from her. Worst date ever I think. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:42:11 AM | I think one of the reasons people are disappointed upon meeting someone is their urgent desire to meet immediately upon saying hi. I was coerced once to meet someone so soon and it was not a good idea. In my attempt to not offend, I ended up being offended.
I met my very first online friend after three months of corresponding or talking on the phone and I was not disappointed. Neither was he. When we met, no one was nervous or scared. It was like meeting an old friend. I really got to know him first online and vice versa. We shared photos on msn and chat and e-mail. It was a very memorable experience and after chatting, there was not much we did not know about each other which mattered.
I have made a policy not to meet anyone unless there is a compelling desire/reason to do so. I know many are into meeting soon. I am not in that category. I believe after you have spoken to each other and written each other and chatted, there is not much that can be misrepresented or things will not add up. I'd rather not meet if things are a bit suspicious. There are a lot of fish... Knock on wood. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:43:21 AM | ok folks..lets be real. I met a guy on here whose profile was fantastic.Upon meeting his picture was accurate, but after meeting and spending six months together, oddities came out, especially the fact that this guy was a compulsive liar. Its not the physical views someone may ahve about themselves that are a concern. Hey, if you don't think they match your "image" be cordial as your Momma taught you, and move on. Its teh personality lies, and cons that you can invest many months into, to find he is not what he appeared to be.
SO Beware, its not all it appears to be on here. In fact it can turn your world upside down. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:54:53 AM | It's happened to me too... I go out to meet someone althletic and who shows up is a 40 year old, 5 foot 2, 170 pound woman ( large, not althletic). Really puts you on the spot, but after this happened a few times, I got better at deciding who to meet and reading pictures, fuzzy, unrealistic pictures or only face shots, too light a picture... no meeting, no interest. Lifes too short.
I guess they do it because it's a desperate act, the only way they can get someone out to meet them. It's very sad, yet... I don't do pity dates. | |
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| Why misrepresent yourself?
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:49:32 AM | I've met with people that misrepresented themselves in a different way. To hide their amazing features. Seriously.
3 years ago on another dating site I met someone who has been in 20 B-movies that was creative with her pictures. She has a fan club and everything.
I met another person that is a stripper who lied. She said in her profile that she's heavy set, her best feature is her arms, she's 8' tall and 64 years old. She's thin, her best feature isn't the arms, she's 5' tall and 24.
The lies were to hide from the men and pick the man she wanted instead of being harassed. | |
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