| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 5:51:24 PM | I would like to know if other women take offence when female body parts are used in nicknames and tag lines on this site. There has been a member who uses "big tits" in his nickname and by line and I find it terribly offensive and have complained several times. Although, admin does seem to do something about it, the person always returns with the same words in a different nickname.
Is anyone else bothered or is it just me? What kind of guy would think this would attract woman and perhaps it belongs on the looking for bootie list not this one. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 5:54:32 PM | | I don't mind. At least we know he's an idiot right away. | |
|
~Tia~
|
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 3 | |
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 5:59:44 PM | I'm with Polly. They make it really easy for us to delete emails unread. You don't know for certain that they're idiots, or a$$holes, but you can certainly make an educated guess.
It may be somewhat offensive, but it helps week out the morons.  | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 6:03:46 PM | Well, you gals have a point there, but by tolerating it, we continue to allow ourselves to be demeaned and we set the example that it's okay to be an ***hole as long as your upfront about it.
How about you men - how would you feel about men's body parts being part of a woman's nickname or tag line? | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 6:03:53 PM | LOL, Tia..truer words have naever been spoken.
.02 | |
|
~Tia~
|
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 6:30:09 PM | Purple, out of curiosity, I did a user search for 'bigtits' and got about 8 results. All of them were women. Personally, I find it much more offensive for women to deliberately objectify themselves in that manner than for men to use the same words. Maybe I'm odd (ok, so I'm definitely odd, but that's not the point) but it just seems so much worse when a woman draws attention to certain body parts to attract a man than for a man to be crude by using those same body parts. *shrugs* Men using women's body parts in their names prove themselves to be sexist in some ways, while women using the same body parts in their names seems to be asking for men to objectify and use them. Hard to explain in text, but I think you'll know what I mean.
*note: in my previous comment, week should be weed. Not sure how that one happened.  | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:08:07 PM | I don't find it offensive at all really...I mean if someone used some violent demeaning name perhaps..like irapevirgins or Pu ssy Stabber I might find it offensive...and well creepy and scary...maybe it's because I have so many guy friends, brothers, and worked in male dominated environments I'm used to the way guys soemtimes talk about the female body....and I don't think they do it to be offensive..just the way they are.....
If a name like BigTits offends you I dunno how you have survived in the world....
just my opinion of course, we all have different experiences that can shape our ideas, values and therefore what offends or not offends us.
Something to echo what has been said on many threads...don't worry about what other people are doing so much | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:12:03 PM |
If a name like BigTits offends you I dunno how you have survived in the world....
Good point. There are more serious things to be offended by. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:23:13 PM | Women objectifying themselves bugs me.
Like those bikini pics with profiles that say respect my mind. I'm not so much offended by them as the thought "who you trying to fool" pops in my head. | |
|
PA!GE®
|
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:25:38 PM |
I think a name can offend you and you still be a strong person who can get along just fine in this world
I've been through more in my life-time than most of you can imagine. Some names could offend me but not to the point that I go off crying.
Doesnt mean you are weak | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:41:17 PM |
Doesnt mean you are weak
nope, not at all. We are all different. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/16/2006 7:32:43 AM | | Tia, I agree that it's offensive no matter who uses it. Guess I just don't understand why people feel the need to introduce themselves that way. But then, I don't understand war either and why people do what they do is a constant source of fasination. I do feel deep down that we could just be generally calmer and nicer to each other and skip the sexual inuendo. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:34:07 AM | because they are idiots Purple and have the maturity of a chimp. In their little heads they probably actually think they are being witty or in the case of females, just downright exhibitionists.
I have more of an issue when people call ME an offensive nickname....oh great, here come the high school flashbacks. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/16/2006 12:34:20 PM | I think the best thing is to just ignore it. However offensive it may be. Fact of the matter is you really can't do a thing about it. Which is obvious. Said person gets banned, said person goes to a free email site, gets another email , registers for POF again, and the cycle continues. The site obviously doesn't take it all that seriously if there isn't a word filter on user names. So why should you?
Keep in mind this is a dating site, people are going to attract the type of people, reflective of their profiles. "Bigtits" probably gets the attention he wants, maybe its negative emails from women like you saying he is a disgusting pig that he likes.
| |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/16/2006 3:49:00 PM | Insomnimatt - Acceptance is not the issue. Ignoring it and hoping it will go away doesn't work with cancer and it doesn't work with this either. It doesn't matter what demeaning word is used to either sex, why is it necessary? That is the question that I struggle with.
My viewpoint is that it is generally unacceptable and we perpetuate bad behaviour by pretending to ignore it, thinking that eventually it will just go away. It doesn't. It just desensitizes us until we start to accept it as normal. Have you ever heard this saying....
If you hear something often enough, you start to believe it to be true. That's how rumours work.
Would you ignore a problem in your personal life and then be startled when it doesn't go away? Issues need to be faced and solutions found.
I know, I know, you can't fix everything. But I truly believe that one person can affect at least one more person and eventually, things do change. I think that as a race, we have lost a lot of respect for each other and we could certainly benefit from a little more kindness to each other.
Such is my thought anyway. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/16/2006 4:18:42 PM | I'm not the type believe in rumours but I do know lots that are. So I guess I can kind of see your point but quite often, I just chalk it up to their own ignorance. If they are ignorant enough to believe rumours as fact, then chances are you would have to hand-hold them in almost all situations.
These types tend to have little impact on me personally and it doesn't tend to bother me unless their support in sheer numbers is having a bad impact on the environment around me. I guess I just don't see that impact here but that's just opinion and I respect your point of view.
This is not directed at you Purple in anyway just a fun little thing I learned in an awareness course when it came to dealing with people whose values differed from my own. This is as good as any other thread to share it in.
I think it was called the awareness pyramid or something like that. You draw a pyramid and separate it into about 5 sections. (you don't actually have to draw a pyramid to do the exercise though)
Write down what is bugging you at the base of the pyramid. On the next level, then write down why.
Then write down why you feel the above "why" is important to you.
Keep doing this until you get to the very core of the issue (the top of the pyramid)
For example:
Why: Because it goes against my values (top of pyramid)
Why: I find it demeaning
why: I find it offensive
Bigtits nicks bug me (base of pyramid)
It actually takes more like 5 or 6 steps of whys to get the core issue.
Whenever you get into the territory of values you have to realize not all share the same. What is important to you may not be important to others. Doesn't mean they are wrong, or you are wrong, just means they don't value the same things as you.
At this point, I tend to rely almost soley on logic and numbers. Do I have proof to back up that the behavior is damaging or is it just an irrational fear based on my own values? I'm the curious type so I tend to actually look up to see if there is proof that what I think is damaging actually is. Even then though, research is a funny thing. You can usually find "proof" if you are looking for it. I guess all you can really do is try to remain objective and not worry so much about being right.
It might not solve your problem but sometimes makes you less upset about it when you realize it actually a value thing and less likely to try to control another person based on your own value system.
I just wanted to share this little exercise just because I found it helped me get to know myself a lot better and not so harsh on those with differing opinons from my own. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/17/2006 3:09:24 PM | I think we girls should make up new profiles with "likesbigd!cks" and "no_uncircumcised_pls" and "Seeking6pak_withniceD1ck" and see what reaction we get.
Do the research, ya know? That could be a new thread - funny profile names to bash the idiots - change one letter and make up a description! (similar to vocowbulary).
he he!! | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:37:10 AM | uuhhmmmm...what ever happened to freedom of expression...if a name offends you...just DONT READ IT...you arent 5 yrs old and someone has to cover you eyes cause you read a bad word...go take a time out and chill....anyway..my name speaks the truth..lol | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:21:58 AM | I can't imagine being offended by a nickname. I guess I have thick skin. I think it just makes the process of elimination that much easier. I am with dikgameright.... if it bothers you, skip along to the next profile.
What "does" offend me? Imagine this scenario....quite literally... I met a guy from the site for a drink. He walked over... said my name questioningly... and when I confirmed he had the right person his eyes went directly to my chest. "you look good" he says... then "wanna get out of here?"....
Yes..yes... Gawd yes. I want to meet you for 30 seconds and immediatly go to your place for a roll.... Gimme a break. I stood up... said "have a nice evening and walked away. I then deleted emails from him for a week... unread of course. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:13:51 AM |
if a name offends you...just DONT READ IT
to late don't ya think. Maybe you meant to say there should be a disclaimer, "If you may become offended, please don't read this."
Being offended may not be the issue. It is our reaction to the offensive statement that's important. As a woman or man , it is ok to offend negativity. Different from reacting negatively.
We can't always know what may be offensive to each other. Depending on our experience in life, some of us can be pretty certain though and not wish to take a chance. Some just don't have that ability.
The pyramid example sounds like a tool to becoming aware of why words have cut to the core and made us feel a certain way. I think 'thick skinned' is about being self-aware and letting negativity bounce off and lessen the effect.
To those who use negativity in your profile, posts, forums, be prepared because I feel that each individual has the right to respond and let you know the impact that your words can have. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. This excludes the people that just don't have the ability to care.
Sasi, thanks for sharing. I know you can take care of yourself but I'm sorry that you had to ensure that episode. The people addicted to sex need to learn more about the pyramid scheme. Just for clarity, I'm not saying that people shouldn't want to have sex. Addiction! I mean that some are willing to go to any length to get it. Even at the cost of offending someone. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:24:19 PM | | No I don't take offence at those nicknames because there are much worse things going on to be worried about. They're social retards. Do you really think they are going to get a lot of action? | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:48:45 AM | | lol my thoughts exactly. Helps the weeding out of dumb asses! | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:06:45 AM | | the call me Grabbers from an incident that occurred in the early 90's at a rugby tourney | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:37:15 AM | | My old girlfreind didn't like me calling her names, but that was her issue, she had low self esteem, and saggy t.i.t.s.......I think she was oversensitive. | |
|
| Offensive nicknames
Posted: 6/6/2008 6:13:39 AM |  Talk about weeding out the dumb asses! You kill me Killer! | |
|
Home
login 
