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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?      Home login  
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 Countrysidecat
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 1
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Has anybody noticed that if you go through a bad breakup and decide to get over it by rushing out and dating others, sometimes that backfires?

You go out with New Date and it just makes you lonelier! You wish you'd just stayed home and posted on POF!

But sometimes it does work and New Date takes your mind off the wreck of the past.

Any thoughts: How long to wait before dating somebody new?
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 2
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How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 8:41:47 PM
Sometimes.. it takes one to get over one...
 Lost Fear
Joined: 7/26/2004
Msg: 3
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How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 8:47:24 PM
Wait as long as you feel YOU need to
 valis1966
Joined: 4/5/2006
Msg: 4
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 9:08:45 PM
I'm going through the same thing. I really loved the woman, but it wasn't meant to be. I find myself comparing her to others I've met and they don't add up. Am I too hard on people? Should I try to go it alone again for awhile? The problem is I hate being alone...
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 5
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 9:16:46 PM
youll feel in your own time when youre ready..
and not what we think....
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 6
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 9:17:24 PM

Has anybody noticed that if you go through a bad breakup and decide to get over it by rushing out and dating others, sometimes that backfires?

You go out with New Date and it just makes you lonelier! You wish you'd just stayed home and posted on POF!

But sometimes it does work and New Date takes your mind off the wreck of the past.

Any thoughts: How long to wait before dating somebody new?


Yes, rushing into another relationship is a receipe for disaster. Needy/clingy/co-dependent people do that. That's a big warning sign. It usually does make you miss your ex even more.

You'll know you are ready to date again when you wake up and your first thoughts are not the ex.

Could be 3 months could be a year. Time really does heal all wounds. Take as much time as you need.
 ~*Jojo*~
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 7
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 9:22:46 PM
My ex waited four months after our separation, we were still married n all. Then after our divorce was final she broke off with him. Then he went from that relationship couple months after and got into another....now shes history as well. He says he's not hurting, but I know deep down he is. I seen that look after we separated.
I have never gotten involved as of yet with anyone seriously its been 4 yrs since we separated...I dont intend too until I know where I wanna be in life and where Im going, and what I want....A person has to keep their wits n sanity in tune in order to get on with life with others.

but then ... thats just my opinion...good luck in your search tho
 AjaxWhat
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 8
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 9:35:51 PM
i've heard it takes about half the length of a relationship to get over a person..


me: 2 weeks down, 1 year, 1 month, 1 week to go
:\
 scrapman128
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 9
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 9:37:20 PM
Depends on how bad the train wreck was. Nothing all that great about going on a date with someone who is not over their last relationship, it usually shows. Most I would imagine have to decide for themselves when they are ready.
 jodster90
Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 10
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 10:00:35 PM
boisegoodbadboy...good answer!!!...everyones differnt!!!
 Esohpromatem
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 11
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/15/2006 10:19:21 PM
My ex had someone living in our apartment the same we i left..It still hurts till this day
some other man living the life I established im still having trouble coping with it .everytime i lay down to sleep all i can do is think about my situation it hurts so bad i gotta be at work at 7am but im up because of this.
 Mountain_Art
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 12
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How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 12:52:28 AM
I was with her for 2 1/2 years. I did not even think about dating for at least a year. It is going on two years and I still question if I am ready.

No one has even come close...I think I lost *the* right one..
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 13
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How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 1:54:22 AM
Yes I was told the same thing, half of your time in the relationship to get over it. Not sure where that came from and not sure if it's true. Breakups are never good no matter who initiates it.
 roadhouseman
Joined: 1/16/2005
Msg: 14
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 3:10:58 AM
well only ur heart can say i know one thing is do u think the other is lossing sleep or just dweeling over the past take time to heal and count ur blessing dont rush into new relationships get around friends and family get into a support group and just relax enjoy ur new change
 jmadsenhouse
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 15
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 3:56:49 AM
Its when your ready, im 6 years down the line and ive just started dating again but im no where near ready for the emotional stuff yet, im just having some fun at the moment.
 diggydiggy
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 16
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 4:16:02 AM
I don't think there is any harm in going on "dates," but if you were in love, and you're healing, make certain those dates are friends; friends who are willing to travel the slow distance with you, or dates in the same/similar situation. There are plenty of them out there......

As far as "dating" like exclusively or with the mindset that it is going into a relationship; only do that when you have all of you to give, when even a part of you isn't stuck off with the person you broke up with.

 BarbelBil
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 17
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How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:11:39 AM
Hi Country

Speaking from my own experiences, 'rebound' relationships seldom result in anything other than adding insult to injury.

Sooner or later - and usually sooner - the rebound ends. With the ending comes additional woe. When added to our original symptoms of bereavement (and let's face it, bereavement is exactly what we go through when any relationship of true value ends), we then feel worse than if we'd stayed single long enough to recover fully.

Unfortunately, that's the nature of unresolved emotions. Papering over the cracks simply does not work beyond the short-term. Buried bereavement does us a distinct disservice at a later date, quite possibly when we least expect it to resurface, and possibly manifested in diverse ways.

This, I believe, is why some of us can feel exceedingly lonely, even when we're with someone - and no matter for how long we've been in a relationship with them. At the higher end of the spectrum, such feelings of isolation may extend even to those situations where we are in a room full of friends or acquaintances. We can feel the loneliness; we just don't understand why or where it's coming from!

I appreciate that rebounds may appear to work for a while, perhaps acting as a diversion, but seeking solace in the arms of another is no long-term answer. That is, of course, unless you fancy spending extended periods in your life running from shadows that will inevitably catch up with you sooner or later. Don't paper over the cracks before you've well and truly filled 'em all in!


Regards

BB
 Bull Rhino
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 9:35:06 AM
You get the strongest surreal detachment the sooner you date, and the same night as you broke up is the best possible time. Nothing can put your mind as far from what your body is doing as kissing someone you just met while you are still stunned by the fact life continues even after your heart has been torn from your breast. These opportunities are rare; make the best of them.
 Poet102781
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 19
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 10:03:51 AM
I think it is safe to say if you cared about the person...two to three weeks is standard...just shows they respected you.
 Countrysidecat
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 20
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 7:56:29 PM
Hi everyone,

Thank you all very much for sharing your thoughts, experiences and advice with this Countryside Cat! I really appreciate it!

I am going to take all this advice to heart!!! Thank you!

Oooh, ouch, Jarbarian, I am going to read those books you recommend in "No Second Chances" (your forthcoming bestseller) to make absolutely sure I'm not being needy/clingy/co-dependent!

And that is a VERY good guide, wait till your first thought on waking isn't about them---yes! Isn't it funny, till you wrote that I didn't realize my first thought WAS about my ex, but it is!!!

Barbelbil, I'm going to make sure I have a good foundation, of self-esteem and not neediness, so I'm not "papering over the cracks" or "rebounding to add insult to injury"!

Thank you all for sharing, and I hope someday, in our own "right time" we all find our Someone New to be our soulmate!

Countryside Cat
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 21
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How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 7:58:32 PM
It's been over two years and still no end in sight. It just doesn't feel right yet. I hope to wake up one day and feel differently.
 Bull Rhino
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 22
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:02:12 PM
I bet there is nothing wrong with the way you feel when you wake up right now.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 23
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How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:48:56 PM
^^^^If I'd get over this damn insomnia and finally sleep, you may be exactly right!!!
 Bull Rhino
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 24
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 8:52:03 PM
The body can get impatient waiting for the mind to realize the heart is ready and waiting. None of those three particularly like being spoken of as separate, but oh well.

I have gone looooooong times after, before dating again and very short times. I recommend the short times, if my results were based on anything universal. The loooooong time just provides an endless run of a bad show.
 gntlmncllr
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 25
How long to wait to date someone new after breakup?
Posted: 5/16/2006 9:01:58 PM
I think diggydiggy has it right. I really loved the woman I last dated even though we had some major differences. To say that I made a fool of myself over her is a significant understatement.

But she "needed" an emotional connection to her best friend's brother. Of course it became a physical connection. I forgave that and thought we could rebuild ... but within weeks she started the email/two hour telephone call thing again. I couldn't handle it.

Now .. I date. Sure in time I'll be looking for that forever and ever thing again. I can't imagine my life without a woman to love (beyond my daughter, mother, sister, etc.). But in the meantime I try to make certain that my dates know that I am not ready for a long term thing right away.

A female friend of mine said that the best way to get over a woman was to get over a woman (actually she used over and under a man but you know what I mean). I can't see that as being healthy unless both persons are very upfront about what they want, what they will give, and, what they will accept.
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