Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Autism Parents      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SpiderHam77
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 1
Autism ParentsPage 1 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I've been reading through the groups here and I would like to maybe try and start a place where parents of Autistic children, myself included included, can post messages or questions.

I have seens news groups.. but they tend to also be filled with other crap. I want to get to know more Single Parents of Autistic children. In my area or others. Maybe even start some sort of gathering process like Park outings and stuff...

Also I do believe in not re-inventing the wheel. Learn from others what works for them. And then adapt it for your own children.

There seems to be alot of resources online for Autistic children. But no place for parents to gather to simply even just vent about the frustration they sometimes feel. I don't know about the rest of you, but trying to explain my trials and tribulations to people who have not experienced Autism first hand, seem to not quite get it.

So please post replies to this message... Talk about your children. Some the problems you've faced in the whole dating scene with them... Cause I know I have myself. Maybe we can learn from each other...
 cherbear78
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 2
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/30/2006 7:01:09 PM
I am a single mom of 2 awesome kids, my son is 7 and he falls under a huge umbrella of behavioural issues, not yet properly diagnosed and on 2 different meds, not at my request but the schools. So far we have come up with ADHD, seperation anxiety, low scale autism, oppositional defiant disorder. I have a huge problem with the way my son is treated at school, I understand the teacher does not have the time that I do to dedicate to him but he is constantly being treated negatively and what they are not recognizing is that if they were constantly reinforcing positives then they would have better results. If they stopped picking on the little things like his jibberish, and just gave no reaction atall or gave him the option of having a moment or two to re-focus, the day would go alot smoother. My son is brilliant academically and I feel because of his behaviour he is not given the chance to shine. Its hard being a parent to a special needs child, but the rewards are tremendous. I am proud of my son and wouldn't change him if I could, his "disabilities" build his character. Glad to hear there are others out there to talk to!
 millertyme
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 3
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/30/2006 8:00:09 PM
I have an autistic daughter, she lives with me. Her mother, well lets not talk about her. any way the subject, I tell anyone and eveybody my daughter is autistic. If they have a problum with it, they can go to he||. She is a part of my life and how she is, is part of my life and I really dont care what people think, unless it is supportive and helpful. (have to add that) She will be 14 and every little accomplishment is GIANT to me. She was in a talent show at school and it was great! I was so proud of her and some of her regular classmates. The kids her age in school, well I picked her up and was walkin thrugh the hall and almost every kid aknowleged her and said Hi. She will be in H.S. next year and I am so excited to see what more she is going to do with her life.
 missinghimalready
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 4
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/30/2006 8:28:35 PM
so agree that only a parent of an autistic child can relate to certain issues. I would write more, but it is 11:30 and my son is bouncing off the walls, so am going to try to get him to sleep........great forum idea though, too bad none of the posters live in the same vicinity.
 shygirlforgirl
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 5
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/30/2006 11:46:16 PM
Wow. I really like this idea. I totally can relate to cherbear78. Went to a phycologist today to see how we can help our 8yr old. So easy for them to label ADHD and suggest meds. Started out by request from his teacher. It really seems mirrored about all the things that my child is going through from his school as yours is. He is a wiz at math and spelling. Show him once on just about anything and it sticks in his memory like glue. Tell him once about anything and the result is the same. For that shrink to suggest my child has ADHD and that he should be put on meds blew me away. For one I have never met a child like him that is so mellow and complacent, until he gets upset and thats when the vulcano erupts. From what I have been researching on the net. It seems that low level autism or asbergers is the only thing that can explain his behavior and reacuring ulcers. Yet yes. I wouldn't change anything in the world. The affection that he puts out. His smiling face whenever he is content with the trivial things that I as an adult think is just plain different like staring at pebbles and rocks for about an hour. I've been finding through my searches on the internet that it is easier for school boards as well as health units to get funding for ADHD than for Autism. I was actually shocked over this. My husband and I (well me) put a call in to a woman here that is supposedly a miracle worker (well not really but you get my drift). Had her number for awhile from a friend who has a severely autistic child. She got the number from others. Hopefully my bank account goes farther than the sessions. That won't matter. Children are the most important things. Nothing could give us this kind of joy. I think I'm just rambling. LOL I guess this is what happens when it way past your bed time.
 GradPsyD
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 6
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:02:41 AM
I don't have an autistic child, but used to teach special ed and had many students with autism in my class... Loved em all for what they had to offer, which sometimes one had to look hard to find. I had one student who was seen as being all but mentally retarded, but after careful observation I noticed that the child would mumble the answer to almost any question or any math problem, he could calculate faster than I could just not communicate it effectively! I'm not saying all autistic children have such abilities, but each and every one have something special to offer just sometimes we get stuck on what they can't do so we fail to see what that special thing is.

The education system taught that you must find those few special teachers who love kids and strive to provide stucture, BUT enjoy/role with the disruption in plans that a child with autism (or any special needs kid brings). Also find a good child psychologist who not only diagnoses children, but gives practical recommendations you can use..

Anyways applause to all of u parents with special needs kids.. God bless you all.
 SpiderHam77
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 7
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:24:06 AM
Wow great stories so far from everyone... I wasn't sure if anyone would actually respond to the forum or not.

Shyforgrl.. and anyone else who reads this... For my son I put on the GFCF Diet... A little tricky to keep up with.. however it's done wonders for him. It doesn't do anything to combat the effects of Autism... but it does keep him alot more calm, and allow him to focus on things alot more.

One of the things I first noticed was a difference in his Sleep.. And I'm sure you can all relate to this, being up till like midnight.. sleeping for maybe 4-5 hours if your lucky.. and then ready to go again.

Well within days of the diet he was coming home from school doing a couple Puzzles (Puzzle Head this one) and then passing out by 730-8 and sleeping till Sun up the next morning. Maybe waking up in the middle of the night.. but it would simply be a process of telling to go back to bed and off he would wander...

If anyone is interested in the Info let me know I'll find some pages for you to look at. Also a great group to get involved with in forming an ABA team is FEAT do a search for them... great people.

Millertyme... good on you... Ya I'm the same way with my Boy... he is only 6.. and my Ex has decided to bugger off to Ireland to be with someother guy... a long story... But I am very upfront with women that my son is Autistic....

I've had a few tell me upfront after meeting him, that the tought of me having a kid was cool.. but that my son is to much for them to handle.. which I repsect, they were honest.. but hate ignorant people...

One friend of mine with a Sever Child made up little business cards.. and when people stop to stare she just hands them the card.. It say "Hi my name is Brandon, I have a Disorder called Autism. Before you judge my Mom's ability to calm me... Think that she has to go through this on a Daily Basis.. but you have the ability to simply walk away.
Please Remember this before making any comments."

Keep the postings coming.
 missinghimalready
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 8
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:27:52 AM
Applause to you and all the other special individuals that care enough to take on the challenge of working with special needs children. It is people such as yourself that make all the difference in the life of children such as mine, who has autism.

 cherbear78
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 9
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 3:54:22 AM
One friend of mine with a Sever Child made up little business cards.. and when people stop to stare she just hands them the card.. It say "Hi my name is Brandon, I have a Disorder called Autism. Before you judge my Mom's ability to calm me... Think that she has to go through this on a Daily Basis.. but you have the ability to simply walk away.
Please Remember this before making any comments."

A huge round of applause to this one!!! I don't know how many times I could have used one of those, the looks and comments in the grocery store for example when my son would lay on the floor and just scream, I have always held my composure, but now when I think of that business card I am going to smile.
 millertyme
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 10
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 6:54:37 AM
We all have our bad days my daugther (14) has almost grown outta the insomnia. She goes to bed on school nites by herself between 9:30 and 10 she knows if she has school the next day or not and she knows when she has gym or chours. She is moderate, and can take basic care of herself, not alone of course. She was the kid kicking and screaming when we tried new shoes on her at the store. Sombody said somthin too me once I dont rember the comment they said but i myself replied "Ignorance is bliss" and the snooty b*tch just pushed up her 2 X 4 a little further up and walked away.
She has outgrown her fit throwing but still dosent like really crowded (new) situations. She has a scedule she is on and has been adapting to small changes well, now she is older. Oh yea, Hurah to all the Special Edu. teachers out there It is by means no small job and the benifits the children gain is enormus! They have to love the kids as much as their job and then they get ripped from them snd move on it has to be tough.
 sunshineinmypocket
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 11
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 7:42:52 AM
I'd be interested in this type of forum as well. My oldest son is 8 and has Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD. I wholly agree, those who don't live the life just don't get it.

My last dating experience was quite stressful on my son (the twins, who are 3, not so much; the word "oblivious" comes to mind) - he had never met the man I was dating in person, but had chatted with him under my supervision on MSN a few times, but he had gotten attached to him all the same and had openly expressed a desire that the man should propose marriage to me and be the kids' "dad." That said I should clarify that the man in question had no personal issues around my son having Asperger's, but the whole situation made things extremely difficult for me at home (the kids and I are still living with my parents two years out from the end of my marriage), to the point where I ended the dating relationship. (My parents have issues with me dating in general, and moreso with anyone I meet online. *insert huge sigh*)

I think my biggest concern is meeting someone like my friend who "gets it," simply because so many don't.

Anyway, I'm interested in reading other responses too. I'm not very good at talking about myself. Haha.
 BossyLady
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 12
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 8:37:04 AM
I'd be interested in this type of forum as well. I am a single mom of 3 boys, one neurotypical, one with PDDNOS and one with Severe Autism (although he doesnt seem severe to me lol). I am also an Administrative Assistant at an Autism Centre and have been here for many years. I have seen alot of strategies that work and fail and have had alot of luck in behavioral and sensory ideas for my own boys. Keep in touch about this idea!
 socutejd
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 13
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 9:17:27 AM
I have a 4 year old autistic son and I love the idea about the card...I do not know how many times I've went to a restaurant or park or anywhere that there wasn't some group of parents commenting on my ability to control my son when they are completely unaware of the fact he is autistic. I have no other way of teaching my son proper behavior in public places without actually taking him out into these places, I need him to know the difference between home and elsewhere.
I know tonight I will be making up cards....

Thank you for sharing the idea!
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 10:18:31 AM
I have an 8 yo son who has been diagnosed with ADHD, mild OCD, performance anxiety (atho that might be more of a generalized anxiety at the moment), and possibly Asperger's as well (his ped said ADD/ADHD and Asperger's can go hand in hand). Thing is.. this child is BRILLIANT and we all feel he's not being challenged enough at school, but because he doesn't have the ability to put down on paper what's in his head (it's a form of learning disability) he struggles with even the simple things.

His daddy and I separated nearly 2 yrs ago, but what I do now isn't any different then what I did say 4 yrs ago when we were together and going thru his assessment. His dad never went to the drs appointments with him, never bothered to understand what's going on, was never supportive of me or my efforts to deal with him... probably one of the reasons we aren't together. He's a little bit better now, but still doesn't know the challenges we face daily.

We tried the diet (mostly dairy and wheat elimination), among other things, and none of them worked for us. What I did notice was that things that are heavily colored with artificial colors cause my son to be a lunatic... lol.. I do limit his intake of those things, and try not to allow more then 2 days in a row. Ooopss... digressing here.. hehehe..

Dating with a challenging child??? I haven't had more then 1 date with most people so it hasn't been much of an issue 'cause they don't get to know him on a personal level, only through what I share with them. I don't like the kids being involved only because they have gone thru so much in the last 2 yrs that they don't need a mom with a revolving door and a string of strangers coming and going in their lives right now. When I find someone who's worthy, then we will see how it goes. Right now I get to deal with the fallout from the boys' visiting with their daddy... takes weeks to get us all back on track.
 sunshineinmypocket
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 15
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:22:42 PM
Re: the comment about the fallout. I am so relieved that I am not the only one who goes through that. My kids see their father every 2 weeks for a Sunday afternoon. The week leading up to the visit and the 3-5 days afterward are almost hellish for me. I get moodiness (with or without tears), "lip," basically a manic range of emotions, from my 8 year old.
 Irish Dream 4 U
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 16
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:57:51 PM
I think this forum is a great idea. As a single mom of two children on with PDD/NOS it is nice to be able to share things.

I would just like to say that I have an 8 year old son with PDD/NOS and he has been on the casein free diet since he was two years old. It has helped change is diagnosis from sever to high-fuctioning. The change in my son was quite amazing, but alas this is not the same for every child. I got lucky with my son.

He is now participating in Special Olympics and plays on a Special Needs Hocky League. Our outings are actually pretty calm. It is my daughter that is a bit of a run around the store child.

They both spend time with their dad every 2nd weekend and it is working out quite well. At first we thought the change in schedule would be hard but it seems to be working out quite well.

At first I tried to find some books on how to tell him about the separation but nothing is out there for our "special kids" to understand. So I made my own up. So far so good.

Good luck all you "special Parents". and remember, WE are the lucky ones to have such special kids!
 BossyLady
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 17
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 4:01:45 PM
To help with fallout: try using a visual schedule/calendar if you don't already. Also try and find out a few things they will do on their visit, and prepare those as visual rewards, an inticement for them to go...
 alura2
Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 18
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 5:32:13 PM
WOW I DIDNT REALIZE HOW MANY PPL HAVE KIDS OUT THERE WITH PDD-NOS

as i posted in the parents with sp needs kids thread my son has this also...i knew when he was 15 months with tatrums...no speech now hes 5 and is high functioning. He has sensory integration wich gets in the way of every day life and i learned to take it in stride.

hes extremely atrracted to flashing objects and lights..we will be in a store and you CANNOT tear him away from the spinning lights toys or toys with loud nioses that he repeats over and over. Now this is an autistic trait that i want to ask you all...

do your kids get attatched to one specific object for days at a time>> my son is attatched currently to little pet shop figures. He will eat, sleep, pee, get dressed and sit down all the while never letting go of this toy.

He goes to a fantastic preschool ( wich specializes in special needs ) and his teacher said its an autistic trait.
BTW i must comment on that lady who talked about the business card explaining about her special son what a fantastic idea...i simply just pick up my son and squeeze him if he goes bonkers in public...the most comments i got in public was more when he was 2 yrs and i was signing to him!

as for his dad...PTTTTTTT lets not even go there
 cherbear78
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 19
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 5:41:04 PM
I have the same "fallout" problem with my son and his father, he gets anxious for a day or 2 before going and sometimes just refuses to go all together, and for 2-3 days after the visit it is all about readjusting and reassuring, what a cycle!! I agree alot of visuals and I find that alot of sensory objects help to keep him calm, one of his favs (don't laugh at me, lol) I got him one of those fuzzy cat ball toys at the pet store and he loves to feel it on his face and such because it is so soft.
 alura2
Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 20
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 5:46:13 PM
lol my son LOVES those too.... a good reccomendation is go into the baby section of toys r us or walmart and get them the TEETHING star when they hold it or bite it it goes bzzzzzz they love the sensation...

another cool one is a bean bag chair or pillow... the sensation and the feeling of the foam bits my son loved this at the kids center!!

and beleive it or not...rubbing stones or polished stones... they can hold it and when they feel anxious they can rub it between thier fingers....
 cherbear78
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 21
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 6:00:17 PM
LOL! I have so many of those stones its not even funny, my dad has a tumbling machine used to polish brass and such and my son gathers rocks and takes them to grandpa to put in the tumbler and the stones come out looking and feeling so shiny and soft, they are great!
 sunshineinmypocket
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 22
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 6:52:40 PM
My son has always perserverated on pieces of what he calls "fluff," basically pieces of the foam underside of chair covers, etc. My son was dx'd with Aspergers at age 5; he was almost 3 when he started showing signs of it.
 SpiderHam77
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 23
Autism Parents
Posted: 5/31/2006 10:48:20 PM
Wow once again just reading some of these posts amazes me how many of us there are out there.

One thing I do on outings when my Son has an episode, oh and I'm glad the Diet has worked for other people to... Ya it's kind of a Hit or Miss thing... but I figured I would try it, the worse that would happen is he would eat alot more healthy... LOL

But on outings when my Son goes in to Meltdown, and people start to stop and give you those looks, like your some kind of horrible Parent... and even being annoyed that your ruining their expericence of being there. I look at the person and simply ask if they have any clue what Autism is about.

Some of them give you the oh I understand look, and others will tell you No, to which I reply if your interested in learning, stick around and watch, otherwise please just carry on.

I remember one time I was in the Mall, and he melts down, so I grab him sit on a bench... after about 5 min of screaming, Mall Security approachs me. Asks what I am doing to this child. To which I reply, this child is mine, and I am simply holding, trying to prevent him from running off, hitting me or other people, or hurting himself.

Well then the brainy Security Guard asks my son if he is okay, and if this man (Me) was hurting him. I looked at the guy, Look my son is Autistic, he doesn't hear you right now. He is off in his own little world, and won't be back for a little bit.

Well he then walks away, and about 2 min later the Police arrive. And ask me what I'm doing with this kid, and where is his mom... I simply tell the officer this Kid is mine, Mom lives off in Ireland, and I'm simply holding him.

The Officer then explains to me that the Security called in say there was a possible kidnapping taking place... And I looked the officer in the eye, and said. If I was trying to kidnap this kid, do you think I would be sitting in the middle of the mall with him screaming at me. He then starts to try and question my son if he is okay... and what was wrong...

Long story I know.. but to shorten up the ending.. I had to figure out a way to prove that this Kid, 6years of age, who is just starting to put words together, is infact my son by some means... Very Hard to do I found out.

My Son finally calmed down, and then decided to say Daddy, turn around in my lap.. and say Daddy Hug.... So that sufficed for the Cop... but let me tell you it was annoying... Afterwords it dawned on me to pull out a picture out of my Wallet.. but at the time it didn't come to me.

Sorry for the long story there folks... Not sure if some of you have experince anything in that area...
 *Em*
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 24
Autism Parents
Posted: 6/1/2006 12:58:12 AM
hi, im a single mum of 4 and my 2 year old is currently being assessed. he has many of the characteristics of autism but hasnt been diagnosed as of yet.
it would be great to have a place to post and maybe ask advice etc and meet others in the same postition.
em xx
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Autism Parents
Posted: 6/1/2006 5:51:04 AM
With *M*, I don't prepare him for the visits until I know they are going to happen, and then I wait as long as possible. This is due in part to his anxiety. If I warned him about an upcoming visit too far in advance, I would have days of acting out even before the visit happened.

I'm doing this parenting course at the moment and they are trying to teach us some *tools* to help us cope (btw, COPE is the name of the program) with the kids and their behaviours. There are several families with the *alphabet soup* kids, the ones with multiple diagnoses. We've talked about transitional warnings, planned ignoring, planning ahead, 1-2-3 Magic, points/reward programs to name a few. Many of them I have tried/used with some sucess over the last 5 yrs or more. The hardest one for me is planned ignoring, but I'm getting better at it.

Autism or Autism spectrum disorders are a little different then what I experience. For example... a few weeks ago *M* was having one of his infamous moments with me. I had to do some grocery shopping, and I didn't have a choice but to have the boys with me (normally I try to do it without them) and *M* was being lippy and rude to me. I explained to him that I did not appreciate the way he was talking to me, and when he was calm and ready to speak to me in a respectful way, I would be ready to listen. He pitched a world class fit, and I walked away with the younger son. Thing about *M* is that he will follow me 'cause he doesn't want to be left alone, and I wouldn't walk so far that I couldn't still be seen or couldn't get to him if necessary. Well true to form *M* followed me into the store screaming at the top of his lungs "WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME!! AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME!! STOP WALKING AWAY FROM ME!!!!!" *C* and I just kept going, carrying on a nice conversation about what we were doing/going to be doing and just kept walking thru the store. I didn't respond to *M* and his screaming demands at me, but I tell you.. within about 1.5 aisles this child was calm and speaking to me in a VERY respectful tone, with excellent manners (please, thank you, etc) and being incredibly helpful with the shopping. I am sure everyone around me was thinking that I was the most horrible mother in the world, but I go in with the attitude of *I dare you* or *if you think you can do better* and so far no one has done or said anything to me.

This is something that we have been dealing with on some level since *M* was 2.5 yo. I can't say I'm an expert with this stuff, every day it's a different thing, and what worked today might not work tomorrow. I wish there was a magic wand that I could wave to make life easier on all of us. It's got to be frustrating with the kids when their needs can't be expressed clearly, either due to age or due to circumstances.

Do you guys find that you get people telling you they feel sorry for you?? My kids go to the bus stop in the morning, and the moms stand around talking while we all wait for the bus. I have one mom who is constantly telling me she feels sorry for me... and esp on the days when *M* is having a hard time, for whatever reason, cooperating/following instructions. They see but a small part of his behaviours, and I have had to physically pick him up and put him on the bus somedays, or hold him in place because his anger/behaviour is out of control. He has screamed at me and the other kids. Keep in mind, this child is probably 53-54" tall and about 75 lbs (was heavier before the meds) but when he's thrashing about he's very strong and doesn't care who he hurts in the process... I'm 5'4" so it's hard for me to physically control him (obviously I outweigh him), and some days I just don't even try. Don't feel sorry for me tho... this behaviour is only a small portion of my child. There are way more wonderful and fulfilling things that we do together, more good moments then bad ones. But it IS exhausting to deal with!!
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Autism Parents