| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 5/31/2006 8:15:49 PM | Before the Censors delete this as redundant, I did a search for "Discussing sexual preferences" and came up with nothing...
In reading and posting in some other threads I got to thinking, how do you approach someone you meet to find out what their sexual interests lay? I mean do you wait until you get to know them and are almost committed to each other before you discuss this or do you bring it up early in the relationship, risking the other person thinking you are a pervert and only after sex with them?
When and how do you bring this up? And how many of you have had budding relationships stop when you tried to bring up how a person feels about sex, and if they would be open to anything beyond the standard missionary position?
I mean I would like to try everything and anything, but how do I tell the woman I am dating this without getting a cup of coffee dumped in my lap or thrown in my face???
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 5/31/2006 8:19:51 PM | | All I can say is be tactful. I mean, if the convo is going intimate then run with it...but blurting out "hey, you spit or swallow" will get you that coffee to go for sure. I've never really had any problems, even amoungst new friends to just find out and let them know how or what I like. Could be that my mind is naturally in the gutter so...I never have far to go. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 5/31/2006 8:20:55 PM | I don't have an answer. The problem for men as you mentionned is you get labeled a pervert, if a woman brings it up, she's a whore or the men suddenly becomes a hell of alot more interested.
I think one has to judge with each person. Also depends where the conversation goes. If things are going well, the topic may come up earlier than with a so-so date. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 5/31/2006 8:40:01 PM | Personally, I like to just spring all of it on her the first intimate night. I try to do as many wild and crazy things as I can think of. It really helps set the pace for the duration of the relationship. If she comes back the next day, you know skies the limit with this one.
I read an article about married couples wanting to try new activities but was unsure how to approach their spouse. They would find a magazine or book that described the act and bookmark a specific page. Then they would leave it under their spouse’s pillow with a note inserted. The note would say to return the book under the other person’s pillow if that page was something they were interested in. If they didn’t like it, they could return the book unmarked completely or place the marker somewhere else about things they were interested in. Sometimes people are more willing to experiment if they have time to think it over in private instead of those awkward confrontations. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 5/31/2006 8:47:55 PM | Good topic. I hope an accurate cross-section sample of women will post their thoughts on the matter. What are the chances?!
One important consideration is that her likes and dislikes are not necessarily fixed forever. My educated guess is that the older the woman is, the more fixed her preferences are. That just seems to be a statistical given. So, maybe it is best to assume the best, and that what she does not like when you meet her, may be one of the things she likes best 6 months later. If she is nice enough in other ways when you meet her, such that you would stay with her even if she does not, for example, swallow, then there is no benefit to asking. Besides, what is better than hearing "I never thought I'd ever like that, but with you I do"?!
The other thing to consider is how it limits your options once she says she dislikes something. Makes it kind of difficult, ethically and socially, to even try after that, doesn't it? If you keep quiet and don't ask, she might slowly go along with it for you and eventually end up enjoying it as a regular aspect of your sexual relations.
Now let's hear from the women what the correct answer is! | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 5/31/2006 9:03:21 PM | | Yeah, having sex first also gives you something to work with. You can always tweak things as you go along because it's definitely better to discuss preferences while you're hot and horny and already doing something that makes you feel good. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 5/31/2006 9:10:10 PM | When you are ready to be intimate....................
Be intimate........... playaround... communicate..... learn how eachother ticks... 1st... before imposing what ur totally into...... I don't want to hear sexual preferences if I'm not sexually attracted to someone!
You don't ask if they will do anything beyond it.... while ur doing it ya flip em over... Jump off the bed and stand up.... You just do it and tell them what ur doing when ur doing it! | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 5/31/2006 11:43:36 PM | | Definitely not over dinner... not the type of conversation I would want with my meal. And I agree... why discuss sexual preferences AT ALL with someone you're not attracted to? | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 4:40:56 AM | LOL!
You should really discuss things like this before you get involved ;)
I think there is no time tlike the present - if someone doesn't like to do the things you like then there are probably going to be problems - I've had this a couple of times in the past and it's a killer - and I couldn't get over it !
I would only go for someone who is open minded and is open to trying things - I don't have to do everything (there are somethings I've tried I probably wouldn't do again) but it's nice to knwo you could if the mood took you - if I knew a particular act worked for/did it for my partner - then I'd probably enjoy doing it for her, just because I knew she liked it.
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7times
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Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 14 | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 5:13:02 AM | These questions can be addressed in a manner that is subtle, and not off putting. If you're clueless as to how to approach it, make up a scenario involving something you read, a situation your made up friend is going through, etc. If you don't make it personal, people have an easier time responding.
I have absolutely no problem talking about sex, it's as comfy for me as talking about cooking. It's my favorite subject, and though it kinda gets me in trouble sometimes, I can't change it and don't want to. If I'm interested in someone, my playful, teasing and tempting nature kinda brings the subject up all on it's own---though I never go there if everything that has transpired to that point hasn't been mutual.
I think it's cool to talk about it any time that it comes up naturally. But if it's presented too soon and in an "interview/checklist" kind of way, I'm a lil more reserved. (I don't like feeling like whether or not I like anal, for example, is gonna be a deal breaker, especially if I haven't made up my mind if I do or don't.) By too soon, I mean being too personal before it's warmly welcomed. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 5:20:37 AM | | I always preferred to talk about preferences immediately after our 1st encounter. Most people are a little more open in the afterglow. Of course many questions may have been answered during that encounter as well. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 5:30:34 AM | | I think if two people are definitely attracted to each other and it looks like they are headed towards the bedroom at some time in the near future, it's probably a good idea to have this "talk". It's better to know in advance if you are compatible or incompatible in the bedroom to avoid potential problems. If you aren't compatible, you can just hit the road before things go any further and there's no harm done. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 7:28:02 AM | lol~ good topic! I usually send the following link and see how they react:
http://www.goodiebag.tv/video/do_you_take_it.htm
Seriously though...its a touchy one. I guess, the sooner the better...nothing worse than engaging your emotions in a relationship with someone that turns out to be on a different wavelength sexually...can be very frustrating in the end... | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 7:33:37 AM | | I think that it almost depends on which sex you are. As a female, I find that discussing sexual preferece early on may turn people onto that side of things more than getting to know you. If thats the case they may feel that is where their attraction lies...and then they don't want to committ. When I have waited to discuss it I have had much better luck. I think that its best to discuss it a few meetings before you hope it happens. This way the person will know what you like/expect and you can mix it up with anticipation. Males, however, should probably wait until the woman brings it up. I feel awkward if a man brings it up first because then I feel like that is his primary concern. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 7:45:55 AM | As soon as she breaks out the strap-on ..might be a good time to discuss your sexual preferenences.
In this case however i prefer to make my point by running as fast as my legs will carry me | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 7:49:05 AM | SOON? ..
what do you mean, Soon?
If we weren't discussing sexual preferences, we wouldn't be anything like dating to begin with...
Sheesh!!!
What else would we be discussing? How much money I have in the bank? What I do for a living? My economic resources and how secure they are?
First is the issue of whether we're attracted or not.... then comes other things.. kay? | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 7:50:20 AM | LOL Lots of different answers out there...I thank you all for the responses...
Those of you who have suggested having the conversation, during, or just after the first intimate encounter (sex, making love, etc)... what happens if she tells you she is NOT interested in trying anything new... Then you are in a dilemma, if you end the relationship, suddenly you are one of the scumbags who just wanted sex and “after you got it, you left her”… Not a good situation. To me, it should be done way before any actual sexual acts happen, that way, the woman will not feel abused when you find out she is not what you want and end things. Yeah there will be hurt feelings I suppose, but it is better than actually having sex and then walking away…
As for not talking about it and just doing whatever during sex and hope she will get into it, I tried that with one of my SO’s… We were making love and she wanted to do one of the two “approved methods” and got on her knees for Doggy style…well I grabbed the lube that was handy and started Anal… It was NOT a pretty picture… Took me a month to get her calmed down. Made my life a living hell and if she hadn’t been living with me and had no place to go, I think she would have left me.
Another SO, I stopped by the local Fredericks of Hollywood and picked up some very sexy, see through panties…the kind that is made out of about a foot of silk thread… Well, the scene when I gave them to her as a present was almost as bad as the “Anal” experience I had with the other woman.
I agree, it should not be a checklist that you bring with you on the first meeting, but seems like you should bring it up, somewhere near the start of the relationship. That way, there will be no surprises, and if the other person is NOT willing to at least try something new, you both can walk away without feeling like you have wasted your time.
I know I should not be hung up on this, I mean, sex is sex and the Missionary position is better than no position at all, but in my experience, I have spent my life with women who were apparently pretty repressed and have no desire to get stuck in that kind of relationship again. I mean only doing one or two positions for the next who knows how long gets pretty boring. I mean, its like sex by the numbers… You are doing it and the phone rings and you go answer it and come back and ask, let’s see was I at step 3 or 4?… Yawn… Repetition brings boredom and boredom brings the end of relationships…
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 8:13:34 AM | | Why not simply ask at a open point early on - "are there any sexual acts you find off putting or that you wouldn't consider" can't be too hard and you should get an idea of what/WHO your gettign into! | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 8:49:46 AM | Well, on POF you can read the forums and say, I read in this forumm....... what do you think?
Out in public, you can use people as examples - "look at the girl in the tight skirt, would you ever dress like that" for eg, or "look at that couple holding hands and kissing in public - what do you think of that?"....
If you discuss basic things, like how adventurous you are, will you try a new ice cream flavour or do you always have vanilla? , it can often translate to the bedroom. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 10:54:10 AM | Maybe you should just put it on your profile if it means that much to you.
I prefer the woman on top myself, there's nothing like watching a beautiful woman enjoying herself but that's just me. | |
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