| | Guy you're dating had himself fixed Page 1 of 1 | I don't know much about this so I need some input on this. I just found out that the guy I'm dating had himself fixed a couple of years ago. He is 35 years old and has a 2 year old daughter.
This news has really shock me. I have never had any kids and would like to have some one day. So my question is....can this be reversed? Or is it a done deal?
I don't know what to think because I do want kids some day. Should this news be a deal breaker in me continuing to date him. Or should I just concentrate on getting to know him better and later deal with it. | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/1/2006 8:52:18 PM | And you are asking the people on POF for medical advice? Holy
If you want to know the answer to your question, ask a MD or research online.
But I personally think you should marry him and not pass along your genes. | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/1/2006 8:56:26 PM |
And you are asking the people on POF for medical advice? Holy
If you want to know the answer to your question, ask a MD or research online.
But I personally think you should marry him and not pass along your genes.
 | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/1/2006 9:24:38 PM | ^^^------
From a certain poster's profile:
Got to love the bitter old men who take the time to send childish "insults".
I guess we need to change that to:
"Got to love the bitter old women who take the time to post childish insults."
Tons of people ask for opinions. Lighten up.
-eB | |
|
| |
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/1/2006 9:52:14 PM | People crack me up... I just left a thread that was looking for legal advice and now one looking for medical advice...
but hey... some can be reversed and some can't.... but really this is a convo you should be having with him.. he may not want to have it reversed... he may not even be thinking about more babies... that is on him... not you.... | |
|
| |
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/2/2006 8:10:12 AM | | I had to laugh at the idea that just because she wants kids, she assumes he would ever consider it. Most men seriously think it through before getting "fixed". Not like going oujt getting drunk and coming home with a stupid tattoo. LOL Better ask him about that if you are so desperate to be a mommy. | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/2/2006 8:33:18 AM | | Reversal is tricky as it may or may not go. I had mine done after the birth of my son, my ex had a daughter from before me so that made 2 and that was enough. Its a procedure most men give a lot of thought to and usually when they do it, they don't wanna go back. I don't. You need to talk to him about this because yes, it is a deal breaker unless one of you change your minds. And if you do, you had better be sure because either way its a huge decision which will affect your lives forever. | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/2/2006 2:05:07 PM | A quote from http://www.uihealthcare.com/topics/familyplanning/fami4538.html as :
"Vasectomy must be considered permanent. Vasectomy is a simple operation. Reversing vasectomy is difficult, expensive, and often not successful."
Your best bet is to focus on a guy who actually wants children, rather than continue dating with a "maybe" or the idea that someday you'll be able to change his mind. Even if a reversal can be performed successfully, if his heart isn't in it, it's not going to work.
My most recent relationship ended for exactly that reason. I was consistent from the beginning that having children someday is very important to me. My ex was pretty consistent that it hadn't been in her plans as she already had one, but might change her mind if the circumstances were right. Eventually, in an unguarded moment when mutual friends were talking about her child, she mentioned she was "so glad I've only got the one. He's more than enough."
It wasn't a case of lying, or anything like that, but it was a situation where the head and the heart weren't in agreement. Sometimes we don't realise something until a moment like that catalyzes what we really feel and think.
This wasn't going to lead to a healthy relationship in the long run, so it had to end. To continue would have hurt us both, despite our love for each other.
If you feel that having children is non-negotiable (which it is for me), then finding a man who shares your desire to have children is more important than the chemistry you have.
Otherwise, one or both of you will become very unhappy in the long run, and nobody wants that.
The desire to have children is something I believe you must have in common with your partner. It's so much more fundamental than hair colour, vocation, etc.
Follow your heart - and your needs!
 | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/4/2006 9:25:20 AM | | Yes a vasectomy can be reversed to answer your question. It is really simple to reverse. But the question is will he be willing to go through the procedure to reverse it to have a child with you?? He obviously got the procedure to keep from having a child. | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/4/2006 11:42:26 AM |
Yes a vasectomy can be reversed to answer your question. It is really simple to reverse. But the question is will he be willing to go through the procedure to reverse it to have a child with you?? He obviously got the procedure to keep from having a child.
I don't know what part of the operation you think is simple???? The actual proceedure is outpatient, that takes no time at all. That's the simple part, hole, Vas, snip, burn, tie, suture Vas back on itself.....
A reversal on the other hand actually take surgery, where your either knocked out or a local is applied. But it's full blown surgery, where they basically have to undo what was done. That includes realigning the vas and "hoping" that they heal properly. So it doesn't always work, and it's expensive to get reversed.
In Canada, health care will pay for the operation. It's covered, but if you want it reversed it comes out of your pocket and can run upwards of $5000 to reverse. | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/4/2006 12:52:49 PM | | A friend of mine had a reversal after getting remarried and it was no big deal at all. He went to one seurgery where he was put to sleep and he recovered in no time at all and now him and his new woman have a healthy 8 month old girl. | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/4/2006 4:09:22 PM |
if you want it reversed it comes out of your pocket and can run upwards of $5000 to reverse.
and so it should be! | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/4/2006 5:04:48 PM | Well that's the point. It's not a temporary solution, it should be considered a permanent one.
It's on the guy as well to go and get tested once in a while to make sure that the operation is still holding, because in rare cases it can reverse itself. The body is an amazing thing  | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/4/2006 5:36:23 PM | | ^^^yep my cousins best friend and her husband both had their respective surgeries and they now have a set of twins,... ZOIKS talk about getting struck by lightening! Unless the "nursery" is removed NOTHING is a guarantee. | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/4/2006 6:09:05 PM | Sad that the OP is going to drop this guy - but better luck next time. OP, I would state on the first date that you want children, as it is Important to you ... why go through multiple dates and growing fondess to discover this situation later on.
I had my tubes tied after one child. I didn't feel it my place to populate the planet and let everyone else pay for my indiscretions (I was a poor single divorced mom).
I knew when I did it that there would be guys out there that wouldn't want me for that reason. I also knew there were guys out there that would want me for the Very reason of being incapable of getting pg. What a worry reducer!!
He sounds like a sensible guy who should be respected for his decision - however he might need to be more in tune about women who haven't yet had children... | |
|
chinua
| | Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 18 | |
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/4/2006 6:46:28 PM | | my cousin's husband had his reversed..........and had a blockage......had to have surgery again- but they had 2 kids. You have to talk to the guy before you go any further!! I 've gotten messages from men who don't want kids; even though I say on my profile that I do; they think that either they'll change my mind........or that I didn't mean having kids of my own I tell them right away.............not negotiable!!! | |
|
| Guy you're dating had himself fixed
Posted: 6/12/2006 5:03:21 PM | "my cousin's husband had his reversed..........and had a blockage......had to have surgery again- but they had 2 kids. You have to talk to the guy before you go any further!! I 've gotten messages from men who don't want kids; even though I say on my profile that I do; they think that either they'll change my mind........or that I didn't mean having kids of my own I tell them right away.............not negotiable!!!"
I have talked to the guy about this. He said that for the right girl, he will have it reversed. He also said that if things go the way they are now, he sees no reason, not to have it reversed. So far, things are great between the 2 of us. | |
|
| |
Home
login 