| | It just diedPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | When people enter a marriage, they commit to love and to cherish each other forever. But these days, a marriage isn't as permanent as it was 50 years ago. Over 50% of marriages fail within a few years. The old-fashioned romantic in me holds marriage as a sacred institution, and it is only ended by the demise of one of the parties. Man and woman stick it out, for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part.
When my then girlfriend and I saw The Notebook, I promised if she ever got very sick, stuck in bed, I would take care of her and never leave her side. I would make sure that she felt loved every minute of the day. Had we stayed together, I was committed to that promise. There was nothing in this world I would not have done for her. We always said we would grow old together. Love would endure. Until that day came when she said, "It just died." | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:15:41 PM | OH; "The Notebook"! I bawled my brains out.
So sad that your GF didn't want committment, too. :(  | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:19:53 PM | I'm sorry................that sux... I'm sure it hurt very deeply when that day came.......
It would be nice if we knew what our partners were thinking............... | |
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Joy.
| | Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:21:49 PM | I'm sure there are two sides to this story as there are to most of them. I'm wondering what caused the relationship to 'just die' for her. There obviously had to be problems. Sometimes it's easier to walk away from a bad situation than to stay hoping things will change (which they rarely ever do).
Just remember, when one door closes, another opens. The RIGHT one will come along. She obviously was not it. So sorry. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:24:46 PM | Hold your head high. Relationships need to be honest. At least she didn't say "It's not you... it's me."
It sucks but experiences like that is what makes us stronger and wiser. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:25:09 PM | Sounds like "the grass is greener...." syndrome. People need to learn how to take care of their own lawns. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:25:28 PM | I've never seen the notebook.
I do agree that committments are sacred but I also understand that many things you might not expect can screw them up.
For example....what do you do when you are with someone and everything is fine and going great only to have the exact person do really sneaky things behind your back....but in the vein of trying to keep the relationship together, but sneaky none the less.
Since things like this are harder to call people out on, what do you do?.....when you can't come out and say exactly what it is they are doing because if you did they would just deny it because they basically think you are stupid enough to fall for all the psychological crap one might come up with....in an attempt to "help" the relationship.
So you can't say anything but it causes an active problem because it gets to you.....and it wears on you.....untill one day you just say it...I can't take it anymore. I've had enough of the bullshit.....and what if that person is just left standing there wondering what went wrong because you never really caught anyone doing anything. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:27:06 PM | I am hoping after getting the chance to vent about what has happened it will make things easier for you. It is never easy when you still have deep feelings and your partners die..
At very least you got to watch "The Notebook" I had plan to see it with the gal I was seeing at the time but her feelings "died" before I could..I have heard about how good a tear jerker it is but would feel more than a little feminine watching it myself :) | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:27:27 PM | | Ah well Truenorth she did you a really big favor. It would have been a much worse situation if you had heard those words after marriage and she had given up. She was wise to recognize that she did not feel as you did and let you go. Now you have opportunity to find the one who will feel as you do. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:33:33 PM | Melonaide...............hummmmmmmmmmm, so all he was doing was sneaking around trying to HELP the relationship, so you dumped him for that? MY GOD! So he was sneaking around to HELP the relationship............maybe a thank you would have been in order instead of "see ya".................looks like you were looking for a reason to leave him. That is like saying he just made too much money and I coudn't figure out a way to spend it all! Or, he was just trying to do everything right and I couldn't stand for that! Or maybe he was just way too sexy for a plain ordinary girl like me!
So if a guy is trying too hard, it is time to dump him? Way too weird for me. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:39:38 PM | I am sorry for your hurt and your pain. I buy shoes when I am sad, maybe that will help you too. To be serious, people leave each other all the time. Sometimes we get an explanation, sometimes we do not. It is much easier when we get the explanation. Its nice to have closure....
James Blunt has great lyrics for this type of situation in the song 'Goodbye My Lover.' You should listen to it, if you have not done so already.
Good luck to you....
~Carrie B. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/10/2006 5:20:36 AM | Here's her side, as stated to me:
She was having tremendous family problems. Her mom has terminal breast cancer and may succumb before the year is out. Her half-siblings were mistreating her mom, her and her brothers. She said she focused a lot on these burdens and lost focus of our relationship. She warned me about this, and I reminded her that I was her best support system during hard times like these.
To complicate matters, my two daughters rejected her unfairly. They live with their mom. Having been mistreated by her step sibs, my girlfriend was afraid our situation was similar. Despite my assurances that I will stand for fairness, shielding her from cruel and unfair treatment regardless of who was doing it, she felt I did not do enough.
We are still in contact, albeit only as friends. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/10/2006 5:54:36 AM | Maybe it the kids that was saying "oh dad, I am going to barf"...
It take two to tango...words are just words..actions speaks volumes... | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/10/2006 9:10:55 AM | yea it does seem strange, nobody wants to work at it anymore, too easy to just quit, run away. Guess it's better for you now though, she could have left you at a worse time, look at it as though she did you a favor, maybe you will now meet the one you should be with  | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/10/2006 9:43:53 AM | Sorry you had to go through this........speaking as an old guy, I guess I have found that people much prefer to run away from their problems than to do the brave thing and face them. Like the old quote says..."Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."
I think things happen for a reason, and that people enter our lives for a reason. What the reason IS a lot of times, who the hell knows?
Keep your chin up! Like they say, when one door closes, another opens.......trust me on that one!
:) | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/10/2006 10:40:05 AM | | The question does arise, what happened that ended the relationship between your daughters' mother and you? Were you two married? | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/10/2006 11:56:48 AM |
At least she didn't say "It's not you... it's me."
OMG, I got that one. Even better than that, the one that walked out the door cheating on me, after 4-1/2 years together:
Her: "Is not you, its me."
Me: "I thought you loved me?"
Her: "I do, I will always love you, you are my soulmate" (crying)
Me: "So why are you doing this? do you love him?"
Her: "No, he's just a friend."
Huh?? Go friggen figure. (Her "friend", FYI, was cheating on her 6months later).
To this day (we still talk sometimes) she tells me she loves me, and would be there "wiping you a** if you were dying of cancer". Then tells me I deserve better than her. (not that I'm arguing that at this point, its been many years, and I've convinced myself she's just thoroughly *nuts*, even though a certain part of my heart will always care and remember the good times we had together). | |
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| Tough subject
Posted: 6/10/2006 12:17:18 PM | . . . and this is just one man's opinion, ladies, and I know it goes both ways, but I do not think women really know what committment means. They talk about it alot, but it seems (and agian, ladies, don't trash me -- I'm just rying to get this out) -- that in most relationships that fail, it is the lady who just "wants out" or "needs a change" or "has to move on".
A man only has one heart -- and it is true that many men (most men) do not understand this about themselves, but when a man committs -- that's it. Its done. Its locked. Its solid.
The sad thing is that I do not think that women understand this, and they "need" reassurance, sometimes almost all the time -- and a man who has committed his heart rightly feels that he is not being believed, and it becomes tiresome to constantly re-prove a truth that is known deep within his heart to the one who holds his heart.
I do not think women understand this -- that a man loves his wife more than a mother loves her child. And the nearest thing that a woman can understand of the nature of a man's true love and committed heart is a mothers love for her child.
(let the bashing begin . . .)
What you went through, Truenorth, and many men go through is what makes Humpty Dumpty for real and true. It is the story of man's heart, and "all the King's horses, and all the King's men could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again."
But there is hope -- because the King can -- God heals the broken-hearted.
My best wishes. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/10/2006 6:06:38 PM | Nice quote, Darkwolf46. I saved it. I also stumbled on this one recently:
"No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry."
Yes, shore66, my kids' mother and I were married, divorced now. She cheated on at least four occasions. That is, four men, the last one being my best friend.
For the record, I have not cheated on anyone, girlfriend or wife, in my entire life. When I love, I give of myself 100%, to the exclusion of all others. I simply lose interest in other women. There are temptations, such as when an old flame showed up in my office wanting to go out with me for lunch. I told her that I was happily married and that I madly, passionately, deeply in love with my wife. A couple of days later, she called again and said, "Your wife doesn't have to know." I said, "But I'd know." | |
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| Tough subject
Posted: 6/10/2006 6:12:23 PM | | Seafire, what you said is true in my life, as I shared in my previous post. My commitment to a woman is locked solid. As to this Humpty, yes, God has been a constant and solid Rock. His grace is sufficient. | |
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| Tough subject
Posted: 6/10/2006 7:06:00 PM | truenorth3410, sorry to hear that dude.
I've been though it myself. Nothing anybody
says will make you feel better, for more than
a few minutes. What you need is time, and
unfortunately that takes, well, time ....
Don't cry over her. Don't cry over anybody ... | |
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| It just died
Posted: 6/10/2006 7:30:42 PM | Ya know, I feel for you truenorth. I'm 28 and still looking for that guy who doesn't want to sleep with at least 50 women before he dies. I come from a family who does not believe in divorce and you work out your problems. When I meet the right one I want it to be forever also, but you know what, your right. Marriage is not sacred anymore and I think some of us are just living in a dream world, but that is my opinion. Some may not agree with it. I saw the Notebook also and cried. As I watched that movie, I thought, that is what I want.
I was engaged once and you know what after 5 years he cheated on me. So go figure. I guess everyones soulmate is out there. It's just finding them. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 12/22/2008 4:09:29 AM | | i think we all have our different stories..some good , some not so good. each and every situation is so different. i too beleive commitment should be 100% particularly in a relationship/marriage i persevered for 15yrs with my ex husband but i also believe that there comes a time where you have to ask yourself can you continue to compromise yourself and your children. there comes a time where you need to draw a line in the sand to protect your all involved from anymore hurt & anguish, the wellbeing of your children, mentally, emotionally & physically must be a priority. the main thing that i beleive is that you do try 150% and you did persavere for as long as possible is it wrong to save the sanity of those you love and yourself for a more peaceful life? what we experience in life is what makes us who we are and if you can away walk with your head held high knowing you were honest,committed,communacative and that you have tried your best then thats all anyone can ask | |
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| It just died
Posted: 12/22/2008 4:55:09 AM | | For a romance to last takes two things. It takes having the desire to make it work, and then you also have to act right so it can work. Plenty of people want a lasting relationship but don't want to do the work. They think their partner should do the work or that if it is true love it doesn't take any work. So instead of sticking around they just go off looking for someone else to last forever with, as many times as it takes, and may eventually retreat from love entirely because they can't find anyone who can give them the benefits of endless romance without requiring of them any work. The solution is for the government to provide a safety net for romantics, so that when they fall on hard times they can get a temporary everlasting lover to hold them over until they get back on their feet forever again next time. | |
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| It just died
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:04:13 AM | | And what is your question? The two of you were not even married. | |
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