| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/10/2006 2:30:36 PM | I was sifting through profiles a few minutes ago, looking for inspiration, when I noticed an interesting trend in several of the write-ups. It seems that a lot of you out there get frustrated when your inbox is inundated with generic emails where the content basically states, "hi there, you're cute, do you like stuff?' Granted, I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who receive 100's of messages each day and an email like that would definitely slip to the bottom of the pile due to its lack of creativity. That said, I don't really think anyone should completely discard a message like that with a quick click and delete. I've got 2 reasons to explain and both of them are kind of intertwined.
Another re-occurring theme that I noticed while reading random profiles is that a lot of the write-ups themselves are kind of vague, bland, and repetitive as well. I don't say this to be negative and I will address this further a little later on. I personally find it difficult at times to send someone an email when all the ammo I have is the knowledge that they "like the outdoors, music, and books", and I feel somewhat confident with my ability to converse!! I'll sit there, mouth open, staring blankly at the monitor, inwardly cursing my brain for choking once again. Now some of you might argue that my search methods are a little shallow, considering I sometimes make my move based on a cute picture and a simple write-up. This kind of brings me to my second point...
To simplify, I basically have 4 reactions when I come across a profile:
1- Not interested
2- She's cute, but dammit, the profile doesn't really say much
3- She's kinda plain Jane, but holy smokes, her profile is frickin awesome!!
4- She's cute and woohoo, I can identify with her profile!!
Now for 3 and 4, I have no problems sending an email because the profile was so creative, it left me with plenty of angles to pursue. But with reaction #2, I usually end up screwed. She's really cute, but her write-up is uninspiring...I got nothing!! Now you might say I should stop staring at her dreamy picture and come to the realization that I won't be interested in her based on the fact that her profile basically sucks. I refuse to dammit, considering 1 important lesson I've learned during my 31 years of existence: one person's strength is another person's weakness. To further explain, I can't help but point, laugh, and ridicule my boss whenever he attempts to write an email. His spelling is crap, his grammar is horrible, his punctuation is all over the road, and his chicken pecking on the keyboard is unbareable to watch. But if you ask him to multiply 5123 x 324, he'll give the correct answer as I'm still fumbling with my solar powered calculator. He's a great guy, he's got a lot going for him, he just sucks at writing...what can he do?? That said, if I were a sexy lady, I wouldn't write him off just because he thinks "I'm purrty". Screw that, he's hilarious, ambitious, and an overall great guy. You get my point??
So basically, what I'm trying to say in my long winded way is that when you get an email saying, "hey there, you seem nice, feel like chatting?", don't discard it solely on the fact that it lacks creativity. There may be underlying circumstances contributing to this reality and on top of this, you may be missing out on a possible connection. Why not just be happy that someone might like you and wait for a couple of exchanges before you make any kind of decision...it might be worth it!! | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/10/2006 2:54:04 PM | Heh. I can understand your frustration. There are guy's profiles that are the same way. Some have next to nothing in them or really vague stuff. Or one sentence like: will add info later.
Before I used to not discredit emails with short sentences or compliments. But generally I didn't reply to any if I couldn't get anything from their profile.
So in an essence it is a two way street as well. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/10/2006 2:57:26 PM | If you show them something witty they might just show some pity.
If you make em think your cool you might just make em drool.
But If you show em that your hot it's always your best shot.
Sorry a friend was reading Doctor Seuss this morning and I can't get the rhymes out of my head :( | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/10/2006 3:00:02 PM | Very well written, Hipster.  On the other hand, it's ridiculously difficult to open a conversation without SOMETHING to go on.
Possible augmentative solution: Pay attention to the people in the fora. There you get glimpses of personalities - sometimes pretty good LOOKS at personalities - and somethin' ta' write creatively about if you decide you like what you read. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/10/2006 3:56:02 PM | | Thanks and very true I might add. I guess there was a secondary comment being made directed towards people who specifically state in their profile they will not respond to generic emails. If you're gonna make that kind of statement, I think it's important for you put the same kind of effort into your profile to allow others some kind of chance in communicating. It only seems fair, no?? Not too mention it might help cut down the amount of boring emails being sent in your direction. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/10/2006 5:43:28 PM | The messages that I get, which catch my eye, are the ones that are unique. The ones that don't say "You're hawt" or something equally meaningless. What can I do with such easy words besides ignore them?
I want to see something catty, something that's mocking even. An insult is more interesting to me than a compliment. Send me a poem or a story, even if it's dirty, at least someone tried.
Creativity is a big thing with me. But that's just me. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/10/2006 11:35:19 PM | I do not agree, but willing to read varying opinions. Here's an example. One look at my photo and it's obvious I have a receding hair line and am posing with a glass of booze. Think these are turn on's to women? Of course not! LOL... However, I have been rather fortunate with e-mail responses. I'm over 80% (yes, I calculated it last week). I'm not saying this to boast or anything. Hell, if Iiiiiiiiii can receive this, then ANYONE can!
As long as you are not posting to a profile plastered only with 'body shots' or 'glamor shots' (make sure there's at least one candid shot) ... then chances are that you'll get a response, date etc... . If you send out a generic "hey baby... nice pic" then you sure as hell better look like Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise ... or better pray that the woman was a nun and is eager to discover her repressed sexuality. LOL
This isn't a result of a low self-esteem, but I can think of MANY reasons why a woman should pass my profile over and date another. My conclusion is that my lack of generic e-mail responses (I suppose) has to be the deal sealer.
Writing a detailed e-mail is time consuming, but worth it! With her reply, you'll be able to discover if it's worth another e-mail, phone call, or date. No doubt, it's not foolproof and sometimes a woman will slip through the screening process, but usually not. Personally, I'd rather weed someone out (over the internet) - rather than discovering the mistake over lunch or taking the night off from work.
Well... that's my 2ยข , but am always open to reading an opposing view. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/11/2006 2:35:33 AM | Maybe I have problems, but I love getting either kind of response. Neither one bothers me at all. Like the initiator of this thread, I have two reasons:
First: If I am sent a great/creative/good/non-sucky profile/email/smoke signal, I have something to work with. I have a starting point. I know where to go and I can incorporate some of what is there into my response. I can expand on common ideas, opionions, feelings, etc...etc...let's not become Oprah here. You know what I mean.
Second: If I get something more plain, more vanilla, something that is without, it gives me a chance to draw that person out. There HAS to be something in the profile that says something. Hunting for it is part of the challenge. Granted, this might make the person a challenge to get to know. It might mean they are impossible to know. There is no way to foretell this, and I think the journey is half the fun.
Perhaps I have way too much time on my hands. Keep looking. The right one is out there. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/11/2006 7:40:53 AM | From My Matches:
There were 36 profiles:
-33 had pictures.
-15 had three or less interests.
-10 were indecisive, boring or simply said nothing in the "first date" area.
-22 had vague profiles
Of these 22:
-2 indicated they were only here for the forums.
-2 didn't have pictures at all.
-1 had a picture of a dog (actual dog, not that she was ugly).
-15 had what I would call generic profiles that didn't say anything.
-3 had something like "If you want to know more, email me."
-2 had something like "Just looking to see who's here."
So of 36 women on here right now, only two would be worth contacting. And I'm still not gonna. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:18:36 PM | I do understand that some people can't write well. But to me it is about not only literacy but basic communication skills.
Most of the one-liner emails don't last more than a few emails because I am asking all the questions, and getting simple answers or from some...no answers, just 'you wanna meet?'. Those don't fly with me, because I put an effort into my profile to get across who I am, and anything in my profile can be used as a conversation starter.
The ones that bug me, are the ones that the sender has copied and pasted, to make it look like they've taken the time to send you a message, when really they've sent it to a million women, hoping to get responses. No kidding, I had a guy send me a dating resume...it was creative, and I responded in the same manner (it was humorous) but once I responded the emails were again short, and completely disregarding my profile, which he hadn't even read to begin with! LOL
The ones that catch my attention are the ones that, regardless of the length, tell me they have read my profile and either like my 'style' or my sense of humour. If their profile is short and not much to give, I will just start asking questions. Sometimes it goes nowhere, and sometimes they were just shy and actually have a lot to say. But it's not fun when it's like pulling teeth to get them to talk...
I do prefer people who have something to say, and are willing to put themselves out there...even if their spelling isn't so great...but I usually respond to all emails.
As far as making first contact...well...I'm a little shy for that, but I'm working up the guts for it...lol...I would though, use information in their profile to start conversation. I would be wanting to contact someone who has taken the time to put something about who they are in the profile, because it shows they have thought about who they are...and you can't find anything if you don't know what you're looking for...if I saw someone that was attractive, but had "just lookin" in the profile, I would just move on. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:40:31 PM | I myself has been brought up with common curtesy so answering every mail, even with a thank you (those short answers are resevered for the short introductions without the reason for calling in the first place) I do.
Before sending a thank you or response back, I always read the profile to see how interesting, (not the eye candy) they are. Even without a photo I will write back. So...to keep my interest is the key. Say something that you think we have in common or at least mention or ask which book was my last one to read. Ask me something other than what my bra size is and your in.
Like I said, common curtesty gets you a long way in a world who have forgotten their manners.
And if there are any mistakes in this email, its because I've typed it without my glasses on. Cant see worth a dam anymore. Another flaw of mine? Maybe. I just look at it as another adventure for another day with me searching for them while they rest upon my head.
Now.....wheres my teeth? LOL just kidding
Good luck to you all. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/11/2006 1:15:09 PM | I am soooooo tired of messages of two or three words - that don't make sense - or phone numbers. Do I really look like I have nothing between my ears? Give me a break.
Creativity definitely gets bonus points with me. Show some effort and I will respond. Yesterday I decided to stop replying to anythin vague and unclear. I have politely been answering all messages but I just want to scream at how many totally obscure messages. My profile says I am looking for a LTR - it kills any potential to see no effort made. My profile is not short, I have been very specific. I don;t think it is a lot to ask for something in return. I have asked a few questions - for those too shy. I can't do it any more.
Most people I have chatted with first but if I don't see a lot of effort then no break. Sorry. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/11/2006 2:15:27 PM |
"hey there, you seem nice, feel like chatting?"
I reply to those, assuming I'm not having what you call... reaction #1. I also reply to the thoughtful, indepth guy who VERY obviously read my profile. Again... assuming, I'm not experiencing reaction #1. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 6/11/2006 3:39:05 PM | Having put an effort into giving something to shoot at in my profile, I'm simply not interested in generic e-mails myself...just a question of opinion I guess...but its also a question of not having (or wanting to take) the time to respond to each and every mail I recieve that is generic or meaningless in essence, even if to try and discover the possible gem that may be hiding behind the empty words...its just not my style. I am one to prefer silence over meaningless chatter anyway, and the same goes for e-mails I guess... what can I say? That's just me...
Having said that...I do make an effort regardless to reply to all, if only with a simple "thnx" if a compliment is given...but, my effort will stay at that until my interest is sparked... | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:22:48 PM | I don't think it really matters what you write in either your email or your profile -- the person on the other end is going to make a response decision based largely on physical characteristics. I've practically written sonnets to women I had 99% personality matches and a dozen things in common with and never heard from them.
I think you're probably better off just sending out at least semi-generic emails -- I mean, it obviously helps to put something in the email that proves to the other person you at least read her profile, but there really isn't much point in getting fancy and pouring your creative heart into an email on this site. You could literally end up wasting thousands of hours and have nothing to show for it.
The randomness with what ends up working is actually pretty perplexing. I've been on and off Match for like a decade and never actually met anyone until last year, and oddly enough I can thank POF for it. I came across separate profiles on Match and POF that had similar looking women, only a couple of years apart, only a few miles apart -- and they both mentioned being first generation Americans with parents from the same very small country. I figured, what the heck are the chances that they don't know each other -- maybe they're even sisters! So I emailed both of them, sending each the link to the other, saying nothing more than pointing out the coincidence. Well, the POF woman never wrote me back (not even sure if she read the email), but the Match woman did write me back, saying "That's the greatest first contact email I've ever received. Let's talk."
I wasn't even trying! Yet a month later, I found myself meeting her at an upscale restaurant. I think that sort of proved to me just how little effort actually has to do with meeting people on dating sites.
And for those wondering (if anyone's even reading this old thread), somehow, those two women didn't know each other. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:36:07 PM | Hmm seems to be a trend i feel myself falling into with the other guys on this post which isn't good (to me).
I also feel the more effort into a e-mail i put the less chance i get of getting a serious response that isnt more then 1-2 words.
Perhaps im just bad at talking, maybe i need to slow down a bit and think more about the word's that i put forth.
For a little bit though (why not after all) I think i will be joining the generic "hey i think your hot".
Only good thing about online is even if i fail at the vast majority on PoF im sure more and more will pop up, might as well experiment. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:53:37 PM | Holy crap, arriver. We live like 20 minutes apart! I live in north Tampa. With all these millions of users, the chances of two people living that close to each other making consecutive posts in a non-geographic-oriented thread must be astronomical.
And maybe that's why I don't get dates -- because I'm always thinking of stuff like that.
But I do think you're probably going to have to say a little more than "Hey, I think you're hot" to get a significant number of responses. There must be a thousand posts from women saying they get that in nearly every email. Of course, if they think YOU are hot, then you saying the same thing to them might just be enough... | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 10/27/2009 2:59:11 PM | Be creative, take a risk, do not sell yourself, do not validate yourself, ask a question, make her think, above all be unique.
Women get over 300 emails a day. So stand out. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:24:22 PM | Do you really think it's actually possible to stand out among 300 emails a day with what you're writing? As much as I hate to admit it, if I were getting 300 emails a day, I would probably have to "delete not read" with the vast majority of them, based entirely on the picture that accompanied the profile. Nobody has time to read 300 emails every day. I'm not even sure anyone can do that professionally!
The only search on this site that's truly worth a damn (at least as far as men are concerned) is probably the "no first contact emails in the last 24 hours." Because at least you know the women on that page probably aren't dealing with hundreds of emails, and quite often you will find some very surprising inclusions in that search that are well-worth emailing. With them, it might be worth getting a little creative, because chances are, they will read it. But most other searches, your message is like a lottery ticket and you might as well send something generic because it likely has as good of a chance of being read as Pultizer-prize winning manuscript.
Although that being said, I don't think any woman has ever written me back from a "no first contact email" search, but in my case that doesn't really mean anything. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:58:03 PM | Hawk i live by New Tampa know where that is ?
I don't think it matters about if the girl recives 0 e-mails or recives 300 e-mails.
A good picture and a good eye catching tittle will win it all in my opinion.
Unforunetly it's hard to determine what exactly is going through whoever is reading the messages on the other side.
Try and try again the only thing to be afraid is not failing, but never trying. | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:05:13 PM | And I am going to take the flip side to the last few posters. I am not good looking at all. But crafted a funny humorous profile and get a lot of emails that are first contacts from women. It is not all about looks at all. No you can't be scary or butt ugly but if you take the time to write a profile that stands out from the crows it will pay off. If you have a boring nothing profile.... nothing that makes the gal say WOW! Now I gotta write that guy then yes you better be hot looking!
But if you can write a unique profile that stands out and you sound fun you can get very pretty women contacting YOU not just replying to your emails I promise ya.
Online these gals read TONS of boring profiles....
Hi my name is greg.... I like fishing hunting nascar and big boobs... not nessasarily in that order. I am a nice guy and like dogs
If your not a hottie you can so still have a blast on here and meet tons of great gals. But you better be able to write and sound fun at least.
Cowboy | |
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| First Contact: Generic emails vs. Creative Writing
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:52:18 AM | checked out your profile, did't read the entire thing.
From what im gathering as a result of your success is that maybe women enjoy reading insane profile that make them laugh ?
Did't stop to see if your profile actually described you but did see a couple of joke's on it | |
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