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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 4:47:05 PM | I've been around here a bit, my original profile was one that was accidently deleted.
Joined in March of '05 and active since late May of last year. Not a new member, really.
It seems that anyone who dares to state their preference is termed shallow. i've seen the word overused.
So just wondered in essence what really constitutes being shallow? From what I've read it's usually based on attraction factors, height, size, hair/eye color, etc. It's generally acknowledged that attraction does play a role in romantic relationships. If you agree that it's true, then why do so many people label others shallow? If attraction to a certain degree is necessary, then why shouldn't attraction to preferences be legitimate? That being said, or asked, if attraction factors are all that's considered, that's a different situation altogether. I DO understand that attraction factors only can lead to meeting and being with people who are totally wrong. So like most things it's a balance. While preferences aren't everything, I dare to say they aren't totally to be discounted either. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!  | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 4:54:19 PM | Why does anyone have to state preferences?
I want someone who is intelligent and selective. She can decide, based on what she sees and reads if we are a match or not. After all, we are talking about a romantic connection not a job opening. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:08:50 PM | Shallow is what peope call you when they are not you're preference.
Then shallow I shall be......lol......Its my given right to have preferences.....even when selecting a car or a dress I have preferences.......so why wouldn't I when selecting a man | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:10:55 PM | arri Personally I don't and never have myself. It's just something I've noticed that is posted often in the forums. That's just it, you don't have to state preferences at all. But if someone does, I don't think it's right to just smack a label and call them shallow.
If someone IS attracted to certain physical attributes, fine, let them go for it.
My preferences are and always have been more like yours. I'm attracted to qualities of an individual more than height, hair color. Someone who interests me and can actually carry on a great conversation always gets my attention. I am drawn to people who are motivated and have goals and dreams. People who aren't "going anywhere" and that doesn't mean spending your life seeking the material trappings. But wanting to do or achieve things and working towards that end. The people who just go with the flow and have no idea what they'd want to be doing in the future, that just doesn't appeal to me. I am reinventing myself often. Not just jobs/career, but every aspect of my life. I DO think about what I'm doing and how what I'm doing is helping me achieve my goals, desires and dreams. And I dream big now, I've learned to dare to. And realize that some dreams are just that, not all worth pursuing, but just moving in that direction makes me happy with who I am.
I don't personally have a problem with those who have preferences. People are trying to find what they want, whether they know what it is or not. So if they want to state preferences, that's fine with me. I wouldn't argue with them about it, or make them justify it. That's really what this thread was about.
Edit for sassy's post. That's what I've seen. You nailed it, I've seen many times. Why would anyone want to be with someone who's not what they're attracted to, if they're attracted to something that you're not? People aren't owed or entitled to anything from a complete stranger. And yes, I do and have answered all my email here, even when it was an onerous task. A polite email gets a polite response. I just don't get it when you've been polite and mannerly, even to those who obviouslly never read one word of your profile and then nearly demand and explanation as to why you're not interested. That's when I hit the block user button with no regrets. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:20:46 PM | A preference is a preference.
Nothing shallow about it.
I have a friend,and he's absolutely magnetized by blonde women.
I don't consider him shallow for that.
But,I do see your point,Bucs.
I have seen post in here where people are told they're shallow for not being attracted by a certain height,weight,hair colour etc....,and that's silly.
To each their own. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:41:27 PM | That's it leafs!! If I wrote someone who didn't state but found out he liked blonds, then I'd say go for it. I'd say great, and send him on his way. And I don't consider myself tall, but I do like to wear heels. So went through all the short guy thing, met and dated guys who obviously lied about their height. Big deal, not to ME, the lying part, well I overlooked it. And still it didn't work out. There really is a short guy syndrone, been there done that, another T shirt I burned. Fine you misrepesented yourself, but nearly every conversation was about how they were discriminated against, every bad thing that happened was because they were short. I can only listen to that so much and then I'm outta there too.
I don't have a height preference, I DO have an honesty preference, and even when I get past that, if nearly every conversation is about height. It just isn't gonna work.
I will say this, just MY experience only, I never dated a shorter man who was happy with his height. Or was just to the point it didn't matter, didn't have to talk about it. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 7 | |
| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:43:45 PM | Bucs .. nice to see you again. I agree. I have read enough of your posts to appreciate your taste and intelligence. I guess, we all have our own selection process. After all, it is an advertisement that is designed to attract the type of person we like ... and can't advertise a Mercedes the same way as a Dodge 
I realize that the guys on POF have lost credibility with spamming, but when I read a list of preferences in a profile, depending on the language of course, I pick up a mental image. I would imagine everyone does. If it says, I wanna man with a tight butt, I see it as flirtatious. If it says, I prefer professional gentleman, I see it as class looking for class, most of the time, depending on what else is written down. When it says, you must be etc. etc. ... I see it as, who the hell does she think she is? Just my humble opinion | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:53:26 PM | Personally,I prefer a professional gentleman with a tight butt!
People have their preferences,and how they choose to relay that is up to them.
If they choose to put up a "want-list",then that's their choice,even if it may lessen their chances of finding someone compatible.
Having a list of desirable traits in a mate doesn't spell success if the other person doesn't find you desirable as well. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:55:55 PM | | When dealing with physical discerning tastes in selecting a partner, the shallow label is only reserved for rejecting a "friendship" contact based on their physical characteristic - that to me, is abhorrent. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:57:03 PM | shallow seems to be a very loose term. compleatly ambigious. It is a sort of name calling that is acceptable and leads many to their own understanding to what ever "shallow" means. To those who lash out pointing the finger makeing statements concerning another persons character, those are the ones who ambigiously state the other person is shallow.
Personally the term "shallow" are term used by my children and the gossepy activity that goes around in jr high school.
the question is "what is shallow"
shallow would be a puddle of water ankle deep. lol Really though shallow is a perception or viewpoint
As for me, I usually stand back from the finger pointen individuals who make blanket statements towards others. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 6:06:42 PM | | shallow to me means like the ones hiding their profiles and not letting others see who they are or let alone pic's or when you do click on their profiles it rolls over to a diff link showing other people profiles now that cold !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 6:14:15 PM | how can someone click on a profile and get other people profiles? That sounds like majic lol
As for me and the pic well one thing is I have a real fagile computer that recently crashed and I can't stress it to much because it seems to be having some real problems and the reason it crashed was to load a pic. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 6:22:12 PM | Arri That's so funny that you'd say that. I've gotten bashed by my kids for being "stuck up" and a "snob". I don't think I'm either and my friends would laugh their butts off.
I have to be able to talk to and have feedback from whoever I'm involved with.
I have to have someone who stimulated me intellectually, so tickle my mind, get my brain hot for you and it's done.
It's not about education level, it's about capturing and sustaing MY interest. And education, status, profession, none of that is relevant.
What IS relevant is that someone who wants to attract and keep my interest, isn't just floating along in life. The going with the flow lifestyle doesn't work for me.
leafs Yeah, a great azz on a man....sorry to be "shallow" here if I may, but what an asset...(tongue firmly in cheek!!)
trapped It's awkward for a first meet anyway. That's a given. When there's an obvious deception, it's MORE awkward. I've never bolted, never left someone. Ever. I am either bold enough or stupid enough to point out and confront their discrepancies in what they said/posted. I couldn't tell you how many times, with a first meet, they look at me and roll their eyes and usually tell me how and why they were deceptive.
I don't have a big thing about preferences, I DO have a big thing about an obvious lie. But I still stay, don't bolt for the exit. ANd if they ask I DO tell them why. If they want to be friends, I'm all for it, I stay and listen to all their stories about their exes, their childhood. And I offer friendship, honestly. But I will say that it's never happened, that someone still wanted to stay in touch.
I usually get the polite email apologizing for their deception, and that's it.
I have never met ANYONE off the internet, who in person told me to my face, and I ASK yes I always do, that said that anything about me, profile, pics emails, that I misrepresented myself. If anything, they tell me in business terms I undersell. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 6:42:44 PM | In the few months that I have been lurking around in these forums I too have noticed that the word "shallow" is thrown out the minute you state a preference.
I could really care less if someone thinks I am shallow. Because in reality we all have deal breakers, I don't care what anyone says.
I remember reading the thread on whether or not you would date someone who doesn't have a car. And all the people without cars were calling others who drove shallow. Can you believe it?? I love cars, I have two very nice cars and I would not date someone who didn't have a reasonable car....shallow? Who cares? Thats my lifestyle and my preference.
Nothing wrong with having expectations of someone who you may be selecting to spend a significant part of your life with. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 7:28:23 PM | I'll tell you what's shallow according to the people on here(the ones that whine).
In no particular order:
If you don't date fat people,you are shallow.(This is number 1 shallowness indicator)lol.
If you don't date short guys, you are shallow.
If you don't date redheads,you are shallow.(Yea, there was a thread on this).
If you don't date a Black,White,Yellow,Brown,Green, Purple.....whatever color person, you are shallow.
If you don't date tall women, you are shallow.
If you don't date women with short hair, you are shallow.
If you don't date women/men with curly hair, you are shallow (yea there actually was a thread on this).
If you don't date someone who lives a decent living, you are shallow.
If you don't date guys that DO NOT drink, you are shallow.
If you don't date someone with blue/green/brown/pink/purple eyes, you are shallow.
If you don't date gothic looking people, you are shallow.
If you don't date guys with long hair, you are shallow.
If you don't date bald men, you are shallow.
If you don't date hairy guys, you are shallow.
If you don't date hairless guys, you are shallow.
If you don't date rich guys, you are shallow.
If you don't date poor guys, you are shallow.
Okay someone remind me....is there any more?????I can't come up with anyone more right now.
Anyway...did it ever occur to anyone that they might just BE PREFERENCE AND NOT SHALLOWNESS.Start learning , children.Not everyone should be branded shallow for their preferences.
~*Flavia*~ | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 7:38:27 PM | Trishnaa......come on....you forgot one....
If you don't date guys that don't have a car......come on, you know, that would certainly make someone shallow.
Good list by the way.
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 7:40:13 PM | I WAS SHALLOW ONCE. THEN I MATURED. NOW I KNOW THAT FAT PEOPLE ARE NOT FAT. TALL PEOPLE ARE NOT TALL. BALD PEOPLE HAVE HAIR...AND AGE IS JUST A NUMBER IF THAT PERSON SAYS SO.
I SHOULD BE JUST ABOUT PERFECT FOR ANYONE. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 7:43:57 PM | You forgot:
"If you won't date someone that doesn't have a college degree, you are shallow."
I'm sure there's a ton more, because frankly...
...there's a whole bunch of whiney people on this forum.
Good list otherwise!
Colin | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 7:50:05 PM | ^^^Thanks.Oppps....how could I have left those two out.Sorry!
Okay...the shallowness has clouded my brains and it cannot function anymore.Therefore, I'm sorry if I left any other "shallowness indicators".Hey...I think scientists should make a machine that would indicate the shallow people for us.That would make life so much easier.
~*Flavia*~
Bucsgirl:I love all your posts.But this is the best.Your the smartest!!!! | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 7:50:51 PM | IMO...physically we all have our preferences,or at least something that makes us say 'wow'!
But,honesty and presonality are what wins you over.
I've dated drop-dead gorgeous men,with the personality of a paper bag,so it didn't last very long.
I dated so-called 'average' men with wit and charm,great personalities,and I'd fall for them faster than any Adonis with his head up his butt. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 21 | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 8:41:10 PM | Hey Trishnaa.... How about if you don't date anyone who lives with their parents.
and how about if you don't date anyone (for a 2nd, or subsequent date) who you don't seem to connect with on the first date. I've been told this is shallow cause you don't really know a person after one date or meeting.
Guess I'm shallow ....... cause I actually am particular about the people I will date. I like to refer to that as preferences though, vs being shallow. But hey, would I be shallow if I thought those who judged me for having preferences are shallow.
Preferences are normal, and if we all lacked preferences then there likely wouldn't be too many single people cause we'd just all hook up with anyone no matter who they were. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 9:21:27 PM | Umm......... ya'll forgot the single parents, don't want kids,=shallow
Doesn't have job, =shallow
Bad teeth,shallow
Bad breath, =shallow
Good thing I'm average, have most of my teeth, have a job and tote tic tacs everywhere I go.
Now I am looking for a rich chic with nice legs and her favorite word is "YES!!!!"
Am I shallow? | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 9:24:17 PM | | bucsgirl...Nice to see you hun...wondered what happened to you since I noticed you were no longer on my fav list....Your insights and wisdoms are always admired by this gal...you speak with great logic and I had to smile when I seen you again...I hope your well and about your post ....I agree its merely preferences to which we are all entitled yet so easily labled for...great to see you hun...earth bound angel. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 10:19:40 PM | This is beginning to sound like a Jeff Foxworthy monologue, but here's my additions.
If you don't date someone 20 yrs. younger, you are shallow.
If you don't someone that has a "few" health problems, you are shallow.
And here is my primary contribution: If you have the audacity to participate in a thread such as this one, not only are you shallow, but also a whiner. | |
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